"If we are eager to do something to lighten the load of
another, eager to sacrifice self; to cheer, and counsel, and
inspire; to leave unsaid some unkind word, to forget our own
troubles in the larger trouble of a friend, we are
home-builders."
"A married woman can't decently spend her life in playing
bridge, and in running ribbons through her underclothing She
hasn't any right just to camp on her husband's trail.
"No woman on earth has a right to maintenance unless she gives
value received."
DOMESTIC QUALITIES
A Good Housekeeper and Home-maker--What Constitutes a good
Housekeeper--Preparation and Selection of Meals--Washing
Dishes--Pots and Pans--Dusting and Cleaning--Work Cheerfully
and Be Thorough--Don't Be a Dust Chaser--Don't Get the
Anti-sunshine Habit--Air Your Rooms--The Ideal Home--The
Medical Essentials of a Good Meal--What Makes the Home--Working
for Something--The Average Housewife's Existence Is
Slavery--What Shall We Work For--Making Ends Meet--Rest and
Recreation--Try a Nap--Get Enough Sleep at Night--Go Out of
Doors--Take a Vacation Now and Then--Life Insurance--Owning a
Home--The Cheerful Wife and Mother--The Indifferent Wife and
Mother--Husband and Wife.
A GOOD HOUSEKEEPER AND HOME-MAKER.--If the young wife carries out the
suggestions made on the preceding pages and thereby contributes her part
to establishing the material success of the co-partnership, will she
profit in any other way?
She will have become a good housekeeper and home-maker.
Housekeeping is an acquired art, home-making is a moral quality, an
instinct. Housekeeping conducted as an art is superfluous. Home-making
is a triumph under any circumstances. There are many good housekeepers;
there are few competent home-makers. Housekeeping may easily be
overdone; home-making can never be overdone. A beautiful house is not
necessarily a beautiful home. Housekeeping should be conducted with a
view to home-making and never for any other reason. Sometimes we see
housekeeping brought to its highest perfection by the same woman who
never did understand the simplest rudiments of home-making. The woman
who becomes the victim of the housekeeping mania never realizes it; it
is an insidious art.
There can be no doubt that a well-kept house is a thing of beauty. So
also is a marble statue, but it is cold and bloodless.
The young wife must strive to combine the two faculties. She should be
an efficient housekeeper in a happy, comfortable home.
WHAT CONSTITUTES AN EFFICIENT HOUSEKEEPER?--An efficient housekeeper is
one who has acquired the knowledge necessary to perform all the duties
of housekeeping, and who executes these duties efficiently, with the
least possible expenditure of time and labor.
It is an absolute fact that most young wives begin housekeeping with the
crudest ideas as to what housekeeping means. It has been pointed out
many times, that many mothers bring their daughters up without
instructing them in the elementary principles of keeping house. It is
nevertheless necessary to repeat this statement over and over again, and
to point out the enormity of the injustice done. Even if a daughter is
fortunate enough to marry a man who is capable of supplying all the help
necessary, a wife should know enough to intelligently discern if the
work is properly done. If she does not understand the rudiments of
housekeeping, and has no help, her inefficiency may be directly
responsible for breaking up the home.
PREPARATION AND SELECTION OF MEALS.--Thoroughness and simplicity are the
two essentials to a satisfactory meal. If the articles are thoroughly
cooked and the selection simple, there is no chance for trouble. A
breakfast of fruit, a thoroughly cooked cereal with cream, a boiled egg
and toasted bread and butter, is simple and is adequate. Freshly
prepared hot biscuits sound good, but, unless you know your oven and
have had a lot of experience, they are apt to result disastrously. Even
if you are an expert, don't make them. They are very bad for digestion.
For dinner, lots of thoroughly cooked vegetables, a small piece of steak
or two lamb chops, bread (at least one day old), and good butter, a
baked apple, stewed prunes, or rice, boiled for three hours, is enough
for any one. Have your meals on time. Be sure the table cloth and
napkins are clean, and your dishes hot. Establish the habit of being
cheerful at meals, of eating slowly, and of coming to the table with a
clean, fresh dress.
