_My Courtship and Marriage.--Change of owner.--My first born.--Its
sufferings.--My wife abused.--My own anguish._
The circumstances of my courtship and marriage, I consider to be among
the most remarkable events of my life while a slave. To think that
after I had determined to carry out the great idea which is so
universally and practically acknowledged among all the civilized
nations of the earth, that I would be free or die, I suffered myself
to be turned aside by the fascinating charms of a female, who
gradually won my attention from an object so high as that of liberty;
and an object which I held paramount to all others.
But when I had arrived at the age of eighteen, which was in the year
of 1833, it was my lot to be introduced to the favor of a mulatto
slave girl named Malinda, who lived in Oldham County, Kentucky, about
four miles from the residence of my owner. Malinda was a medium sized
girl, graceful in her walk, of an extraordinary make, and active in
business. Her skin was of a smooth texture, red cheeks, with dark and
penetrating eyes. She moved in the highest circle[2] of slaves, and
free people of color. She was also one of the best singers I ever
heard, and was much esteemed by all who knew her, for her benevolence,
talent and industry. In fact, I considered Malinda to be equalled by
few, and surpassed by none, for the above qualities, all things
considered.
It is truly marvellous to see how sudden a man's mind can be changed
by the charms and influence of a female. The first two or three visits
that I paid this dear girl, I had no intention of courting or marrying
her, for I was aware that such a step would greatly obstruct my way to
the land of liberty. I only visited Malinda because I liked her
company, as a highly interesting girl. But in spite of myself, before
I was aware of it, I was deeply in love; and what made this passion so
effectual and almost irresistable, I became satisfied that it was
reciprocal. There was a union of feeling, and every visit made the
impression stronger and stronger. One or two other young men were
paying attention to Malinda, at the same time; one of whom her mother
was anxious to have her marry. This of course gave me a fair
opportunity of testing Malinda's sincerity. I had just about
opposition enough to make the subject interesting. That Malinda loved
me above all others on earth, no one could deny. I could read it by
the warm reception with which the dear girl always met me, and treated
me in her mother's house. I could read it by the warm and affectionate
shake of the hand, and gentle smile upon her lovely cheek. I could
read it by her always giving me the preference of her company; by her
pressing invitations to visit even in opposition to her mother's will.
I could read it in the language of her bright and sparkling eye,
penciled by the unchangable finger of nature, that spake but could not
lie. These strong temptations gradually diverted my attention from my
actual condition and from liberty, though not entirely.
But oh! that I had only then been enabled to have seen as I do now, or
to have read the following slave code, which is but a stereotyped law
of American slavery. It would have saved me I think from having to
lament that I was a husband and am the father of slaves who are still
left to linger out their days in hopeless bondage. The laws of
Kentucky, my native State, with Maryland and Virginia, which are said
to be the mildest slave States in the Union, noted for their humanity,
Christianity and democracy, declare that "Any slave, for rambling in
the night, or riding horseback without leave, or running away, may be
punished by whipping, cropping and branding in the cheek, or
otherwise, not rendering him unfit for labor." "Any slave convicted of
petty larceny, murder, or wilfully burning of dwelling houses, may be
sentenced to have his right hand cut off; to be hanged in the usual
manner, or the head severed from the body, the body divided into four
quarters, and head and quarters stuck up in the most public place in
the county, where such act was committed."
At the time I joined my wife in holy wedlock, I was ignorant of these
ungodly laws; I knew not that I was propogating victims for this kind
of torture and cruelty. Malinda's mother was free, and lived in
Bedford, about a quarter of a mile from her daughter; and we often met
and passed off the time pleasantly. Agreeable to promise, on one
Saturday evening, I called to see Malinda, at her mother's residence,
with an intention of letting her know my mind upon the subject of
marriage. It was a very bright moonlight night; the dear girl was
standing in the door, anxiously waiting my arrival. As I approached
the door she caught my hand with an affectionate smile, and bid me
welcome to her mother's fire-side. After having broached the subject
of marriage, I informed her of the difficulties which I conceived to
be in the way of our marriage, and that I could never engage myself to
marry any girl only on certain conditions; near as I can recollect the
substance of our conversation upon the subject, it was, that I was
religiously inclined; that I intended to try to comply with the
requisitions of the gospel, both theoretically and practically through
life. Also that I was decided on becoming a freeman before I died; and
that I expected to get free by running away, and going to Canada,
under the British Government. Agreement on those two cardinal
questions I made my test for marriage.
