WHAT THEY FOUND AT WICHERN.
The carriage stopped, and before the valet had had time to open the
door, the emperor leaped to the ground.
"Come," said he, merrily, "come and seek your fortunes. Thomas, you
remain with the carriage. Drive under the shade of that tree and wait
for our return. Before all things, I forbid you to tell anybody who we
are. From this day forward, my name is Count Falkenstein. Mark me! I
expect you to preserve my incognito."
"I will obey you, my lord count," said the valet, with a bow.
The emperor with his two companions walked toward the village. Nothing
very hopeful was to be seen as they looked up the dirty little streets.
The wretched mud cottages stood each one apart, their yards separated by
scraggy willow-hedges, upon which ragged old garments were hanging in
the sun to dry. Between the hedges were muddy pools, over which the
ducks were wrangling for the bits of weed that floated on the surface of
the foul waters. On their borders, in the very midst of the rubbish and
kitchen offal that lay about in heaps, dirty, half-naked children, with
straw-colored hair, tumbled over one another, or paddled in the water.
In the farm-yards around the dung-heaps, the youngest children of the
cottagers kept company with the sow and her grunting pigs. Before the
slovenly entrances of the huts here and there sat dirty, unseemly old
men and women, who stared at the three strangers as they surveyed the
uninviting picture before them.
"I congratulate the emperor that he is not obliged to look upon this
shocking scene," said Joseph. "I am glad that his people cannot cry out
to him for help, since help for such squalor as this there is none on
earth."
"They are not as wretched as you suppose," said Rosenberg. "These people
are scarcely above the brute creation; and they know of nothing better
than the existence which is so shocking to you. They were born and bred
in squalor, and provided their pastures yield forage, their hens lay
eggs and their cows give milk, they live and die contented."
"If so, they are an enviable set of mortals," replied Joseph, laughing,
"and we, who require so much for our comfort, are poorer than they. But
as there is no help for our poverty, let us think of dinner. Here are
three streets; the village seems to have been divided for our especial
accommodation. Each one shall take a street, and in one hour from now we
meet at the carriage, each man with a dish of contribution. En avant! I
take the street before me; you do the same. Look at your watches, and be
punctual."
So saying, he waved his hand and hastened forward. The same solitude and
misery met his view as he walked on; the same ducks, hens, sows, and
tumbling children; with now and then the shrill treble of a scolding
woman, or the melancholy lowing of a sick cow.
"I am curious now," thought the emperor, "to know how and where I am to
find my dinner. But stay--here is a cottage less slovenly than its
neighbors; I shall tempt my fortunes there."
He opened the wicker gate and entered the yard. The lazy sow that lay on
the dunghill grunted, but took no further notice of the imperial
intruder. He stopped before the low cottage door and knocked, but no one
came. The place seemed silent and deserted; not the faintest hum of life
was to be heard from within.
"I shall take the liberty of going in without awaiting an invitation,"
said the emperor, pushing open the door and entering the cottage. But he
started at the unexpected sight that met his view as he looked around
the room. It was a miserable place, cold and bare; not a chair or any
other article of household furniture was to be seen; but in the centre
of the room stood a small deal coffin, and in the coffin was the corpse
of a child. Stiff and cold, beautiful and tranquil, lay the babe, a
smile still lingering around its mouth, while its half-open eyes seemed
fixed upon the white roses that were clasped in its little dimpled
hands. The coffin lay in the midst of flowers, and within slept the dead
child, transfigured and glorified.
The emperor advanced softly and bent over it. He looked with tender
sympathy at the little marble image which yesterday was a poor, ragged
peasant, to-day was a bright and winged angel. His thoughts flew back to
the imperial palace, where his little motherless daughter was fading
away from earth, and the father prayed for his only child. He took from
the passive hands a rose, and softly as he came, he left the solitary
cottage, wherein an angel was keeping watch.
He passed over to the neighboring yard. Here too, everything seemed to
be at rest: but a savory odor saluted the nostrils of the noble
adventurer which at least betokened the presence of beings who hungered
and thirsted, and had some regard for the creature comforts of life.
"Ah!" said the emperor, drawing in the fragrant smell, "that savors of
meat and greens," and he hurried through the house to the kitchen. Sure
enough, there blazed a roaring fire, and from the chimney-crane hung the
steaming pot whence issued the delightful aroma of budding dinner. On
the hearth stood a young woman of cleanly appearance, who was stirring
the contents of the pot with a great wooden spoon.
"Good-morning, madame," said the emperor, in a loud, cheerful voice. The
woman started, gave a scream, and turned her glowing face to the door.
"What do you mean by coming into strange people's houses and frightening
them so?" cried she, angrily. "Nobody asked you in, I am sure."