WASHING DISHES.--While your husband is reading the evening paper, wash
your dishes. Washing dishes is an art. Few young wives acquire it. The
secret is, a big basin, lots of hot water, lots of soap, and a desire to
wash them clean. If you wash them clean, don't smear them over by drying
them with a greasy dishcloth. Wash your dishrag and drying towel every
day, and hang them up to dry in the sun.
POTS AND PANS.--How they are neglected! If you have any pride as a
housekeeper, be clean. Hot water, soap, a cleansing powder and a little
effort, and your pots and pans will be a credit to you. Have a system.
Take time. Keep your kitchen tidy. Don't let work accumulate from meal
to meal or from day to day. It is astonishing how lazy and dirty some
women are. We have seen young women on the street, dressed tidily and
smartly, and we have gone into the homes of these women and have been
disgusted and nauseated with their general appearance. There is
absolutely no excuse for this, and a young wife who gets into the habit
of being indifferent is a disgrace to her sex. She cannot hope for
success or happiness.
DUSTING AND CLEANING.--Every home should be thoroughly cleaned once a
week. A certain day should be selected for the purpose. A certain system
should be followed. After it has been done a number of times, you will
devise ways and means of doing it quicker, easier and better. New
methods will suggest themselves from time to time, so, by planning and
systematizing, you will get rid of the drudgery part, and there will be
a constant incentive present to beat your past record. You must get rid
of the feeling that it is uninteresting drudgery and slavery. A woman
who looks upon her work in that light is not deserving of any better
fate, and she will not get much further. If you are one of these
perverse individuals who resent advice; if you object to being told the
truth; if you do not want to profit by experience; if you are satisfied
as you are, don't waste your precious time reading books. No author can
tell you how to get something for nothing; no teacher can instruct
others in anything. He can only awaken thought and arouse impulses. The
law of life is harmony. An individual who wastes God's precious time in
grumbling and fretting is the most pitiful object in the universe. Try
to appreciate that you are part of the divine problem, regarding the
conduct of which certain implacable laws have been formulated. To obey
these laws means continued life, health, strength, power and success; to
disobey them means weakness, sickness, incapacity, unhappiness,
discontent and premature death.
Some people learn quickly how to conserve strength, how to systematize,
how to be cheerful and hopeful and to radiate thankfulness. From a
selfish standpoint this is the only method that pays. Some people will
not see the point. They will put it aside by some such sophistry as:
"Oh! it does not apply to me." It does, nevertheless, and probably at a
later date, when the chance of achievement has withered, they will see
the point through the mist of regret.
Work cheerfully, therefore, and be thorough. Don't overdo it. Fussiness
is objectionable, useless and unhealthy, because it is a constant drain
on nerve energy. Some women are dust-chasers. They are eternally poking
into corners with a feather duster. They chase dust from one room to
another and back again, and the sight of a few grains on the piano makes
them sick. Dust with a moist cloth and when your dusting is over leave
it and forget it. Don't buy a feather duster.
Don't get the anti-sunshine fad. Let the sun in. Don't pull your shades
down to save the parlor carpet. Your husband would probably sooner buy
another than pay for a funeral.
Air your rooms always, night as well as day. You cannot overdo it. Buy
mosquito screens, keep the flies out, but let the air in.
THE IDEAL HOME.--It is difficult to describe an ideal home, but we know
one the moment we are in it. Its atmosphere instinctively breathes the
personality of the home-maker. Its individuality distinctly
differentiates it from the ordinary impersonal home. Its housekeeping
dress is inviting; its furnishings harmonious; and it exhales repose,
and comfort, and peace. When we meet its mistress we are welcomed in a
low, gentle, cordial tone of voice, and in a manner which radiates
honesty and unaffected simplicity. We discover the source of the unusual
atmosphere. It is herself, the wife, the mother, the home-maker. She is
the mystery of the ideal home. Each day her divine art grows more
perfect because her heart is consecrated to the work. She may not be
surrounded with material splendor. The miracle is in the soul she
possesses. Love is the magic wand she yields. She loves her home, her
children, her husband. She is the queen mother in the paradise she
creates.
We have seen that a good housekeeper may not be a home-maker. Every
home-maker, on the other hand, is a good housekeeper. The ideal home
could not exist unless presided over by a home-maker. A home-maker
necessarily implies being a good mother; but a good housekeeper, who is
not a good mother, will never be a home-maker.
