It is rumoured that for his mismanagement of the Mexican affair the KAISER
has decided to teach Herr ZIMMERMANN a terrible lesson. He is to be
appointed Food Dictator.
***
"It is impossible to predict when the War will end," says Field-Marshal VON
HINDENBERG. Of course this is all nonsense. Many of our Military Experts
have predicted it more than once.
***
A French journal is of the opinion that the War will end this year, but the
Germans are not so pessimistic about it.
***
"Everything is going right for us," says the _Frankfurter Zeitung_. We
can't speak for everything, but it is quite true as far as the British Army
is concerned.
***
The Germans waste no time and are already dealing with the Unemployed
question. The KAISER has decided to give a dinner to Count BERNSTORFF.
***
"In America," says Dr. OTTO FLABE in the _Vossische Zeitiung_, "the
swindler and the cheat is a hero." It will be remembered how popular Count
BERNSTORFF said he had been during his stay there.
***
Just to show the British Parliament that it can be done, it is rumoured
that the KAISER is about to grant Home Rule to Mexico.
***
The Prussian Herrenhaus has passed a resolution demanding that the Imperial
Government should conclude an immediate peace on terms consistent with
Pan-German ideals, including annexation of Belgium and Poland, payment of
indemnity by the Allies, etc. The GERMAN CHANCELLOR is understood to have
replied in effect, "Go and do it yourselves."
***
Sofia announces that 35,000 Bulgarian geese are to be permitted to go to
Germany. As in the case of the Bulgarian Fox who went to Vienna, there
appears to be little likelihood that they will ever return.
***
After the bombardment of Margate, says the _Evening News_, rabbits were
found dead from fright in their hutches. To avoid the suspicion of
partisanship our contemporary should have explained that they were not at
the time in Government employ.
***
The cost of brown paper is said to have advanced to forty shillings a ton,
or four times its price in peace time. Its use as a substitute for "Havana"
tobacco (from which it can often be distinguished only by its aroma) is
probably responsible for the rise.
***
Allotment holders have been warned to be on their guard against wire-worms,
and special constables are keeping a sharp look-out by the potato-beds. A
still more efficacious method of protection is to enclose the allotment
with barbed wire-wormless.
***
Two speakers at a Ramsgate meeting recalled that they were chums
seventy-three years ago. The touching incident has resulted in a local
appeal for them to be drafted to the same regiment when their class is
called up.
***
The Cuckfield Council has appealed to householders not to put broken glass
in their swill. With all imports of glass-ware cut off, it is felt that
even our pigs must be required to forgo some of their accustomed
delicacies.
***
"The heavy tread of policemen often keeps me awake," said the Willesden
magistrate. He admits, however, that the darkened streets and the absence
of parental discipline make it more than ever necessary that the Force
should put its foot down firmly.
***
"Seagulls in Thanet," says a contemporary, "are coming to the backs of
houses and sharing crumbs with the sparrows." It is doing no more than
justice to a much abused bird to point out that the sparrows are also
sharing crumbs with the seagulls.
***
It appears from a contemporary gossip-writer that Count PLUNKETT has
definitely decided not to take his seat in the House of Commons until after
the War. This will be a relief to the authorities, who had feared that the
two events might clash.
* * * * *