Barnum, Veil and Vickeroy Go a Journeying With Barlow and
Sanderson.--Vickeroy Is Branded "U.S.M."
In the fall of 1863 I quit the Long Route and went up on what is known
as the Denver Branch, driving from Bent's Old Fort, Colorado, to
Boonville, Colorado. On my last drive across the Long Route I had a
party of "dead heads." They were the "bosses"--owners of the Stage Coach
Company Line. That is, Barnum, Veil and Vickeroy were, and Barlow and
Sanderson were going over the trip with these fellows with a view of
buying out the interest of Vickeroy. There were three more passengers,
all on fun intent.
All of these fellows were, we will call it for lack of a better word,
"on a toot" and having lots of fun. They had poked so much fun at
Vickeroy that they finally got the best of him. Vickeroy enlisted the
three passengers on his side and sought an opportunity to "turn the
tables," so they made it up to brand Barlow and Sanderson with the
branding iron that was used to brand the company's mules. This iron had
the letters U.S.M. (United States Mail) on it. When I placed the frying
pan on the fire and it commenced to "siz," Vickeroy and two of the
passengers stood Barlow on his head and told him they were going to use
the branding iron. Barlow thought the branding iron was surely going to
be used upon the seat of his pants, but the accommodating Vickeroy had
the frying pan used instead. He gave the victim three taps on the seat
of his pants with the hot frying pan, one tap for "U," one for "S" and
the other for "M," then slapped him soundly and said, "Go, Mr. Mule,
when the Indians find you they will take you to the station because your
brand shows you to be the 'United States Male.'" Barlow's howls and
Vickeroy's laughter made those old plains resound with noises which may
have caused the spooks to walk that night. They were having lots of fun
about the "branded 'incoming' mule," or the new member of the company
that might be. All went smoothly a few days, but Vickeroy would
occasionally ask us how long they thought it would take a brand to wear
off so people could not know their "mule."
"Every dog has its day," and the day for Barlow's revenge was slowly but
surely coming. The second day after the episode described I had the
frying pan over the red hot coals fairly sizzling with a white heat
ready to place my buffalo steak onto it, but Barlow told me to "wait a
minute" and he said he "would attend to that skillet." I saw something
was in the air, so I took a back seat and awaited events.
About the time Vickeroy was unraveling some big yarn, all unconscious of
the designs Barlow had upon him, Veil and Sanderson grabbed him and had
quite a tussle with him to get him in a position to apply the branding
iron. The imprint left on the seat of Vickeroy's pants was not U.S.M.
this time, it was burned and scorched flesh, for lo, the tussle with his
determined tormentors had lasted too long,--the frying pan had gotten
too hot for good branding purposes, and for the comfort of the branded
one's hams.
When Mr. Barlow saw the condition of Mr. Vickeroy's clothing, he was
full of apologies, but the passengers would hear nothing of them, saying
that it was always bad for unruly mules when they got to kicking, and
Vickeroy would have to swallow his chagrin. The windup was a new "seat"
installed and a cushion for the "kicking mule."