A good housekeeper will keep house for the art's sake and will resent
any domestic event which upsets her housekeeping sense of decorum, even
though the event may have splendid home-making possibilities. The mother
with the home-making instincts will invite, and aid, and will conceive
events, which, though they upset her housekeeping routine, will
contribute to the happiness and edification of the home circle. The
housekeeper's sense of duty ends when a good dinner is served; the
home-maker's real duty and incidentally her pleasure begins, when dinner
is on the table.
THE MEDICAL ESSENTIALS OF A GOOD MEAL ARE: Pure food, judiciously
selected for two reasons. First, that there may be an adequate daily
variety--in order to stimulate the individual taste and appetite;
second, that the food supplies may be adapted, in nourishing
equivalents, to the work and age of the diner. The food must be
thoroughly cooked, eaten slowly, and masticated with care and
deliberation. Every meal should be served and eaten when cooked and
ready. Food should never be allowed to stand when cooked to the proper
degree. Overdone food is not desirable. The dishes should be heated to
the proper degree; the table linen, napkins, etc., clean and fresh; and
the family should all eat at the same time.
A meal should never be hurried. Interesting conversation is, therefore,
a necessary and a commendable feature while dining. There is less desire
or tendency to hasten through a meal when one is interested or is being
entertained. The intervals between courses will be welcomed rather than
resented under these circumstances, and the appetite will be keener and
the enjoyment greater.
The wife and mother, who is the home-maker and consequently responsible
for the _esprit de corps_ of the family, will direct, suggest, and guide
the conversation into profitable and interesting channels. By thus
supplying the atmosphere necessary to the efficient eating of a meal,
the digestion and the assimilation of the food will adequately take care
of itself. Overeating is never a part of any meal and should be
religiously avoided.
WHAT MAKES THE HOME.--We know it isn't the house we live in that makes
the home. Many have lived in humble dwellings and have carried all
through life the memory of home as a sacred legacy. Wealth does not make
a home, nor culture, nor any of the intellectual attainments for which
we may strive unceasingly. We may have all these and yet not know the
joy of "home." "Home" conveys to every heart the same tender memories.
To have known the blessings of a "home" is to be fortified for life's
battles. No one can deny its importance in humanizing mankind. A boy who
has never known what it was to have a home, whose substitute for the
home associations was an "institutional mother," may have all the
necessary potential qualities for success, but he will be forever
deprived of the inspiration that memory of home kindles in every human
soul.
The secret of the sources of home is its atmosphere. The atmosphere of
home is the sum total of the kinship and sympathy radiated by its
members. It is a tangible something which is capable of being felt,
which is capable of inspiration and which is capable of being carried
away into the years beyond, exerting a helpful influence over the
milestones of worry, and trouble, and defeat; and it is always a
fragrant, soothing, energizing influence. Every human heart needs the
memory of a home and the presence of a friend at all times and in all
places.
We must contribute our share to form the right kind of home-making
"atmosphere." The two qualities which are essential to this task are
sympathy and peace. Each contributor must be more than a negative unit
in the home. It is not enough to simply desire peace--a deaf mute could
fill that part. We must desire to please and we must be an active agency
working for harmony and peace. If there is in our heart enough sincere
affection for brother and sister, father and mother, the desire to
please will be the bond of sympathy that will weather every
temperamental storm. If we are eager to do something to lighten the load
of another, eager to sacrifice self, to cheer and counsel and inspire,
to leave unsaid some unkind word, to forget our own troubles in the
larger trouble of a friend, we are home-builders. We must control our
moods in the home, we must submerge the instinct of selfishness, of
impatience, of pride, and of obstinacy. We must not be opinionated, we
can many times conform to the opinion of others in trivial matters and
preserve peace; we thereby minister to the happiness of others, because
to give happiness is the surest way to be happy. Temper is the sting
that poisons many homes. Its possessor is an impossible associate and
will defeat the work of the angels in the effort to make homes.
WORKING FOR SOMETHING.--At various times we have emphasized the
necessity of having definite plans, of "knowing exactly what you want,"
of "beginning wedded life with ideals"; in other words, we believe that
to combine the maximum efficiency with the greatest degree of happiness
it is necessary for all of us to "work for something."
