End of Man,' and to say juist a word to them aboot good conduct; but you
and me has an engagement, and ye ken where we're expected. I juist
looked in to say----" And here the worthy man's thoughts began to
wander, and he made an indistinct allusion to the _Black Bull_, so that
Speug had to prompt him severely from behind. "Aye, aye! we're all poor,
frail creatures, and I'm the last man to hurt the feelings of the
Seminary. Seminary laddie mysel', prize medal Greek. Bygones be
bygones!... No man in Muirtown I respect more than ... Speug an
honourable tradesman" (breaking away on his own account with much
spirit), "a faithful husband, and an affectionate father. What? All a
mistake from beginning to end. Family trouble did it--conduct of a
relative," and the Bailie wept. Bailies and other municipal dignitaries
were a species of human beings so strange and incalculable to the
Rector, that he was hardly amazed at anything that they might say; and
having some vague idea that there had been a quarrel between the
Seminary and some Bailie or other, about something or other, some time
or other, he concluded that this was an official intimation that the
quarrel was over, and that it was in style and allusion according to the
habits of municipal circles.
"It is," he responded, bowing again, "my grateful duty, as Rector of the
Seminary, to thank you for your presence here to-day--the Mercury of the
gods, if I may say so--and for your courteous intimation that
the--er--controversy to which you--er--have delicately alluded is
healed. Any dispute between the Council and the Seminary could only have
a favourable issue. _Amantium irae amoris integratio_ has had another
illustration, Mr. Bailie; but it would please us that you should hear
the class translate the Ode we have in hand, which happens to be '_Ad
Sodales_.'" And a boy began to translate "_Nunc est bibendum_."
"Time to drink, did ye say?" and the Bailie, who had been taking a brief
nap, was immediately conscious. "Man, ye never said a truer word. Work
hard at yir lessons, laddies, and for ony sake dinna forget the
Catechism. Yir maister has an engagement wi' me, and he'll no be back
for an hour. Come awa,' man" (in a loud whisper to the amazed Rector),
"it's time we were off." And the Bailie, making a hurried rush for the
door, found himself in the arms of the school sergeant, who had caught
the sound of the uproar in the Rector's class-room, and suspected
trouble.
"Preserve us a', body and soul!" cried the Crimean veteran, as he
brought the Bailie to an equilibrium. "Could onybody have expected
this?" And then, with much presence of mind, he closed the door of the
Latin class-room and conducted the Bailie down-stairs to his cab, while
the magistrate remonstrated that the Rector was coming with him, and
that both were going to discuss the higher education of youth at the
_Black Bull_.
"Na, na, Bailie," said the sergeant. "It's no to the _Black Bull_, or
ony other bull, ye're to go this afternoon, but back to yir ain hoose.
If ye maun taste, would it no have been more respectable to keep
indoors, instead of making an exhibeetion of yourself afore the
Seminary? It's no becomin' in a magistrate, and it's michty bad for the
laddies."
It was the sergeant who delivered the astonishing figure at the
blameless home of Bailie MacConachie, although it is right to say that
this visit was not at all in the plan, and called forth a vigorous
protest from the Bailie's substitute. And to the day of his death, the
real and proper Bailie spent odd moments of his spare time in explaining
to an incredulous public that he had never "tasted" in his life, and
that on the day in question he had been transacting private business in
Dundee.
