By what means I have acquired the facility of expressing my thoughts upon
paper, it is not my intention to divulge. It is true that I have made
an important discovery--that I have gained possession of a secret which
mankind would give worlds to possess; but I owe too little gratitude
to any member of the human race to be induced to part with it. I am
old: nearly fifteen winters have passed over my head since I first drew
breath, and in the course of nature death cannot be far distant. My
discovery shall shortly perish with me; and the same ditch or dunghill
shall witness the dissolution of both.
Of my parentage I can record but little, as I remember nothing whatever
of my father, and my unfortunate mother was hanged shortly after having
given me birth. Alas! my recollections of her are tinged with any but
pleasurable emotions, for to her I owe much of the misery with which my
career has been chequered. Had she conducted herself with prudence, and
been satisfied to have selected a mate from amongst the many dogs of her
own degree who solicited her paw, my existence might have been passed in
happy, because unnoticed obscurity. But no: stern destiny decreed that
it should be otherwise, and had marked me for misfortune ere even I was
born. Let not the reader start to hear me mention _destiny_: if he object
to my opinions on this subject, he has a wide field open to him for reply
in the pages of the daily press, which, CUR though I be, I am, by virtue
of the discovery already alluded to, in the habit of reading; and he
may rely upon it I am prepared to defend every position I advance. Why
should I not mention destiny? I am a rigid fatalist, and well for me that
I am. What else would enable me to bear up against the scoff and scorn
of man? What else would steel my feelings against the blows of stones,
thrown by the hands of such cowardly insensible men as he who published
the philippic against our race, which has called forth this reply? What
else would console me, when the staff of the churlish boor comes across
my back, or when the urchin-rout attach the terrible _kettle_ to my
trembling tail? What supports me under such heart-rending circumstances,
save the feeling that all is fixed--that such is my sad _destiny_,
against which my barking or my struggling would avail me nought? But I
digress--it is facts and not feelings that it is my province to record.
My ambitious parent, infatuated with the admiration and assiduity of
her numerous suitors, despised them all, and falling a victim to her
vanity, suffered herself to be seduced from the paths of propriety by
a designing young pointer, who threw himself in her way, and employed
every artifice, until at length he induced her to elope with him from her
master’s comfortable farm-yard. For a while the guilty pair contrived to
escape detection. My unhappy mother took up her abode under a hay-stack
in the neighbourhood, and for a week or two was well and kindly treated
by her gay and youthful lover, who regularly saved a portion of his
daily meals for her use. After a little, however, meeting with a new
and more beautiful object on whom to bestow his worthless affections,
he abandoned my mother to her own resources, and from that period she
saw him no more. Dreading to return to the home she had left, and being
pressed with hunger, she was compelled to steal for her subsistence, and
the poultry in the neighbouring homesteads visibly diminished in number;
while, to crown all, my parent was brought to the straw, and became the
mother of five little ones, including myself. The additional drag which
the suckling of so large a family produced, increased my progenitor’s
rapacity four-fold, and the indulgence of it caused her destruction.
One day as she lay beside us, half famished, and ready almost to devour
her own offspring, a little pig chanced to pass by. My mother belonged
to a fierce breed, that called the bull-terrier, and, accordingly,
stimulated by the gnawings of hunger, she sprang upon the little pig,
and had well nigh silenced it for ever, when its loud squeals brought
one of the farm-servants to the spot. We were discovered, the unlucky
pig rescued, my mother hanged to a post in the barn, and we--thrown into
the horsepond. My brothers and sisters all perished; but I, who was
rather stronger than the rest, contrived to struggle to the bank, and was
found there some short time afterwards by a young man belonging to the
establishment, who carried me home with the intention of rearing me.
Oh, how grateful I felt to that young man, and how I blessed him for his
kindness! But, alas! I knew little of the cruel race whose servants we
are, or I should have preferred being left to die on the brink of the
old pond. As soon as he got me home to his father’s, the lad put me into
a bag, and having bound me securely with many cords, took a large pair
of blunt and rusty scissors, and proceeded to deprive me of my ears.
