in this way; or, if you dislike that proposal, here's another for you;
observe the poor peasants, who work in the vineyards and grounds about
the villages of Passy, Auteuil, Chaillot, &c.; you may find every day,
among these deserving creatures, four or five old men and women, bent
and perhaps crippled by weight of years, and too long and too great
labour. After a most fatiguing day, these people have to trudge a mile
or two to their smoky huts. Order your coachman to set them down. This
is an act that will be good for your soul; and, at the same time, after
your visit to the Brillons, if you return on foot, that will be good for
your body.
FRANKLIN. Ah! how tiresome you are!
GOUT. Well, then, to my office; it should not be forgotten that I am
your physician. There.
FRANKLIN. Ohhh! what a devil of a physician!
GOUT. How ungrateful you are to say so! Is it not I who, in the
character of your physician, have saved you from the palsy, dropsy, and
apoplexy? one or other of which would have done for you long ago, but
for me.
FRANKLIN. I submit, and thank you for the past, but entreat the
discontinuance of your visits for the future; for, in my mind, one had
better die than be cured so dolefully. Permit me just to hint, that I
have also not been unfriendly to _you_. I never feed physician or quack
of any kind, to enter the list against you; if then you do not leave me
to my repose, it may be said you are ungrateful too.
GOUT. I can scarcely acknowledge that as any objection. As to quacks, I
despise them; they may kill you indeed, but cannot injure me. And, as to
regular physicians, they are at last convinced that the gout, in such a
subject as you are, is no disease, but a remedy; and wherefore cure a
remedy?--but to our business,--there.
FRANKLIN. Oh! oh!--for Heaven's sake leave me! and I promise faithfully
never more to play at chess, but to take exercise daily, and live
temperately.
GOUT. I know you too well. You promise fair; but, after a few months of
good health, you will return to your old habits; your fine promises will
be forgotten like the forms of last year's clouds. Let us then finish
the account, and I will go. But I leave you with an assurance of
visiting you again at a proper time and place; for my object is your
good, and you are sensible now that I am your _real friend_.
THE HANDSOME AND DEFORMED LEG[108]
[1780?]
There are two Sorts of People in the World, who with equal Degrees of
Health, & Wealth, and the other Comforts of Life, become, the one happy,
and the other miserable. This arises very much from the different Views
in which they consider Things, Persons, and Events; and the Effect of
those different Views upon their own Minds.
In whatever Situation Men can be plac'd, they may find Conveniencies &
Inconveniencies: In whatever Company; they may find Persons &
Conversation more or less pleasing. At whatever Table, they may meet
with Meats & Drinks of better and worse Taste, Dishes better & worse
dress'd: In whatever Climate they will find good and bad Weather: Under
whatever Government, they may find good & bad Laws, and good & bad
Administration of those Laws. In every Poem or Work of Genius they may
see Faults and Beauties. In almost every Face & every Person, they may
discover fine Features & Defects, good & bad Qualities.
Under these Circumstances, the two Sorts of People above mention'd fix
their Attention, those who are to be happy, on the Conveniencies of
Things, the pleasant Parts of Conversation, the well-dress'd Dishes, the
Goodness of the Wines, the fine Weather; &c., and enjoy all with
Chearfulness. Those who are to be unhappy, think & speak only of the
contraries. Hence they are continually discontented themselves, and by
their Remarks sour the Pleasures of Society, offend personally many
People, and make themselves everywhere disagreable. If this Turn of Mind
was founded in Nature, such unhappy Persons would be the more to be
pitied. But as the Disposition to criticise, & be disgusted, is perhaps
taken up originally by Imitation, and is unawares grown into a Habit,
which tho' at present strong may nevertheless be cured when those who
have it are convinc'd of its bad Effects on their Felicity; I hope this
little Admonition may be of Service to them, and put them on changing a
Habit, which tho' in the Exercise it is chiefly an Act of Imagination
yet has serious Consequences in Life, as it brings on real Griefs and
Misfortunes. For as many are offended by, & nobody well loves this Sort
of People, no one shows them more than the most common [civility and
respect, and scarcely that; and this frequently puts them out of humour,
and draws them into disputes and contentions. If they aim at obtaining
some advantage in rank or fortune, nobody wishes them success, or will
stir a step, or speak a word, to favour their pretensions. If they incur
public censure or disgrace, no one will defend or excuse, and many join
to aggravate their misconduct, and render them completely odious. If
these people will not change this bad habit, and condescend to be
pleased with what is pleasing, without fretting themselves and others
about the contraries, it is good for others to avoid an acquaintance
with them; which is always disagreeable, and sometimes very
inconvenient, especially when one finds one's self entangled in their
quarrels.
