CHAPTER XXX.

SOCIAL AND RURAL.

In such a record of personals as this, it is fortunate both for the

author and his readers if he has never been one of those literary lions

who are merely histrionic creatures of society. It is a privilege not to

have to reproduce the common small-talk of ball-rooms and

garden-parties, nor to be obliged to make the most, after a

semi-libellous fashion, of after-dinner scandals, or gossip in the

smoking-room. Not having heard them he cannot well report racy

anecdotes, whereof sundry memoirs have been too full. In the happier

condition of a partial anchoritism I have escaped clubs, London seasons,

and country mansion gaieties; as a youth and to middle manhood a

stammerer, I would not willingly court the humiliations of chattering

society, and thereafter, up to to-day, a domestic country gentleman of

literary pursuits, I have avoided (as far as possible) fashionable

gatherings of every sort, social, theological, or political. Not that I

abjure--it is far otherwise--any kind of genial intercourse with my

fellows; a few friends are my delight, but I never would belong to a

club, though sometimes specially tempted by indulgence as to terms (more

than once having been offered a free and immediate entry), nor to any

society or charity that expected of me personal publicity or active

service,--albeit, once, and once only, I had to figure as a reluctant

chairman at Exeter Hall. Privacy has ever been my preference; whence it

will clearly be inferred how much I have had to sacrifice in the way of

self-denial when forced by circumstances to enact the "old man eloquent"

before assembled hundreds, sometimes thousands, as a public reader.

People who have made themselves acquainted with my "Proverbial

Philosophy" may remember that my Essay on Speaking contrasts the misery

of the man who cannot speak with the happiness of the emancipated

orator, and I have experienced them both; whilst it may be seen in what

I have written about silence and seclusion how cordially and perhaps

foolishly, as "wearing my heart on my sleeve," I have shown that I

greatly love to be alone, especially in what I am known to call "holy

silence;" in fact, as ill-nature may like to put it, I prefer my own

quiet company to that disturbed by the talk of other people. So much,

then, as to one cause for the scantiness in this self-memoir of expected

spicy anecdotes and perilous revelations. Not but that I could make

considerable mischief, and perhaps help my publisher in sales, if I

chose to make the most of the many celebrities, both American and

English, with whom I have had intercourse both at Albury and elsewhere.

My humble hospitalities and the constant welcome I have given to

strangers, have been like their author, proverbial; but that is no

reason why our converse, free and frank as private fellowship commands,

should be produced in print; naturally the host was ever generous, and

the guest--equally, of course--appreciative.

Perhaps though, not quite always: and I am tempted here to say just one

unpleasant word about the only one of my many American guests,

hospitably, nay almost affectionately treated, who wrote home to his

wife too disparagingly of his entertainer, his son having afterwards had

the bad taste to publish those letters in his father's Life. One

comfort, however, is that in "The Memoirs of Nathaniel Hawthorne," that

not very amiable genius praises no one of his English hosts (except,

indeed, a perhaps too open-handed London one), and that he was not known

(any more than Fenimore Cooper, whom years ago I found a rude customer

in New York) for a superabundance of good nature. When at Albury,

Hawthorne seemed to us superlatively envious: of our old house for

having more than seven gables; of its owner for a seemingly affluent

independence, as well as authorial fame; even of his friends when driven

by him to visit beautiful and hospitable Wotton; and in every word and

gesture openly entering his republican and ascetic protest against the

aristocratic old country; even to protesting, when we drove by a new

weather-boarded cottage, "Ha, that's the sort of house I prefer to see;

it's like one of ours at home." That we did not take to each other is no

wonder. This, then, is my answer to the unkindly remarks against me in

print of one who has shown manifestly a flash of genius in "The Scarlet

Letter;" but, so far as I know, it was well-nigh a solitary one.

