We were glad to see that two of our most important Universities were again
successful in obtaining first and second places in this year's boat-race.
(As this was written before the race we crave the indulgence of our readers
if our prophecy should prove incorrect.)
* * *
Bradford Corporation is selling white collars to its citizens at sixpence
a-piece. How the Labour Party proposes to combat this subtle form of
capitalist propaganda is not known.
* * *
"I have been knocked down twice by the same bus, but fortunately have
sustained no serious injury," stated a plaintiff at a London police-court
the other day. The bus in question, we understand, will be given one more
try, and in the event of failure will be debarred from all further contests
of the same nature.
* * *
"Quite a lot of American bacon is being smoked in London," says a news
item. We are glad they have found a use for it, but at the risk of
appearing fastidious we must say we much prefer Havannah tobacco.
* * *
The Variety Artists' Federation has passed a resolution against the
engagement of Germans in the profession. With yet another avenue of
industry closed against him General LUDENDORFF is said to be contemplating
a dignified retirement.
* * *
"Should uglier husbands have heavier damages?" was a question raised in a
recent divorce action. The better opinion is that the fact that the ugly
man must have gone out of his way to get married should tell against him.
* * *
Signs of Spring are everywhere. A couple of telephone mechanics have made
their nest on the roof of a house in West Kensington.
* * *
At Question-Time in the House there was trouble over the pronunciation of
Bryngwran and Gwalchmai. One of the Welsh Members present said he could
have played them if he had had his harp with him.
* * *
Saturday afternoon funerals have been stopped at Bexhill. We are very
pleased to note this, because if there is one thing which mars the
enjoyment of the week-end it is being buried.
* * *
The Hon. JOHN COLLIER will shortly explain why he painted the famous
picture, "The Fallen Idol." If only some of our minor artists would be
equally frank.
* * *
A weekly paper is offering a prize to anybody who discovers the oldest
living fish. It is just as well that no prize is offered for the oldest
dead fish.
* * *
"Large dumps of valuable material which is slowly rotting are to be met all
along the main road in Northern France to-day," complains a morning paper.
A responsible Government official now admits that whilst motoring in that
district last week he noticed that the road was bumpy in places.
* * *
There is some talk of the Americans having a League of Notions of their
own.
* * *
M. CHARLES NORDMANN states that the world will end in ten thousand million
years. It will be interesting to see if America will refuse to take part in
this as well.
* * *
Our horticultural expert informs us that during the next two or three weeks
all wooden houses should be carefully pruned.
* * *
The rumour that Mr. MALLABY-DEELEY, M.P., will be asked to design a new
uniform for the Royal Air Force is without foundation.
* * *
It is feared that, owing to the sudden appearance of Summer weather last
week, the POET LAUREATE will once again be obliged to hold over his Spring
poem.
* * *
It seems a pity that eight of the nine bricklayers who entered for the
recent brick-laying contest should have collapsed, allowing the ninth an
easy walk-over with seven bricks to his credit.
* * *
Statistics show a remarkable increase in the Welsh birthrate as compared
with previous years. As usual, nothing is being done about it.
* * *
There are several ways, says Sir JAMES MACKENZIE, the eminent specialist,
of tracing heart weakness. One way is to charge the owner of the heart
seven-and-six for a pound of butter. If he faints he has a weak heart; if
he pays he is merely weak in the head.
* * *
A Bill has been introduced in the New York Legislature to confine the
headlines in murder cases to thirty-six points. The limit for international
headliners is still fourteen points.
* * *
The Government, says a contemporary, is about to start growing tobacco in
Norfolk. Whether it is to be sold as Coalition Mixture or Carlton Club has
not yet been decided.
* * *
The Royal Academy have issued a notice that frames other than gilt will be
admissible this year. Many people, it is thought, who never felt attracted
by the old-fashioned gilt frames will now visit the exhibition.
* * *
An auctioneer's clerk has been summoned for throwing a bun at a railway
buffet waitress. It was a thoughtless thing to do. He might have broken it.
* * *
We have just heard of a Scottish engineer who has decided to strike out
along novel lines. Although only twenty-two years of age he has arranged to
settle down in Scotland.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Taxi-Driver_ (_who has been paid the correct fare_).
"YOU'VE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, GOV'NOR."
_Fare._ "WHAT IS IT?"
_Taxi-Driver._ "YOUR ADDRESS. I MIGHT WANT ANOTHER MASCOT SOME DAY."]
* * * * *