It is not necessary to prove that the average human life is
uninteresting; most of us know that. As a matter of fact the average
existence is a monotonous, hopeless dreary stretch of time, dotted at
more or less frequent intervals with physical pain and suffering, and
with mental sorrow and anguish.
While this is undeniably a true epitome of the average life to-day, it
is not to be accepted as the only possible average existence. Every
agency that is working for the betterment of the conditions which
surround life is helping to elevate the status of the average
individual. As individuals, the question whether our life will conform
to the average, or be individualized, rests with ourselves.
The ordinary average housewife's existence is slavery in its loneliest
and most wretched form. Its utter hopelessness is its most depressing
feature. If we could hope for some glint of sunshine, some day in the
future when conditions would change, some circumstance which would give
us the opportunity which we have never had, some test of our
womanhood,--anything to relieve the crushing, hopeless inertia of the
daily routine,--we imagine we could go on again, hoping that things
would permanently change eventually. Don't "hope things will change."
Change them! Don't get in a mental rut; don't be an "average" housewife.
If you really can't do anything else, if things are so abjectly hopeless
that there is no other way out, if your path is leading to nowhere,
start a rebellion. When the smoke has cleared away you may see a new
path to follow, and it may lead to somewhere. It is not necessary to do
this often, because the fault is usually our own, and not that of
environment or conditions, or our husbands. All we need to do is to
think things over, and begin something, and all the other conditions
will take care of themselves. The moment we step outside the humdrum
path of existence, the moment we are curious enough to do this, there is
hope for us. A little mental fresh air will dissipate a good many brain
fogs. The instant we begin "working for something" definite, we cease
to follow in the procession of the average helpless and hopeless
citizen. So to the young housewife we would strongly suggest that she
"think things over" and decide what she is going to work for.
Now, what will it be? Of course it will be different with each
housewife. With many it will be "a home of our own." It may only be a
piano for the children, or it may wisely be more insurance. Possibly you
live in the country, and you long for the social and other advantages of
the city. You may be a city wife and may long for a farm in the glorious
country. It may be a trip to Europe; or a college education for the boy;
or a musical career for the daughter. It does not matter what it is, the
"it" is the thing itself, and, having found it, the world for you has
changed. The lonesomeness, and the hopelessness, and the wretchedness of
life have disappeared. There is always in the future the "it"; no matter
how dark and gloomy the road may be, it is illuminated at the far end
with the realized "it." It is the bearing of the burden of life that
makes a wife, and when we have "something to work for" we begin to live.
Love is the explanation. We don't want the home for ourselves. We want
it for those we love, we want those we love in the atmosphere, which I,
as mother, will make in "our home." It is the elemental mother that
speaks,--the motherhood spirit that pours out eternally in
self-sacrifice and keeps no debit account. It is the cry of the primal
mother that echoes through all the ages and which has kept the race sane
and safe and hopeful. Having something to work for supplies the element
necessary to cheerfulness. In the darkest moments, when everything seems
to go wrong, the thought that we can look forward to a time when a great
change is coming, when we will move to the new home, when we go to the
farm or the city as the case may be, or when John will finish his
college course and start out as a lawyer,--when the strain of skimping
and making ends meet is over we feel that the struggle will let up and
we can rest in peace for a little while. It is sharing these burdens
that counts, and brings out the best elements of human nature. The
struggle of making ends meet draws the young couple closer together,
and adds that touch of divinity that is essential to confidence and
love. It strengthens character, curbs the tendency to unnecessary
expenditure of money and time, and teaches frugality and patience. The
incentive to win out is ever present, and it is the anchor that means
final satisfaction and success.
Try to see the point. Work for something,--something worth while, and
when you have once begun never turn back. "Nothing-succeeds like
success."
REST AND RECREATION--A young couple should find time for rest and
recreation as well as for work. This part of the domestic problem should
be carefully and systematically utilized, and just as faithfully carried
out as any other part. Both husband and wife should participate in these
hours of enjoyment, and the husband should assiduously try to make of
these respites periods of real mutual benefit. No matter in what station
of life one may be, it is always possible to find congenial means of
passing many happy and profitable hours together, if the spirit of
companionship and mutual interest is kept alive. It is the incessant
strain upon the nervous system that constitutes the real danger of home
life. The struggle to make ends meet; to keep the children neat and well
fed; to look respectable; to provide clothing and education; to nurse
the sick; to tolerate gossipy neighbors; to put up with ugly tempers; to
meet the constant drain of society, business, politics and
religion,--the wonder is that so few remain outside the lunatic asylums.