THE TRIUMPH OF THE SEMINARY
XV
As the East is distant from the West, so far was Muirtown Seminary
removed in its manners and customs from an English public school; but at
one point they met on common ground, and that was the "tuck-shop." It
does not matter that an English house master be careful to provide an
ample supply of wholesome food for his boys, and even add, on occasion,
toothsome dainties, such as jam at Sunday tea, and sausages for a
Saturday supper, they will agree unanimously, and declare aloud, that
they can hardly recall such a thing as breakfast, so ghostly has it
grown, and that they would be ashamed to offer their dinner to the
beasts which perish. They will write such descriptions home, and hold
such conferences with friends spending the holidays with them, and they
will all vie with one another in applying such weird and fearsome
adjectives to the butter, milk, coffee, meat, potatoes, and
pudding--but at the mention of pudding they will simply look at one
another and be silent, despairing of the English language--that their
horrified parents will take counsel together by the hour whether their
poor boy ought not to be taken from school and surrounded by home
comforts. When the emaciated invalid hears of this drastic measure, he
protests strongly, and insists that it would ruin him for life; for, to
do the ruffians justice, a boy may be half-starved and swished every
second day, and bullied between times, till his life is hardy worth
living, he will still stand by his school, and prefer it as a place of
residence to his home. Neither ample meals, nor the pretty bedroom with
white curtains, nor the long lie in the morning, nor a party in the
evening, nor all his mother's petting, will make up to this savage for
the racket of the dormitories, and the fight at the bathroom, and the
babel at the dinner-table, and the recreations which enliven "prep," and
the excitement of a house match, and the hazardous delights of football,
and the tricks on a new boy, and the buttered eggs--a dozen at least
between two at a study supper. It only remains therefore that his father
should write a pathetic letter to the _Standard_, and that other parents
should join in, for a fortnight, explaining to the English public that
the manhood of the country is being destroyed in its early years, and
the boys at school will read the letters aloud with much unction, and
declare that "Pater has warmed up old Skinny properly," while their
mother sends them generous remittances that they may obtain nourishing
food to supplement their starvation rations. This money will be spent
rapidly, but also shrewdly, at the "tuck-shop," where some old servant
of the school is making a small fortune in providing for the boys such
meat as their souls love, and for a fortnight Tom and his friends, for
he is not a fellow to see his chums die before his eyes, will live on
the fat of the land, which, upon the whole, means cocoa, sardines,
sausages, and eggs.
Seminary boys had their meals at home, and were very soundly fed with
porridge and milk in the morning, followed by tea and ham, if their
conduct had been passably decent. Scots broth and meat for dinner, with
an occasional pudding, and a tea in the evening which began with
something solid and ended with jam, made fair rations, and, although
such things may very likely be done now, when we are all screaming about
our rights, no boy of the middle Victorian period wrote to the _Muirtown
Advertiser_ complaining of the home scale of diet. Yet, being boys,
neither could they be satisfied with the ordinary and civilised means of
living, but required certain extra delicacies to help them through the
day. It was not often that a Seminary lad had a shilling in his pocket,
and once only had gold been seen--when Dr. Manley paid Speug a medical
fee for his advice in Bulldog's sickness--but there were few in the
Seminary who were not able to rattle some pennies together, and, in the
end, every penny found its way to the till of that comprehensive
merchant and remarkable woman, Mrs. McWhae. Her shop and the other old
houses beside it have been pulled down long ago, to make room for a
handsome block of buildings, and I think her exact site is occupied by
the plate-glass windows and gorgeous display of the "Breadalbane
Emporium," where you can buy everything from a frying pan to a
drawing-room suite, but where you cannot get a certain delicacy called
"gundy," which Mrs. McWhae alone could make as it ought to be made, and
at the remembrance thereof the very teeth begin to water. Mrs. McWhae
did not sell books nor clothes, nor any other effeminate luxury of life,
but she kept in stock everything that was really necessary to the life
of a well-living and high-minded boy. There he could obtain marbles from
the common clay, six for a halfpenny, on to the finer "streakies," six
for a penny, till you came to large marbles with a red and blue pattern
on a white ground, which were a halfpenny each, and climbed to
"glassies" at a penny each; and there was one glass leviathian which
contained all colours within its sphere, and which was kept only to be
handled and admired. Tops were there, too, from polished little
beauties with shining steel tips, which were intended only for
amusement, and were spun with fine white cord, to unadorned, massive,
vicious-looking warriors with sharpened projecting points, which were
intended for the battlefield, and were spun with rough, strong twine,
and which, dexterously used, would split another top from head to foot
as when you slice butter with a knife. Her stock of kites in the season
was something to see, and although she did not venture upon
cricket-bats, which were sold by the hair-dresser, nor cricket-balls,
she had every other kind of ball--solid gutta-percha balls, for hasty
games in the "breaks," white skin-covered rounder balls, and hollow
india-rubber balls, which you could fill with water at the lade, and
then use with much success as a squirt. Girls, we noticed, employed this
"softie" in silly games of their own, trying whether they could make it
rebound a hundred times from the ground, but we had no doubt about its
proper use in the purposes of Creation. And Mrs. McWhae--peace to her
ashes!--provided all things in meat and drink which a boy could desire;
unless, of course, on some great occasion he wished to revel
imperially--then he went to Fenwick's rock-shop, where generations have
turned their eager feet, and beyond which nothing is left to desire.