An old philosophical friend of mine was grown, from experience, very
cautious in this particular, and carefully avoided any intimacy with
such people. He had, like other philosophers, a thermometer to show him
the heat of the weather, and a barometer to mark when it was likely to
prove good or bad; but, there being no instrument invented to discover,
at first sight, this unpleasing disposition in a person, he for that
purpose made use of his legs; one of which was remarkably handsome, the
other, by some accident, crooked and] deformed. If a Stranger, at the
first interview, regarded his ugly Leg more than his handsome one, he
doubted him. If he spoke of it, & took no notice of the handsome Leg,
that was sufficient to determine my Philosopher to have no further
Acquaintance with him. Every body has not this two-legged Instrument,
but every one with a little Attention, may observe Signs of that
carping, fault-finding Disposition, & take the same Resolution of
avoiding the Acquaintance of those infected with it. I therefore advise
those critical, querulous, discontented, unhappy People, that if they
wish to be respected and belov'd by others, & happy in themselves they
should _leave off looking at the ugly Leg_.
TO MISS GEORGIANA SHIPLEY[109]
... Must now be next its End, as I have compleated my 75th Year I could
wish to see my dear Friends of your Family once more before I withdraw,
but I see no Prospect of enjoying that Felicity. Let me at least have
that of hearing from you a little oftener.
I do not understand the Coldness you mention of the Nights in the
Desert. I never before heard of such an Observation. If you have learnt
what was the Degree of cold and how it was observed, and what Difference
between the Night and the Day, you will oblige me by communicating it. I
like to see that you retain a Taste for Philosophical Enquiries.
I rec^d also your very kind Letter by Mad^e ---- [_illegible in MS_],
with whom and the Princess, her Mother, I am much pleased; tho' I have
not seen them so often as I wished, living as I do out of Paris.
I am glad to hear that you all pass'd the summer so agreably in Wales,
and I felicitate you as the French say, on the Increase of your
Brother's Family.
Accept my Thanks for your Friendly Verses and good Wishes. How many
Talents you possess! Painting, Poetry, Languages, etc., etc. All
valuable, but your good Heart is worth the whole.
Your mention of the Summer House brings fresh to my mind all the
Pleasures I enjoyed in the sweet Retreat at Twyford: the Hours of
agreable and instructive Conversation with the amiable Family at Table;
with its Father alone; the delightful Walks in the Gardens and
neighbouring Grounds. Pleasures past and gone forever! Since I have had
your Father's Picture I am grown more covetous of the rest; every time I
look at your second Drawing I have regretted that you have not given to
your Juno the Face of Anna Maria, to Venus that of Emily or Betsey, and
to Cupid that of Emily's Child, as it would have cost you but little
more Trouble. I must, however, beg that you will make me up a compleat
Set of your little Profiles, which are more easily done. You formerly
obliged me with that of the Father, an excellent one. Let me also have
that of the good Mother, and of all the Children. It will help me to
fancy myself among you, and to enjoy more perfectly in Idea, the
Pleasure of your Society. My little Fellow-Traveller, the sprightly
Hetty, with whose sensible Prattle I was so much entertained, why does
she not write to me? If Paris affords any thing that any of you wish to
have, mention it. You will oblige me. It affords everything but _Peace_!
Ah! when shall we again enjoy that Blessing!
Next to seeing our Friends is the Pleasure of hearing from them, and
learning how they live. Your Accounts of your Journies and how you pass
your Summers please me much. I flatter myself you will like to know
something of the same kind relating to me. I inhabit, a clean,
well-built Village situate on a Hill, in a fine Air, with a beautiful
Prospect, about 2 Miles [_Incomplete._]
TO DAVID HARTLEY
Passy, December 15, 1781.
