A RESPONSIBLE JOURNEY.
MY MARRIAGE.--MARRIAGE OF MY MASTER.--HIS RUIN.--COMES
TO ME FOR AID.--A GREAT ENTERPRISE UNDERTAKEN.--LONG AND
SUCCESSFUL JOURNEY.--INCIDENTS BY THE WAY.--STRUGGLE
BETWEEN INCLINATION AND DUTY.--DUTY TRIUMPHANT.
When I was about twenty-two years of age, I married a very efficient,
and, for a slave, a very well-taught girl, belonging to a neighboring
family, reputed to be pious and kind, whom I first met at the
religious meetings which I attended. She has borne me twelve children,
eight of whom still survive and promise to be the comfort of my
declining years.
Things remained in this condition for a considerable period; my
occupations being to superintend the farming operations, and to sell
the produce in the neighboring markets of Washington and Georgetown.
Many respectable people, yet living there, may possibly have some
recollection of "Siah," or "Sie," (as they used to call me,) as their
market-man; but if they have forgotten me, I remember them with an
honest satisfaction.
After passing his youth in the manner I have mentioned in a general
way, and which I do not wish more particularly to describe, my
master, at the age of forty-five, or upwards, married a young woman
of eighteen, who had some little property, and more thrift. Her
economy was remarkable, and was certainly no addition to the comfort
of the establishment. She had a younger brother, Francis, to whom
Riley was appointed guardian, and who used to complain--not without
reason, I am confident--of the meanness of the provision made for the
household; and he would often come to me, with tears in his eyes,
to tell me he could not get enough to eat. I made him my friend for
life, by sympathising in his emotions and satisfying his appetite,
sharing with him the food I took care to provide for my own family.
He is still living, and, I understand, one of the wealthiest men in
Washington city.
After a time, however, continual dissipation was more than a match for
domestic saving. My master fell into difficulty, and from difficulty
into a lawsuit with a brother-in-law, who charged him with dishonesty
in the management of property confided to him in trust. The lawsuit
was protracted enough to cause his ruin of itself.
Harsh and tyrannical as my master had been, I really pitied him in his
present distress. At times he was dreadfully dejected, at others crazy
with drink and rage. Day after day would he ride over to Montgomery
Court House about his business, and every day his affairs grew more
desperate. He would come into my cabin to tell me how things were
going, but spent the time chiefly in lamenting his misfortunes and
cursing his brother-in-law. I tried to comfort him as best I could. He
had confidence in my fidelity and judgment, and partly through pride,
partly through that divine spirit of love I had learned to worship in
Jesus, I entered with interest into all his perplexities. The poor,
drinking, furious, moaning creature was utterly incapable of managing
his affairs. Shiftlessness, licentiousness and drink had complicated
them as much as actual dishonesty.
One night in the month of January, long after I had fallen asleep,
he came into my cabin and waked me up. I thought it strange, but for
a time he said nothing and sat moodily warming himself at the fire.
Then he began to groan and wring his hands. "Sick, massa?" said I.
He made no reply but kept on moaning. "Can't I help you any way,
massa?" I spoke tenderly, for my heart was full of compassion at his
wretched appearance. At last, collecting himself, he cried, "Oh, Sie!
I'm ruined, ruined, ruined!" "How so, massa?" "They've got judgment
against me, and in less than two weeks every nigger I've got will
be put up and sold." Then he burst into a storm of curses at his
brother-in-law. I sat silent, powerless to utter a word. Pity for him
and terror at the anticipation of my own family's future fate filled
my heart. "And now, Sie," he continued, "there's only one way I can
save anything. You can do it; won't you, won't you?" In his distress
he rose and actually threw his arms around me. Misery had levelled all
distinctions. "If I can do it, massa, I will. What is it?" Without
replying he went on, "won't you, won't you? I raised you, Sie; I made
you overseer; I know I've abused you, Sie, but I didn't mean it."
Still he avoided telling me what he wanted. "Promise me you'll do
it, boy." He seemed resolutely bent on having my promise first, well
knowing from past experience that what I agreed to do I spared no
pains to accomplish. Solicited in this way, with urgency and tears, by
the man whom I had so zealously served for over thirty years, and who
now seemed absolutely dependent upon his slave,--impelled, too, by the
fear which he skilfully awakened, that the sheriff would seize every
one who belonged to him, and that all would be separated, or perhaps
sold to go to Georgia, or Louisiana--an object of perpetual dread
to the slave of the more northern States--I consented, and promised
faithfully to do all I could to save him from the fate impending over
him.
At last the proposition came. "I want you to run away, Sie, to your
master Amos in Kentucky, and take all the servants along with you." I
could not have been more startled had he asked me to go to the moon.
Master Amos was his brother. "Kentucky, massa? Kentucky? I don't know
the way." "O, it's easy enough for a smart fellow like you to find it;
I'll give you a pass and tell you just what to do." Perceiving that
I hesitated, he endeavored to frighten me by again referring to the
terrors of being sold to Georgia.
For two or three hours he continued to urge the undertaking, appealing
to my pride, my sympathies, and my fears, and at last, appalling as it
seemed, I told him I would do my best. There were eighteen negroes,
besides my wife, two children and myself, to transport nearly a
thousand miles, through a country about which I knew nothing, and in
mid-winter--for it was the month of February, 1825. My master proposed
to follow me in a few months, and establish himself in Kentucky.