I said, "I never will give my heart nor hand to any girl in marriage,
until I first know her sentiments upon the all-important subjects of
Religion and Liberty. No matter how well I might love her nor how
great the sacrifice in carrying out these God-given principles. And I
here pledge myself from this course never to be shaken while a single
pulsation of my heart shall continue to throb for Liberty." With this
idea Malinda appeared to be well pleased, and with a smile she looked
me in the face and said, "I have long entertained the same views, and
this has been one of the greatest reasons why I have not felt inclined
to enter the married state while a slave; I have always felt a desire
to be free; I have long cherished a hope that I should yet be free,
either by purchase or running away. In regard to the subject of
Religion, I have always felt that it was a good thing, and something
that I would seek for at some future period." After I found that
Malinda was right upon these all important questions, and that she
truly loved me well enough to make me an affectionate wife, I made
proposals for marriage. She very modestly declined answering the
question then, considering it to be one of a grave character, and
upon which our future destiny greatly depended. And notwithstanding
she confessed that I had her entire affections, she must have some
time to consider the matter. To this I of course consented, and was to
meet her on the next Saturday night to decide the question. But for
some cause I failed to come, and the next week she sent for me, and on
the Sunday evening following I called on her again; she welcomed me
with all the kindness of an affectionate lover, and seated me by her
side. We soon broached the old subject of marriage, and entered upon a
conditional contract of matrimony, viz: that we would marry if our
minds should not change within one year; that after marriage we would
change our former course and live a pious life; and that we would
embrace the earliest opportunity of running away to Canada for our
liberty. Clasping each other by the hand, pledging our sacred honor
that we would be true, we called on high heaven to witness the
rectitude of our purpose. There was nothing that could be more binding
upon us as slaves than this; for marriage among American slaves, is
disregarded by the laws of this country. It is counted a mere
temporary matter; it is a union which may be continued or broken off,
with or without the consent of a slaveholder, whether he is a priest
or a libertine.
There is no legal marriage among the slaves of the South; I never saw
nor heard of such a thing in my life, and I have been through seven of
the slave states. A slave marrying according to law, is a thing
unknown in the history of American Slavery. And be it known to the
disgrace of our country that every slaveholder, who is the keeper of a
number of slaves of both sexes, is also the keeper of a house or
houses of ill-fame. Licentious white men, can and do, enter at night
or day the lodging places of slaves; break up the bonds of affection
in families; destroy all their domestic and social union for life; and
the laws of the country afford them no protection. Will any man count,
if they can be counted, the churches of Maryland, Kentucky, and
Virginia, which have slaves connected with them, living in an open
state of adultery, never having been married according to the laws of
the State, and yet regular members of these various denominations, but
more especially the Baptist and Methodist churches? And I hazard
nothing in saying, that this state of things exists to a very wide
extent in the above states.
I am happy to state that many fugitive slaves, who have been enabled
by the aid of an over-ruling providence to escape to the free North
with those whom they claim as their wives, notwithstanding all their
ignorance and superstition, are not at all disposed to live together
like brutes, as they have been compelled to do in slaveholding
Churches. But as soon as they get free from slavery they go before
some anti-slavery clergyman, and have the solemn ceremony of marriage
performed according to the laws of the country. And if they profess
religion, and have been baptized by a slaveholding minister, they
repudiate it after becoming free, and are re-baptized by a man who is
worthy of doing it according to the gospel rule.
The time and place of my marriage, I consider one of the most trying
of my life. I was opposed by friends and foes; my mother opposed me
because she thought I was too young, and marrying she thought would
involve me in trouble and difficulty. My mother-in-law opposed me,
because she wanted her daughter to marry a slave who belonged to a
very rich man living near by, and who was well known to be the son of
his master. She thought no doubt that his master or father might
chance to set him free before he died, which would enable him to do a
better part by her daughter than I could! and there was no prospect
then of my ever being free. But his master has neither died nor yet
set his son free, who is now about forty years of age, toiling under
the lash, waiting and hoping that his master may die and will him to
be free.
The young men were opposed to our marriage for the same reason that
Paddy opposed a match when the clergyman was about to pronounce the
marriage ceremony of a young couple. He said "if there be any present
who have any objections to this couple being joined together in holy
wedlock, let them speak now, or hold their peace henceforth." At this
time Paddy sprang to his feet and said, "Sir, I object to this." Every
eye was fixed upon him. "What is your objection?" said the clergyman.
"Faith," replied Paddy, "Sir I want her myself."
The man to whom I belonged was opposed, because he feared my taking
off from his farm some of the fruits of my own labor for Malinda to
eat, in the shape of pigs, chickens, or turkeys, and would count it
not robbery. So we formed a resolution, that if we were prevented from
joining in wedlock, that we would run away, and strike for Canada, let
the consequences be what they might. But we had one consolation;
Malinda's master was very much in favor of the match, but entirely
upon selfish principles. When I went to ask his permission to marry
Malinda, his answer was in the affirmative with but one condition
which I consider to be too vulgar to be written in this book. Our
marriage took place one night during the Christmas holydays; at which
time we had quite a festival given us. All appeared to be wide awake,
and we had quite a jolly time at my wedding party. And notwithstanding
our marriage was without license or sanction of law, we believed it to
be honorable before God, and the bed undefiled. Our Christmas holydays
were spent in matrimonial visiting among our friends, while it should
have been spent in running away to Canada, for our liberty. But
freedom was little thought of by us, for several months after
marriage. I often look back to that period even now as one of the most
happy seasons of my life; notwithstanding all the contaminating and
heart-rendering features with which the horrid system of slavery is
marked, and must carry with it to its final grave, yet I still look
back to that season with sweet remembrance and pleasure, that yet hath
power to charm and drive back dull cares which have been accumulated
by a thousand painful recollections of slavery. Malinda was to me an
affectionate wife. She was with me in the darkest hours of adversity.