Fenwick's, however, was rather for our fathers than for ourselves, and
we were almost content with Mrs. McWhae, where you could get
ginger-beer of her own making at a penny a bottle, better than that
which they sold at the _Muirtown Arms_ at sixpence; and treacle-beer
also at a penny, but in this case the bottle was double the size and was
enough for two fellows; and halfpenny rolls, if you were fiercely hungry
and could not get home to dinner, so tough that only a boy's teeth could
tear them to pieces; and tarts, so full that it required long skill to
secure every drop of the jam, and your fingers were well worth licking
afterwards; and peppermint balls of black and white, one of which would
keep your mouth sweet for an hour of Latin--that is, if you only sucked
gently and didn't crunch. But the glory of the establishment was the
"gundy." There was a room behind the shop where Mrs. McWhae, who was a
widow, elderly and not prepossessing, lived and slept, and dressed
herself, and cooked her food, and, perhaps, on rare occasions, washed,
and there she prepared her tempting meats and drinks for the Seminary.
We lived in a pre-scientific age, and did not go curiously into the
origin of things, being content to take the Creation as it stood, and to
use the gifts of the gods in their finished form. But I believe that
"gundy" was made of the coarsest and cheapest sugar, which our hostess
boiled to a certain point, and then with her own fair hands, which it
was said she wetted with her lips, drew out and out, till at last, by
the constant drawing, it came to a light brown colour; after which she
cut the finished product into sticks of a foot long, and wrapped it up
in evil-looking brown paper, twisting the two ends. And, wonders of
wonders! all within that paper, and the paper itself, you could have for
one halfpenny! Good! There is no word for it, as the preachers say,
"humanly speaking." The flavour thereof so rich, so satisfying, so
stimulating, and the amount thereof so full and so tenacious. Why, that
"gundy" would so cling to your teeth and hide itself about your mouth,
and spread itself out, that he was a clever fellow who had drained its
last resources within an hour. Mrs. McWhae was a widow of a military
gentleman, who, it was understood, had performed prodigies of valour in
the Black Watch, and she was a woman of masculine vigour, who only dealt
upon a cash basis, and in any case of dispute was able to use her hands
effectively. Like most women she was open to blandishments, and Nestie
Molyneux, with his English tongue and pretty ways, could get round the
old lady, and she had profound though inexpressed respect for Speug,
whom she regarded as a straightforward fighter, and the two friends
would sometimes be allowed the highest privilege in her power, to see
her make a brew of "gundy." And it is from hints dropped by those two
favoured customers that the above theory of the making of this
delectable sweet has been formed.
It was possible, with a proper celerity, to visit Mrs. McWhae's during
the "breaks," and to spend three minutes in those happy precincts and
not be absolutely late for the next class; and during the dinner-hour
her shop was crowded, and the steps outside and the very pavement were
blocked by the Seminary, waiting for their "gundy" and ginger-beer.
Little boys who had been fortunate enough to get their provisions early,
and were coming out to enjoy the "gundy" in some secret place, hid their
treasure within their waistcoats, lest a bigger fellow should supply
himself without the trouble of waiting his turn, and defer payment to
the end of the year. And one of the lords of the school would on
occasion clear out a dozen of the small fry, in order that he might
select his refreshments comfortably. It was indeed the Seminary Club,
with its bow-window like other clubs, and the steps on which the members
could stand, and from the steps you commanded three streets, so that
there were many things to see, and in snowball time many things to do.
