When Esther awoke the next morning, she wondered for a moment why she felt
so happy and light-hearted. Then memory returned. She recollected the
talk of last night, Cousin Charlotte's kiss, and the plan for Monday. She
would begin to learn at last! But even greater was her joy at the other
thought--her own plan to help Miss Charlotte. She could hardly lie still
when she thought of all she meant to do. She would dust, and tidy and
sweep, and sew, and polish the furniture, and she even pictured herself
making bread and cleaning windows.
She longed to be dressed, and beginning already. She sat up in bed and
looked across at Poppy. She wanted to tell her and the others all the
news, but Poppy was sleeping in the most aggravatingly persistent way.
Too impatient to wait for her to wake, she slipped out of bed and crept
along the corridor, past Miss Charlotte's room, to Penelope's.
Angela was asleep, but Penelope lay awake reading.
"What is that you are reading?" asked Esther, eyeing the red-covered book
with a sort of feeling that it was familiar to her.
"Oh, it's only _The Invasion of the Crimea_," said Penelope, withdrawing
her eyes almost reluctantly from the page.
"I didn't know you were going on with it," said Esther, a touch of
resentment in her voice. She did not like to feel that Penelope was more
persevering than she herself, and had outstripped her. She was conscious
in her inmost heart that she had not been sorry when the readings were
broken off; the history did not interest her. At the same time it
mortified her a little that it did interest Penelope.
"It's awfully exciting," said Penelope. "Of course I have to skip some,
I can't understand it, but here and there it's lovely."
Esther's first fresh joyful feeling was a little dashed, but as it came
back to her mind what it was that she wanted to say, she recovered
herself. "In a few days I shall be learning properly," she thought, and
then Penelope would not outstrip her.
"Listen to me," she said eagerly, as she perched herself on the foot of
Penelope's bed. Angela stirred, and catching sight of Esther, was wide
awake in a moment.
"What is it?" she demanded. "Has anything happened?"
"Listen," said Esther again, "both of you. I want to tell you about our
schooling. Cousin Charlotte stopped me last night as I was going to bed,
to have a talk; it was about our lessons. We are to begin on Monday."
"Where are we going?" asked Penelope. "There isn't any school here, is
there?"
"No, Cousin Charlotte is going to teach us herself. Isn't it good of
her?"
"I am sure I shall never learn. She will be shocked at me," said Angela
nervously. "She doesn't know how backward I am. Fancy me, nine years
old, and not able to read yet. I shall be ashamed to look, and there she
will be all day long. I would rather go somewhere where I could get away
when lessons are over."
"Don't be silly," said Esther. But Angela had only expressed something of
her own feeling.
Penelope was sitting up in bed now, her eyes alight. "How jolly," she
said, half absently. Then in low, eager tones, "I wonder if she will let
us learn just what we want to? I don't want to learn grammar and sums.
I want to know about people, and wars, and battles, and revolutions, and I
want to learn French and music and to sing. When I grow up I should like
to be able to sing and play _very_ well. I would rather do that than
anything. I wonder if Cousin Charlotte would let me learn?"
Esther looked up in mild disapproval of Pen's enthusiasm. It worried her
when her sisters showed any unusual traits, or expressed desires that
differed from her own. Penelope very often worried her in that way.
Poppy too, at times. She felt a twinge of jealousy always that the idea
had not first come to her, and of resentment that they should have tastes
apart from her.
"I don't suppose Cousin Charlotte would if she could," she said coldly.
"Of course you must learn grammar, and history, and geography, and all
those things first. Every one has to learn them."
Penelope looked disappointed, but she was not one to worry.
"Perhaps before long I shall be able to do both," she said cheerfully.
"I wish Cousin Charlotte had an organ. I do want to be able to play the
organ."
Esther grew impatient; these things seemed so trifling and useless
compared with what she had in her mind. "I think you ought to try and
think how you can help Cousin Charlotte instead of giving her more to do."
"That's just it," persisted Penelope. "If I only knew how to play well,
I could be an organist, and teach people, too, and earn quite a lot of
money."
"Not for years and years," said Esther, in a very crushing manner.
"And we ought to begin to help at once. I'll tell you what I am going to
do--I thought of it last night when I was in bed; it is not nonsense,
but something very sensible. I am going to ask Cousin Charlotte to let me
help Anna; I can do a lot if I have some big aprons like Anna's, and big
white sleeves to go over my frocks. I know Cousin Charlotte and Anna
don't want to have a strange servant in; she would cost a lot, and Anna
wouldn't like her in the kitchen--and I could save all that."
"And I could help too," cried Angela excitedly. She was a born housewife,
and all her tastes lay in that direction. "I can dust, and clean silver,
and all sorts of things--"
"I am going to do all that," said Esther loftily, resenting at once any
encroachment on her domain. "You can keep Poppy out of mischief, and play
with her. I can do the hard work, if you will only be good and keep out
of harm."
