There is no truth in the rumour that the Imperial Government is trying
to secure from KING ALFONSO an agreement that German prisoners shall
not escape on Sundays or in batches of more than fifty at a time.
***
"Far better another year of war," said the Bishop of LONDON in a
recent sermon, "than to leave it to the baby in the cradle to do it
over again." Too much importance should not be attached to these
ill-judged reflections on the younger members of the Staff.
***
In Berlin a crowd of people attempted to do some injury to an officer
on the paltry excuse that he ordered the execution of thirty people
for alleged espionage. The German people have always been a little
jealous of the privileges of the military.
***
Captain N. BERNIERS, who has just returned to Quebec, reports that the
Eskimos had not heard of the War. We should be the last to worry Lord
NORTHCLIFFE at present, but it certainly looks as if the Circulation
Manager of _The Daily Mail_ has been slacking.
***
We really think more care should be taken by the authorities to see
that, while waging war on the Continent, they do not forget the
defence of those at home. The fact that Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL and Mr.
HORATIO BOTTOMLEY were away in France at the same time looks like
gross carelessness.
***
"Next to the field of Mars we must pay homage to the forge of Vulcan,"
said the KAISER in a recent speech. A stout fellow, this Vulcan, but
as a forger not really in the ALL-HIGHEST'S class.
***
Taxicabs are to be entitled to charge a shilling for the first mile.
The bus fare for the remainder of the distance will be the same as
heretofore.
***
It is stated that fifty per cent. of the sugar forms have been filled
in wrong. On the other hand a number of our youthful hedonists are
complaining that as far as sugar is concerned their forms have never
been anywhere near filled in.
***
A Wood Green gentleman has written to an evening paper to say that he
has grown a vegetable marrow which weighs forty-three pounds. There is
some talk of his being elected an Honorary Angler.
***
A Grimsby lady who has just celebrated her hundredth birthday states
that she has never visited a cinema theatre. We felt sure there must
be an explanation somewhere.
***
It seems a pity that the Willesden Health Committee should have
troubled to pass a resolution about the decreasing birth-rate. When we
remember air-raids and the shortage of sugar it is only natural that
people should show a disinclination to be born just now.
***
"I don't care how soon a General Election comes," says Mr. JOHN
DILLON, M.P. It is this dare-devil spirit which has made so many
Irishmen what they are. The recruiting officer has no terrors for
them.
***
HENRY ELIONSKY, of New York, has succeeded in swimming seven miles
with his legs tied to a chair and with heavy boots and clothing. It
is not known why he did it, but we gather that CHARLIE CHAPLIN is now
wondering whether he was wise, after all, in becoming a naturalised
American.
***
The wave of crime still sweeps the country. On top of the £30,000
jewel robbery comes the news that a man has been charged with breaking
into a London tobacconist's shop and stealing a box of matches value
1/2d. (price 11/2d.).
***
A letter has just reached a City office addressed to the tenants who
occupied the premises twenty years ago. Fortunately such cases of
loitering on the part of our postmen are extremely rare.
***
An infuriated bull has been killed in High Street, Tonbridge, after
wrecking several shop windows. It is thought that the animal had
misread the directions on its sugar card.
***
A number of people have complained that they could hear nothing of the
recent air-raids over London, owing to the noise of the firing being
drowned by the admonitory activities of the police.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE BULLDOG BREED.
_Company Commander_ (_making sure of his men before the show_). "NOW,
WHEN WE GO OVER THE TOP TO-MORROW, YOU ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TO MAKE
FOR?"
_Chorus of Tommies_. "YUSS, SIR."
_C.C._ "WHAT IS IT, THEN?"
_Chorus_. "THEY GERMANS, SIR."]
* * * * *