There are certain inevitable daily happenings in the life of every
housewife that must be tolerated though they are not pleasant. A certain
number of interruptions will come at the most inopportune moments. The
children will come in with muddy feet and walk over the clean floor;
some days the stove works splendidly, other days it acts as if it was
crazy; the milkman is late to-day and too early to-morrow; some days the
iceman comes, some days he stays away, and these are the days we want
him most; the upstairs work is not quite done when cooking must be
begun; the grocer forgot to send the butter; a dish or two will crack or
break every day; doors will slam; the rain begins to fall just when the
clothes are all hung out; baby needs nursing just when the pie must be
turned; a visitor calls before the dishes are washed. These are
inevitable. The cure does not lie in some impossible revolution. We must
rest the nerves and take the strain off.
Try a nap in the middle of the day. Lie down and relax even if you do
not sleep. In some countries this is a national custom. It should be a
law in America. One cannot appreciate the amount of good that can be
gained from one-half hour's sleep. Medically it is a wonderful
rejuvenator.
Get enough sleep at night. Late hours in the home is a bad habit and a
poor investment. It affects the health and the efficiency. One extra
hour means all the difference between frayed-out nerves, exasperated
dispositions and home peace and contentment. There is a certain fixed
ratio between sleep and good nature that has been formulated into a law
by psychology. Keep early hours and the whole complexion of life will
improve.
When indoor work becomes irksome go out of doors, try a walk. Nothing
will dissipate tired-out nerves quicker than a brisk walk. Every
housewife should walk in the open air every day of her life. It is an
absolute necessity if she hopes to retain her health and spirits. She
will be in better shape and in a better mood to carry out her part of
the daily programme.
Take a vacation now and then. Go to the seashore or into the mountains.
When a housewife is run down and irritable; when the disposition comes
to indulge in a lonely cry; when she wishes she had never been born;
when the cook stove and the children are hysterical irritants; it is
time for a day off. The husband should find time to take his wife into
the country for a week end, even a day at the seashore will work like
magic.
Resting and recreation are necessary. If we do not recognize this fact,
and adopt the habit as a preventative, we will be compelled to take it
in an effort to cure a malady that has established itself as a
consequence of the neglect. It, therefore, is a time and money saver,
and it saves friction, and home, and maybe life.
LIFE INSURANCE.--Every young wife should insist upon her husband
carrying life insurance upon his own life. She should make this a part
of the prenuptial agreement. We would go further and state that a man
who will not willingly agree to this is not a safe man to marry. The
kind of insurance is immaterial, so long as it guarantees to the wife an
adequate sum of money in the event of his premature death. The wife
should regard the payment of the premiums as one of the necessities, and
should personally know that they are promptly paid.
OWNING A HOME.--It should be the hope of every married couple to own
their own home. It has been the regret of many, when in later years they
have figured up the money which they have spent in rent, that they did
not think of this plan earlier. Nowadays, it is possible to pay a very
small sum down, and certain monthly payments, which apply on the
purchase of a house. By beginning this way, when the family expenses are
small, it is comparatively easy, and without any deprivations, to own
the home outright in a few years. Many couples foolishly buy gaudy and
unnecessary furniture, and live in more expensive homes than their means
justify, in order to create an impression, when first married, which
they later regret. If part of the money, which the young husband has
undoubtedly saved,--or he should not marry,--was paid down on the
purchase of a house it would be paid for before the extra expense which
necessarily comes with children had to be met. The plan works to the
advantage of the couple both ways, because, if no rent has to be paid
out after a few years, the extra expense of children would not then be a
hardship.
