POLITICS.
"In course; I sez to ma--why, Lord bless me, it must have been three or
four years ago--that 'twould all turn out so. What's rotten will come to
pieces, ma, sez I. Every year she sez to me, sez she, why ain't the Newts
failed yet? as you said they was going to. Jest you be quiet, sez I, ma,
it's comin'. So 'twas. I know'd all about it."
President Van Boozenberg thus unburdened his mind and justified his
vaticinations to the knot of gentlemen who were perpetually at the bank.
They listened, and said ah! and yes, and shook their heads; and the shaky
ones wondered whether the astute financier had marked them and had said
to ma, sez he, that for all they looked so bright and crowded canvas
so smartly, they are shaky, ma--shaky.
General Belch heard the news at his office. He was sitting on the end
of his back-bone, which was supported on the two hind legs of a wooden
chair, while the two fore legs and his own were lifted in the air. His
own, however, went up at a more precipitate angle and rested with the
feet apart upon the mantle. By a skillful muscular process the General
ejected tobacco juice from his mouth, between his legs, and usually
lodged it in the grate before him. It was evident, however, that many
of his friends had not been so successful, for the grate, the hearth,
and the neighboring floor were spotted with the fluid.
The Honorable Mr. Ele was engaged in conversation with his friend Belch,
who was giving him instructions for the next Congressional session.
"You see, Ele, if we could only send something of the right stamp--the
right stamp, I say, in the place of Watkins Bodley from the third
district, we should be all right. Bodley is very uncertain."
"I know," returned the Honorable Mr. Ele, "Bodley is not sound. He has
not the true party feeling. He is not willing to make sacrifices. And yet
I think that--that--perhaps--"
He looked at General Belch inquiringly. That gentleman turned, beamed
approval, and squirted a copious cascade.
"Exactly," said Mr. Ele, "I was saying that I think if Mr. Bodkins, who
is a perfectly honorable man--"
"Oh, perfectly; nothing against his character. Besides, it's a free
country, and every body may have his opinions," said General Belch.
"Precisely," resumed Mr. Ele, "as I was saying; being a perfectly
honorable man--in fact, unusually honorable, I happen to know that he
is in trouble--ahem! ahem! pecuniary trouble."
He paused a moment, while his friend of the military title looked hard at
the grate, as if selecting a fair mark, then made a clucking noise, and
drenched it completely. He then said, musingly,
"Yes, yes--ah yes--I see. It is a great pity. The best men get into such
trouble. How much money did you say he wanted?"
"I said he was in pecuniary trouble," returned Mr. Ele, with a slight
tone of correction.
"I understand, Mr. Ele," answered the other, a little pompously, and with
an air of saying, "Know your place, Sir."
"I understand, and I wish to know how large a sum would relieve Mr.
Bodley from his immediate pressure."
"I think about eight or nine thousand dollars. Perhaps a thousand more."
"I suppose," said General Belch, slowly, still looking into the blank,
dismal grate, and rubbing his fat nose steadily with his fat forefinger
and thumb, "I suppose that a man situated as Mr. Bodley is finds it very
detrimental to his business to be engaged in public life, and might
possibly feel it to be his duty to his family and creditors to resign
his place, if he saw a promising way of righting his business, without
depending upon the chances of a Congressional career."
As he drew to the end of this hypothetical harangue General Belch looked
sideways at his companion to see if he probably understood him.
The Honorable Mr. Ele shook his head in turn, looked solemnly into the
empty grate, and said, slowly and with gravity:
"The supposition might be entertained for the sake of the argument."
The General was apparently satisfied with this reply, for he continued:
"Let us, then, suppose that a sum of eight or nine thousand dollars
having been raised--and Mr. Bodley having resigned--that a new candidate
is to be selected who shall--who shall, in fact, serve his country from
our point of view, who ought the man to be?"
"Precisely; who ought the man to be?" replied Mr. Ele.
The two gentlemen looked gravely into the grate. General Belch squirted
reflectively. The Honorable Mr. Ele raised his hand and shaded his eyes,
and gazed steadfastly, as if he expected to see the candidate emerge from
the chimney. While they still sat thoughtfully a knock was heard at the
door. The General started and brought down his chair with a crash. Mr.
Ele turned sharply round, as if the candidate had taken him by surprise
in coming in by the door.
