President ANDREWS, of Brown University, has contributed to
the _North American Review_ an article entitled "Are there Too Many of
Us?" Personally, I should answer with an unhesitating yes, especially
after Bank Holidays, or _fêtes_ and galas such as those with which the
provinces teem. And it may be noted, by the way, as a curious fact in
the natural history of amusements, that no genuine _fête_ is ever found
without a gala. Conversely a gala without a _fête_ cannot be imagined.
From the presence in your neighbourhood of one of the two you are at
once entitled to infer the presence of the other.
* * * * *
I return, however, to Professor ANDREWS. He proves by a series
of elaborate and convincing calculations that if the world started with
a population of two, the increase in 3,000 years would have become "two
quintillion human beings; viz., to every square yard 3,333-1/3 persons.
Or the earth would be covered with men in columns of 833-2/3 each,
standing on each others heads. If they averaged five feet tall, each
column would be 4,166-2/3 feet high."
* * * * *
All this sounds highly stupendous. As I am no mathematician, I cannot
compete with Professor ANDREWS of Brown University on equal
terms, but to my non-mathematical mind the only inference to be drawn
from the Professor's calculation appears to be that the world is not
much more than thirty years old, or, let us say, 30-1/3. In another
ten years or so, I suppose we shall have to start work on the columns.
Personally, I am not impatient. I am quite willing to let 832 of my
friends get into position first. I can then climb up and complete
the column. How the fractional third is to be made up I know not,
unless--happy thought--there is to be an extra allowance of three
tailors to every column.
* * * * *
The Social Democratic Federation has been meeting in conference
at Birmingham. Comrades QUELCH, BELCHER,
SHAYER, GEARD, TOOTH, TEMPEST,
WATTS and WENLINGTON were all on the spot. Some
discussion took place with reference to _Justice_, the official organ
of the Federation.
Mr. BELCHER (Lincoln), in the course of discussion, thought
they ought to induce the workers to take up shares, and to back
_Justice_ to the fullest extent. They were inclined to sneer at
capitalists, but they could not carry on the Federation work without
taking a leaf out of the capitalist's book. (_Hear, hear._)
Mr. M'PHERSON, as one of the auditors, said the branch
accounts in reference to _Justice_ were a disgrace. A great deal was
heard about the immorality of capitalists, but a little more morality
was wanted in some of the branches in regard to the paying of accounts.
This, of course, is most lamentable. Even a Social Democrat, it seems,
cannot alter hard facts or get on without money. And at present
nobody seems in want of the particular kind of justice which Messrs.
QUELCH, BELCHER and other comrades are anxious to
purvey.
* * * * *
I like to rescue from the dark unfathomed caves of ocean any gem
of purest ray serene. Here is one extracted from the speech of Mr.
POWELL WILLIAMS, M.P., at the recent dinner of the Birmingham
Conservative Club.
Mr. POWELL WILLIAMS, M.P., proposed "The Press," and said
that before he spoke of the Press he would like to correct a statement
which Sir MEYSEY THOMPSON made. That gentleman thought that
Yorkshire was peculiar, inasmuch as it had got rid of something
objectionable in the shape of fever called Shaw-Lefevre. He put in a
claim for distinction for the county of Cornwall. In Cornwall they
would tell you that they had got rid of the worst kind of beer that
anyone ever tasted, and that they called Conybeare.
Later on Mr. WILLIAMS said that, although the Gladstonian
Press was more numerous than the Unionist Press, it had not been able
to persuade the nation to swallow eighty Irish members--which is,
perhaps, fortunate; since, to take only one, I am sure Mr. TIM
HEALY would prove a very tough morsel to digest.
* * * * *
And here is a rose that, but for me, might have blushed unseen in the
report of the proceedings of the South Dublin Union:--
Mr. LENEHAN moved, in accordance with notice--"That the
pauper inmate nurses be removed from the male and female Roman
Catholic hospitals, and also from the Protestant male and female
hospitals, and trained nurses engaged to look after the sick poor."
During the course of a lengthened address, delivered in a remarkably
loud voice, he urged that the present system of nursing was bad, that
militiamen were employed for the purpose, and that reliance could not
be placed on the paupers at present engaged in the hospitals. He said
that there were at present 184 inmates employed in nursing, and he
proposed to put a trained nurse in each ward, that would be 43, and
two nurses in each hospital, that would be 8, or 51 in all. These 51
nurses, at £30 a year, or 11_s._ 6_d._, would be a little over £29
(_laughter_), or a saving of some shillings (_laughter_).
Mr. SYKES.--What in the world is the meaning of that
calculation?
Mr. LENEHAN repeated his statement amidst great laughter.
Mr. O'REILLY said he would second the motion for the sake of
discussion, as Mr. LENEHAN complained that his resolutions
were never seconded.
Mr. BYRNE was surprised that Mr. O'REILLY had
seconded the resolution, for Mr. O'REILLY was a sensible
man----
Mr. LENEHAN.--I deny that (_laughter_).
Mr. BYRNE said it was all braggadocio, and a desire to obtain
notoriety, that made Mr. LENEHAN bring this forward.
After this no one will be surprised to hear that Mr. LENEHAN
withdrew his motion. It must be a terrible thing to be accused of
braggadocio and a desire to obtain notoriety.
* * * * *
And finally here is an estimate of Mr. BALFOUR from a
correspondent of the Birmingham _Daily Gazette:_--
THE UNIONIST MAJORITY.--_To the Editor of the "Daily
Gazette."_--SIR,--Among the many causes assigned for the
above, no one, so far as I know, has suggested the following one. Is
it too much to hope that the statesmanlike character of Mr. A. J.
BALFOUR has influenced greatly the country at large? His simple
dignity, both in majority and minority, his pluck and energy as Irish
Secretary, are still remembered. The _Spectator_ publishes an article
on "Mr. Balfour's Benignity," and at the reception given to the
Medical Association at the Imperial Institute he and his sister were
received with deafening cheers. Lastly, we shall hear nothing from
himself. Surely all parties recognize and admire such a statesman, and
willingly confide in his future.--AN OUTSIDER.
But why are we to hear nothing from Mr. BALFOUR himself. As
one who likes good speaking on either side of the House, I hope we may
hear a great deal from Mr. BALFOUR.
* * * * *
There have been great doings at Cirencester. At a _fête_ (and gala)
in Earl BATHURST'S park, the chief attraction was the
announcement of a captive balloon, which was expected to make trips
during the afternoon. Unfortunately, however, the gas-main in the
Tetbury Road, where the balloon was filled, was not so large as was
desirable, and the result was that the balloon was not filled till
after five o'clock. It was then taken to the scene of the _fête_ at
Pope's Seat, where every effort was made to make up for lost time.
The Hon. B. BATHURST, M.P., the newly elected member for
the division, made a short speech from the balloon, being received
with loud cheers. The "right away" ascent was afterwards abandoned.
The evening, which proved fine, closed with an excellent display of
fireworks by Professor WELLS.
If a captive balloon should refuse to inflate,
And should linger too long flopping loose on the grass,
Just insert an M.P. in the car to orate,
And you'll promptly secure an abundance of gas.
* * * * *