THE CHEERFUL WIFE AND MOTHER.--How many happy memory pictures we see by
simply reading the name,--the cheerful wife and mother,--we might call
her the optimistic mother. No matter what we did as children, we were
never afraid of her. She always saw the bright side, and if we did
something wrong she never scolded angrily; she talked to us convincingly
and made us slightly ashamed of ourselves. If we had any plan or project
we took it to her, she listened, and she suggested, and before we knew
it she had solved our problem and the plan was possible,--away we would
go, enthusiastic and happy, to work out the details as she suggested,
and shortly our "party was on its way." If any of us had an
accident,--we didn't go home, we were afraid of a scolding,--the victim
was rushed to her, she would wash the blood and tears away, bathe the
wounded part, put on a bandage and then take the little patient up to
her room. A cake and a story would soon have us feeling good and help us
forget our pain. Oh! she was an angel to us. On rainy days she found a
way to amuse us, our dirty feet didn't count, the floor was to be washed
up anyhow. To keep in her good graces, however, we had to be reasonably
good. She told us stories, and we soon found out that she didn't like a
mean or stingy boy, and a boy or girl who would tell a lie she would not
talk to for a week. Her stories always proved that the mean boy, or the
bad little girl, or anyone who told lies, never had a good time, that no
one liked them, and most everybody kept away from them, if they didn't
stop being bad. She was a wonderful mother, and every boy and girl for
miles around knew her and loved her.
And so it is that children soon learn who their real friends are. A home
is what the mother makes it. Cheerfulness does not cost anything, and
how much better it is if happiness abounds. You can get infinitely more
of the confidence of a child by being gentle, and by showing that you
have his or her real interest at heart. They will trust you more and
rely upon your forbearance in the event of anything going wrong. As we
boys and girls grew up the interest of the angel mother didn't cease; we
met her often, and she would ask "how things were going." She knew
exactly what each of the boys and girls was doing, and we always told
her the truth, and all the truth. If anything did go wrong, she would
know of it from one of the others, and she would "look up" the
unfortunate one. Many times to my knowledge she has helped another
mother over a crisis; when a boy was about to go wrong or showed a
tendency to do some foolish thing. She did so because she "had a way" of
getting round the boy, that even his own mother did not possess, and he
would listen. A mother who can preserve her own cheerfulness under all
circumstances is a jewel. The influence she wields is beyond estimation.
A radiant cheerfulness is something akin to Christlikeness, it is an
inspiration. People who live together frequently feel out of sorts in
the presence of each other without a feeling of compunction, without
realizing that they are guilty of a social discourtesy. If there is in
that home an optimistic, cheerful mother, how different the atmosphere
is! The cross look, or the touchy word, is quickly observed and all the
power of her infectious cheerfulness is brought into battle array and
the discontent is chased away, the vitriolic spirit of quarrel,
slumbering so near the surface, is made to feel ashamed of itself. It
shrinks into the darkness, and we begin the day all over again, thankful
that mother is so good, so considerate and patient.
It isn't exactly by the children that such a mother is best appreciated.
Father knows the real value of her cheerfulness. He knows just what it
has meant in the past, and he knows what it means now. He can look back
and he can recall many instances in which the optimism of his wife was
the agency which turned the tide. He knows of many business deals
wherein the cheerful advice of his wife changed his viewpoint and so
changed failure into success. He can recall many instances during the
early days of his business career when the outlook was gloomy and
doubtful, when its success depended upon so small a matter as
temperament and disposition, when the cheerfulness, the love and tact of
his wife dispelled the gathering clouds, strengthened the wavering
spirit and instilled new fight, new purpose, new hope, into the
situation. Oh, yes, he knows that cheerfulness, and optimism, and tact,
and love, have a definite economic value, but it cannot be estimated in
dollars and cents. He knows they are an asset in the domestic problem,
but they are sacred, holy, consecrated.
Cheerfulness is such a potent reality that it has a definite, concrete
value. Life is a product of environment to a very considerable extent.
Our surroundings very often dictate our attitude, and temperamentally at
least we radiate whatever spirit our environment generates.
HEREDITARY FEEBLE-MINDEDNESS[B]
[Illustration]
Here is the law. The blood of the father was tainted. For several
generations it lay dormant, and then smote this little child, Bertha. It
is the terrible, the inevitable law of heredity.
[Illustration]
Not so much now, as years ago, is there intermarriage. It is fortunate,
for the results of in-breeding are far worse in human beings than in
animals; chiefly because of man's more highly developed nervous system.
New, pure blood above all things else is a re-energizing force which may
go far toward eventually eliminating any trace of taint.
[Footnote B: "Feeble-mindedness; Its Causes and Consequences," Goddard,
The Macmillan Company.]
