REVOLT.
One afternoon, early in the year, Mark had betaken himself to the
'Cock,' where he was to lunch with his uncle by appointment before
going with him to the steward's office of his Inn to pay his fees for
the privilege of being called to the Bar. For Mark had duly presented
himself for the not very searching ordeal by which the public is
guaranteed against the incompetence of practitioners, and, rather to
his own surprise, had not been required to try again. 'Call night' was
announced in the windows of the law wig-makers, and Uncle Solomon, in
high delight, resolved that his nephew should join the next batch of
barristers, had appointed this day for choosing the wig and gown and
settling all other preliminaries--he had been so much pleased, in
fact, as to inclose a handsome cheque in the letter which conveyed his
desires.
So Mark waited by the hoardings of the New Law Courts, until his
relative should join him. Mark was not at ease--he was nerving himself
to make a statement which he felt would come upon his uncle as a far
from gratifying surprise--he had put it off from time to time, out of
weakness, or, as he had told himself, from diplomacy. Now he could do
so no longer. Uncle Solomon had hinted terrible things in his letter
of a certain brief with which his own solicitor was to entrust the
brand-new barrister the morning after his call! But for this, Mark
might have let things drift, as he would strongly have preferred to
do, but this threat of immediate employment drove him to declare
himself. He firmly believed that his true vocation was the one he had
secured at such cost to his self-respect; he was willing enough to
bear the title of barrister, but he had no intention of devoting
himself seriously to the profession; he saw little more attraction in
the Bar than in teaching, and the most self-confident man might have
recoiled at having work thrust into his hands before he had undergone
the slightest practical training for conducting it. And Mark's
imagination saw his first brief bringing others in its train, until he
should sink in a sea of blue foolscap, helpless and entangled in
clinging tentacles of red-tape. Perhaps this was a groundless alarm,
but he had planned out a particular career for himself, a career of
going about and observing (and it is well known that what a man of
genius calls 'observing' is uncommonly like ordinary people's
enjoyment), being famous and flattered, and sitting down in moments of
inspiration to compose with a clear head and a mind unhampered by all
other considerations. Now the responsibility of legal work _would_
hamper him--he felt his muse to be of that jealous disposition which
will suffer no rival--if he meant to be free at all, he must strike
the blow at once. And so, as has been said, he was not at his ease.
Mr. Lightowler appeared as St. Clement Danes struck half-past one; he
was in high good-humour, jubilant, and ruddy. 'Well, Master
Barrister,' he said, chuckling; 'to think o' my living to see you
figurin' about in a wig and gown--you must cut off that moustache of
yours, though, Mark: none of the young barrister fellows I see goin'
up in the train of a mornin' wear 'em. I'm told the judges don't
consider too much 'air respectful, hey? Well, s'pose we go in and have
a bit of something, eh? The "Cock" is it? Ah, I haven't been in
here--I haven't been in here not since I was a young man "on the
road," as we used to call it. I don't mean I was ever in the Dick
Turpin line, but a commercial gentleman, you know. Well, I've made my
way since. You'll have to make yours, with more help than I ever had,
though.'
Mark led the way up a steep little passage and into the well-known
room, with its boxes darkened by age, its saw-dusted floor and quaint
carved Jacobean mantelpiece. He chose a compartment well down at the
bottom of the room.
'What's your partickler preference, eh?' said Uncle Solomon, rather as
if he was treating a schoolboy. 'What's their speciality 'ere, now?
Well, you can give me,' he added to the waiter, with the manner of a
man conferring a particular favour, 'you can give me a chump chop,
underdone, and a sausage. And bring this young gentleman the same. I
don't care about anything 'eavier at this time o' day,' he explained.
Mark talked on all kinds of topics with desperate brilliancy for some
time; he wanted time before approaching _the_ subject.