McWhae's had only one inconvenience, and that was that the line of
communication could be cut off by raiding parties from the "Pennies" and
other rival schools. When the snow was deep on the ground, and the enemy
was strong on the field, it was necessary to bring down supplies under
charge of a convoy, and if anything could have added to the flavour of
the "gundy," it was that you had fought your way up Breadalbane Street
to get it, and your way back to enjoy it, that you had lost your bonnet
in a scrimmage, and that the remains of a snow ball were trickling down
your back. Precious then was the dainty sweet as the water which the
mighty men brought to David from the well of Bethlehem.
"My word!" cried Speug, who was winding up the dinner-hour with Nestie
Molyneux, on the upper step of the club-house, "if there isn't the
'Bumbees' driving in a four-in-hand!" and the brake of the _Muirtown
Arms_ passed, with a dozen smart and well-set-up lads rejoicing openly,
and, wheeling round by the corner of the Cathedral, disappeared up the
road which ran to Drumtochty. "And where think ye have their royal
highnesses been?"
If the name of a school be St. Columba's, and the boys call themselves
Columbians, it is very profane to an absolutely respectable Scots saint,
and very rude to a number of well-behaved lads, to call them "Bumbees";
but Speug was neither reverent nor polite, and the Seminary, although
mainly occupied with local quarrels, yet harboured a distant grudge
against the new public school at St. Columba's, which had been recently
started in a romantic part of Perthshire. Its founders were a number of
excellent and perhaps slightly superior persons, who were justly aghast
at the somewhat rough life and unfinished scholarship of the Scots
grammar schools, and who did not desire that Scots lads of the better
class should be sent of necessity to the English public schools. Their
idea was to establish a public school after the English method in
Scotland, and so St. Columba's kept terms, and had dormitories, and a
chapel, and playing-fields, and did everything on a smaller scale which
was done at Rugby and Harrow. The masters of St. Columba's would have
nothing to do with such modest men as the staff of the Seminary. The
Columbians occasionally came down to Muirtown and sniffed through the
town. Two or three boys had been taken from the Seminary, because it was
vulgar, and sent to St. Columba's, in order to get into genteel society.
And those things had gradually filtered into the mind of the Seminary,
which was certainly a rough school, but at the same time very proud and
patriotic, and there was a latent desire in the mind of the Seminary
that the Columbians should come down in snow-time and show their
contempt for the Muirtown grammar school, when that school would explain
to the Columbians what it thought of them and all their works. As this
pleasure was denied the Seminary, and the sight of the brake was too
much for Speug's uncultured nature, he forgot himself, and yelled
opprobrious names, in which the word "Bumbee" was distinct and
prominent.
"Your m-manners are very b-bad, Speug, and I am a-ashamed of you.
D-don't you know that the 'B-bumbees' have been p-playing in England and
w-won their match? Twenty-two runs and s-seven wickets to fall. G-good
s-sport, my Speug; read it in the newspaper."
"It wasna bad. I didna think the 'Bumbees' had as muckle spunk in them;
seven wickets, did ye say, against the English? If I had kenned that,
Nestie, ye little scoundrel, I would have given them a cheer. Seven
wickets--they did the job properly." And Speug took his "gundy" with
relish.
"Speug!"--and Nestie spoke with much impressiveness--"I have an idea.
Why shouldn't the Seminary challenge the 'Bumbees' to a match next
s-summer? We could p-practice hard all this summer, and begin s-soon
next year and t-try them in July."
"It would be juist michty," said Speug, who was cheered at the thought
of any battle, and he regarded Nestie with admiration, and then his face
fell and he declared it of no use.
"They wouldna come, dash them for their cheek! and if they came they'd
lick us clean. They have a professional and they play from morning till
night. We're light-weights, Nestie. If they went in first, we'd never
get them oot; and if we went in, they'd have us oot in half an 'oor."
"For shame, Speug, to run down the Seminary as if you were a 'Penny'!
Didn't the county professional say that Robertson was the b-best young
player he'd seen for t-ten years? And Bauldie hits a good b-ball, and no
b-bowler can get you out, Speug, and there are other chaps just want
p-practice. We might be b-beaten, but we'd make a stiff fight for the
old Seminary."