One further curious illustration of an uncongenial guest is this:

Alexander Smith wrote a "Life Drama," full of sparkling poetic gems,

which at once made him popular, apparently with justice enough. I asked

him down to Albury, made much of him, praised warmly sundry _morceaux_

of his (which I had marked in my copy), and to my astonishment received

the brusque reply, "O, you like those, do you? I shall alter them in

next edition:" as I found afterwards he did. He was a common-looking

man, with a rough manner, and a squint. As he seemed upset,--though why

I could not guess,--I tried in other ways to please him; as, by a ramble

in the woods and a drive in the waggonette: but all would not do,--his

day came to an end as gloomily as it began. Long after, I stumbled upon

the reason. I had then for the first time read Bailey's "Festus," and

found some passages therein very similar to Alexander's; thereafter,

other little bits from some other poets (I think Tennyson was one)

struck me. Little wonder, then, that I heard no more of Smith,--who

clearly had thought himself found out,--and so received my first

ignorance of his plagiaristic tendency as if I had known all about it:

and years after Aytoun had (as I was told) avenged justice by that

cleverest of spasmodic poetries, "Firmilian, by Percy Jones"--a

burlesque on Alexander Smith, and a book which the world has too

willingly let die. Let no one, however, after all this, fancy that I am

unaware of Alexander Smith's true merit. He very neatly fitted into his

mosaic word-pictures the titbits he had culled in his commonplace-book

out of many poets, and so utilised them. A self-made and self-taught

man, "elbow to elbow," as he told me, "with Jack, Tom, and Harry in a

workshop," as a designer of patterns, he had well and wisely made the

most of his scant opportunities of culture, and it is only a pity that

he did not allude to something of this in a preface.

It is not for me to recall here much about the inevitable hospitalities

of an old country house, to which a not unkindly host often invited

English and foreign friends, whom something to do with authorship had

made celebrities. Do I not pleasantly remember the jolly haymaking, when

old Jerdan, calling out, "More hay, more hay!" covered Grace Greenwood

with a haycock overturned, and had greeted a sculptor guest

appropriately and wittily enough with "Here we are, Durham, all

mustered!" the "we" being besides others, Camilla Toulmin, George

Godwin, and Francis Bennoch? Do I not remember how much surprised we

were at the melodies whereof an old piano was capable when touched by

Otto Goldsmidt? Can I forget, also, how marvellously a young Canadian,

Joseph Macdougall, of Ottawa, extemporised on the same piano as only a

genius can (Mr. Assher was another), and sent me afterwards, as a

memory, a vast volume of American photographs, whereof he had

munificently prepaid the enormous sum of £6, 18s. for postage? And was

not our village stirred to its depths by the visit to Albury House of

two black gentlemen and a blue,--all in evening dress?

It was President Roberts of Monrovia, attended by his secretary and

chief minister; for they came cordially to return thanks to one who had

helped a little in slave emancipation, under the influences of Elliott

Cresson, Dr. Hodgkin Garrison, and others,--and, moreover, had given a

gold medal for African literature, biennially to be competed for by

emancipated slaves;--whereof I have heard very little, since (by the

volunteered assistance of Mr. Taylor, the seal engraver) I gave it many

years ago: the medal was as large as a crown piece. President Benson,

also of Liberia, a magnificent ebon specimen of humanity, visited me

with his staff, not long before his lamented death--it was said, by

murder.

Let me add now a word of kindly memory for some good friends long gone

to a better world, but once welcome guests at Albury. There was Benjamin

Nightingale, the enthusiastic antiquary; there was his _fidus Achates_,

Akerman, secretary to the Numismatic, whom I greatly pleased by enabling

him to catch a trout near my carriage gate; there was Chief Baron

Pollok, head of the Noviomagians: the eloquent Edwards Lester of

America, whose speech at a Literary Fund dinner to which I had treated

him was hailed by Hallam, Dickens, and others on the spot as _the_

speech of the Society: and the Warrens of Troy, N.Y., about whose casual

visit this singular thing happened. For the first and only time in life

I had had the strange luck to catch at Netley Pond three perch of nearly

a pound each, and a fine trout of about two: I little knew then the

final cause thereof: in those days we could not easily get fish in the

country, unless indeed we caught it: now my eminent Transatlantic

stranger friends came on a Friday, and proved to be Roman Catholics:

could any piscatorial luck have been more timely?