MY DEAR FRIEND,
I received your favour of September 26th,[110] containing your very
judicious proposition of securing the spectators in the opera and play
houses from the danger of fire. I communicated it where I thought it
might be useful. You will see by the enclosed, that the subject has been
under consideration here. Your concern for the security of life, even
the lives of your enemies, does honour to your heart and your humanity.
But what are the lives of a few idle haunters of play houses, compared
with the many thousands of worthy men, and honest industrious families,
butchered and destroyed by this devilish war? Oh that we could find some
happy invention to stop the spreading of the flames, and put an end to
so horrid a conflagration! Adieu, I am ever yours most affectionately,
B. FRANKLIN.
SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON INDEPENDENT CHRONICLE[111]
Numb. 705
Boston, March 12, 1782.
Extract of a Letter from Captain Gerrish, of the New England Militia,
dated Albany, March 7.
The Peltry taken in the Expedition [see the Account of the Expedition to
Oswegatchie, on the River St. Laurence, in our Paper of the 1st
Instant,] will, as you see, amount to a good deal of Money. The
Possession of this Booty at first gave us Pleasure; but we were struck
with Horror to find among the Packages 8 large ones, containing SCALPS
of our unhappy Country-folks, taken in the three last Years by the
Senneka Indians from the Inhabitants of the Frontiers of New York, New
Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Virginia, and sent by them as a Present to
Col. Haldimand, governor of Canada, in order to be by him transmitted to
England. They were accompanied by the following curious Letter to that
Gentleman.
"Teoga, Jan. 3d, 1782.
"May it please your Excellency,
"At the Request of the Senneka chiefs, I send herewith to
your Excellency, under the Care of James Boyd, eight Packs of
Scalps, cured, dried, hooped, and painted, with all the
Indian triumphal Marks, of which the following is Invoice and
Explanation.
"No. 1. Containing 43 Scalps of Congress Soldiers, killed in
different Skirmishes; these are Stretched on black Hoops, 4
Inches diameter; the Inside of the Skin painted red, with a
small black Spot to note their being killed with Bullets.
Also 62 of Farmers killed in their Houses; the Hoops red; the
Skin painted brown, and marked with a Hoe; a black Circle all
round, to denote their being surprised in the Night; and a
black Hatchet in the Middle, signifying their being killed
with that Weapon.
"No. 2. Containing 98 of Farmers killed in their Houses;
Hoops red; Figure of a Hoe, to mark their Profession; great
white Circle and Sun, to show they were surprised in the
Daytime; a little red Foot, to show they stood upon their
Defence, and died fighting for their Lives and Families.
"No. 3. Containing 97 of Farmers; Hoops green, to shew they
were killed in their Fields; a large white Circle with a
little round Mark on it for the Sun, to shew that it was in
the Daytime; black Bullet-mark on some, Hatchet on others.
"No. 4. Containing 102 of Farmers, mixed of the several Marks
above; only 18 marked with a little yellow Flame, to denote
their being of Prisoners burnt alive, after being scalped,
their Nails pulled out by the Roots, and other Torments; one
of these latter supposed to be a rebel Clergyman, his Band
being fixed to the Hoop of his Scalp. Most of the Farmers
appear by the Hair to have been young or middle-aged Men;
there being but 67 very grey Heads among them all; which
makes the Service more essential.
"No. 5. Containing 88 Scalps of Women; hair long, braided in
the Indian Fashion, to shew they were Mothers; Hoops blue;
Skin yellow Ground, with little red Tadpoles, to represent,
by way of Triumph, the Tears of Grief occasioned to their
Relations; a black scalping-Knife or Hatchet at the Bottom,
to mark their being killed with those Instruments. 17 others,
Hair very grey; black Hoops; plain brown Colour; no Mark, but
the short Club or _Casse-tête_, to shew they were knocked
down dead, or had their Brains beat out.
"No. 6. Containing 193 Boys' Scalps, of various Ages; small
green Hoops; whitish Ground on the Skin, with red Tears in
the Middle, and black Bullet-marks, Knife, Hatchet, or Club,
as their Deaths happened.