A boy handed General Belch a note:
"MY DEAR BELCH,--B. Newt, Son, & Co. have stopped. We do not hear of an
assignment, so desire you to take steps at once to secure judgment upon
the inclosed account.
"Yours, PERIWING & BUDDBY."
"Hallo!" said General Belch, as the messenger retired, "old Newt's
smashed! However, it's a great while since he has done any thing for
the party.--By Jove!"
The last exclamation was sudden, as if he had been struck by a happy
thought. He took a fresh quid in his mouth, and, putting his hands upon
his knees, sat silently for five minutes, and then said,
"I have the man!"
"You have the man?" said Ele, looking at him with interest.
"Certainly. Look here!"
Mr. Ele did look, as earnestly as if he expected the General to take the
man out of his pocket.
"You know we want to get the grant, at any rate. If we only have men who
see from our point of view, we are sure of it. I think I know a man who
can be persuaded to look at the matter from that point--a man who may be
of very great service to the party, if we can persuade him to see from
our point of view."
"Who is that?" asked Mr. Ele.
"Abel Newt," replied General Belch.
Mr. Ele seemed somewhat surprised.
"Oh--yes--ah--indeed. I did not know he was in political life," said he.
"He isn't," returned General Belch.
Mr. Ele looked for further instructions.
"Every body must begin," said Belch. "Look here. If we don't get this
grant from Congress, what on earth is the use of having worked so long
in this devilish old harness of politics? Haven't we been to primary
meetings, and conventions, and elections, and all the other tomfoolery,
speechifying and plotting and setting things right, and being bled, by
Jupiter!--bled to the tune of more hundreds than I mean to lose; and now,
just as we are where a bold push will save every thing, and make it worth
while to have worked in the nasty mill so long, we must have our wits
about us. Do you know Abel Newt?"
"No."
"I do. He is a gentleman without the slightest squeamishness. He is
perfectly able to see things from particular points of view. He has great
knowledge of the world, and he is a friend of the people, Sir. His
politics are of the right kind," said General Belch, in a tone which
seemed to be setting the tune for any future remarks Mr. Ele might have
to make about Mr. Newt--at public meetings, for instance, or elsewhere.
"I am glad to hear he is a friend of the people," returned Mr. Ele.
"Yes, Sir, he is the consistent enemy of a purse-proud aristocracy, Sir."
"Exactly; purse-proud aristocracy," repeated Mr. Ele, as if conning a
lesson by rote.
"Dandled in the lap of luxury, he does not hesitate to descend from it to
espouse the immortal cause of popular rights."
"Popular rights," returned the Honorable Mr. Ele, studying his lesson.
"Animated by a glowing patriotism, he stands upon the people, and waves
above his head the glorious flag of our country."
"Glorious flag of our country," responded the other.
"The undaunted enemy of monopoly, he is equally the foe of class
legislation and the friend of State rights."
"Friend of State rights."
"Ahem!" said General Belch, looking blankly at Mr. Ele, "where was I?"
"Friend of State rights," parroted Mr. Ele.
"Exactly; oh yes! And if ever the glorious fabric of our country's--our
country's--our country's--d---- it! our country's what, Mr. Ele?"
That honorable gentleman was engaged with his own thoughts while he
followed with his tongue the words of his friend, so that, perhaps a
little maliciously, perhaps a little unconsciously, he went on in the
same wooden tone of repetition.
"D---- it! Our country's what, Mr. Ele?"
General Belch looked at his companion. They both smiled.
"How the old phrases sort o' slip out, don't they?" asked the General,
squirting.
"They do," said Mr. Ele, taking snuff.
"Well, now, don't you see what kind of man Abel Newt is?"
"I do, indeed," replied Ele.
"I tell you, if you fellows from the city don't look out for yourselves,
you'll find him riding upon your shoulders. He is a smart fellow. I am
very sorry for Watkins Bodley. Any family?"
"Yes--a good deal," replied Mr. Ele, vaguely.
"Ah indeed! Pity! pity! I suppose, then, that a proper sense of what he
owes to his family--eh?"
"Without question. Oh! certainly."
General Belch rose.
"I do not see, then, that we have any thing else that ought to
detain you. I will see Mr. Newt, and let you know. Good-morning, Mr.
Ele--good-morning, my dear Sir."
And the General bowed out the representative so imperatively that the
Honorable B. Jawley Ele felt very much as if he had been kicked down
stairs.