When a few days after I told of my sport to a neighbour (it was Captain

Russell of the Cleveland family), a great angler, he, of course, without

imputation of my veracity, hinted that he wished I might have such luck

again, as he would then come and dine with me. I answered at once, "Come

to-morrow, and see what I may have caught." He did,--and I produced from

the same old mill-head a three-pound trout,--to his astonishment, as it

had been my own to have caught it. I have never had such luck before or

since, though always a zealous angler in an unprofessional way.

Let me not forget here also the beautiful "Albury Waltz," composed in

my drawing-room by Miss Armstrong, and published--it must be twenty

years ago now--by Robert Cocks, New Burlington Street: wherein by

request I originated the idea of song words for the dancers. This

singing as you danced has been often done since, but I suppose no one

then thought of it but myself since King David. I need say little more

about Albury visitors:--for many years there were plenty of them,--but

if one put down a tenth part of what even the faithless memory of old

age still retains, there would be no end to such inexhaustible

recordings.

And here is an Alburian anecdote which may amuse, as illustrative of the

mental calibre of some of those myriads of untutored rustics whom our

partisan governors have made politically equal with the wisest in the

land. Three young friends came to spend a day with us, and for fun

brought in their pockets the absurd noses popular at Epsom races. We

came upon some turf-diggers, and my visitors mounted their masks to

mystify them. The clodpoles looked scared and very quiet, till I went up

to one of them who knew me,--of course I was in my natural

physiognomy,--and I said to him, "My friend, these are foreigners:" and

the poor ignoramus staring at those portentous noses said seriously,

"Ees, I sees they be." Clearly he thought all "furriners" were so

featured.

Another specimen of agricultural intelligence is this: A labourer in my

field one day said to me, "Master, please to tell me where Jerusalem is,

because me and my mates have been disputing about it, and I says as its

in Ireland, because the Romans goes there!" He meant the Roman

Catholics! and he might have heard also that St. John's Pat-mos was in

fact an Irish bog, Pat's-moss: many of our legislative constituency

being found to believe _that_.

But not only is the common labourer thus dense: take these two instances

of country guests at my table. One whom I had asked to meet two

Americans told me of his disappointment at not finding them--red men!

And another (this time a provincial parson) wanted me to expostulate

with my friend Hatchard (afterwards Bishop of Mauritius) because he

meditated in his philanthropy giving a drinking fountain to Guildford.

"Only think, a drinking fountain! surely you cannot approve?" The poor

man supposed it was one of those pumping apparatuses for spirits

presided over by barmaids! It is manifest that the schoolmaster was not

so much abroad a few years ago as he has been since board schools have

arisen.

Amongst other specialities of ancient Albury House, which has 1561 on a

weathercock and 1701 on a kitchen wing, is the same peculiarity which

Tennyson told me at Farringford vexes him in his own less ancient

dwelling,--and which Pindar of old declared to be the privilege of

poets. We are, and have been for generations, a very house-hive of bees:

the whole front of two gables has them under its oak floors and panelled

walls throughout,--and when guests sleep in certain rooms they have to

be forewarned that the groans at midnight are not those of perturbed

spirits, but the hum and bustle of multitudinous bees. We cannot drive

them away, nor destroy them utterly,--as often has been attempted; and

if we did, the worry would be only worsened, as in that case hornets

would come and succeed to the sweet heritage of bee-dom. When the

stuccoed front of our house was demolished, to show the oaken pattern

(but it had to be re-roughcast to keep out the weather), there were

pailsful of honey carried off by the labourers, of course not without

wounds and strife: but in ordinary times it is a strange fact that our

bees never sting their hosts; be careful only to remain quiet, and there

is no war between man and bee. Two years ago a great comb was built

outside an eaveboard, probably because there was no room for more comb

inside. It is curious that it should have survived two hard winters. Is

not all this apposite, as suited (let Pindar and Tennyson bear witness)

to a poet's home?

