(_To be Translated as Required._)
Why have you thrown my boxes down with such violence that their contents
have become distributed on the platform?
Why is it necessary to strike me on the head with a stick because I am
taking my proper place at the ticket-office?
Why have you refused to give me change for a sovereign, minus the
eighteenpence you have the right to charge for my fare?
Why do you close the door of communication when I offer a remonstrance?
Why can I not obtain redress upon complaint to the station-master?
Why am I chased off the premises by a private policeman when I am
anxious to catch the next train?
Why is my luggage being placarded with places that certainly do not
correspond with my desired destination?
Why can I not have my tea cool enough to drink? and why I am hurried out
of the refreshment-room before I can discuss my bread and butter?
[Illustration]
Why must I pay half-a-crown for comestibles valued on the card at less
than a shilling?
Why am I forced into a carriage already overcrowded with aged females,
sickly children, and snarling spaniels?
Why can I not have a seat, considering I have paid the full fare, and
amply tipped the guard?
Why can I not have a window open, considering that the glass stands at
ninety in the shade?
Why can I not smoke, having chosen a smoking carriage?
Why should I be dictated to by a disagreeable and elderly stranger, who
snores half the journey, and helps herself to ardent spirits in the
tunnels?
Why should I be threatened with imprisonment, and be only pardoned by
repaying my fare because I have lost my ticket?
And, lastly (for the present), why have I been carried to Little
Peddlington-on-the-Ditch when I desired to reach the British Coast _en
route_ for Paris?
* * * * *