Uncle Solomon broached it for him. 'You'll want a regler set o'
chambers by-and-by,' he said; 'I've seen a room down Middle Temple
Lane that'll do for you for the present. When the briefs begin to come
in, we'll see about something better. I was talkin' about you to
Ferret the other day,' he went on. 'It'll be all right; he's goin' to
instruct their London agent to send you in a little something that you
can try your 'prentice hand at directly. Isn't _that_ be'aving like an
uncle to you, eh? I hope you will go and do me credit over it; that's
the only way you can pay me back a little--I ask but that of you,
Mark.'
For all his bumptiousness and despotism, there was a real kindness,
possibly not of the purest and most unselfish order, but still
kindness in his manner, and Mark felt a pang at having to reward it as
he must.
The meal was over now, and Uncle Solomon was finishing the glass of
whisky and water before him. 'Well,' he said, as he set it down, 'we'd
better be off to the place where I'm to pay the fees for you. Ah, what
you young fellows cost to start nowadays!'
'That's it,' said Mark; 'I--I would rather not cost you anything,
uncle.'
'It's rather late in the day to be partickler about that, _I_ should
say.'
'It is. I feel that; but I mean, I don't want to cost you any _more_.'
'What d'ye mean by that?'
'I mean that I don't care about being called to the Bar at present.'
'Don't you? Well, I do, so let that be enough for you. If I'm willing
to pay, I don't see what you 'ave to say against it. All _you've_ got
to do is to work.'
'Uncle,' said Mark in a low voice, 'I must tell you what I feel about
this. I--I don't want to cause you to spend your money on false
pretences.'
'You'd better not: that's all I can tell you!'
'Precisely,' said Mark; 'so I'll be quite frank with you beforehand.
If you set your mind on it, I will take my call to the Bar.'
'_Will_ yer, though? That's very affable of you, now!'
'Yes, I will; but I shall never practise; if Ferret's agent sends me
this brief, I shall decline it.'
'I would; that's the way to get on at the Bar; you're a sharp feller,
_you_ are!'
'I don't want to get on at the Bar. I don't mean to take it up; there,
if you choose to be angry, I can't help it. I've told you.'
'Then may I take the liberty of inquirin' _'ow_ you purpose to live?'
demanded Uncle Solomon.
'I mean to live by literature,' said Mark; 'I know I promised I
wouldn't write any more: well, as far as that goes, I've kept my word;
but--but a former book of mine has been accepted on very liberal
terms, I see my way now to making a living by my pen, and though I'm
sorry, of course, if it disappoints you, I mean to choose my life for
myself, while I can.'
It must be highly annoying when one has, after infinite labour,
succeeded in converting a clown, to see him come to chapel with a
red-hot poker and his pockets full of stolen sausages; but even that
shock is nothing to Uncle Solomon's.
He turned deadly pale and sank back in the box, glaring at Mark and
opening his mouth once or twice with a fish-like action, but without
speaking. When he could articulate, he called the waiter, giving Mark
reason for a moment to fear that he was going to pour out his rage and
disappointment into the ears of one of the smug and active attendants.
'Take for me and this young man, will yer?' was all he said, however.
When the waiter had reckoned up the sum in the time-honoured manner
and departed, Uncle Solomon turned and began to struggle into his
great-coat. 'Let me help you,' said Mark, but Mr. Lightowler
indignantly jerked himself away. 'I don't want to be helped into my
coat by you,' he said; 'you've helped me into my grave by what you've
done this day, you have; let that be sufficient for you!'
When he had rendered himself rather conspicuous by his ineffectual
attempts to put on the coat, and was reduced to accept the assistance
of two waiters who shook him into it obsequiously, he came back to the
box where Mark was sitting in a relieved but still vaguely
uncomfortable frame of mind.
