THE DINNER AT THE FRENCH AMBASSADOR'S.
Prince Kaunitz sat lazily reclining in his arm-chair, playing with his
jewelled snuff-box and listening with an appearance of unconcern to a
man who, in an attitude of profoundest respect, was relating to him a
remarkable story of a young emperor and a beautiful peasant-girl, in
which there was much talk of woods, diamonds, milk, and an Arabian
steed.
The smile that was upon the face of the minister might either betoken
amusement or incredulity.
The detective was at that period of his story where the emperor parted
from old Conrad and his daughters. He now paused to see the effect of
his narration.
"Very pretty, indeed," said the prince, nodding his head, "but romances
are out of fashion. In these days we prefer truth."
"Does your highness suppose I am not speaking truth'?" said the man.
Kaunitz took a pinch of snuff, and replied coldly, "I suppose nothing
about it. Somebody, I know, has been playing upon your love of the
marvellous. I know that you are not telling me the truth."
"Your highness!" exclaimed Eberhard, with the air of an injured man, "no
one can impose upon my credulity, for I believe nothing but that which I
see. I had this adventure from old Conrad himself, and I saw him receive
a thousand ducats for the horse. In the joy of his foolish old heart, he
told me the whole story; and as he saw the deep interest which I felt in
the tale, he invited me to his house, where I saw the beautiful
Marianne, with her diamond on her finger."
"Then you acted like a fool; for the emperor knows you as well as all
Vienna does, and he will be furious when he discovers that we have been
watching his pastoral amours."
"Indeed, your highness is right, I would be a poor fool to go there
without great precaution; for, as you very justly remarked, I am well
known in Vienna. But when I made the old peasant's acquaintance I was
disguised, and I defy anybody to know me when I choose to play
incognito. I wore a gray wig and a black patch over one eye. In this
dress I visited them, and had the story all over again, with variations,
from that coquettish village beauty, Kathi."
"How long ago?"
"Three weeks, your highness."
"How many times since then has the emperor visited his inamorata?"
"Six times, your highness. Old Conrad has bought a farm, where he lives
in a handsome house, in which each of his daughters now has a room of
her own. Marianne's room opens on the garden, where the emperor drinks
his milk and enjoys the privilege of her society."
"Have the girls any lovers?"
"Of course, your highness; but they have grown so proud that Kathi will
have nothing to say to her sweetheart, Valentine; while Marianne, it is
said has never encouraged any of the young men in the village. Indeed,
they are all afraid of her."
"Because they know that the emperor honors her with his presence?"
"No, your highness, the emperor has not allowed the family to whisper a
word of his agency in their newly-gotten wealth. They give out that it
is a legacy."
"Do the emperor and Marianne see one another in secret, without the
curate and the father's knowledge?"
Eberhard shrugged his shoulders. "Day before yesterday, Marianne went
alone to the woods to gather mushrooms, and never came home until dusk.
She had been lost in the woods. It was the day on which the emperor was
to visit the farm, but he did not come. Perhaps he got lost too.
To-morrow, Marianne is to gather mushrooms again. I, too, shall go--to
cut wood,"
"Is that all?" asked Kaunitz.
"That is all, for to-day, your highness."
"Very well. Go home and invent a continuation of your story. Let no one
know of it meanwhile except myself. You can boast of more than some
poets and literati can say, for you have amused me, and I will reward
you. Here are two gold ducats for you."
Eberhard bowed low as he received them, but when he had left the room,
and was out of sight of Kaunitz, he turned toward the door muttering,
"As if I were such a fool as to sell my precious secret to you for two
paltry ducats! I know of others who will pay me for my news, and they
shall have it."
Meanwhile Kaunitz, buried in his arm-chair, was revolving the story is
his mind.
