That he had always been governed by love, without selfish views; and
that having resolved to make the love of GOD the _end_ of all his
actions, he had found reasons to be well satisfied with his method.
That he was pleased when he could take up a straw from the ground for
the love of GOD, seeking Him only, and nothing else, not even His
gifts.
That he had been long troubled in mind from a certain belief that he
should be damned; that all the men in the world could not have
persuaded him to the contrary; but that he had thus reasoned with
himself about it: _I engaged in a religious life only for the love of_
GOD, _and I have endeavored to act only for Him; whatever becomes of
me, whether I be lost or saved, I will always continue to act purely
for the love of_ GOD. _I shall have this good at least, that till
death I shall have done all that is in me to love Him_. That this
trouble of mind had lasted four years; during which time he had
suffered much. But that at last he had seen that this trouble arose
from want of faith; and that since then he had passed his life in
perfect liberty and continual joy. That he had placed his sins betwixt
him and GOD, as it were, to tell Him that he did not deserve His
favors, but that GOD still continued to bestow them in abundance.
That in order to form a habit of conversing with GOD continually, and
referring all we do to Him, we must at first apply to Him with some
diligence: but that after a little care we should find His love
inwardly excite us to it without any difficulty.
That he expected after the pleasant days GOD had given him, he should
have his turn of pain and suffering; but that he was not uneasy about
it, knowing very well, that as he could do nothing of himself, GOD
would not fail to give him the strength to bear it.
That when an occasion of practicing some virtue offered, he addressed
himself to GOD, saying, LORD, _I cannot do this unless Thou enablest
me_: and that then he received strength more than sufficient.
That when he had failed in his duty, he only confessed his fault,
saying to GOD, _I shall never do otherwise, if You leave me to myself;
it is You who must hinder my falling, and mend what is amiss_. That
after this, he gave himself no further uneasiness about it.
That we ought to act with GOD in the greatest simplicity, speaking to
Him frankly and plainly, and imploring His assistance in our affairs,
just as they happen. That GOD never failed to grant it, as he had
often experienced.
That he had been lately sent into Burgundy, to buy the provision of
wine for the society, which was a very unwelcome task for him, because
he had no turn for business, and because he was lame and could not go
about the boat but by rolling himself over the casks. That however he
gave himself no uneasiness about it, nor about the purchase of the
wine. That he said to GOD, _It was His business he was about_, and
that he afterwards found it very well performed. That he had been sent
into Auvergne, the year before, upon the same account; that he could
not tell how the matter passed, but that it proved very well.
So, likewise, in his business in the kitchen (to which he had
naturally a great aversion), having accustomed himself to do
everything there for the love of GOD, and with prayer, upon all
occasions, for His grace to do his work well, he had found everything
easy, during fifteen years that he had been employed there.
That he was very well pleased with the post he was now in; but that he
was as ready to quit that as the former, since he was always pleasing
himself in every condition, by doing little things for the love of
GOD.
That with him the set times of prayer were not different from other
times; that he retired to pray, according to the directions of his
Superior, but that he did not want such retirement, nor ask for it,
because his greatest business did not divert him from GOD.
That as he knew his obligation to love GOD in all things, and as he
endeavored so to do, he had no need of a director to advise him, but
that he needed much a Confessor to absolve him. That he was very
sensible of his faults, but not discouraged by them; that he confessed
them to GOD, but did not plead against Him to excuse them. When he had
so done, he peaceably resumed his usual practice of love and
adoration.
That in his trouble of mind, he had consulted nobody, but knowing only
by the light of faith that GOD was present, he contented himself with
directing all his actions to Him, _i.e._, doing them with a desire to
please Him, let what would come of it.
That useless thoughts spoil all: that the mischief began there; but
that we ought to reject them, as soon as we perceived their
impertinence to the matter in hand, or our salvation; and return to
our communion with GOD.
That at the beginning he had often passed his time appointed for
prayer, in rejecting wandering thoughts, and falling back into them.
That he could never regulate his devotion by certain methods as some
do. That nevertheless, at first he had _meditated_ for some time, but
afterwards that went off, in a manner he could give no account of.
That all bodily mortifications and other exercises are useless, except
as they serve to arrive at the union with GOD by love; that he had
well considered this, and found it the shortest way to go straight to
Him by a continual exercise of love, and doing all things for His
sake.
That we ought to make a great difference between the acts of the
_understanding_ and those of the _will_: that the first were
comparatively of little value, and the others, all. That our only
business was to love and delight ourselves in GOD.
That all possible kinds of mortification, if they were void of the
love of GOD, could not efface a single sin. That we ought, without
anxiety, to expect the pardon of our sins from the Blood of JESUS
CHRIST, only endeavoring to love Him with all our hearts. That GOD
seemed to have granted the greatest favors to the greatest sinners, as
more signal monuments of his mercy.
That the greatest pains or pleasures of this world, were not to be
compared with what he had experienced of both kinds in a spiritual
state: so that he was careful for nothing and feared nothing, desiring
only one thing of GOD, viz., that he might not offend Him.
That he had no scruples; for, said he, when I _fail_ in my duty, I
readily acknowledge it, saying, _I am used to do so: I shall never do
otherwise, if I am left to myself_. I fail not, then I give GOD
thanks, acknowledging the strength comes from Him.