Why should I weary your patience with a description of the excruciating
torments I suffered! Indeed, no description could convey an adequate idea
of one-tenth part of the pain I endured while my ears, and then nearly
the whole of my tail, were slowly and mercilessly hacked away. As to the
manner in which my tail was removed, it betrayed sufficient of the savage
and bloodthirsty disposition of man, to give me a foretaste of what I
might expect at his hands--my tail was actually _gnawed_ asunder by his
_teeth_!
When about nine months old, my master came home one day in a great hurry,
and summoning me to attend him, left the house as abruptly as he had
entered it. He bent his steps to a neighbour’s, where we found a crowd of
men and dogs assembled, apparently intent upon some exhilarating sport,
for on their countenances much glee was depicted. In a corner of the room
a long narrow box was placed, with a sliding door at one end. Wondering
what it could contain, I stepped up to a young bull-dog, with whom I was
acquainted, and inquired of him. “Lord! how green!” exclaimed he; “why,
a _badger_ to be sure; and you’ll see the fun we’ll have drawing him,
presently;” and my friend Boxer licked his lips with the anticipation
of a fight. I had not long to wait, when Boxer was called by his owner,
who held him opposite to the box by the neck, while another person
raised the sliding door. Boxer was then let loose; when, darting with
excessive speed into the interior, a growling and struggling was heard,
and in about a minute my friend reappeared, dragging forth to view a
wild beast called a badger--an animal that I until now had conceived to
be a very gentle, harmless creature; for I at once recognised in this
badger one which I had frequently met in a neighbouring hedgerow when
out by myself, and with which I had begun to form a slight acquaintance.
What was the cause of this creature and Boxer being thus induced to
tear each other, I could not divine. But guess my consternation, when,
Boxer having been separated from his antagonist, and the latter restored
to his cage, I was dragged forward, and held in front of it, while my
master patted and encouraged me, saying, “Hiss, hurroo!--good dog, shake
him!--hurroo!” The door was raised, and I was thrown forward towards
it. As, however, I had no cause of quarrel with its friendly inmate,
I did not, as my acquaintance Boxer had done, rush into the box; but,
determining to investigate the cause of the recent conflict, I entered
it slowly, whimpering as I put in my head, to let my acquaintance of
the hedgerow know that I came as a friend. He had, however, been so
enraged by the previous encounter, that he would not listen to my
remonstrances, but growled forth, “Get out, you cur!” “Don’t be in a
passion,” whimpered I; “I come as a friend.” “That’s a lie,” replied he;
“you can’t be the friend of that tyrant and be mine. You are but seeking
to put me off my guard;” and with this snarling answer he flew at me
and seized me by the nose. This was treatment too gross to be endured,
so I accordingly returned the compliment; and conceiving that I should
have more room to fight on the outside, I exerted all my strength, and
dragged the irascible inhabitant of the box forth to light. To my utter
astonishment, however, no sooner had I reappeared, pulling old _Grey_
along with me, than I was seized, and my throat compressed so rudely as
to give me considerable pain, and indeed almost to strangle me. For this
inconvenience, however, I was amply repaid by the caresses of my master,
and the plaudits of the company, both men and dogs. Among others, Boxer
walked up to me, and growled in his usual cynical tone. “You may come
to some good yet, if you’ll only be quicker at your work.” I did not at
this time understand the human language, and I accordingly detail my
impressions as they struck me then, not as they appear to me now. After
two or three more dogs had had a pull at the badger, many others refusing
to face him, or running away when they felt his sharp teeth, on which
occasions they were well kicked by their owners, I observed an unusual
bustle, and was amazed at hearing my name and Boxer’s uttered in a very
loud tone. The latter at the same time approached me and said, “Tell you
what, young ’un, they’re talking of a fight ’twixt you and me; and if so
be they’re in earnest, take care of yourself--that’s all.” “But, dear
Boxer,” inquired I, wagging my tail in a conciliatory manner, “why should
we fight?--surely we have no cause of quarrel?” “No business of mine,”
answered he; “pleases my master; likes to see us bite and tear each
other; great fun to him; must please him; gr-r-r.” So indeed it was, and
I, though scarcely more than a puppy, was pitted against the redoubted
Boxer. I was very unwilling to fight; for, besides that I had no quarrel
with him, I did not think I was his match, and was sure of being beaten.