One cheerful home will radiate, will send out into the world, certain
definite, concrete influences which will encourage and stimulate, and
strengthen and give new hope to every living thing it reaches. The
atmosphere of cheerfulness will exert a specific influence upon every
disposition within its zone. The children of a cheerful mother and home
will radiate happiness, contentment and love. The husband of a cheerful
wife will carry into life's struggle a more just, a more equitable, a
more humanizing influence as a direct, concrete result of that
cheerfulness, and who can tell into how many other homes the spirit of
cheerfulness will be carried as a consequence of the justice, and
equity, and charity of that husband and father? To return after a day's
work and worry to a fireside, to a home, in which cheerfulness is the
radiating element is to inspire contentment and peace and thankfulness.
Out of the joy of thankfulness, out of the satisfaction of peace, and
the fulness of contentment, the kingdom of Heaven is born, and when
human hearts feel like this they are living near the borderland of great
possibilities. The cheerful wife and mother needs little advice. She
does, however, need our love and the knowledge that we are true to
ourselves and that we are fighting an honest fight. She will be happy in
that knowledge.
THE INDIFFERENT WIFE AND MOTHER.--The home over which an indifferent
wife and mother presides is a "happy-go-lucky" home. There is something
radically wrong in the make-up of a woman who is wife and mother and who
is indifferent. It is not a natural condition, and it is frequently a
product of simple ignorance. Such a woman may be exceedingly amiable and
charitable; she may take an active interest in church and social
affairs, and may be regarded as a kind and model housewife. Her
interests are outside the home, however, and since the home is a place
of apathy and indifference she feels she must "keep busy" elsewhere. She
is out of touch with her husband and his affairs, and the children "get
along somehow." If they come in for meals and report for bed that is all
"any one can expect." There is seldom any acute friction, because every
one is indifferent and selfishly attends to his own affairs.
Such a home is devoid of the domestic atmosphere. The mother touch is
lacking: sentiment and love have long ago taken wings: the temperature
of the place is cold and forbidding. The children "exist" and may be
healthy animals, but their souls are empty and there is no comradeship
or affection in their make-up. They do not know what human sympathy
means, and they either grow into successful machines, or indifferent
citizens. As human beings they are failures. It would be astonishing to
know how many of this type of mother and wife the present strenuous age
is producing. They are certainly on the increase, and the unrest, which
is a growing characteristic of the sex, is tending to still further
increase this type of womanhood. The mother element is being subverted
and in its place we find "Justice" with her scales, but with a marble
heart.
These women do not realize that the citadel of motherhood is a sacred,
holy citadel, and that its responsibilities cannot be met by a negative
allegiance. A child's character, its training, its physical equipment,
its mental development, its body and soul, its heredity and acquired
instincts, its virtues and its vices, its environment, are all mothers'
cares, mothers' duties, mothers' responsibilities, and if they are
neglected part of the eternal scheme is frustrated and recompense will
be exacted. When a woman marries she assumes responsibilities which she
cannot and dare not neglect. If she does, she will have to give an
accounting of her stewardship.
The indifferent mother and wife does not fit. She is incompetent, she is
one of nature's sarcasms. She is a mistake as a wife, as a mother, and
as a member of society. She is not sincere or she would not be guilty of
such fundamental injustice. As a human being she is a parasite, and in
the Master's vineyard she is a weed.
HUSBAND AND HOME.--As sponsor for the welfare and efficiency of the
family and the home, the wife and mother should occasionally give some
thought to the husband and father.
William Muldoon, one of the greatest physical efficiency experts in this
or any other country, who has intimately known hundreds of our great
men in every walk of life, recently stated that American men to-day do
not appear to have the same amount of physical endurance and nervous
energy that men of forty years ago possessed. In other words, as a race
we are degenerating. In his opinion the condition is due to the fact
that commercialism has taken such a firm hold upon the American people
that everything else is cast aside to make a success in business or
profession.
This is a serious indictment coming from such a source and should be of
intense interest to the wife and mother of to-day.
The over-worked business man, when he gets into the hands of the
physician, is a neurasthenic. He has gone just as far as his vitality
will take him. His mind is fagged and worn out and will not concentrate.
