To the girls' relief they were not expected to appear at the very next
choir practice. Miss Charlotte had a talk with her friend, which tempered
her enthusiasm with common sense, with the result that the children had
their voices tried and two or three lessons given them before they were
expected to appear in public, with the result that poor Poppy, the only
one who really longed to be in the choir, was the only one denied that
honour. All their voices were pronounced quite good. But Poppy was too
young; it would strain her voice, she was told, and to her chagrin she had
to sit in an ordinary pew with Miss Ashe while the others sat in what
Poppy called the 'dear little' choir stalls in the chancel.
But, to show her defiance of this objectionable, and, as she thought,
unnecessary care for her voice, she sang always at the top of it.
It happened often that she did not know the right words, but she always
managed to pick up the tune quickly, and with just one sentence to repeat
over and over again, she got along to her own satisfaction, at any rate
convinced in her own mind that it would not be very long before they would
be glad to _ask_ her to come into the choir.
So the days flew by and the summer slipped away; autumn had gone and
winter, almost, before they realised it, so full were their days with
their lessons and their singing, their housework and gardening, walks on
the moor, and games and play. By degrees, as Miss Charlotte had foretold,
each had made a little niche for herself. Esther had obtained almost
complete charge of the drawing-room--no one else dusted it or arranged a
flower in it. Penelope sometimes tried to find room in it for one of her
pet plants, but unless permission was asked, and Esther chose the place
where it might stand, the treasure was certain to be found 'in the way.'
She dusted their own bedrooms, too, and helped to make the beds, and did
lots of other little duties; and at Christmas, to her great delight,
Miss Charlotte had given her the much-longed-for sleeves and aprons.
Angela had become, meantime, almost sole mistress of the hens and the
eggs. She had begun by just collecting the eggs, and washing and marking
them, and she did her work so well that no one else ever thought of
troubling about them; and before very long, to her enormous pride, she was
given the task of packing them for market. And oh! the joy of it! the
pleasure she took in laying the rich brown and creamy-white eggs in cosy
nests in the sweet-smelling hay; her pride in their appearance! The only
flaw in her happiness was the fact that she could not carry the basket and
dispose of the contents herself to the customers. She pictured herself
turning back the snow-white cloth from the top of the basket, and counting
out her beloved treasures one by one.
After that she began to feed the fowls, and keep account of the corn that
was used, and the number of eggs that were laid. Anna consulted her quite
gravely about the house scraps.
Perhaps, though, the very happiest day of all her life, at any rate the
proudest, was that on which Fluffikins laid her first egg. Angela, when
she saw it and the little hen strutting up and down before the nest in
which it lay, stood in a kind of speechless ecstasy, much as a young
author when his first work has been accepted, or an artist before his
first completed picture. Then she held out her arms to the proud
Fluffikins, who mounted to her shoulder, clucking happily; and, rubbing
their cheeks against one another, they gazed ecstatically at the precious
egg.
"Oh, Fluff, I _am_ so sorry to take it from you," she cried, "but I _must_
show it to Cousin Charlotte. Fluff, you darling, do go on and lay lots
more. I want one every day, then you shall sit on some, and hatch out
some dear little baby chicks of your very own; and you shall live with me
till you are an old, old bird, Fluffikins darling, and no one shall dare
to--to--" she hesitated to name the dreadful word 'kill,'--"shall
interfere with you. You are what they call the 'founder' of my fortune,
you precious bird."
She did not take the egg in to show to Miss Charlotte after all.
She thought of another plan. She took it in and showed it to Anna, and to
the girls, who gazed at it and marvelled at its beauty, but Miss Charlotte
was not to see it until it appeared on her plate at tea, with an
inscription on it to say whose it was.
It hurt Angela very much to deprive poor Fluffikins of her treasure, but,
while she was not looking, she slipped another new, warm egg in the nest
in its place, and hoped the dear bird would not see through the fraud; and
Miss Charlotte did deserve the honour, after all her goodness to Fluff and
her mistress; in fact they were pledged to it.
Cousin Charlotte could not suppress a slight start of surprise when she
saw the black-speckled thing in the egg-cup on her plate; but she was as
pleased as the girls could wish when she read, 'My and Fluff's first egg
for you,' and assured them, as she ate it under their united gaze, that
she had never in her life tasted a better one.
Poppy had constituted herself every one's hand-maiden and handy-maiden.
If she were allowed to have a duster and dust-brush and help Esther, her
cup of joy was full, but she was just as pleased to run to the post, or to
the shops, or to help Ephraim gather windfalls in the orchard, dig
potatoes, or assist Anna in any way she was allowed to. And now that her
parsley bed was really in full growth, in spite of its troubled beginning,
she was very full of happy importance. To be asked if she could spare a
pennyworth of parsley filled her with pleasure for days.
"I never saw anything like it," she would say seriously, shaking her
little purse the while. "It only cost me a penny, and I've made fourpence
by it already. I wonder every one doesn't grow parsley."
"If they did, dear, there would be no one to sell to," Cousin Charlotte
explained.
Of them all Penelope did least to help. She had her flowers--quite a
collection of them now. "But she doesn't do anything with them,"
complained Esther one day.
