John made me promise to go out to meet him next morning on his return
from his early walk across the farm. I remember so well how gladly I
sprang from my bed that morning, how tedious my dressing seemed, and yet
how I lingered over it at the last, anxious to make myself more pleasing
in the eyes which I knew would be watching for me from the hill. I
remember how, in the tenderness of my joy, I opened my sash to feed the
robins, and how gay and fair the world looked in its robe of white. I
remember how I ran after a little beggar boy to give him sixpence, and
how afterwards I went along the path through the fields singing aloud
for mere happiness. And yet a little cloud had already risen out of the
glories of the shining East, and was spreading and moving towards me.
John and I walked home together, side by side, and we talked the
happiest talk that ever was written or spoken. The world was all radiant
over our heads and under our feet, and we could not see even the shadow
of the cloud that was coming, fast as the wheels that were rolling
towards us from the distance.
"Look, Margery!" said John, "do you see a carriage on the road?"
I shaded my eyes with my hand, and I saw the carriage.
"I daresay it is the Hills'," I said, and then we walked on through the
white fields and between the bare hedges till we came out upon the road
which leads away across the moor between Hillsbro' Farm and Hillsbro'
Hall. There is a spot on this road which you know well, where the ground
sinks into a hollow, and then rises in a steep abrupt hill, on the top
of which any object suddenly appearing stands out in sharp relief
against the sky, in the eyes of the traveller below. We reached the foot
of this hill, John and I; we began to ascend; I raised my eyes, and saw
a figure appear on the brink of the hill, a woman's figure with
draperies fluttering a little as the petticoats of the market women
flutter when they tramp the road to Hillsbro'. I raised my eyes again,
and came face to face with Rachel Leonard.
She was walking quickly, pressing forward, wrapped in a fur mantle, with
a Shetland snood drawn round her face. I remember the momentary
expression of that face before it changed at sight of us; the delicate
brows knitted as if in pain or anxiety; the wide dark eyes intent upon
the scenes opening before them; the scarlet lips parted in fatigue; the
glow of exercise wandering over the cheeks.
She did not see us at first; the sun was in her eyes; but I spoke her
name aloud, and held out my hand. She started violently, and all the
colour flew out of her cheeks. She took my hand, and held it
mechanically, but her eyes were fixed on John. I looked at him in
amazement, seeking for some explanation of the strange long look in her
eyes, and the trembling of her white lips, only to see both repeated in
his face, which had been ruddy and smiling the minute before. They stood
gazing in one another's eyes as if both were magnetised, without either
advancing a hand or attempting a word. An indescribable chill crept over
my heart as I looked at them, and I drew my hand from John's arm, and
turned impatiently away.
He did not seem conscious of the action, but it roused Rachel. She
smiled, and extending her hand, said, with quivering lips, which she
made vain efforts to compose:
"Mr. Hollingford, do you not remember me? My name is Rachel Leonard."
John's gaze had never left her face, and he could not but note the
imploring look that came into her eyes as she said these words.
"Yes," he answered, and his voice shook, though his face kept a fixed,
stern gravity. "Yes, surely I remember you--Miss Leonard."
At this the sound of wheels was heard coming up the hill, and with a
sudden effort Rachel changed her manner.
"Here is the carriage," she said. "I hope, Mr. Hollingford, you will not
greet Mr. and Mrs. Hill with that panic-stricken look. You are a great
favourite with them, and they will be glad to see you. Pray do not look
so shocked. They will think you have seen a ghost."
"Would to God I had--rather than have seen you," he murmured to himself,
and I heard him.
The carriage drew up beside us, and Mr. Hill jumped out. He was an
odd-looking man, with a bald, benevolent forehead, a pair of honest
brown eyes, which glared about with a sort of fierce good-humour, white
hair, and white thick-set whiskers. Mrs. Hill sat within the carriage, a
mild-looking fat little lady, with rosy cheeks and a piping voice,
holding hugged in her arms something which looked like a bundle of
fleecy wool, but which I afterwards knew to be a favourite dog.
"Eh, Hollingford, my lad, I am glad to see you. How are you? and your
good mother?" said the old gentleman, grasping John's hand, and glaring
kindly in his face.
"Well, Mr. Hill; well, thank you," answered John, but he kept his stern,
absent demeanour, as if he could not, or would not, shake off the spell
that had come over him, which made him look like a cold, unfaithful,
unlifelike copy of himself.
The sharp trebles of the ladies' voices rang about my ears, but it was
only by an effort that I could take in the meaning of what they said, so
observant was I of John's severe glance which followed every movement of
Rachel, as she stood chatting to me with a merriment which I could not
but think was nervous and assumed.
Mr. Hill was rallying John upon his gravity, kindly and delicately, even
in the midst of the natural noisy bluster of his manner. And somehow I
divined readily, even out of the distraction of wonder that had come
upon me, that the fine old gentleman, remembering certain thorns in
John's way, was touched at seeing him proud and reserved in the presence
of his natural equals, who had not sunk in the world's favour, and who
had got no stain upon their name.