"No. 7. 211 Girls' Scalps, big and little; small yellow
Hoops; white Ground, Tears; Hatchet, Club, scalping-Knife,
&c.
"No. 8. This Package is a Mixture of all the Varieties
abovementioned; to the number of 122; with a Box of Birch
Bark, containing 29 little Infants' Scalps of various Sizes;
small white Hoops; white Ground; no Tears; and only a little
black Knife in the Middle, to shew they were ript out of
their Mothers' Bellies.
"With these Packs, the Chiefs send to your Excellency the
following Speech, delivered by Conejogatchie in Council,
interpreted by the elder Moore, the Trader, and taken down by
me in Writing.
Father,
We send you herewith many Scalps, that you may see we are
not idle Friends.
_A blue Belt._
Father,
We wish you to send these Scalps over the Water to the
great King, that he may regard them and be refreshed;
and that he may see our faithfulness in destroying his
Enemies, and be convinced that his Presents have not been
made to ungrateful people.
_A blue and white Belt with red Tassels._
Father,
Attend to what I am now going to say; it is a Matter of
much Weight. The great King's Enemies are many, and they
grow fast in Number. They were formerly like young
Panthers; they could neither bite nor scratch; we could
play with them safely; we feared nothing they could do to
us. But now their Bodies are become big as the Elk, and
strong as the Buffalo; they have also got great and sharp
Claws. They have driven us out of our Country for taking
part in your Quarrel. We expect the great King will give
us another Country, that our Children may live after us,
and be his Friends and Children, as we are. Say this for
us to the great King. To enforce it, we give this Belt.
_A great white Belt with blue Tassels._
Father,
We have only to say farther, that your Traders exact more
than ever for their Goods; and our hunting is lessened by
the War, so that we have fewer Skins to give for them.
This ruins us. Think of some Remedy. We are poor; and you
have Plenty of every Thing. We know you will send us
Powder and Guns, and Knives and Hatchets; but we also
want Shirts and Blankets.
_A little white Belt._
"I do not doubt but that your Excellency will think it proper
to give some farther Encouragement to those honest People.
The high Prices they complain of are the necessary Effect of
the War. Whatever Presents may be sent for them, through my
Hands, shall be distributed with Prudence and Fidelity. I
have the Honour of being your Excellency's most obedient
"And most humble Servant,
JAMES CRAUFURD."
It was at first proposed to bury these Scalps; but Lieutenant
Fitzgerald, who, you know, has got Leave of Absence to go to Ireland on
his private Affairs, said he thought it better they should proceed to
their Destination; and if they were given to him, he would undertake to
carry them to England, and hang them all up in some dark Night on the
Trees in St. James's Park, where they could be seen from the King and
Queen's Palaces in the Morning; for that the Sight of them might perhaps
strike Muley Ishmael (as he called him) with some Compunction of
Conscience. They were accordingly delivered to Fitz, and he has brought
them safe hither. To-morrow they go with his Baggage in a Waggon for
Boston, and will probably be there in a few Days after this Letter.
I am, &c.
SAMUEL GERRISH.
Boston, March 20.
Monday last arrived here Lieutenant Fitzgerald above mentioned, and
Yesterday the Waggon with the Scalps. Thousands of People are flocking
to see them this Morning, and all Mouths are full of Execrations. Fixing
them to the Trees is not approved. It is now proposed to make them up in
decent little Packets, seal and direct them; one to the King, containing
a Sample of every Sort for his Museum; one to the Queen, with some of
Women and little Children; the Rest to be distributed among both Houses
of Parliament; a double Quantity to the Bishops.
[The following part appeared in a second edition from which certain
advertisements which had been published in the first edition were
omitted.]
MR. WILLIS,
Please to insert in your useful Paper the following Copy of a Letter
from Commodore Jones, directed
TO SIR JOSEPH YORK, AMBASSADOR FROM THE KING OF ENGLAND TO
THE STATES-GENERAL OF THE UNITED PROVINCES
"Ipswich, New England, March 7, 1781.
"SIR,
"I have lately seen a memorial, said to have been presented
by your Excellency to their High Mightinesses the
States-general, in which you are pleased to qualify me with
the title of _pirate_.