My mind once made up, I set earnestly about the needful preparations.
They were few and easily made. A one-horse wagon, well stocked
with oats, meal, bacon, for our own and the horse's support, was
soon made ready. My pride was aroused in view of the importance of
my responsibility, and heart and soul I became identified with my
master's project of running off his negroes. The second night after
the scheme was formed we were under way. Fortunately for the success
of the undertaking, these people had long been under my direction, and
were devotedly attached to me in return for the many alleviations I
had afforded to their miserable condition, the comforts I had procured
them, and the consideration I had always manifested for them. Under
these circumstances no difficulty arose from want of submission to my
authority. The dread of being separated, and sold away down south,
should they remain on the old estate, united them as one man, and kept
them patient and alert.
We started from home about eleven o'clock at night, and till the
following noon made no permanent halt. The men trudged on foot, the
children were put into the wagon, and now and then my wife rode for a
while. On we went through Alexandria, Culpepper, Fauquier, Harper's
Ferry, Cumberland, over the mountains on the National Turnpike, to
Wheeling. In all the taverns along the road were regular places for
the droves of negroes continually passing along under the system
of the internal slave trade. In these we lodged, and our lodging
constituted our only expense, for our food we carried with us. To
all who asked questions I showed my master's pass, authorizing me to
conduct his negroes to Kentucky, and often was the encomium of "smart
nigger" bestowed on me, to my immense gratification.
At the places where we stopped for the night, we often met
negro-drivers with their droves, who were almost uniformly kept
chained to prevent them from running away. The inquiry was often
propounded to me by the drivers, "Whose niggers are those?" On being
informed, the next inquiry usually was, "Where are they going?" "To
Kentucky." "Who drives them?" "Well, I have charge of them," was my
reply. "What a smart nigger!" was the usual exclamation, with an oath.
"Will your master sell you? Come in and stop with us." In this way I
was often invited to pass the evening with them in the bar-room; their
negroes, in the meantime, lying chained in the pen, while mine were
scattered around at liberty.
Arriving at Wheeling, in pursuance of the plan laid down by my master,
I sold the horse and wagon, and purchased a large boat, called in that
region a yawl. Our mode of locomotion was now decidedly more agreeable
than tramping along day after day, at the rate we had kept up ever
since leaving home. Very little labor at the oars was necessary. The
tide floated us steadily along, and we had ample leisure to sleep and
recruit our strength.
A new and unexpected trouble now assailed me. On passing along the
Ohio shore, we were repeatedly told by persons conversing with us,
that we were no longer slaves, but free men, if we chose to be so. At
Cincinnati, especially, crowds of colored people gathered round us,
and insisted on our remaining with them. They told us we were fools to
think of going on and surrendering ourselves up to a new owner; that
now we could be our own masters, and put ourselves out of all reach of
pursuit. I saw the people under me were getting much excited. Divided
counsels and signs of insubordination began to manifest themselves.
I began, too, to feel my own resolution giving way. Freedom had ever
been an object of my ambition, though no other means of obtaining
it had occurred to me but purchasing myself. I had never dreamed of
running away. I had a sentiment of honor on the subject. The duties of
the slave to his master as appointed over him in the Lord, I had ever
heard urged by ministers and religious men. It seemed like outright
stealing. And now I felt the devil was getting the upper hand of me.
Strange as all this may seem, I really felt it then. Entrancing as the
idea was, that the coast was clear for a run for freedom, that I might
liberate my companions, might carry off my wife and children, and some
day own a house and land, and be no longer despised and abused--still
my notions of right were against it. I had promised my master to
take his property to Kentucky, and deposit it with his brother Amos.
Pride, too, came in to confirm me. I had undertaken a great thing;
my vanity had been flattered all along the road by hearing myself
praised; I thought it would be a feather in my cap to carry it through
thoroughly; and had often painted the scene in my imagination of
the final surrender of my charge to master Amos, and the immense
admiration and respect with which he would regard me.
Under the influence of these impressions, and seeing that the
allurements of the crowd were producing a manifest effect, I sternly
assumed the captain, and ordered the boat to be pushed off into the
stream. A shower of curses followed me from the shore; but the negroes
under me, accustomed to obey, and, alas! too degraded and ignorant of
the advantages of liberty to know what they were forfeiting, offered
no resistance to my command.
Often since that day has my soul been pierced with bitter anguish
at the thought of having been thus instrumental in consigning to
the infernal bondage of slavery so many of my fellow-beings. I have
wrestled in prayer with God for forgiveness. Having experienced
myself the sweetness of liberty, and knowing too well the after
misery of numbers of many of them, my infatuation has seemed to me
the unpardonable sin. But I console myself with the thought that I
acted according to my best light, though the light that was in me was
darkness. Those were my days of ignorance. I knew not the glory of
free manhood. I knew not that the title-deed of the slave-owner is
robbery and outrage.
What advantages I may have personally lost by thus throwing away an
opportunity of obtaining freedom, I know not; but the perception of my
own strength of character, the feeling of integrity, the sentiment of
high honor, I thus gained by obedience to what I believed right, these
advantages I do know and prize. He that is faithful over a little,
will alone be faithful over much. Before God, I tried to do my best,
and the error of judgment lies at the door of the degrading system
under which I had been nurtured.