In this zoological connection (for bees are zoa) let me record that

there is a legend of a fox having been killed in our drawing-room (on

the ground-floor with French windows) during some tenancy in my

absence,--only fancy the havoc of such a strife! but all had been

cleared up before our return. Also, it is memorable (and I saw it

myself) that a hard-pressed stag from Sir Gilbert Heathcote's hunt took

refuge in our harness-room,--to the extreme horror of a gardener's boy,

who thought it was a mad donkey,--and no wonder, for as those brave

barbarian sportsmen get the antlers sawn off for fear of wounds to

themselves or their nobler dogs, the poor scared creature with its

uncrowned head and loppity ears is very donkey-like.

Let me give another like homely anecdote of past days.

We are all now so wrapt in security as country dwellers, guarded by the

rural police everywhere, that the following ludicrous incident may seem

hardly worth a word; but in the good old days, when poor Jack was such a

highway brigand that my nurses feared to take the children off the

premises, and when burglars were not infrequent callers at remote

residences, what happened long ago, on a certain dark winter's night, at

Albury, may amuse. Long after all had gone to bed, we heard with

trepidation stealthy steps crunching the snow round the house, and

_something_ that now and then touched the ground-floor doors and

windows, as if quietly trying to get in: at last _it_ fumbled at the

ancient hanging handle of the outside kitchen-door! Now was the time for

Paterfamilias to show his pluck, in the universal scare; so, armed

_cap-a-pied_, with candles held in the rear by the terrified household,

he valorously drew the bolts and flung open the heavy oaken door,--to

greet--his children's donkey, escaped somehow from its stable, and

trying to get indoors that cold night for warmth. Laugh as we might, and

as you may, the test of courage was all the same; and if this donkey

story is pounced upon by some critic or comic as a weak link in my chain

of autobiography, I only hope he will behave as bravely if a real

ruffian tries his doors and windows by night; by no means an improbable

hypothesis in these days of communistic radicalism.

The old house itself may deserve a word. It came to me as a--shall I

say?--matrimony, from my mother; if patrimony means from a father, why

not matrimony from a mother? her great-uncle, Anthony Devis, having

bought it in 1780. He was a remarkable man in his way and before his

age; a good landscape painter (as Pilkington avouches), a collector of

pictures and curiosities,--mostly sold by executors at his death, aged

eighty-nine, though a full gallery remains at Albury; a carver too, and

a constructor of cabinets,--whereof two fine specimens (inlaid with

brecciated jaspers, and made of ebony and cedar from his own

turning-lathe) decorate our large drawing-room; and the oldest folk in

our village still remember the good old gentleman who always had

gingerbread in his pockets for them as children, and who was known by

them as the "man mushroom," seeing he was the first who ever had an

umbrella in the place! There was, however, another and a better reason

for this name, inasmuch as he built for himself an outer painting-room

on a hilltop near which he called Mushroom Hall, because it was just

like one (as a picture in our drawing-room testifies), being a circular

turret surmounted by a flat broad dome, with overshadowing eaves all

round. This strange summer-house has long vanished.

Anthony came of a good old stock paternally, as the civic archives of

Preston, in Lancashire, testify; and his mother was Ann Blackburne, of

Marrick Abbey, Yorkshire,--the title-deeds whereof, old slip parchments

and maps from Henry II. to Henry VIII., I found in a chest at Albury,

and years after transmitted them to Lord Beaumont, the present owner;

albeit, as a boy, I had been allowed to cut off the seals and paste them

in a copy-book! All these deeds, and the history thereof, I had printed

in Nichols's Antiquariana.

* * * * *

The prominent feature of our village, so far as religion is concerned,

has for nearly fifty years been the fact of its being the headquarters

of the party originated by Edward Irving,--a full history whereof,

impartially and ably written by Mr. Miller of Bicester (whose

hospitality I have enjoyed for some days at Kineton), will be found at

Kegan Paul's, if any wish to read it. I have always lived on kindly

terms with my neighbours, though not quite of their faith; excellent

are many of them, and I am glad to number such among my friends,

specially as on neither side we meddle with each other's peculiar

opinions. I have known nearly all their twelve apostles, men of mark and

learning (especially John Tudor, a great Hebraist, and who was skilled

even in Sanscrit and the arrow-headed characters), and eleven of them

are among the dead, one only surviving in a vigorous old age to meet

(may it be so) the Lord at His coming.

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