MORE LIBERTY BELL.—LIBERTY EARTH.—LIBERTY TREE.—LIBERTY
ROPE.—LIBERTY TINKLERS.—GLORIOUS END OF LIBERTY.
THEN the herald proclaimed again that, the Creation being ended, all
would adjourn for a week for the Bell to cool, the week to be spent in
blowing up their patriotic fervor to the maximum incandescence, and
filling their lungs for a fortissimo shout for Liberty on the seventh
day.
And the poor dogs did as they were bid. And on the seventh day all
gathered to the lifting up of the Bell. And when it was lifted up, the
fleas, being very strong and vigorous, did most of the shouting, but
the dogs, being very weak for lack of food, did shout very poorly.
Nevertheless, the Great Daily Press shut all its eyes, and proclaimed
abroad that the shout for Liberty that day was the Great United Shout of
One Great United Nation of free, prosperous and happy dogs.
Then said the Bamboozling Committee unto the Great Daily Press, “Oh,
thou Great Gee Whizz, on what sacred high place shall we hang this
Sacred Vibrator, that its voice may be heard around the world?”
And the Great Gee Whizz answered and said, “The Eternal Fitnesses
require that everything that can emblematize our glorious liberties
be gathered around this central emblem. Therefore, let Liberty Earth
be gathered, and a Liberty Tree be planted therein, to the baptism of
Liberty Holy Water, and let the fairest limb thereof be selected as a
Liberty Limb, and thereon hang the Liberty Bell, facing the Liberty
Goddess, and from the top of the tree let the sacredest emblem of
all—the Flag of Liberty—proudly and defiantly float, that Liberty may
be complete and perfect.”
And the Bamboozling Committee said the conception was that of a master
mind, and should be done. And they sent some very learned and paunchy
fleas to a place where, according to tradition, several fighting dogs,
eminent in the battle against the Kyhidom dogs, had lain down and
scratched themselves and slept the night before, and which had smelt
extraordinarily strong of patriotic dog for a long time after. There
was also a spot where the great leader in that fight, having got a fly
up his nose, had stood and sneezed tremendously; and the spot where
his fore feet had stood during his convulsion had been marked with
remembrance sticks from that day.
These spots, they said, were, therefore, Holy Ground; and they ordered
several poor dogs, that had been specially fumigated and cleansed
and consecrated for the occasion, to take Consecrated Shovels, and
reverently and, to the accompaniment of solemn chanting by several
solemn salaried barkers, dig up some of that Sacred Dirt and put
it reverently in Consecrated Pots and Tins and carry it in solemn
procession to the Sacred Spot, where the Liberty Tree was to be planted.
And they solemnly dumped it there, and the Holy-Dirt-touched Pots and
Shovels were afterwards put away on a Consecrated Shelf in the Church of
the Fleas. And it was so that in after days, many came to worship the
Blessed Pots and Tins and Shovels that had been touched by the Liberty
Earth on which the ancient dogs had lain and scratched and sneezed; and
whosoever looked at them was made Free, and received power to make
others Free; and whosoever touched them was made whole of any disease he
had, and received power to heal anyone else.
[Illustration]
Then the Bamboozling Committee sent another paunch-bellied and learned
lot of fleas, to where was a tree, against which certain big dogs that
had distinguished themselves in the said battle against the Kyhidom
dogs, had rubbed themselves vigorously when they had the itch. Here,
said they, was a tree whose bark had actually been rubbed by, and
afforded relief to, those noble dogs whose teeth and claws had torn out
the eyes and bowels of their enemies, and stopped the exactions of the
foreign fleas of Kyhidom, and had established that glorious Liberty by
which the interests of the native suckers of Canisville had been so
gloriously compacted and built up. This, then, was the Tree of Liberty,
on which the Blessed Bell of Liberty should hang.
And it was so. And they made the specially fumigated, consecrated dogs
transplant it into the Liberty Earth. And on the day of the Solemn
Hanging, The Holy Tintinnabulator was escorted with shouts of joy, and
to the vociferous chanting of a magnificent Jubilate Deo, and set up on
the Liberty Limb of the Liberty Tree.