'I don't want to 'ave many words with you about this,' he began with a
sternness that was not unimpressive. 'If I was to let myself out in
'ere, I should go too far. I'll only just tell you this much; this is
the second time you've played me this trick, and it's the last! I
warned you before that I should have done with you if you did it
again: you'll 'ave no more chances like the last, so mind that. Take
care of that cheque, you needn't fear I shall stop it, but you won't
get many more out o' me. And now I'll bid you good-day, young
gentleman; I'm goin' to Kensington, and then I shall do a little
littery composing on my own account, since it's so pop'lar, and get
Ferret to help me with it. I'm not one of your littery men, but I
dessey I can compose something yet that'll be read some day with a
good deal of interest; it won't be pleasant reading for you, though, I
can tell yer!'
He went noisily out, the waiters staring after him and the people
looking up from their boxes as he passed, and Mark was left to his own
reflections, which were of a mixed order.
He had accomplished his main object--his slavery was over, and he felt
an indescribable relief at the thought; still, he could not avoid the
suspicion that his freedom might have been dearly purchased. His
uncle's words had pointed to a state of things in which he would have
benefited to a considerable extent under his will, and that was over
now. Would it not have been worth while to endure a little longer--but
Mark felt strongly that it would not. With such prospects as he now
saw opening before him, the idea of submitting himself to an old man's
ambitious whims for the sake of a reward which might, after all, be
withheld at last was utterly revolting. He felt a certain excitement,
too, at the idea of conquering the world single-handed.
When he left the 'Cock' he walked slowly and irresolutely down the
Strand. 'If I go home now I shall find _him_ blustering there. I don't
feel equal to any more of him just now,' he thought.
He had no club to go to at that time, so he went and read the papers,
and drank coffee at a cigar divan until it was late enough to dine,
and after dinner tried to drown his care by going to see one of those
anomalous productions--a 'three-act burlesque'--at a neighbouring
theatre, which he sat through with a growing gloom, in spite of the
pretty faces and graceful dances which have now, with some rare
exceptions, made plot and humour so unnecessary. Each leading member
of the clever company danced his or her special _pas seul_ as if for a
competitive examination, but left him unthrilled amidst all the
enthusiasm that thundered from most parts of the house. It is true
that there were faces there--and young men's faces--quite as solemn as
his own, but then theirs was the solemnity of an enjoyment too deep
for expression, while Mark's face was blank from a depression he could
not shake off.
He went away at the end of the second act with a confused recollection
of glowing groups of silk-clad figures, forming up into a tableau for
no obvious dramatic reason, and, thinking it better to face his family
before the morning, went straight home to Malakoff Terrace. He could
not help a slight nervousness as he opened the gate and went up the
narrow path of flagstones. The lower window was dark, but there were
no lights in the upper rooms, so that he guessed that the family had
not retired. Mrs. Ashburn was entirely opposed to the latch-key as a
domestic implement, and had sternly refused to allow such a thing to
pass her threshold, so that Mark refrained from making use of the
key--which of course he had--in all cases where it was not absolutely
necessary, and he knocked and rang now.
Trixie came to the door and let him in. 'They've sent Ann to bed,' she
whispered, 'but ma and pa are sitting up for you.'
'Are they though?' said Mark grimly, as he hung up his hat.
'Yes,' said Trixie; 'come in here for a minute, Mark, while I tell you
all about it. Uncle Solomon has been here this afternoon and stayed to
dinner and he's been saying, oh, such dreadful things about you. Why
weren't you here?'
'I thought I should enjoy my dinner more if I dined out,' said Mark.
'Well, and what's the end of it all, Trixie?'
'I'm sure I don't know what it will be. Uncle Solomon actually wanted
me to come and live with him at Chigbourne, and said he would make it
worth my while in the end, if I would promise not to have anything
more to do with you.'
'Ah, and when are you going?' said Mark, with a cynicism that was only
on the surface.
'When!' said Trixie indignantly, 'why, never. Horrid old man! As if I
cared about his money! I told him what I thought about things, and I
think I made him angrier. I hope so, I'm sure.'