"Pardon me, madame," said the emperor. "I was urgently invited."
"I should like to know who invited you, for nobody is here but myself,
and I don't want you."
"Yes, madame; but your steaming kettle, I do assure you, has given me a
pressing invitation to dine here."
"Oh! you are witty, are you? Well, carry your wits elsewhere; they won't
serve you here. My kettle calls nobody but those who are to eat of my
dinner."
"That is the very thing I want, madame. I want to eat of your dinner."
As he spoke, the emperor kept advancing until he came close upon the
kettle and its tempting contents; but the peasant-woman pushed him
rudely back, and thrusting her broad person between himself and the
coveted pot, she looked defiance at him, and broke out into a torrent of
abuse.
The emperor laughed aloud. "I don't wish to rob you," said he. "I will
pay you handsomely if you will only let me have your dinner. What have
you in that pot?"
"That is none of your business. With my bacon and beans you have no
concern."
"Bacon and beans! Oh, my craving stomach! Here, take this piece of gold
and give the some directly."
"Do you take me for a fool, to sell my dinner just as the men will be
coming from the field!"
"By no means for a fool," said the emperor, soothingly; "but if you show
the men that golden ducat they will wait patiently until you cook them
another dinner. Your husband can buy himself a fine holiday suit with
this."
"He has one, and don't want two. Go your way; you shall not have a
morsel of my dinner."
"Not if I give you two gold pieces? Come, do be accommodating, and give
me the bacon and beans."
"I tell you yon shall not have them," screamed the termagant. "I have no
use for your gold, but I want my dinner. So be off with you. You will
get nothing from me if you beg all day long."
"Very well, madame; I bid you good-morning," said Joseph, laughing, but
inwardly chagrined at his fiasco. "I must go on, however," thought he;
and he entered the yard of the next house. Before the door sat a pale
young woman, with a new-born infant in her arms. She looked up with a
languid smile.
"I am hungry," said Joseph, after greeting her with uncovered head.
"Have you any thing good in your kitchen?"
She shook her head sadly. "I am a poor, weak creature, sir, and cannot
get a meal for my husband," replied she; "he will have to cook his own
dinner when he comes home."
"And what will he cook to-day, for instance?"
"I suppose he will make an omelet; for the hens have been cackling a
great deal this morning, and an omelet is made in a few minutes."
"Is it? So much the better, then; you can show me how to make one, and I
will pay you well."
"Go in the hen-coop, sir, and see if you find any eggs. My husband will
want three of them; the rest are at your service."
"Where is the hen-coop?" asked Joseph, much pleased.
"Go through the kitchen out into the yard, and you will see a little
room with a wooden bolt; that is the hen-coop."
"I go," cried Joseph merrily. Presently great commotion was heard among
the hens, and the emperor returned with a glowing face, his hair and
coat well sprinkled with straw. He came forward with both hands full of
eggs.
"Here are eight," said he. "Three for your husband, and five for me. Now
tell me how I must cook them."
"You will have to go to the kitchen, sir. There you will find a flitch
of bacon. Cut off some slices, put them in a pan you will see there, and
set it on the fire. My neighbor has just now made some for poor John.
Then look on the dresser and take some milk and a little flour. Make a
batter of them with the eggs, pour it upon your bacon, and when the eggs
are done, the omelet is made. It is the easiest thing in the world."
"My dear good woman, it will be a desperately hard task for me," said
the emperor with a sigh. "I'm afraid I shall make a very poor omelet.
Won't you come into the kitchen and make it for me? Do, I will pay you
well."
"Dear gentleman," said the young woman, blushing "do you think I am so
idle as to sit here, if I could get up and help you? I was brought to
bed yesterday of this baby; and I am such a poor, sickly thing that I
shall not be able to get up before two days. As the day was bright, dear
John brought me and the baby out here, because it was more cheerful on
the door-sill than within. I am a weak, useless creature, sir."
"Weak! useless!" cried the emperor, astounded; "and you expect to be up
in three days after your confinement? Poor little thing! Have you no
physician and no medicine?"
"The Lord is my physician, sir," said the simple creature, "and my
medicine is the fresh air. But let me think of your omelet. If you
cannot make it yourself, just step to the cottage on the left, and call
my neighbor. She is very good to me, and she will make your omelet for
you with pleasure."
"A thousand thanks," said the emperor, hastening to follow the
directions. He, returned in a few moments with a good-humored, healthy
young woman, who went cheerfully to work, and the omelet was soon made.
One hour after he had parted from his friends, the emperor was seen
coming along the street with a platter in his hand and a little bucket
on his arm. He walked carefully, his eyes fixed upon his precious dish,
all anxiety lest it should fall from his hands.
