HOW NANCY HAD A QUICK TONGUE.
This was at once a sad and yet most joyful confession. For while the
girl who read it was full of shame and terror in thinking of his
righteous wrath and loathing, yet the tender love which filled the
pages and fired her soul with wonder and rejoicing forbade her to
believe that love was not stronger than wrath. She was so ignorant and
inexperienced, the girl who joined in this treacherous deed; she was
so dominated by the will of that masterful man, her uncle; she was
so taken by surprise--surely, when he learned these things, he would
forgive the past.
But should she tell him at once?
It would be better to tell him than that he should find it out. There
were many ways in which he could find it out. Oh, the shame of being
found out, the meanness of taking all his secrets and giving none!
Roger, the Doctor's man, might for a bribe, were the bribe heavy
enough to outweigh his fear of the Doctor, tell the name of the bride;
the Doctor might think the time had come when he should step forward
and reveal the secret; even there was danger that his lordship might
remember the name which he had seen but once, and ask me sternly if
there were upon the earth two Kitty Pleydells, of the same age, the
same height, and the same face. And what should I say then?
Stimulated by this thought, as by the touch of a sharp spur, I procured
an inkstand and paper, and began to write a letter of confession.
"MY LORD,"
What to say next?
"MY LORD,"
In what words to clothe a most shameful story?
We cheat ourselves; we do one thing and call it another; we stop the
voice of conscience by misrepresenting our actions; and whereas we
ought to be weighed down by the burden of our sins, we carry ourselves
confidently, with light hearts, as if we had done nothing to be ashamed
of. It is only when our crimes are set forth in plain English that we
know them for the shameful things they are. What was I to tell my lord?
A girl, brought up in the fear of God and His commandments, can be so
weak as to obey a man who ordered her to do a wicked thing. Could she
be, afterwards, so cowardly as not to tell the man whom she had thus
injured, even when she knew that he loved her? A wicked crime and a
course of deceit! How could I frame the words so as to disarm that
righteous wrath!
"MY LORD,--It has been for a long time upon my conscience to
tell you a thing which you ought to know before you waste one
more thought upon the unworthy person to whom you addressed a
confession. That confession, indeed, depicted your lordship with
such fidelity as to make me the more ashamed to unburden my
conscience. Know, then, that----"
Here I stopped, with trembling fingers, which refused to move.
"Know that"--what? That I was his wicked and unworthy wife, the
creature whom most of all he must hate and despise.
I could not tell him--not then. No; it must be told by word of mouth,
with such extenuating phrases and softening of details as might present
themselves to my troubled mind.
I tore the letter into a thousand fragments. Was girl ever so bested?
That sacred bond of union which brings happy lovers together, the crown
of courtship, the end of wooing, the marriage service itself, was the
thing which kept us asunder.
I would tell him--later on. There would come an opportunity. I would
make the opportunity, somewhere, at some time. Yes; the best way would
be to wait till we were alone; and it should be in the evening, when my
face and his would be partly veiled by the night; then I could whisper
the story, and ask his forgiveness.
But that opportunity never came, as will be presently seen.
After morning prayers, that day, we walked upon the Terrace, where
the company were, as usual, assembled, and all talking together below
the trees. I held in my hand the manuscript of my lord's confession.
Presently we saw him slowly advancing to meet us, wearing a grave and
melancholy look. But then he was never one of those who think that the
duties of life are to be met with a reckless laugh.
"Even in laughter," said the Wise Man, "the heart is sorrowful: and the
end of that mirth is heaviness."
"Dear Miss Pleydell," whispered Peggy Baker, as he appeared, "can his
lordship have repented already of what he said beneath the trees last
night? The poor young gentleman wears a heavy countenance this morning."
It was best to make no answer to this raillery. Let her say what she
would; I cared nothing, and was too heavy myself to made reply. I would
neither help nor hinder. Then, leaving Mrs. Esther with the party, I
advanced boldly and met my lord, returning him his manuscripts before
the eyes of all.
Everybody stared, wondering what could be in the packet I placed in his
hands; he, however, received it with a low bow, and accompanied me to
my party, saying nothing for the moment.
The music was playing its loudest, and as we walked, my lord beside me,
and Mrs. Esther with Lady Levett--Nancy remaining behind to exchange
insinuations and pert speeches (in which the saucy damsel took great
delight) with Peggy Baker. I looked back and saw their heads wagging,
while the bystanders smiled, and presently Peggy fanned herself, with
agitation in her face, by which it was easy to conclude that Nancy had
said something more than usually biting, to which her opponent had, for
the moment, no reply ready.
"You have read these papers?" asked my lord, and that in as careless a
tone as if they contained nothing of importance.
"Yes," I said, "I have read the sad story. But I pity the poor woman
who was persuaded to do your lordship this grievous wrong."
"I think she needs and deserves little of our pity," he replied. "And
as for persuasion, it could have wanted but little with a woman so
designing as to join in such a plot."
A designing woman! Poor Kitty!
Then I tried, beating about the bush, to bring his mind round to see
the possibility of a more charitable view.
"Remember, my lord, two things. This Doctor Shovel could not have
known of your coming. The plot, therefore, was swiftly conceived, and
as quickly carried into execution. You have told me in your paper--I
entreat you, my lord, burn it with all speed--that this man's influence
over you was so great as to coerce you (because your brain was not
in its natural clearness) into doing and suffering what, at ordinary
times, you would have rejected with scorn. Bethink you, then, with
charity, that this Doctor Shovel, this so-called Chaplain of the Fleet,
may have found some poor girl, over whom he had authority, and in like
manner coerced and forced her to join with him in this most wicked
plot."
"You would make excuses," he said, "for the greatest of sinners. I
doubt not that. But this story is too improbable. I cannot think that
any woman could be so coerced against her will."
I sighed.
"My lord, I beg you to remember your promise to me. You will not leave
Epsom without first telling me: you will not seek out this man, this
Doctor Shovel, or quarrel with him, or do aught to increase his malice.
Meantime, I am feeble, being only a woman, and bound in obedience and
duty to my guardian and protectress. Yet I bethink me of an old fable.
The lion was one day caught in the coils of a net, and released by the
teeth of a----"
He started.
"What does this mean! O Kitty! what can you do?"
"I do not know. Yet, perhaps I may be able to release you from the
coils of this net. Have patience, my lord."
"Kitty!"
"Let us speak no more about it for the moment," I replied. "Perhaps, my
lord, if my inquiries lead to the result you desire--it is Christian to
forgive your enemies----"
"I cannot understand you," he replied. "How should you--how should any
one--release me? Truly, if deliverance came, forgiveness were a small
thing to give."