"They make the house pretty," urged Angela, always ready to defend her
room-mate, "and they make our room so sweet and pretty."
"But she should try to sell them," argued Esther, "or--or do something.
She seems to have forgotten all about helping Cousin Charlotte."
"She doesn't get much time," pleaded Angela, "by the time her lessons are
done, and her organ lesson, and the practice, and her reading--she always
reads for an hour a day, sometimes more. And--and there isn't any one
here to sell flowers to--"
At that moment Penelope herself dashed in on them, her eyes dancing, her
face glowing. "Oh, girls, what _do_ you think?" she cried, as she flung
her music-case on to one chair, her hat on another, and herself on a
third.
"What?" asked Esther, as she picked up the music-case and straightened the
cushion it had knocked over.
"Oh, _do_ tell, do tell quick," urged Angela.
"Well!" sitting up and clasping her hands tight in an ecstasy of pleasure,
"you know Miss Row has friends staying with her."
"Yes; but I don't see much in that to be excited about," said Esther.
"Well, one of them is called Mr. Somerset, and he is a musician, and he--
he heard me sing. Miss Row made me sing on purpose. I was awfully
frightened, but I got through all right, and--and what _do_ you think he
said?"
Esther felt the old demon jealousy clutching at her heart at once.
"I don't know, I'm sure," she said coldly. "Do tell if you are going to,
Penelope. I am too busy to wait."
"Oh, what?" gasped Angela, with eager, questioning eyes.
"He said,"--in an impressive, almost awed voice--"he said I had the
promise of a very fine voice, and--and no expense ought to be spared in
training it!" Penelope repeated the words slowly, like one in a dream.
"Oh, Pen!" Angela gasped, almost speechless with delight, "did he really?"
Pen nodded.
"What nonsense!" said Esther, in a strained voice, quite unlike her usual
tones.
Angela turned on her reproachfully. "Essie, aren't you glad?"
"Of course I am," snapped Esther shortly; "but it is so silly to put such
things into people's heads when there _is_ no money. I suppose he thinks we
all ought to give up everything for this, and--and never thinks that the
rest of us might like to--to have lessons--"
Esther really did not mean a tenth of the hard things she was saying, and
she hated herself for saying them, but that wretched temper of hers got
the upper hand of her again. She knew she was being mean and unkind, and
it added to her vexation; but she had not the strength of will to get the
better of it. In her calmer moments she longed to be one of those who
could rise above such mean jealousies, and be unselfish and brave and
strong, but when the trial came she succumbed.
Penelope was too lost in happy dreams, though, to heed or be hurt by
Esther's remarks.
"Of course I can't have it trained, but all the same I _am_ glad I have a
nice voice," she said in a happy, dreamy voice. "Fancy me, _me_, with a
beautiful voice! Isn't it strange? Doesn't it seem as though it can't be
true? Oh, I _am_ so happy!"
"I always loved to hear you sing, dear," said Angela, seating herself on
the ground at Penelope's feet and hugging her sister's knees.
"And, Pen, just imagine if you could have lessons, and could sing at
concerts, and everybody wanted to hear you, and you made lots and lots of
money--wouldn't it be _lovely_! Esther, come and sit down and talk about
what we would do if Pen were famous and made a heap of money."
Angela never doubted that what good fortune came to one would be shared by
all. "Come and sit here, Esther."
"It will be Penelope's money," said Esther coldly. "It would be for her
to say what she would do with it, not for us. I am busy; I can't stay
talking nonsense," and away she walked out of the room, leaving Penelope
and Angela with their spirits considerably lowered.
"I don't know why it is," sighed Penelope, roused at last from her happy
oblivion, "but whenever I bring home what I think is good news it always
seems to upset Esther. I thought she was just dying for us all to be able
to do something to help father and Cousin Charlotte, and this seemed such
a lovely thing! Of course there is all the expense first, but _if_ I have
a really good voice, later on I should be able to keep you all, and give
you all you want. I think she might have seemed a little bit glad."
"Perhaps she is worried," said Angela, "because she wants you to have
lessons, and there isn't any money for them, and--and I think she is
tired."
"I wish she would not do so much and get so tired," said Penelope
wistfully. "We scarcely ever see her now; she hardly ever has any time to
play, and--and it is disappointing when she acts like that." Penelope's
voice quavered a little, in spite of herself, and she rose and looked out
of window that Angela might not see her misty eyes.
"Never mind, dear," coaxed comforting Angela, "don't you fret. Essie is as
glad as either of us, _really_, and by and by she will be all right.
Let us go out on the moor, and talk over what we will do when you are
rich, shall we?"
"Yes," said Penelope, with a little sigh, and a shake to shake off her
gloom. "Dear old moor, I feel I want to lie down on it and hug it when
big, nice things happen, and tell it all about them. Come along, Angel."
Esther, from upstairs, saw them go out together, Angela's arm about Pen's
waist, Penelope's arm about Angela's shoulders. With angry eyes and
aching heart she watched them go through the garden, and guessed whither
they were bound; and a sense of loneliness, of being shut out, stole over
her.