'Did he make the same offer to Martha or Cuthbert?' asked Mark; 'and
were they indignant too?'
'They weren't asked. I don't think Uncle Solomon cares about them
much; _you're_ his favourite, Mark.'
'Yes, _I'm_ his favourite,' said Mark; 'but I'm not proud, Trixie.
Besides, I rather think all that is over now.'
Here the door of the next room opened, and Mrs. Ashburn's voice was
heard saying, 'Trixie, tell your brother Mark that, if he is in a
condition to be spoken to, his father and I have something to say to
him at once.'
'Encouraging that,' said Mark. 'Well, Trixie, here goes. You'd better
go to bed. I'm afraid we are going to have a scene in there.'
He went in with a rather overdone cheerfulness. 'Well, mother,' he
began, attempting to kiss her, 'I didn't dine at home to-night
because----'
'I know why you didn't dine at home,' she said. 'I wish for no kisses
from you, Mark. We have seen your uncle.'
'So have I,' said Mark; 'I lunched with him.'
'It is useless to trifle now,' she said; 'we know all.'
'I assure you I _did_ lunch with him; we had chops,' said Mark, who
sometimes found the bland and childlike manner very useful in these
emergencies. It did not serve him then, however.
'How could you deceive your uncle in such a manner?' she resumed.
'I didn't. I _un_deceived him.'
'You have disappointed all his plans for you; thrown up the Bar, your
position at St. Peter's, all your prospects in life--and for what?'
'For fun, of course, mother. I don't know what I'm fit for or what I
want; it's pure idiotic recklessness, isn't it?'
'It is; but don't talk to me in that ribald tone, Mark; I have enough
to bear as it is. Once for all I ask you, Is it true what my brother
tells me, that you have returned to the mire like the sow in the
Scriptures; that you are going to let your name be connected
with--with a novel, after all you have promised?'
'Quite true,' said Mark; 'I hope to be connected with many novels.'
'Mark,' said his mother, 'you know what I think about that. I implore
you to pause while there's time still, before doing what you can never
recall. It's not only from worldly motives that I ask it. Surely you
can sacrifice a contemptible vanity to your duty towards your mother.
I may be wrong in my prejudices, but still I have a right to expect
you to regard them. I ask you once more to withdraw from this. Are you
going to refuse me?'
Mrs. Ashburn's harsh tones carried a very genuine feeling and concern.
She truly believed that the paths of fiction would lead to her son's
spiritual as well as his material ruin, and Mark had sense enough to
recognise the reality of this belief of hers, and drop the levity he
had assumed for defensive purposes.
His father had, as usual, taken no part in the interview; he sat
looking dolefully at the fire, as if anxious to remain neutral as long
as possible; he had long been a mere suzerain, and, like some other
suzerains, felt a very modified resentment at a rebellion against an
authority that was only nominally his own.
So Mark addressed himself to his mother only. 'I'm sorry if it grieves
you, mother,' he said, gently enough; 'but you really must let me go
my own way in this--it is no use at all asking me to withdraw now....
I have gone too far.... Some day you will see that I was not so very
foolish after all. I promise you that. Wouldn't you rather think of me
as living the life I could be happy in--being famous, perhaps, even,
some day--than dragging out my days in a school or slaving at a
profession I can never care for? Of course you would! And a novel
isn't such an awful thing, if you could only bring yourself to think
so. You never will read one, you know, so you can't be a very
impartial judge.'
Mrs. Ashburn read very little of any literature; what she did read
being chiefly the sermons and biographies of Dissenting divines, and
she had never felt any desire to stimulate her imagination by anything
much more exciting, especially by accounts of things that never
happened, and were consequently untruthful. Her extreme horror of
fiction was a form of bigotry now almost extinct, but she had grown up
in it and retained it in all the old Puritan vigour.
She showed no signs of being at all impressed by Mark's remonstrance;
her eyes were severely cold, and her voice measured and loud as she
replied, without looking at him.
