[Illustration]
_House of Commons, Monday, August 12._--Back in the old place. Same
address; same walls; same benches; same stage in short, but almost
entirely new company. SQUIRE OF MALWOOD lends friendly
look to Front Opposition Bench. But there are many vacant places to
right and left of him. Where is JOHN MORLEY, and ARNOLD
MORLEY, and SHAW-LEFEVRE who saved our Commons but could
not save his seat among them? What has become of JOHN HIBBERT,
gentlest mannered man that ever repulsed attack on the public purse?
And GEORGE RUSSELL and LEVESON-GOWER? Was not even
a BRAND plucked from the burning? Was "BOBBY," in
laager behind his collar, cut off in the full fragrance of youth and
beauty?
SARK, looking round on other quarters of House, cannot refrain
from dropping a salt if silent tear. "You call this the House of
Commons," he said, bitterly, "and find in it no place for ALPHEUS
CLEOPHAS? One black man may be as good as another, and even
better; that is the MARKISS'S affair. As VIRGIL wrote
of _Trojan_ and _Tyrian_,"
BHOWNAGGREE NAOROJI mihi nullo discrimine agetur.
But how is Parliament going to limp along without our
CONYBEARE, our SEYMOUR KEAY, and our DON'T KEIR
HARDIE? I suppose it's all right. The SPEAKER will take
Chair at usual hour; questions will be put and answered; Bills will
make progress and 'the House will now adjourn.' But if the House of
Commons is itself without the eminent persons I have mentioned, I at
least shall not be able to recognise its identity."
"Oh, cheer up," said ST. JOHN BRODRICK, Premier-maker,
Destroyer of Majorities, sort of Parliamentary WARWICK.
"You don't know what the future may have in store for you. There are
fathomless possibilities in this unfamiliar crowd. It's true no new
Members, as far as I observed, came down in a brake accompanied by
trumpets also and shawms. But DON'T KEIR HARDIE didn't live
up to that introduction. The fact is, it probably had something to do
with his distinct failure. It raised expectation too high, and even his
collarless shirt, his short jacket, his Tweed cap, and his tendency
to shed papers out of his over-stuffed pockets as he walked about the
premises, didn't make up what was lacking."
Whilst WARWICK BRODRICK talking, he was constantly turning
over things in his pockets. Thought at first it was money. "Been
drawing your salary a quarter in advance?" I asked, anxious to learn
the habits of the new Ministry.
"No," said WARWICK, "it's not that. See," he said, picking
out handful of small bullets; "these are what we use in the new rifles
fired with cordite. Nice things you know. Will hop across two miles
before you know where you are. In the other pocket got a few charges of
cordite. No! Rather not see them? Well, no accounting for prejudice. I
mean to keep a supply always on hand, or rather in pocket. Opposition
not likely to do anything much yet awhile. But they'll try and form
up by-and-by. When they do, I'll show 'em a cordite cartridge, rattle
a few of these bullets, with their cupro-nickel jackets, and, poof!
they're off just as they were when I defeated the late Government in
June. Can't have too much of a good thing. What cordite's done once it
may do again."
And the Financial Secretary to the War Office walked off,
ostentatiously rattling the contents of his pockets as he passed
CAWMELL-BANNERMAN, who visibly faltered.
_Business done._--NEW SPEAKER elected.
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Arcades Ambo.
The Heathen Chinee and Unspeakable Turk
Seem largely alike, in Gehenna's black work.
The earth would smile fairer, methinks, were it free
Of Unspeakable Turk and of Heathen Chinee.
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[Illustration: IDLE SPEECHES.
"AND SO _THAT_'S HER HUSBAND, IS IT? LOOKS AS IF SHE'D WON HIM IN A
RAFFLE!"
"AND AS IF THE TICKETS FOR THAT RAFFLE HADN'T BEEN VERY
EXPENSIVE!"]
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