Cousin Charlotte had gone to Gorley and taken Poppy with her, so she was
quite alone. With a hasty movement she flung on her hat, and dashed
downstairs and out of the front door. "If they went out, she could go out
too," she told herself angrily, and could find her own company sufficient.
If they went one way she would go another, the moor was large enough,
and--and at any rate the tors and the gorse and the birds liked her as
much as they liked Penelope. She would not there be put aside for her
younger sister.
By that time she had worked herself up into such a state of resentfulness
of imagined injuries and fancied wrongs, she felt she could hardly endure
her unhappy lot. She walked along the road in a perfect turmoil of mind,
and, fearing she might meet some one, turned down towards the bridge and
the river; but the weather had been rainy lately, and the river was
swollen, and the bank all wet and slippery.
She had never been further than the bridge and the river-bank before,
and as she clambered up from the muddy, slippery river-path, and pushed
through the sheltering brushwood which lined it, she found herself, a tiny
speck, apparently the only living creature, in a huge great stretch of
moorland which was all new ground to her. There were a few big rocks here
and there, but no big hills, as on the other side, with their friendly
sheltering look; and the great stretch of bare land, stretching away and
away, looked the picture of desolation.
The spirit of it seemed in tune with Esther's own sense of loneliness; but
it touched her heart with the softening touch of sadness. She sank down
on a big boulder beside her, and, stretching out her arms on its rough,
lichen-covered breast, buried her face in them and burst into sobs.
"Why is it? why is it? Why should every one like the others and no one
like me? Why should Penelope have everything and me nothing, and why
can't I feel nice about it? Why do I care, or why can't I pretend I don't
mind?" At that moment Esther really did believe that no one in all the
world cared in the least for her. "Penelope is pretty and clever, and--
and taking, and--and now she has a beautiful voice, and I have nothing.
I am not pretty or clever or nice, and I shall never be anything, or do
anything, and--and no one wants me. She will be able to go about and
travel, and be rich and have everything she wants, and be able to help the
others, and--and I am no better than a drudge!"
A little field-mouse, creeping out of its hole, heard the sobs and flew
away again, nearly scared out of its wits. A goldfinch came and perched
on a furze-bush near, looked wonderingly at the odd-shaped thing that made
such funny noises, and then flew away to a thistle and began to search for
any stray seeds that might have been overlooked. Little spiders ran over
the boulder and put out delicate feelers to try to discover what curious
pinky-white things those were that lay on the old stone; then, after a
first venture, finding them harmless, ran over and over Esther's hand in a
perfect fuss and fury of excitement.
Esther, feeling the slight tickling of the little creatures' feet, raised
her head to look, and kept it raised to watch their busy movements. Her
storm of tears had relieved her heart, and done her good. She felt less
injured, and in a better frame of mind. She did not dare to move until the
last spider had finished his investigations, for fear of alarming him; but
when he had scurried away home, evidently eager to tell of his adventures,
she raised herself and looked about her.
Her face and eyes were hot and swelled and aching. She could not meet any
one while looking such a sight as she was. She would walk on until the
fresh breeze should have cooled down her burning features. She turned
away from Dorsham in the same direction as the river ran. It was all a
strange country to her, and she would explore it. No one would miss her
at home. The anger and jealousy were gone, but she still felt sad and
lonely, and full of pity for herself.
She walked on and on and on, still too absorbed in herself to pay any heed
to the voice of the birds or the river or the myriad little creatures
moving about her. She was thinking how much she would like to frighten
them all at home, and make them anxious about her; she felt she would like
to walk on and on until twilight and darkness fell, and she and the moor
were left to their loneliness together. It was all very foolish; but as
long as there are boys and girls, or men and women, these moods will come
to them, to be fought down and overcome; and we must remember that to the
sufferer they do not seem foolish at the time.
How far she did walk she had no idea at the time; it seemed to her it was
miles and miles;--in reality it was only about a mile and a half,--and the
sun was going down, and she was beginning to admit doubts to her mind as
to whether she should turn back or not, when suddenly, in a hollow in the
moor before her, she saw, though at first she could hardly believe her
eyes, a real little house with real smoke coming out of the chimney on the
thatched roof.
If it had not been for the smoke, whirled and beaten about by the breeze,
she would have thought the house was not really a human habitation, but a
bit of the moor itself risen up, so brown and rough and weather-beaten it
looked under its old lichen-grown thatch. But the smoke was real smoke,
and Esther, stepping nearer, saw one window lit by the leaping, cheery
glow of a fire.
Fascinated and surprised, she drew nearer and nearer. Before the cottage
was a little garden surrounded by a sturdy railing and a thick-set,
close-clipped holly-hedge, within the shelter of which whole beds of
crocuses and daisies and polyanthuses bloomed gaily. The crocuses were all
asleep now, their little petals fast closed, and the daisies too, but the
polyanthuses looked bravely with their beautiful eyes at the fast
darkening sky. Over the cottage walls, as well as on the thatch, lichen
and house-leeks grew, as though to prove it was but a boulder, one of the
many scattered thereabouts in all directions, and not a house at all.