"Will you come and dine with us this evening at seven?" said Mr. Hill.
"You and I must have much to talk about. I have been too long absent
from this place, but even already I see new things around which delight
me. I shall be blind and helpless here till you open my eyes and set me
on my feet."
I noticed, or I fancied I noticed, that Rachel faltered on the words she
was speaking at this moment, and that she held her breath to hear John's
reply to the invitation.
"I will go with pleasure, sir," said John.
"And Miss Dacre?" piped Mrs. Hill. "Will she not also come and dine with
us?"
"I fear we should be bad company to-night," put in Rachel quickly. "We
shall be so tired; it would be a poor compliment to ask her to come and
look at us nodding in our chairs. Say to-morrow, instead. Margery Dacre,
will you come and spend a long day with us to-morrow?"
But Margery Dacre had at that moment no wish to spend such a day. I
said, "No, thank you, Miss Leonard; I shall be otherwise engaged both
to-day and to-morrow." And then, feeling that I had spoken very coldly,
and seeing that she looked troubled, I added, forcing a smile, "The
winter will be long enough for our civilities."
"But not for our friendship, I trust," she replied quickly, seizing my
hands, while her face cleared, and sincerity seemed to beam out of it,
like the sun out of a May sky. I felt her fascination; but it sickened
me somehow, and I dropped her hands, and thought of saying good-morning
to the group, and returning to the farm alone, so that John might not
feel himself hindered from going to breakfast as well as to dine with
these new old friends of his who were so eager for his company. But
before I had time to act upon the thought Mr. Hill handed Rachel into
the carriage, followed her himself, and the carriage rolled away. John
and I were left standing there together; I stupid, like one awakened
from a dream, staring at the wheel-marks on the snow and at other signs
which these people, in passing, had left behind them.
I turned and walked on silently towards the farm, and John walked beside
me. A weight of doubt and wonder pressed on my heart like a load of ice.
Why had John wanted to conceal from me his acquaintance with Rachel
Leonard? Why had they both been so strangely moved at meeting? I longed
to ask a question; but I could not find my voice. I longed for John to
speak, and tell me something--anything at all that he liked; and were it
the strangest puzzle that ever failed to be unriddled, I swore to my own
heart that I would believe him.
"Margery," said John, speaking as if in answer to my thought--and he
came nearer to me, for we had walked a little apart, and drew my hand
through his arm, and looked down in my face--"Margery," he said, "look
me straight in the eyes," and I looked, and saw them full of grievous
trouble.
"You are blaming me in your heart," he said, "and saying to yourself
that I have deceived you. Will you trust me that I did not mean to do
so? I have got a cruel shock, dearest, and I beg of you to be kind and
forbearing with me. I owe you an explanation, and I will give it the
earliest moment I can. I cannot till I see further. In the meantime, I
swear to you that there is nothing in this that should shake your faith
in me. Do you trust me, Margery?"
"I would trust you against the whole world, John!" I cried, in a sudden
remorse for having ever doubted him. And, smiling and happy, I walked by
the side of his horse that evening down the avenue, and kissed my hand
to him over the gate as he rode away to dine at the Hall.
"Do not say anything to my mother about my knowing Miss Leonard," he
said, the last thing at parting; and I nodded and said, No, not unless
he bade me; and I tried not to wonder, and went back to the house
satisfied. And I was very merry all the evening; but at night, in my
bed, I listened for his return. An evil spirit reminded me of Rachel's
face when John said "I will go," and her quickness in arranging that I
should not accompany him. I said, "Margery, I am ashamed of you;
curiosity and jealousy are hateful; have nothing to do with them." And I
turned on my pillow and prayed for John; and then I heard him coming
into the house. So utterly still was everything by reason of the snow,
that I heard his every movement. Even after he had closed his door, I
thought I heard him walking about his room. And the wonder leaped up in
me again--why was he troubled? why could he not rest? I got up, and laid
my heart and ear against his door in a passion of dismay and sympathy.
Up and down, up and down; no thought of sleep after his fatigue. Oh,
what was this that had come between us? I went back to my bed and wept.
That was the first beginning of the trouble about Rachel Leonard. From
that day a shadow hung upon John. He went often to the Hall, for Mr.
Hill fastened upon him, and delighted in him, and would not live without
him. But the more he went to the Hall, the more the trouble grew upon
him; and I could not but date its beginning from the arrival of Rachel
Leonard, seeing that, before he met her that morning upon the road, he
had seemed as radiantly happy as it is possible for any man to be. And
the more the trouble grew upon him, the more reserved he became on the
subject of the people at the Hall. His mother began to guess that he
must be annoyed with business, and the girls to fancy that he and I had
quarrelled. And I silently let them think that it was so, the better to
keep his secret.
My own heart was aching, but I would not speak. I had promised not to
doubt him, and I feared lest he should think, even by my face or manner,
that I was weak enough to break my word.