SEA CLIFF, L. I., February 13.
Dear Friend, I thought that as to-morrow is Valentine’s Day I had
better send you a line to report progress and to wish you my respectful
greeting. This Dr. R with whom I am living is a fine man and he smells
good to me I heard him say something about a Dog Show being on in
New York now and I thought I ought to tell you what the old veterans
in this veterinary hotel say, they say not to go to any such show
because those things there are not Regular Dogs, not Red Blooded He
Dogs not Dogs as you might say with the Bark On. Of course at first
it was a bit hard for me here being as I am a self-made dog so to say
and not accustomed to associate with pedigree folks and I rather wish
you would send me a new collar, that old strap is about wore out and
to tell you the truth there is a little Airedale flapper in the next
cage that I would like to make an impression on, some of the boys have
those collars that are studded with brass spikes and look mighty fine
don’t forget my size is 16. As I was saying, at first things were a
bit unpleasant, there is a big collie who looked me over the first
morning I was here and said “Ye men, how do they get that way? Who let
this mutt in here among cultivated animals?” Well, I wasn’t going to
stand for that stuff, so I talked right back to him and asked him if
he had ever been in print, but I didn’t get it across very big because
he was so ignorant he didn’t seem to realize what it means to have
been written up right along in the _Evening Post_. By the way, I get
kennel-sick for the old paper, out here they all read the sensational
sheets and I wish you would tell the Circulation Manager to put me
down for a two-months’ subscription. All the other fellows here gave
me the razz when I told them my name, Gissing, what kind of a name is
that for a dog they said? I told them I was named after a Writer but
none of the roughnecks ever heard of him. But I noticed right away
that the little Airedale kid was interested, she seems to have some
imagination her name is Mistress Zephine IV and I understand that the
Airedales are a very fine family. I told her that it had been suggested
by some that I had some Airedale in me too, and she laughed and looked
a bit scandalized. Either you are an Airedale or you aren’t, she said;
there’s no half and half measures. Live and learn, I told her. Anyway
she and I go out for a walk together with one of the men every morning,
and I have got her quite interested in books, she has promised to write
me when she gets home and tell what kind of books her master reads.
When you write, send me a cake of flea soap, I want to make myself
solid with this dame. There is a whole lot I could write about, but
this is just to say that You are my Valentine. These dogs here all have
three-barrelled names so I will sign myself in full,
Your affectionate dog,
HAPHAZARD GISSING I.
P. S. Please write right away and tell me what is the name of your
publisher, I want to give one of your books to Zephine, when I told
her you were a Writer she wouldn’t believe it, I am talking you up big
all the time here, but it is hard work to get away with it because
appearances are against us; never mind, some day we will knock them
cold; and what is the name of your car, one of these fellows here
says he rides around in a Rolls Royce and I told him yours was a Dame
Quickly and he says there isn’t any such boat, it’s an imported car I
told him. Yes, he says, imported from Detroit; never mind, I’ve got
them all guessing, they’re all keen to see what kind of a guy you are,
I told them the story about the old trousers, I guess it was a mistake.