She was with me in sorrow, and joy, in fasting and feasting, in trial
and persecution, in sickness and health, in sunshine and in shade.
Some months after our marriage, the unfeeling master to whom I
belonged, sold his farm with the view of moving his slaves to the
State of Missouri, regardless of the separation of husbands and wives
forever; but for fear of my resuming my old practice of running away,
if he should have forced me to leave my wife, by my repeated requests,
he was constrained to sell me to his brother, who lived within seven
miles of Wm. Gatewood, who then held Malinda as his property. I was
permitted to visit her only on Saturday nights, after my work was
done, and I had to be at home before sunrise on Monday mornings or
take a flogging. He proved to be so oppressive, and so unreasonable in
punishing his victims, that I soon found that I should have to run
away in self-defence. But he soon began to take the hint, and sold me
to Wm. Gatewood the owner of Malinda. With my new residence I confess
that I was much dissatisfied. Not that Gatewood was a more cruel
master than my former owner--not that I was opposed to living with
Malinda, who was then the centre and object of my affections--but to
live where I must be eye witness to her insults, scourgings and
abuses, such as are common to be inflicted upon slaves, was more than
I could bear. If my wife must be exposed to the insults and licentious
passions of wicked slavedrivers and overseers; if she must bear the
stripes of the lash laid on by an unmerciful tyrant; if this is to be
done with impunity, which is frequently done by slaveholders and their
abettors, Heaven forbid that I should be compelled to witness the
sight.
Not many months after I took up my residence on Wm. Gatewood's
plantation, Malinda made me a father. The dear little daughter was
called Mary Frances. She was nurtured and caressed by her mother and
father, until she was large enough to creep over the floor after her
parents, and climb up by a chair before I felt it to be my duty to
leave my family and go into a foreign country for a season. Malinda's
business was to labor out in the field the greater part of her time,
and there was no one to take care of poor little Frances, while her
mother was toiling in the field. She was left at the house to creep
under the feet of an unmerciful old mistress, whom I have known to
slap with her hand the face of little Frances, for crying after her
mother, until her little face was left black and blue. I recollect
that Malinda and myself came from the field one summer's day at noon,
and poor little Frances came creeping to her mother smiling, but with
large tear drops standing in her dear little eyes, sobbing and trying
to tell her mother that she had been abused, but was not able to utter
a word. Her little face was bruised black with the whole print of Mrs.
Gatewood's hand. This print was plainly to be seen for eight days
after it was done. But oh! this darling child was a slave; born of a
slave mother. Who can imagine what could be the feelings of a father
and mother, when looking upon their infant child whipped and tortured
with impunity, and they placed in a situation where they could afford
it no protection. But we were all claimed and held as property; the
father and mother were slaves!
On this same plantation I was compelled to stand and see my wife
shamefully scourged and abused by her master; and the manner in which
this was done, was so violently and inhumanly committed upon the
person of a female, that I despair in finding decent language to
describe the bloody act of cruelty. My happiness or pleasure was then
all blasted; for it was sometimes a pleasure to be with my little
family even in slavery. I loved them as my wife and child. Little
Frances was a pretty child; she was quiet, playful, bright, and
interesting. She had a keen black eye, and the very image of her
mother was stamped upon her cheek; but I could never look upon the
dear child without being filled with sorrow and fearful apprehensions,
of being separated by slaveholders, because she was a slave, regarded
as property. And unfortunately for me, I am the father of a slave, a
word too obnoxious to be spoken by a fugitive slave. It calls fresh to
my mind the separation of husband and wife; of stripping, tying up and
flogging; of tearing children from their parents, and selling them on
the auction block. It calls to mind female virtue trampled under foot
with impunity. But oh! when I remember that my daughter, my only
child, is still there, destined to share the fate of all these
calamities, it is too much to bear. If ever there was any one act of
my life while a slave, that I have to lament over, it is that of being
a father and a husband of slaves. I have the satisfaction of knowing
that I am only the father of one slave. She is bone of my bone, and
flesh of my flesh; poor unfortunate child. She was the first and shall
be the last slave that ever I will father, for chains and slavery on
this earth.
FOOTNOTES:
[2] The distinction among slaves is as marked, as the classes of
society are in any aristocratic community. Some refusing to associate
with others whom they deem beneath them in point of character, color,
condition, or the superior importance of their respective masters.