'You won't make me change my opinion in the least, Mark, if you were
to talk till daylight. If you set yourself against my wishes in this,
we have quite made up our minds how to act, have we not, Matthew?'
'Yes, quite,' said Mr. Ashburn, uneasily, 'quite; but I hope, Mark,
my boy, I hope you won't cross your mother in this, when you see how
strongly she feels about it. I want to keep my children about me while
I can; I don't wish anyone to go if it can be arranged--if it can be
arranged.'
'Do you mean, mother, that if I don't do as Uncle Solomon and you
wish, I am to go?' asked Mark.
'I do,' said his mother. 'I won't encourage any son of mine against my
conscience and my principles. If you choose to live a life of
frivolity and idleness, you shall not lead it under my roof; so you
know what to expect if you persist in disobeying me--us, I mean.'
'I think I had better go,' said Mark; 'I don't quite see what enormity
I have been guilty of, but if you look at things in that light, there
is no more to be said. I have chosen my life, and I don't mean to go
back from it. I will see about finding lodgings as soon as I can, and
you shall not be troubled with me any longer than I can help.'
'Mark, don't be headstrong--don't let your passion get the better of
you!' cried his mother, moved out of all her stoniness--for she had
not quite expected this, believing that the amount of Mark's salary
and his expenses made him practically dependent on her. She had
forgotten his uncle's cheque, and did not believe in any serious
profits to be gained from literature.
'I'm not in the least angry,' he said; 'I don't wish to go, if you
wish me to stay, but if you meant what you said just now, I have no
choice.'
His mother was much too proud to weaken her authority by retracting.
She still hoped that he would yield if she remained firm, but yielding
was out of the question with Mark then, and, besides, independence had
its charms, though he would not have been the first to loosen the tie.
'Blame your wicked pride and selfishness, Mark, not your mother, who
is only anxious for your good. Go, if you will, but don't dare to
expect a blessing on your disobedience.'
'Do you say go, too, father?' said Mark.
'You hear what your mother says. What else can I say?' he answered
feebly; 'it's very painful to me--all this--but you must take your own
course.'
'I see I must,' said Mark, and left the room.
'You've been very hard with the boy, Jane,' said her husband, when
they were alone, and she had sat for some time with a book open but
unread before her; 'I really do think you've been very hard.'
'Do you want to encourage him against his mother?' she asked.
'No, no, you know I don't, Jane. Anything you think right--but I think
you were hard.'
'If I was, it was for his good,' she said; 'I have done what I thought
right, and we have sat up long enough. We can do no good by talking
over it any more, Matthew. Perhaps Mark will think differently
to-morrow.'
Trixie had been waiting for Mark in the adjoining room into which she
beckoned him as he passed the door. 'How did it end?' she whispered.
'You were very quiet in there; is it settled?'
'Yes, it's settled,' he said, 'I'm to go, Trixie; I shall have to
shift for myself. They won't have me here any longer!'
'Oh, Mark!' cried Trixie. 'Take me with you, do, it will be so horrid
at home with only Martha and Cuthbert. You and I always got on
together; let me come too!'
'I can't,' said Mark, 'not yet--by-and-by, perhaps, Trixie, when I'm a
rich man, you know, we can manage it--just now I shall hardly be able
to keep myself.'
'I'll work hard at my drawing and get into the Academy. I've begun
features already, and I shall soon get into the antique--then we can
be famous together, you know.'
'We shall see,' said Mark; 'and in the meantime, Trixie, I think we
had better both go to bed.'
When he was alone again and had time to think over the day which had
proved so eventful, he could not find it in him to regret what had
happened. He had got rid of Uncle Solomon, he had cast off the wig
and gown which were to him as the garb of slavery, and the petty
restraints of his home life were gone as well; he had no sentimental
feelings about his banishment, the bosom of his family had not been a
very appreciative or sympathetic one, and he had always intended to go
forth from it as soon as he could afford it.