When he seized me, however, my spirit stirred within me, and I put forth
all my strength and determination. For nearly an hour we contested. Boxer
at first got the better of me, and threw me down; but after a little I
discovered that his tender point was his legs: so at them I directed my
attack, and, getting hold of one of them, obtained an advantage which I
retained to the last; when, neither being likely to prove victorious, and
neither disposed to give up, we were separated. I was dreadfully cut, and
my wounds smarted me amazingly; but how terrible was my torture when my
master, taking me by the neck, proceeded to wash them with a liquid of a
fiery burning nature, since known to me as spirit of turpentine. This was
I believe designed to stop the bleeding! Such was my initiation into what
men call sport. I now found that I must live without a friend, for every
strange dog my master compelled me to attack. My course was marked out.
My rage was to be directed against every other animal, dog, cat, rat,
badger, cow, pig, &c. except such as were the property of my owner. My
occupation was henceforth to be slaughter and bloodshed, and my existence
was hereafter to be devoted exclusively to violence.
In scenes such as I have described passed the first three or four years
of my life. My wounds were ever open, ever painful; for no sooner had
one set of cuts closed, than I was forced into a new conflict, in which
they were re-opened, and I received others into the bargain. At length
premature old age, the result of the hardships I had endured, came upon
me, and I was no longer deemed serviceable for fighting. I now suffered
less from wounds and cruelties; but being regarded as a useless member
of the household, I was treated with unfeeling neglect, and receiving
hardly any food at the hands of my master, was driven to seek a scanty
subsistence among the bones cast out upon the dunghill; and these, with
an occasional crust thrown me by a good-natured stranger, were my sole
support.
My master had an aged father, who lived in the house with him, and whom
the neighbours conceived to have laid by a considerable sum of money.
I usually slept across the hearth in the kitchen, and was one night
awakened by a cry for help in the half-choking, gurgling accents of a man
under the effects of strangulation. The sounds proceeded from the old
man’s room. The door was open, and I darted in. The old farmer was lying
half naked upon the floor: in his hand was clutched a bag, and numbers
of those round yellow pieces of metal so much coveted by the human race,
and called guineas, were scattered near him. A man was leaning over
him, his knee upon his breast, one hand upon his throat, and the other
endeavouring to drag from him the precious bag. I saw not the face of
the spoiler, but perceiving only the danger of my master’s old father,
whom, harsh as he too had been to me, I instinctively loved, and felt it
my duty to defend, I sprang upon the robber, for such I judged him, and
pulled him to the ground. The old man fainted away. A gleam of moonlight
at this crisis entered the casement, and disclosed to my horrified gaze,
in the countenance of the robber whom I was throttling, the features of
MY MASTER! In the suddenness of my surprise and consternation I relaxed
my gripe; and the villain who had striven to rob his father, and had
raised his hand against the person of his aged parent, sprang to his
feet and fled. I had by this time learned to understand a little of the
human language; and as the ruffian darted through the door, the word
“_damnation!_” struck upon my ear.
The old man, as I have stated, had fainted. Happy for him that he had not
recognised his assailant before my interference, for further opportunity
of recognition he had none. From that fit of insensibility he awoke in
another and I hope a better world.
I was now an outcast--a wanderer over the face of the earth. I went
forth, wretched and desponding, moralising upon the dreadful lengths to
which their love of gold will lead our masters, mankind. “Oh!” thought I,
“if we but take a bone from a larder-shelf to satisfy our hunger, how we
are abused, sworn at, and flogged! Yet the same man who will punish us
for a trifling theft, will not hesitate to wrong or murder his neighbour
for a few worthless, perishable pieces of yellow metal. Oh, destiny, how
I thank thee, despite my sufferings, that I was not born a man! What
sordid, selfish wretches these men are! Their thoughts from morning
until night are occupied with speculations intended to promote their
own comfort, their own aggrandizement. The dog alone loves his master
better than himself, and will lay down his life in his defence. Man is
a base, selfish wretch. The dog alone honours and practises generosity
uninfluenced by hope of recompense.”