"An emperor, a widower of two wives," said he to himself, "and he treats
us to an idyl of the genuine Gessner stamp! An imperial Damon who spends
his time twining wreaths of roses with his Philis! Well--he had better
be left to play the fool in peace; his pastoral will keep him from
meddling in state affairs. Men call me the coachman of European
politics; so be it, and let no one meddle with my coach-box. That noble
empress is of one mind with me, but this emperor would like to snatch
the reins, and go careering over the heavens for himself. So much the
better if he flirts and drinks milk with a dairymaid. But how long will
it last? Eberhard, of course, has gone to Porhammer, who being piously
disinclined to such little pastimes, will go straight to the empress;
and then Damon will be reproved, and I--I may fall under her displeasure
for having known and concealed her son's intrigue. What shall I do?
Shall I warn the emperor so that he can carry off his Semele, and go on
with his amours? Or shall I--bah! Let things shape themselves. What do I
care for them all? I am the coachman of Europe, and they are my
passengers."
So saying, Kaunitz threw back his head, and, being alone, indulged
himself in a chuckle. It was speedily smothered, however, for three taps
at the door announced the approach of the minister's valet.
"The fool intends to remind me that it is time to dress," said he to
himself. "There must be some important engagement on hand to make him so
audacious. Come in, Hippolyte!--Any engagement for dinner?" asked he, as
Hippolyte made his appearance.
"So please your highness, you dine to-day with the Frenoh ambassador."
"What o'clock is it?"
"Three o'clock, your highness."
"It is time. Tell the cook to send my dinner to the palace of the French
ambassador. His excellency knows the terms on which I dine out of my own
house?"
"I had the honor to explain them fully, your highness."
"And he acceded to them?"
"He did, your highness. Your highness, he said, was welcome to bring
your dinner, if you preferred it to his. He had one request, however, to
make, which was that you would not bring your post-dessert; a request
which I did not understand."
"I understand it perfectly. The Count de Breteuil means that he would
like me to leave my mouth-cleaning apparatus at home. Come, since it is
time, let us begin to dress."
So saying, he rose, and presently he was walking to and fro in the
powder-room, buried in his white mantle, while the servants waved their
powder-brushes, and the air was dense with white clouds.
"Order the carriage," said the prince, when Hippolyte had presented the
snuff-box and the handkerchief of cobweb cambric and lace. "Three
footmen to stand behind my chair."
Hippolyte went to order the footmen to the hotel of the Count de
Breteuil, while his master slowly made his way to the anteroom where six
lackeys awaited him, each one bearing aloft a long silk cloak.
"What says the thermometer to-day?" asked he.
The lackey with the first cloak stepped to a window and examined the
thermometer that was fastened outside.
"Sixty degrees, your highness--temperate," said the man.
"Cold! Four cloaks," said Kaunitz; and stepping through the row of
servants, one after the other laid cloak upon cloak over his shoulders.
When the fourth one had been wrapped around him, he ordered a fifth for
his return, and putting his handkerchief to his mouth for fear he might
swallow a breath of air, the coachman of Europe proceeded to his
carriage, where Hippolyte was ready to help him in.
"Is my mouth-cleaning apparatus in the rumble?" asked the prince, as he
sank back in the soft cushions.
"Your highness said that his excellency had requested--"
"Yes, but I did not say that I should heed his excellency's request.
Quick, and bring it hither! Cups, brushes, essences, and every thing!"
Off started Hippolyte, and Kaunitz drew his four cloaks around his
precious person while he muttered to himself, "I shall show my lord,
Count de Breteuil, that the man who has the honor of receiving Kaunitz
at his table, makes no conditions with such a guest. The French
ambassador grows arrogant, and I must teach him that the rules of
etiquette and customs of society are for him and his compeers, but not
for me. Whatever Kaunitz does is becoming and en regle. Voila
tout.--Forward!"
Meanwhile the Count de Breteuil was receiving his distinguished guests.
After the topics of the day had been discussed, he informed them that he
was glad to be able to promise that Prince Kaunitz would come to dinner
without his abominable apparatus.
"Impossible!" exclaimed the ladies.
"Not at all," replied the count. "I have complied with one of his absurd
conditions--he brings his dinner; but I made it my especial request that
he would omit his usual post-dessert."
"And he agreed?"
"It would appear so, since he has accepted. It must be so, for see, he
is here."
The count went forward to meet the prince, who deigned not the smallest
apology for having kept the guests waiting a whole hour.