"Ye can bowl, Nestie," said Speug generously, as they went back to
school at the trot; "ye're the trickiest overhand I ever saw; and Jock
Howieson is a fearsome quick and straicht bowler; and for a
wicket-keeper Dunc Robertson is no easy to beat. Gosh!" exclaimed Speug,
as they wheeled into the back-yard, "we'll try it."
The Seminary were slow to move, but once they took fire they burned
gloriously; and when Dunc Robertson and Nestie Molyneux, who had been
sent up to St. Columba's as the most presentable deputation, returned
and informed the school assembled round the Russian guns that the
"Bumbees" would send down their second eleven, since the first was too
old for the Seminary, and play a single innings match on a Saturday
afternoon in the end of July, next year, the Seminary lifted up their
voice in joyful anticipation.
It did not matter that the "Bumbees" had only consented in terms of
condescension by way of encouraging local sport, as they had tried to
organise a Drumtochty eleven, or that it was quite understood that the
result would be a hopeless defeat for the Seminary. They were coming,
and the Seminary had a year to make ready; and if they were beaten in
cricket, well, it couldn't be helped, but it was the first time
Bulldog's boys had been beaten in anything, and they would know the
reason why.
Special practice began that evening and continued that evening, and
every other evening except Sundays as long as light lasted and on till
the middle of October, when football could no longer be delayed.
Practice began again a month before the proper season and continued on
the same lines till the great day in July. The spirit of the Seminary
was fairly up, and from the Rector who began freely to refer to the
Olympian games, to the little chaps who had just come from a dame's
school and were proud to field balls at bowling practice, the whole
school was swept into the excitement of the coming event, and it is said
that Bulldog stumped over every evening after dinner to watch the play
and was the last to leave.
"B-Bully's fairly on the job, Speug, and he's j-just itching to have a
bat himself. Say, Speug, if we get badly licked, he'll be ill again; but
if we p-pull it off, I bet he'll give a rippin' old supper."
News spread through the town that the Seminary was to fight the
"Bumbees" for the glory of the Fair City, and enthusiasm began to kindle
in all directions. Our cricket club had played upon the Meadow as best
it could; but now the Council of the city set apart a piece of ground,
and six of the leading dignitaries paid to have it cut and rolled, so
that there might be a good pitch for playing and something worth seeing
on the day of battle. There were half a dozen good players in Muirtown
in those days, two of whom were in the All Scotland eleven, and they
used to come along in spare evenings and coach the boys, while the
county professional now and again dropped in, just to see whether he
could bowl Speug out, and after half an hour's hopeless attack upon that
imperturbable youth, the professional declared the Seminary had a
chance. But the word was passed round that there should be no boasting,
and that Muirtown must be prepared for a hopeless and honourable defeat.
Mr. McGuffie senior was the only man on the morning of the match who was
prepared to bet on even terms, and his offers were refused by the
citizens, first because betting was sinful, and, second, it was
possible, though not likely, they might lose.
The Columbians came down as usual in a brake, with only two horses this
time, and made a pretty show when they were dressed in their white
flannels and school colours, and every one admitted that they were a
good-looking and well-set-up eleven; they brought half a dozen other
fellows with them, to help to cheer their victory and to keep their
score, and a master to be umpire. The Seminary eleven were in all
colours and such dress as commended itself to their taste. Robertson and
Molyneux and one or two others in full flannels, but Speug in a grey
shirt and a pair of tight tweed trousers of preposterous pattern, which
were greatly admired by his father's grooms--and, for that matter, by
the whole school; and although Jock Howieson had been persuaded into
flannel bags, as we called them then, he stuck to a red shirt of
outrageous appearance, which was enough to frighten any bowler. Jack
Moncrieffe, the Muirtown cricket crack and bowler of the All Scotland,
was umpire for the Seminary, and the very sight of him taught the first
lesson of respect to the "Bumbees"; and when they learned that Jim
Fleming, the other Muirtown crack, had been coaching the Seminary all
the summer, they began to feel that it might be a real match, not merely
a few lessons in the manly game of cricket given to encourage a common
school, don't you know.