By the Untutored.
Care should be taken in writing for the young, or they may get a wholly
different meaning from the language than that intended. The Bishop of
Hereford was examining a school-class one day, and, among other things,
asked what an average was. Several boys pleaded ignorance, but one at
last replied, "It is what a hen lays on." This answer puzzled the bishop
not a little; but the boy persisted in it, stating that he had read it
in his little book of facts. He was then told to bring the little book,
and, on doing so, he pointed triumphantly to a paragraph commencing,
"The domestic hen lays _on an average_ fifty eggs each year."
If English is "wrote" as she is often "spoke" by the ignorant and
careless, she would bear little resemblance to the original Queen's
English. A listener wrote out a short conversation heard the other day
between two pupils of a high-school, and here is the phonetic result:
"Warejergo lasnight?"
"Hadder skate."
"Jerfind th'ice hard'n'good?"
"Yes, hard'nough."
"Jer goerlone?"
"No; Bill'n Joe wenterlong."
"Howlate jerstay?"
"Pastate."
"Lemmeknow wenyergoagin, woncher? I wantergo'n'show yer howterskate."
"H'm, ficoodn't skate better'n you I'd sell-out'n'quit."
"Well, we'll tryeranc'n'seefyercan."
Here, as they took different streets, their conversation ceased.
A writer in the "School-boy Magazine" has gathered together the
following dictionary words as defined by certain small people:
Bed-time--Shut eye time.
Dust--Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Fan--A thing to brush warm off with.
Fins--A fish's wings.
Ice--Water that staid out in the cold and went to sleep.
Monkey--A very small boy with a tail.
Nest-Egg--The egg that the old hen measures by, to make new ones.
Pig--A hog's little boy.
Salt--What makes your potato taste bad when you don't put any on.
Snoring--Letting off sleep.
Stars--The moon's eggs.
Wakefulness--Eyes all the time coming unbuttoned.
The following specimens from scholars' examinations in making sentences
to illustrate the definitions of words, found in their small
dictionaries, will have a familiar sound to some of our readers:
Frantic = Wild: I picked a bouquet of frantic flowers.
Retorted = Returned: We retorted home at six o'clock.
Summoned = Called: I summoned to see Mary last week.
Athletic = Strong: The vinegar was too athletic to be used.
Poignant = Sharp: My knife is very poignant.
Ordinances = Rules: We learned the ordinances for finding the greatest
common divisor.
Turbid = Muddy: The road was so turbid that we stuck fast in the mud.
Tandem = One behind another: The scholars sit tandem in school.
Akimbo = With a crook: I saw a dog with an akimbo in his tail.
Atonement = Satisfaction: There is no atonement in boat-riding in a cold
day.
Composure = Calmness: The composure of the day was remarkable.
We have the authority of the late Dr. Hart as to the genuineness of the
following extracts, taken from the papers of a class seeking admission
into a high-school, to which had been given a list of words for their
meanings and applications:
Fabulous--Full of threads: Silk is fabulous.
Accession--The act of eating a great deal: John got very sick after
dinner by accession.
Atonement--A small insect: Queen Mab was pulled by atonements.
Develop--To swallow up: God sent a whale to develop Jonah.
Circumference--Distance through the middle: Distance around the middle
of the outside.
Mobility--Belonging to the people: The mobility of St. Louis has greatly
increased.
Adequate--A land animal: An elephant is an adequate.
Gregarious--Pertaining to idols: The Sandwich-Islanders are gregarious.
Fluctuation--Coming in great numbers: There was a great fluctuation of
immigrants.
Alternate--Not ternate.
Intrinsic--Not trinsic: weak, feeble: He was a very intrinsic old man.
Subservient--One opposed to the upholding of servants.
Don't:
_A Manual of Mistakes and Improprieties
more or less prevalent
in Conduct and Speech._
"I'll view the manners of the town."--_Comedy of Errors._
_By CENSOR._
Square 16mo. Parchment paper. Price, 30 cents.
English as She is Spoke;
_Or, A Jest in Sober Earnest._
Compiled from the celebrated "_New Guide of Conversation
in Portuguese and English_."
"Excruciatingly funny."--_London World._
"Every one who loves a laugh should either buy, beg, borrow,
or--we had almost said steal--the book."--_London Fun._
Square 16mo. Parchment-paper cover. Price, 30 cents.
_Write and Speak Correctly._
The Orthoepist:
A Pronouncing Manual, containing about Three Thousand
Five Hundred Words, including a considerable Number of
the Names of Foreign Authors, Artists, etc., that are
often mispronounced. By ALFRED AYRES. Fourteenth
edition. 18mo, cloth, extra. Price, $1.00.
"It gives us pleasure to say that we think the author in
the treatment of this very difficult and intricate
subject, English pronunciation, gives proof of not only
an unusual degree of orthoepical knowledge, but also,
for the most part, of rare judgment and
taste."--JOSEPH THOMAS, LL. D., in _Literary
World_.
The Verbalist:
A Manual devoted to Brief Discussions of the Right and
the Wrong Use of Words, and to some other Matters of
Interest to those who would Speak and Write with
Propriety, including a Treatise on Punctuation. By
ALFRED AYRES, author of "The Orthoepist." Ninth
edition. 18mo, cloth, extra. Price, $1.00.
"We remain shackled by timidity till we have learned to
speak with propriety."--JOHNSON.
Errors in the Use of English.
By the late WILLIAM B. HODGSON, LL. D.,
Professor of Political Economy in the University of
Edinburgh. American revised edition. 12mo, cloth. Price,
$1.50.
"The most comprehensive and useful of the many books
designed to promote correctness in English composition
by furnishing examples of inaccuracy, is the volume
compiled by the late William B. Hodgson, under the title
of 'Errors in the Use of English.' The American edition
of this treatise, now published by the Appletons, has
been revised, and in many respects materially improved,
by Francis A. Teall, who seldom differs from the author
without advancing satisfactory reasons for his opinion.
The capital merits of this work are that it is founded
on actual blunders, verified by chapter and verse
reference, and that the breaches of good use to which
exception is taken have been committed, not by slipshod,
uneducated writers, of whom nothing better could be
expected, but by persons distinguished for more than
ordinary carefulness in respect to style."--_New York
Sun._
"_'Bachelor Bluff' is bright, witty, keen, deep, sober,
philosophical, amusing, instructive, philanthropic--in
short, what is not 'Bachelor Bluff'?_"