They repaired to the dining-room, where a costly and luxurious dinner
made amends to the company for their protracted fast.
Kaunitz, however, took no notice of these delicate viands. He ate his
own dinner, and was served by his own lackeys.
"Your highness," said his neighbor, the Princess Esterhazy, "you should
taste this pate a la Soubise, it is delicious."
"Who knows what abominable ingredients may not have gone into its
composition?" said Kaunitz. "I might poison myself if I tasted the
villanous compound. It is all very well for ordinary people to eat from
other men's kitchens. If they die the ranks close up and nobody misses
them; but I owe my life to Austria and to Europe. Eat your pate a la
Soubise, if it suit you; I eat nothing but viands a la Kaunitz, and I
trust to no cook but my own."
It was the same with the Tokay, the Johannisberg and the Champagne.
Kaunitz affected not to see them, while one of his lackeys reached him a
glass of water on a golden salver. Kaunitz held it up to the light. "How
dare you bring me water from the count's fountain?" said he, with a
threatening look.
"Indeed, your highness," stammered the frightened servant, "I drew it
myself from your highness's own fountain."
"How," laughed the Princess Esterhazy, "you bring your water, too?"
"Yes, madame, I do, for it is the purest water in Vienna, and I have
already told you that my health is of the first importance to Austria.
Bread, Baptiste!"
Baptiste was behind the chair, with a golden plate, on which lay two or
three slices of bread, which he presented.
"And bread, too, from his house," cried the princess, laughing
immoderately.
"Yes, madame," replied Kaunitz, gravely, "I eat no bread but that of my
own baker."
"Oh," replied the gay young princess. "I am not surprised at your taking
such wondrous good care of yourself; what astonishes me is, that you
should be allowed to enjoy such privileges in a house that is not your
own. Why, Louis XIV. could not have been more exacting when he
condescended to dine with a subject!"
Kaunitz raised his cold blue eyes so as to meet the look of the bold
speaker. "Madame," said he, "Louis XIV. was Louis XIV., and I am
Kaunitz."
So saying, he took a glass of water from HIS fountain, and ate a piece
of bread from HIS baker. He then leaned back in his chair and took an
animated part in the conversation.
This was only because thereby he knew that he would dazzle his hearers
by speaking English, French, Italian, or Spanish, as occasion required.
The dinner was at an end and dessert came on the table. Of course
Kaunitz refused to partake of it; but while the other guests were
enjoying their confections, he took advantage of a pause in the
conversation, to say to his pretty neighbor:
"Now, princess, that the company have enjoyed THEIR dessert, I shall
take the liberty of ordering MINE."
"Ah! you have your own dessert?" asked the princess, while the guests
listened to hear what was coming.
"I have," said Kaunitz. "I have brought my dessert, of course.
Hippolyte, my etui."
Hippolyte brought the offensive etui and laid it on the dinner-table,
while Baptiste approached with a glass of water. Kaunitz opened the case
with quiet indifference and examined its content. There were several
small mirrors, various kinds of brushes, scissors, knives, a whet-stone,
and a pile of little linen napkins. [Footnote: Swinburne, vol i., page
353.]
While Kaunitz examined and took out his disgusting little utensils the
ladies looked at Count Breteuil, who could scarcely credit the evidence
of his senses. But as Kaunitz set a looking-glass before him, raised his
upper lip, and closed his teeth, preparatory to a cleaning, the count
rose indignant from his seat.
"Ladies and gentlemen," said he, "we will return to the drawing-room for
coffee; Prince Kaunitz desires this room to himself."
The company departed, leaving Kaunitz alone. He did not look as if he
had heard or seen any thing. He went on grinning, brushing his teeth,
drying them in and out with his napkins, and finished off with washing
his hands and cleaning his nails. This done, he walked deliberately back
to the drawing-room, and, going immediately toward the host, he said:
"Count, I am about to return home. You have taken very great pains to
prepare a dinner for me, and I shall make you a princely return. From
this day forward I dine no more from home; your dinner, therefore, will
be immortal, for history will relate that the last time Prince Kaunitz
dined away from his own palace, he dined at that of the French
ambassador." With this he bowed, and slowly left the room.