"A pirate is defined to be _hostis humani generis_ [an enemy
to all mankind]. It happens, Sir, that I am an enemy to no
part of mankind, except your nation, the English; which
nation at the same time comes much more within the
definition, being actually an enemy to, and at war with, one
whole quarter of the world, America, considerable part of
Asia and Africa, a great part of Europe, and in a fair way of
being at war with the rest.
"A pirate makes war for the sake of _rapine_. This is not the
kind of war I am engaged in against England. Ours is a war in
defence of _liberty_ ... the most just of all wars; and of
our _properties_, which your nation would have taken from us,
without our consent, in violation of our rights, and by an
armed force. Yours, therefore is a war of _rapine_; of
course, a piratical war; and those who approve of it, and are
engaged in it, more justly deserve the name of _pirates_,
which you bestow on me. It is, indeed, a war that coincides
with the general spirit of your nation. Your common people in
their ale-houses sing the twenty-four songs of Robin Hood,
and applaud his deer-stealing and his robberies on the
highway: those, who have just learning enough to read, are
delighted with your histories of the pirates and of the
buccaniers; and even your scholars in the universities study
Quintus Curtius, and are taught to admire Alexander for what
they call 'his conquests in the Indies.' Severe laws and the
hangmen keep down the effects of this spirit somewhat among
yourselves (though in your little Island you have
nevertheless more highway robberies than there are in all the
rest of Europe put together); but a foreign war gives it full
scope. It is then that, with infinite pleasure, it lets
itself loose to strip of their property honest merchants,
employed in the innocent and useful occupation of supplying
the mutual wants of mankind. Hence, having lately no war with
your ancient enemies, rather than be without a war, you chose
to make one upon your friends. In this your piratical war
with America, the mariners of your fleets and the owners of
your privateers were animated against us by the act of your
Parliament, which repealed the law of God, 'Thou shalt not
steal,' by declaring it lawful for them to rob us of all our
property that they could meet with on the ocean. This act,
too, had a retrospect, and, going beyond bulls of pardon,
declared that all the robberies you _had committed_ previous
to the act should be _deemed just and lawful_. Your soldiers,
too, were promised the plunder of our cities; and your
officers were flattered with the division of our lands. You
had even the baseness to corrupt our servants, the sailors
employed by us, and encourage them to rob their masters and
bring to you the ships and goods they were entrusted with. Is
there any society of pirates on the sea or land, who, in
declaring wrong to be right, and right wrong, have less
authority than your parliament? Do any of them more justly
than your parliament deserve the _title_ you bestow on me?
"You will tell me that we forfeited all our estates by our
refusal to pay the taxes your nation would have imposed on us
without the consent of our colony parliaments. Have you then
forgotten the incontestable principle, which was the
foundation of Hambden's glorious lawsuit with Charles the
first, that 'what an English king has no right to demand, an
English subject has a right to refuse'? But you cannot so
soon have forgotten the instructions of your late honorable
father, who, being himself a sound Whig, taught you certainly
the principles of the Revolution, and that, 'if subjects
might in some cases forfeit their property, kings also might
forfeit their title, and all claim to the allegiance of their
subjects.' I must then suppose you well acquainted with those
Whig principles; on which permit me, Sir, to ask a few
questions.
"Is not protection as justly due from a king to his people,
as obedience from the people to their king?
"If then a king declares his people to be out of his
protection:
"If he violates and deprives them of their constitutional
rights:
"If he wages war against them:
"If he plunders their merchants, ravages their coasts, burns
their towns, and destroys their lives:
"If he hires foreign mercenaries to help him in their
destruction:
"If he engages savages to murder their defenceless farmers,
women, and children:
"If he cruelly forces such of his subjects as fall into his
hands, to bear arms against their country, and become
executioners of their friends and brethren:
"If he sells others of them into bondage, in Africa and the
East Indies:
"If he excites domestic insurrections among their servants,
and encourages servants to murder their masters:--
"Does not so atrocious a conduct towards his subjects
dissolve their allegiance?
"If not, please to say how or by what means it can possibly
be dissolved?
"All this horrible wickedness and barbarity has been and
daily is practised by the King, _your master_, (as you call
him in your memorial,) upon the Americans, whom he is still
pleased to claim as his subjects.