He is nervous, irritable, and wretched. His appetite is capricious, and
he sleeps fitfully. For a few days he pulls himself together and plunges
into work, but the effort exhausts him and he falls back further than
before. He is unhappy and despondent, his viewpoint changes and the
future looks uninviting and he loses his courage and his faith in
himself. He hides all this from his family, he does not want wife and
children to know that he is losing his hold. He even makes desperate
efforts to keep fit while at home, and for a time he succeeds.
All this has been brought about by tremendous concentration of effort to
do ten times as much work as he should do, and it has all been done in
order to acquire riches and independence, not so much for his own sake
as for his family's sake.
Now, a wife who fails to see the handwriting on the wall is no wife at
all. Any wife who cannot tell, by a single look, exactly how her husband
feels is not quite what she should be. Some women may question this
declaration. They may regard it as a far-fetched indictment. The truth
nevertheless is,--and all good citizens are thankful that it is
so,--that if a man and woman live together for years, and during that
time work together in sympathy and love, and share the burdens of life
together, they grow toward each other; there is a psychic force that
binds them so that when the clouds begin to settle over one the other
promptly sees the mist and brings all her subtle skill and solicitude to
guard and fight in the other's interest. The "two hearts that beat as
one" are old hearts, hearts chastened by experience and mellowed by the
sorrows and joys of life, hearts that have gone through the dark spots
and the deep spots of affliction, and have loved and helped each other
all through the long journey to sunset's old age. God never inspired a
holier picture than the wrinkled face of a good old mother. The old
eyes, with the peering promise of a near peace in them; the toothless
mouth, whose words of cheer are records of the past; the wrinkled face,
the sad token of human frailty; the gentle word of welcome which age
trustingly bestows, all speak to younger hearts with hungry words, and
we hope that their lot is one of peace and contentment and happiness.
A wife, therefore, who has shared the burdens of life honestly and
willingly with her husband will promptly note when life's struggle is
becoming dangerous to her helpmate.
The true wife will insist on rest, and quiet, and recuperation. No man
has the right to sacrifice himself for his family and no family should
dare to expect it. A wife should frequently inquire and find out what
their success is costing her husband, find out the price he is paying.
No success is worth while if a man is undermining his health and
strength to attain it. Men do it, however. American business men do it
all the time.
Maternal sacrifice is admittedly the supreme or Christ-like instinct of
the human race, and it has been accorded the glory which is its due, but
the unsung song of father love is a more pathetic incident of this
strenuous age than we are apt to believe. America is building a breed of
men with a dual passion, the passion for riches, and the passion to
protect. The one is a wrong ideal, the other is a wrong principle. Ask
any of the worn-out men who are inmates for the time being of the
splendid institutions in the country devoted to the recuperation of
health: ask the medical superintendents of the large sanitariums; ask
Muldoon; ask the busy men of big business why they keep in the harness
after they have made enough to retire upon; why they strive and fight
and sacrifice themselves, and you will be told that the force which
impels them is the desire to protect, with ample fortune, wife and
children, and those dependent upon them. The average well-balanced man
of America is never happier than when he can give to his loved ones
every comfort and luxury possible. He is willing to work and so
sacrifice self to the utmost to consummate his ambition. The right kind
of a wife will see that her husband is getting a square deal.
The right kind of solicitude and the right kind of argument will tend to
divert her husband's attention away from business, to the advantage of
all concerned. The children of America need closer fellowship with the
fathers. We should read fewer tales of the profligacy of rich men's sons
and less lurid accounts of the doings of the daughters of society. The
sons of poor men would profit by a freer companionship with the more
experienced father, and the daughters would be less apt to wander away
from the fireside of a home that was knit together by the broader
sympathy of father love.
The training and education of our children is far more important than
storing up money for them to spend recklessly. We all need help and
cheering words and encouragement to do justice to ourselves and others.
Nothing will inspire and stimulate youth more to achieve, to be clean in
mind and body, and to succeed, than the knowledge that he is loved, and
trusted, and has the implicit confidence of parents and of brothers and
sisters. His pride is awakened, he would hate to fail, or to disappoint
them, so he makes a conscientious effort to be worthy and to succeed.
The mothers are at the helm. They must be the harmonizing factor in the
home, and they must bring their human ships into safe harbors. The
storms and the battles of life will only unite the crew together if the
"captain" is the right "man" in the right place.