I soon afterwards met with another master. For a time he treated me well
enough, and but for an untoward accident I might still have remained in
his service. While sitting one day peaceably beholding the industry of
my new master, who was a turf cutter, I heard at a distance a prodigious
clamour as if of a number of dogs engaged in conflict. Being old and
peaceably inclined, it occurred to me that I could not do better than
hurry to the spot and exert myself to effect a reconciliation. Off
therefore I set as fast as my old legs would carry me. Before, however,
I arrived at the scene of riot, silence had ensued, and I was about to
return, when I perceived a stout-looking man engaged in pelting with
huge stones two or three wretched, half-starved looking little dogs,
that were endeavouring, howling with pain, to make their escape from his
cruel attack. I raised a loud barking, encouraging the dogs in our own
language to get out of his way, hoping also that the noise might frighten
their assailant, and induce him to desist from his barbarous amusement.
I thought that I had succeeded in my design, for the ruffian ran away
as fast as he could; but determined to give him a lesson, I resolved
to terrify him to the utmost, and so gave chase. Of the result of this
encounter I need not inform you, as you are already acquainted with it
from the account of the “Man” himself, as published in the 12th number
of your Journal. I have, however, in justice to my own character, to
state, that it was not cowardice which prevented my biting him, and which
induced me to put up with his ducking, &c., without resistance. It was
not cowardice--it was the singular resemblance which he bore to my wicked
master. That alone saved him from a hearty shaking. But he shall not long
escape. No; I am in the daily habit of walking up and down Sackville
Street, in hopes of meeting with him, when, old as I am, I shall manage
to make my teeth, or rather their stumps, acquainted with his calves.
I could not, on my return to the turf bog, find my master; and as I was
on the road to look for him, I met with an old beggarman, who coaxed me
over to him, regaled me with a crust, and in short exhibited so kindly a
disposition, that, not feeling myself bound to my late owner by similar
ties which had linked my destiny with that of him who had rescued me from
the horsepond, I resolved I would seek after him no further, but join
company with the good-hearted old beggarman--the same, doubtless, so
irreverently spoken of by the “Man” in his ill-natured paper--(oh! that
I had him by the leg this moment!) I did not, however, remain long with
him, for he was taken up by an overfed bloated-looking variety of his
species and lodged in prison, for no fault but that involuntary one of
being poor; and as I would not be permitted to share his confinement, I
wandered forth, and soon met with another master.
Thus going from one to another--now feasting, now enduring the most
agonizing hunger, now received with kindness, now with blows--passed away
the next five or six years of my superannuated being. I longed to know
what had become of my master, ruffian as he was, and my wanderings had
for their object the discovery of his abode. For several years I roamed
unsuccessfully: no traces of him could I perceive; his ancient haunts had
all been abandoned; his former companions unvisited. At length, coming
one morning into a country town, I observed an unusual bustle in the
streets; great multitudes of people hurrying along; and, what surprised
me most, all in one direction. Determined to see what this meant, I
followed the stream, and presently came to an open place, crowded with
people of all sorts and sizes. Making my way onward amongst their feet,
though not without many a bitter curse and hearty kick, I arrived at a
singular wooden erection, like a signpost, with a rope hanging from it,
and underneath a cart with three men in it. I uttered a yelp of joy,
for in one of the three I recognised my long-lost master! To join him
was of course my immediate impulse, and I accordingly sprang into the
cart, but was rudely hurled out of it by one of the other men; and ere I
could repeat my attempt, the vehicle moved away, the wheel passing over
my body, and breaking three of my ribs. I looked again. I saw a human
figure swinging in the wind--a single convulsive struggle of the legs,
and all was over. It was my master--he died the same death that had been
inflicted upon my mother. “Well,” thought I, “I shall never again express
my wonder that men should be so fond of hanging us, for I now perceive
that they likewise hang one another.” I was in too great pain from my
broken ribs to make my way to the body of my poor master; I strove to
crawl as near the post from which it was suspended as I could, and as I
lay there I heard an old man say, “Ah, I knew it would be thus: he began
with dog-fighting and badger-baiting--’twas but the first step to lead
him to the gallows!”
After a while the body of my master was taken down, but I was not
suffered to approach it. It was concealed from my sight in a long narrow
box, with a black cloth over it, somewhat similar to the one from which
in life he used to make me pull the badger. A hole was dug in the ground
beneath the post, the box thrown into it, and the earth being shovelled
in, falling heavily upon it, recalled me to a sense of my situation, and
I went forth once more, a houseless wanderer and an ill-starred cur.