Thomas was thunderstruck. An emperor carrying an earthen platter in his
hand! He darted forward to receive it, but Joseph motioned him away.
"Don't touch me, Thomas," said he, "or I shall let it fall. I intend to
place it with my own hands. Go, now, and set the table. Pile up some of
those flat stones, and bring the carriage cushions. We will dine under
that wide-spreading oak. Make haste, I am very hungry."
Off went Thomas, obedient, though bewildered; and he had soon improvised
a, table, over which he laid a shining damask cloth. Luckily, the
emperor's camp-chest had not been put in the baggage-wagon, or his
majesty would have had to eat with his fingers. But the golden service
was soon forthcoming, with goblets of sparkling crystal, and three
bottles of fine old Hungarian wine.
"Now," said Joseph triumphantly, "let me place my dishes." With these
words he put on his platter and basket, with great ceremony and
undisguised satisfaction.
A curious medley of wealth and poverty were these golden plates and
forks, with the coarse red platter, that contained the hard-earned
omelet. But the omelet was smoking and savory, and the strawberries were
splendid.
While the emperor was enjoying the result of his foraging expedition,
Rosenberg and Coronini were seen approaching, each with his earthen
platter in his hand.
"The hour is up and we are here," said Coronini. "I have the honor of
laying my dish at your m--feet, count."
"Potatoes! beautiful roasted potatoes!" cried Joseph. "Why, count, you
have brought us a treat."
"I rejoice to hear it, my lord count; for I was threatened with a
broomstick when I tore it from the hands of the woman, who vowed I
should not have a single potato. I dashed two ducats at her feet and
made off with all speed; for the hour was almost up, and I had exhausted
all my manners in the ten houses, which I had visited in vain, before my
successful raid upon hers."
"And will not my lord count cast an eye upon my dish?" asked Rosenberg.
"He has obtained that for which I sued in vain!" cried Joseph. "He has
actually brought bacon and beans."
"But I did not sue; I stormed and threatened. Neither did I waste my
gold to obtain my end. I threw the woman a silver thaler and plenty of
abuse in the bargain."
"Let us be seated!" said the emperor, "and pray admire my omelet and my
strawberries. Now, Coronini, the strawberries are tempting, but before
you taste them, I must tell you that they are tainted with treason:
treason toward my own sacred person. Reflect well before you decide to
eat them. What I am going to relate is as terrible as it is true. While
my omelet was cooking, I strolled out into the road to see if there was
any thing else in Wichern besides poultry, pigs, and dirty children.
Coming toward me I perceived a pretty little barefoot boy, with a basket
full of red, luscious strawberries. I asked where he was going. He said
to the neighboring village to sell his strawberries to the farmer's
wife, who had ordered them. I offered to buy them, but my gold could not
tempt the child--he refused peremptorily to sell them to me at any
price. I argued, pleaded, threatened; all to no purpose. At length,
seeing there was no other alternative, I snatched his strawberries away,
threw him a ducat, and walked off with the prize. He picked up the gold,
but as he did so, he saluted my imperial ears with an epithet--such an
epithet! Oh, you will shudder when you hear what language the little
rascal used to his sovereign! You never will be able to bear it,
Coronini: you, whose loyalty is offended every time you address me as
Count Falkenstein. I only wonder that the sun did not hide its head, and
the earth tremble at the sacrilege! What do you suppose he called
me?--An ass! He did, I assure you. That little bare-legged boy called
his emperor an ass! Now, Coronini, do you think you can taste of the
strawberries that were gathered by those treacherous little hands?"
"If my lord count allows it, I will venture to eat," replied Coronini,
"for I really think there was no treason committed."
"Why! not when he called me an--"
"Pray do not say it again," entreated Coronini, raising his hands
deprecatingly; "it cuts me to the heart. But Count Falkenstein had
already proclaimed that no majesty was by, and when no majesty, was
there, no majesty could be insulted."
"Oh, you sophist! Did you not say that I wore my title upon my brow? Did
you not tell me that I could not hide my majesty from the sons of men?
But I forgive you, and the boy also. Let us drink his health while we
enjoy his strawberries. Fill your glasses to the brim, and having done
honor to those who furnished our repast, allow me to propose--ourselves:
To the health of those who are about to eat a dinner which they have
earned by the sweat of their brow."
So saying, the emperor touched the glasses of his friends.
"Now, postilion," cried he, before they drank, "blow us a blast on your
horn--a right merry blast!"
The postilion put the horn to his lips, and while he blew the glasses
clinked gayly; and the friends laughed, jested, and ate their dinner
with a relish they had seldom known before. [Footnote: Hubner, "Life of
Joseph II.," vol. i., page 40.]