Angela's face and spirits fell. She did so love to do real work, it was
so much more interesting than play; and keeping out of harm was not a bit
interesting--it was very dull and stupid, in fact. But Angela was used to
disappointments; besides which experience had already taught her that if
she waited patiently she could often find little things to do, little ways
of helping, that others forgot, or did not care about, so she said no
more, but waited. "When I am older, perhaps I'll be able to do the things
I like," she very often said to herself, by way of encouragement.
Esther crept back to her room and to her bed, and lay there impatiently,
waiting to be called. The minutes seemed endless, and Anna so slow in
coming!
And when at last she was dressed and downstairs she had scarcely patience
to endure prayers and breakfast, she was so longing to broach her great
idea to Cousin Charlotte. But Cousin Charlotte seemed to be wanted by
everybody. First Ephraim kept her ever so long talking over the day's
work; then Anna came in with a question to be answered; then Cousin
Charlotte began to talk to the others about the lessons which were to
begin on Monday, and Penelope was telling her all about her longing to
learn to play and sing, and Cousin Charlotte seemed so interested, she
talked on and on for quite a long time about it; and all the while Esther
was growing more and more vexed, until, when Cousin Charlotte at last
sprang up, exclaiming, "My dear children, do you know how long we have
been talking? I must hurry away this minute, or I shall be behindhand all
day!" the limit of poor Esther's patience was passed.
Angela looked up eagerly. "Can't I do something to help you,
Cousin Charlotte?" she asked eagerly; "I should love to."
Cousin Charlotte paused and looked down at the pretty, eager face
thoughtfully. "I wonder if you could pick some strawberries for us.
Would you like to?"
"Oh, yes!" cried Angela delightedly. "I should like to do anything to
help." She did not mean to trespass on Esther's plan. This, she thought,
was quite different work from what Esther was going to do. But her
promptness added to Esther's vexation.
"Well, there are a great many ripe ones, and I want some for ourselves and
some to give away; and Anna has no time this morning to pick them, and--
well, my back is not young enough to enjoy such work."
"I will do it," said Angela, very pleased and proud.
"May I help, Cousin Charlotte?" pleaded Poppy. "I'd love to."
"Yes," said Cousin Charlotte, smiling. "Can you whistle?
Strawberry-pickers must whistle all the time they are at work; you know
that, don't you?"
Poppy looked up very gravely. "I can't whistle," she said regretfully,
"but I can sing. Will that do, Cousin Charlotte?"
Miss Charlotte laughed and kissed her. "Yes, my pet, anything that will
prevent too many strawberries finding their way down Red Lane."
The others laughed merrily. Poppy began to understand.
"Put on your shady hats, and I will get you some baskets." And off they
ran in a high state of delight.
Esther waited. Though she had been full of excitement and pleasure about
approaching Miss Charlotte, she had felt very nervous, too, and this long
delay only increased her nervousness.
Anna came in to clear the table; Penelope strolled away, no one knew
where. Esther stood by the window looking out and drumming impatiently on
it with her fingers. Anna looked at her once or twice as though she would
like to say something. No one cares to see a window covered with
finger-marks. But she did not say anything; she was in a hurry, and
presently retired to her kitchen, and Esther was left alone.
"I thought last night it would be quite easy to be good here," she said to
herself, "but it doesn't seem so now." She stood and gazed out at the
river disconsolately. It seemed to her that the others, who were not
nearly as anxious to help as she was, were taking all her opportunities,
and she was left, to seem idle and unkind--and really she meant so
differently.
Poor Esther! Once more, while full of big aims, she was overlooking the
little chances.
"Well," she said at last in a very proud tone, "if no one wants me I will
go for a walk by myself. I shan't be in any one's way then!" She knew
quite well she was in no one's way, but she was very aggrieved and full of
self-pity.
She was just crossing the hall to put on her hat, when Miss Charlotte
entered it. Then was her chance, and she knew it; but the old sullen
temper had the upper hand, and forbade her to speak. By this time she had
let herself feel as hurt as though Miss Charlotte had known what was in
her mind and purposely ignored her.
She passed on, put on her hat, and went out. She would not go to the
garden because she did not want to see the others happily at their work;
so, when Miss Charlotte turned in to the kitchen, she slipped out at the
front door and walked away quickly up the road towards the station.
She would not go past the cottages, she wanted to avoid every one;
for that reason she avoided that part of the moor behind the house,
where Penelope would probably be, if she were not in the house or garden.
A little way up the road, on the right-hand side, a bridge crossed the
river. Esther went over it and found herself on the moor beyond, but she
turned away from it lest she should be seen, and clambered down to the
river's edge, where boughs and bushes shut her off from view. It was
lonely there, and she wandered on and on, through sun and shadow, under
low-hanging branches, by tiny beaches of clean river-sand, and all the way
she went the river ran beside her singing a low, cheery song as it rippled
over its uneven bed.
It could not be long before such loveliness must have a soothing effect on
any troubled spirit. By degrees Esther's mood changed, her sense of wrong
grew less, and presently she began to wish she had acted differently.
