Since you desire so earnestly that I should communicate to you the
method by which I arrived at that _habitual sense of_ GOD'S
_Presence_, which our LORD, of His mercy, has been pleased to
vouch-safe to me, I must tell you that it is with great difficulty
that I am prevailed on by your importunities; and now I do it only
upon the terms that you show my letter to nobody. If I knew that you
should let it be seen, all the desire that I have for your advancement
would not be able to determine me to it. The account I can give you
is:
Having found in many books different methods of going to GOD, and
divers practices of the spiritual life, I thought this would serve
rather to puzzle me than facilitate what I sought after, which was
nothing but how to become wholly GOD'S. This made me resolve to give
the all for the all; so after having given myself wholly to GOD, that
He might take away my sin, _I renounced, for the love of Him,
everything that was not He; and I began to live as if there was none
but He and I in the world_. Sometimes I considered myself before Him
as a poor criminal at the feet of his judge; at other times I beheld
Him in my heart as my FATHER, as my GOD: I worshipped Him the oftenest
that I could, keeping my mind in His holy Presence, and recalling it
as often as I found it wandered from Him. I found no small pain in
this exercise, and yet I continued it, notwithstanding all the
difficulties that occurred, without troubling or disquieting myself
when my mind had wandered involuntarily. I made this my business as
much all the day long as at the appointed times of prayer; for at all
times, every hour, every minute, even in the height of my business, I
drove away from my mind everything that was capable of interrupting my
thought of GOD.
Such has been my common practice ever since I entered in religion;
and, though I have done it very imperfectly, yet I have found great
advantages by it. These, I well know, are to be imputed to the mere
mercy and goodness of GOD, because we can do nothing without Him; and
_I_ still less than any. But when we are faithful to keep ourselves in
His holy Presence, and set Him always before us, this not only hinders
our offending Him, and doing anything that may displease Him, at least
wilfully, but it also begets in us a holy freedom, and, if I may so
speak, a familiarity with GOD, wherewith we ask, and that
successfully, the graces we stand in need of. In fine, by often
repeating these acts, they become _habitual_, and the presence of GOD
rendered as it were _natural to_ us Give Him thanks, if you please,
with me, for His great goodness towards me, which I can never
sufficiently admire, for the many favors He has done to so miserable a
sinner as I am. May all things praise Him. Amen.