If he had really committed the offence for which he was to be driven
from home, he could have considered himself a most interesting martyr;
he did his best to do so as it was, but not with complete success.
Betraying a dead man's trust is scarcely heroic, and even Mark felt
that dimly, and could not dwell on his ill-treatment as he would
dearly like to have done.
But there was something exciting for him, notwithstanding, in the
future; he was to go out into the world and shift for himself, and
conquer; he would have a part, and it might be a difficult one, to
play for a season; but after that he could resume his own character
and take the place he meant to fill in the world, feeling at last that
the applause he won was his by right.
Vincent Holroyd had been unselfish in life; Mark had always recognised
that trait in his character, though the liking he had for the man had
not been much the stronger on that account--if now Vincent could see
any brief and fleeting fame which his book might gain used as the
stepping-stone to his friend's advancement, surely, Mark told himself,
he would scarcely grudge it.
But he hardly cared to justify to himself what he had done by any
casuistry of this kind; he preferred to shut his eyes resolutely to
the morality of the thing; he might have acted like the basest
scoundrel, very likely he had. Still, no one did, no one need, suspect
him. All he had to do was to make the best use of the advantage he had
snatched; when he could feel that he had done that, then he would feel
justified; meanwhile he must put up with a few natural twinges of
conscience now and then, when he was not feeling well.
The next morning breakfast passed without any reference to the scene
of the night before; Martha and Cuthbert both knew of what had
happened, but kept silence, and if Mrs. Ashburn had any hopes that
Mark would recant, she was disappointed.
That evening he informed them that he had taken rooms, and should not
remain at Malakoff Terrace for more than a few days longer; his
announcement being met by a grim 'Very well, Mark, just as you
please,' from his mother; and though her heart sank at his words, and
her last hope of prevailing died away, she never returned to the
charge in any way, recognising that it was useless.
When the day for his departure came, there were no scenes; even
Trixie, who felt it most, was calm, for, after all, Mark would not be
so very far away, he had said she might come and see him sometimes;
the other two were civil, and cold, there being that curious latent
antipathy between them and him which sometimes exists between members
of a family.
Mr. Ashburn had mumbled his good-byes with a touch of emotion and even
shame in his manner as he shuffled away to his office. 'I don't want
you to feel we've cast you off,' he had said nervously. 'Your mother
says rather more than she exactly feels at times; but it's better for
you to go, my boy, better for all parties concerned. Only, if you find
yourself in--in any difficulties, come back to us, or--that is,' he
amended, 'write, or come to me at the office, that will be better,
perhaps.'
But Mrs. Ashburn's last words were, 'Good-bye, Mark. I never thought
to part with a son of mine in anger; we may never meet again, but you
may live to be sorry for the grief you have caused your mother, when
you stand one day over her grave.'
This would have been more impressive if Mrs. Ashburn had not been so
much addicted to indulging in such doleful predictions on less
adequate occasions that she had discounted much of the effect that
properly belonged to them; even as it was, however, they cut Mark for
the moment; he half offered to embrace his mother, but she made no
response, and after waiting for a while, and finding that she made no
sign, he went out with a slight shrug of expostulation.
When he had left the room, she half rose as if to follow, but stopped
half way irresolute, while the cab which he had engaged to take
himself and his luggage to his new quarters drove off, and then she
went upstairs and shut herself in her bedroom for half-an-hour, and
the maid, who was 'doing the rooms' hard by, reported afterwards to
the cook that she had 'heard missus takin' on awful in there,
a-sobbin', and groanin', and prayin' she was, all together like, it
quite upset her to 'ear it.'
There were no traces of emotion on her face, however, when she came
down again, and only an additional shade of grimness in her voice and
manner to tell of the half-hour's agony in which her mother's heart
had warred against her pride and her principles.