If she only had, she might now have been busy and happy too. She began to
feel ashamed of herself. How foolish she had been. She would go back
again and see if she could not be more sensible, and she rose from her
seat and turned her face homewards.
The house seemed deserted when at last she reached it. She went into the
hall, looked in the dining-room and drawing-room, saw no one, and strolled
out to the garden.
"Where can they all be?" she wondered, "and what can they be doing?"
From the kitchen came a great clatter of crockery. Anna was washing
dishes, and by the noise one could gather that Anna's temper was not of
the smoothest.
As Esther stepped out she saw Miss Charlotte coming towards her from the
group of outbuildings, carrying a basket of eggs. She was looking grave
and worried, and for a moment Esther felt she could not speak to her then;
she must wait until she found her again in such a mood as last night's.
But a second glance told her that Miss Charlotte looked tired, and without
giving herself time to think, Esther stepped up to her.
"Cousin Charlotte," she said, "I have nothing to do; let me help you--may
I?"
Cousin Charlotte's face brightened. "Oh, could you, dear? I am so busy I
don't know what to do first. I wonder if you could wash those eggs for
me, and write the date on them?"
Esther assented joyfully, and Miss Ashe led her to the pantry and showed
her where to find a cloth and a pencil and a place to store the eggs.
"While you are doing that, I can make out my list to send to Gorley; that
will be capital!"
"Cousin Charlotte," said Esther, in a voice that trembled a little with
nervousness, "I--I wanted to speak to you. I--I--you said you were trying
to get another servant." Miss Charlotte sighed. "I know you don't want
to, and--and don't you think we could manage without one, if I--if I
helped Anna?" Her voice was trembling, uncertain, but there was no
mistaking the earnestness of her purpose. "I used to help a lot at home,
and I should like to here. I can sweep, and dust, and make beds, and
clean silver, and cook some things, and--oh, I can do lots of little
useful things. I could keep our bedrooms dusted, and the drawing-room--
and it would all help, wouldn't it?"
Miss Ashe, who had paused in what she was doing, listened attentively.
"My dear," she said, as gravely as Esther herself, "it is very good and
thoughtful of you to think of such a thing, and you can certainly be most
useful in many ways, but I hardly know what to think about trying to do
without an extra servant. I cannot let you work too hard; you will have
your studies, you know, and we are rather a large family now. I cannot
let you become a little slave with no time for enjoyment; at the same
time, I must admit I really do not know how Anna and another maid would
get on. Anna does not like the idea, and to prove that one is not
necessary, she slaves and slaves to do everything herself, gets over-tired
and worried, and--and--well, she is very difficult; her only fault is her
temper, but that _is_ rather trying. I know she means well, and I keep on
telling myself so. She gets so hurt and offended if I try to help her;
she seems quite to resent it; and it requires a great deal of tact,
more than I possess, I am afraid," concluded Miss Ashe with another deep
sigh.
"Perhaps she wouldn't mind so much if I helped her," said Esther shrewdly;
"you see, it is we who have made so much extra work. Do let me try,
Cousin Charlotte, if it is only for a time."
Esther's face was very eager, her voice very pleading; Cousin Charlotte
could not resist the appeal, and gave in with another sigh, but of relief
this time. Esther, in her joy and excitement, marked every egg twice with
the wrong date, but what did it matter when she had gained her point?
For a few minutes Miss Ashe went on making her list, but in an
absent-minded fashion. "I wonder," she said at last, rather nervously,
"how it would be best to broach the subject to Anna?"
Esther looked up somewhat puzzled; she would have gone straight out to
Anna and told her she was going to undertake this, that, and the other
thing, and give all the help she could, but Miss Ashe had other views,
born of experience.
"My dear," she said, smiling rather shamefacedly, as though aware of her
weakness, "it all depends on how we manage it, whether all goes smoothly,
or there is constant friction. I think the best way will be not to speak
to Anna about it as though we had planned it, but just begin gradually,
doing what you can. I think it is always wiser not to begin violently
with changes and reforms. No one likes to have new plans made and thrust
on them, or their work taken from them, even though they grumble at having
to do it. We should not like it ourselves, should we, dear?"
Esther's memory flashed back to the morning, and her objection to Angela's
desire to share in the new scheme; she understood something of what Miss
Charlotte meant.
"I think, dear, if you just go about quietly, with your eyes open, ready
to give a little help when you see an opportunity, that would be the best
way; then by degrees you will build a little niche for yourself, and get
your own duties; and Anna, instead of resenting your help, will grow to
trust you, and count on you, and be grateful."
"Yes, Cousin Charlotte," agreed Esther, but in a not very enthusiastic
voice. She saw the wisdom of the plan, but it was rather a descent from
the beautiful scheme by which she was to have been the help and comfort of
them all, and she felt she might as well say 'good-bye' at once to the big
aprons and white sleeves which had formed such a delightful feature of her
plans.
"Things never turn out just as we want them to," she sighed, "and they
might so easily if people's tempers were not so tiresome." But at that
point she paused suddenly, and had the grace to blush warmly, though no
one was there to see her.