MRS. BROWN TELLS THE CONJUROR A BIT OF HER MIND.
Poor Mr. Brown! he remained on the rocks long after the other spectators
had left, and would have remained there much longer, had he not been
roused from his reverie by a gentle tap on his shoulder.
"Billy," said he, looking up; "let's go into the stable and have a look
at Jessie, boy. She must have a good rub-down and a warm mash to-night."
"Come along," said the boy. And, taking Mr. Brown by the arm, he led him
home to his amiable but eccentric wife.
"What! Billy!" she exclaimed, as the pair entered the kitchen; "where,
in the name of goodness ded you spring from?"
"Why, I ha'n't b'en away, have I?" replied the sly boy.
"Now, that's enough--a plenty," said Mrs. Brown, looking at the boy with
her keen grey eyes. "I can see through a millstone so well as most
people. I ha'n't b'en away, says aw!"
"No, have I?" said he, looking innocently at his mistress.
"Areah, thon! Now, I'll tell 'ee, Billy. He that ha' b'en your maister
the last three days, may take 'ee for the next three days, for what I do
care; for in my house you sha'n't stop,--there, na. My eyes ha' b'en
opening wider and wider evar sence last night. A croom of chat with one,
and a croom of chat with another, have opened them so wide, that I can
see round a corner a'most."
"I don't knaw what you do main," said the boy.
"Iss you do," replied Mrs. Brown, shaking her head; "so you march,--and
dont you come anist my door agen for a bra' spur."
The boy saw that his quondam mistress was in earnest; so he took the
hint and made himself scarce.
"And now, Mr. Brown," said she, turning to her husband, who had seated
himself in the chimney-corner, "what do you think of yourself, I shud
like to knaw? Your Jessie mare es come to a purty pass, esn't she? Ef
the young gentleman had gone over cliff too, I shud nevar ha' b'en good
no more. To go for to slock the young gentleman into et like that wor a
shame, an' so et wor. You an' 'The Maister' too oft to be
spefflicated,--iss you ded."
"'The Maister' wor right, Peggy," said Mr. Brown;--"the boy es come
back. Wo! ho! Jessie! gently, mare! steady, now! Wo! ho!"
"John Brown," said his wife, "I ha' thoft for a bra' bit that there was
but one biggar fool than you in the world, an' that's me, for marryin'
such a g'eat lazy, knaw-nothen' pattick. John Brown, go to bed!" And
this command was given in such an authoritative tone, that Mr. Brown
took it literally, and, lighting a bed-light, although it was broad
daylight, he took off his shoes at the bottom of the stairs, as was his
wont, and went to bed in right earnest; and in ten minutes he was fast
asleep.
"Well, that's a comfort," said Mrs. Brown.
"What's a comfort?" said Mrs. Trenow, who had come in to have a croom of
chat with the landlady; "you've had your drop of gin an' peppermint, I
s'pose?"
"No, sure, I ha'n't," replied Mrs. Brown; "but we will now, for I do
feel that there's something wantin', cheeld vean."
So the two gossips were very soon seated comfortably over their little
drop of cordial, seasoned with a pinch of snuff; and they wound up their
moderate carousal with a cup of tea.
"You said something wor a comfort when I came in," said Mrs. Trenow.
"Iss fie! hark!" replied Mrs. Brown, turning up her ear in a listening
attitude.
"You've got a pig bad, I s'pose?" said Mrs. Trenow; "but what comfort
there es in that, I caen't tell. Ill-wished again, I s'pose? Semmen to
me 'The Maister' ha' got bra' work now."
"No, my dear, tesn't the pig. Hark again!" said Mrs. Brown.
"Why, 'tes up in the chamber, to be sure," replied Mrs. Trenow,
listening.
"Iss fie, 'tes up in the chamber, sure nuff," said Mrs. Brown; "and
there he'd sleep and snore till to-morrow dennar-time ef I dedn't
rouse'n out."
"Dear lor'! like that, es aw? Whisht too 'pon om, now that the mare es
killed, I s'pose," said Mrs. Trenow. "Do 'ee think that 'The Maister'
had any grudge agen that young gentleman, do 'ee?"
"What shud he knaw 'bout the young gentleman?" returned Mrs. Brown.
"I'll tell 'ee, Mrs. Trenow, 'The Maister' wean't lev you nor me knaw
what he do think; for thinken' es one thing and spaiken' es another,
weth he, I'll assure 'ee."
"But the boy came back to the very minute, I do hear," said Mrs. Trenow,
who could not be persuaded out of her belief in "The Maister's" wisdom.
"I tell 'ee, Mrs. Trenow," said Mrs. Brown, in a confidential whisper;
"'tes my belief that ef they two wor to take off their shoes you wud see
two cloven hoofs,--iss I do."
"Oh! lor!" shrieked both the women, as they looked up, after their
little confidential whisper; for behind them stood Mr. Freeman himself.
"A glass of mild ale, if you please, Mrs. Brown," said he, in his
blandest tone, as he took his usual seat in the chimney-corner.
"Yes, sir," said the landlady. And while she was drawing the ale, Mrs.
Trenow took the opportunity of slipping out. Mrs. Brown was as shrewd
and cunning in her way as Mr. Freeman was in his, and, while she was
drawing the glass of ale, she began to reflect on the probable purport
of this early visit; for "The Maister" seldom came there until much
later in the evening, when he knew he should find some of those
peculiarly constituted individuals there, whom Alrina generally
designated "goostrumnoodles," and whom he seldom found much difficulty
in frightening to his heart's content. On these occasions, Mrs. Brown
never interfered; for she had an eye to business, and she knew that the
more terror there was produced in the brains of these poor numskulls,
the more stimulants they would consume. But, now, there was no occasion
for any dissimulation; and so she determined she would tell "The
Maister" a bit of her mind,--for she believed that he had some hidden
and wicked motive for prompting her husband to induce that young
gentleman to undertake so dangerous a feat as the one he had attempted
that day.
"Your husband has met with a serious loss to-day," said Mr. Freeman.
"Iss; and I s'pose you are come down for to make et good," replied Mrs.
Brown, rather tartly.
"Me!" said Mr. Freeman; "what have I to do with Mr. Brown's losses, more
than having a feeling of sympathy for the misfortunes of an old friend?"
"You dedn't tell Brown that the young gentleman must ride the mare up
there, I s'pose?" said Mrs. Brown, taking a cunning side glance at her
visitor.
"What motive could I have had for such a suggestion as that?" asked Mr.
Freeman, looking innocently at Mrs. Brown; "and who could possibly have
said that I had anything to do with the matter?"
"I tell 'ee, Maister Freeman," said Mrs. Brown; "there's more of your
doin's knawn than you do think. What you got out of that wreck es knawn
to a bra' many, f'rall they're afeard for to spaik et out, down sous."
This made Mr. Freeman wince a little; for he had such confidence in his
own cunning and ability in frightening and deceiving his neighbours,
that he never for a moment supposed that they would presume to speculate
on, or try to pry into, his private gains, or discuss his actions or
motives.
His eyes were now opened, and Mrs. Brown perceived that he felt very
uncomfortable--a most unusual and impolitic feeling for him to exhibit
in the presence of so shrewd a woman as Mrs. Brown, who drew her own
conclusions therefrom; and after her visitor had drank his ale, and left
her alone once more, she sat down, and, putting "this against that," saw
the "ins and outs of things," as she expressed it, more clearly than she
had ever done before.