And there was a great noise made with the blow, bang and thump
instruments; and the dogs wept with a thankful joy for all the wondrous
liberties which these things demonstrated unto them; and the salaried
barkers went amongst them and gathered up their joyful tears, and poured
them at the sacred roots of the Sacred Tree, and said a sacred grace
over the pouring; and the fleas gathered around and snivelled with them,
and made a right beautiful talk about “_Our_ Common Liberties,” “_Our_
National Glory,” “_Our_ United Interests,” “_Our_ Great Wealth,” and
_our_ everything else; and then the great Flag of the Free was run up on
high, and a herald came forth and blew a trumpet, and proclaimed that if
any dog knew of any just cause or impediment why all this gallant show
and emblemism should not be considered proof irrefragable that they were
the fairest, fattest, and freest lot of dogs and fleas that ever God
Almighty’s sun shone on, or ever would shine on, he should now declare
the same, or forever hold his peace; but, nevertheless, if any such
measly and discreditable dog dare get up and deny it, he would instantly
be strung up to the highest gallows as a traitor.
So no one accepting the challenge, the ceremonies proceeded and Chancy
Mountebank Dephool Flea—with a solemn wink to the other Bamboozlers,
who solemnly winked back to him—in the name of E Pluribus Unum, and
countless thousands of free, united, fat, prosperous and happy dogs,
pulled the mighty tongue of the Bell; and as the mighty tone of the
hammered metal rose upon the trembling air, and went up in a majestic
volume to Heaven, all the Bamboozlers and the Monstrous Fleas closed
their eyes and turned their noses heavenward, and wept great copious
tears of gratitude and joy; all the salaried barkers closed _their_ eyes
and turned _their_ noses to heaven and wept likewise, and all the dogs
prostrated themselves and wept with joy until all the earth around was
wet. At which moment of solemn joy a Heavenly Voice from under the Bell
pealed forth:
It rings—the mighty Bell of God,
It thrills the heart beneath the sod,
And spirits of our patriot sires
Kindle again the sacred fires.
Hallelujah!
It rings—and angels from the heights,
Salute the Flag of Canine rights;
The Seraphs rush on radiant wing,
With all the cherubs with us to sing
Hallelujah!
It rings—and all the stars stand still
Entranced, t’ enjoy the rapturous thrill,
And swear it is, upon their word,
The grandest sound they ever heard.
Hallelujah!
It rings—and from its tongue of flame
It writes upon the sky a name—
The name of Freedom; kneel, Oh earth;
God struck the hour that gave it birth.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
The pealing of this hymn held all the dogs entranced, and as the last
beautiful note died away, they all wept, and said it was lovely poetry;
too lovely for anything; especially where the life-knell of the Bell
thrills the hearts of the dead dogs under the sod; and the Bell with its
long and facile flaming tongue writes names on the sky.
Then President Dephool Flea, after waiting a few rapturous moments to
let the beautiful words soak into their souls, announced that “_our_”
liberties having now been duly established, and acknowledged of Heaven,
the Blessed Bell was now open for every one to hammer his gratitude to
God on, and that each would take a turn in order.
Which they did. All the fat, eminent and Monstrous Fleas gathered in
single file, and passed before the Bell and hammered it, giving one blow
for himself, and thirteen times and forty-four times and six times, on
behalf of the all-glorious liberties, wealth, prosperity and happiness
of the dogs. And everybody was delighted, especially the big fleas, who
said it was the very best amusement they had ever had in their lives;
and they begged the Bamboozling Committee to keep it up, for, far beyond
all considerations of the amusement of it, it was the bulliest piece of
dust throwing ever yet devised for blinding those d—— fool dogs.
So the Bamboozling Committee and the Great Many Headed Gee Whizz, put
their wits together again; and the ever fertile Daily said that, as he
had foretold, the Bell racket and show had pleased the dogs immensely,
the Committee should go on giving them emblems to look at and noise
to make. “But,” said he, “let us give them a chance to make the noise
themselves. Ye and the other fleas have had all the hammering so far;
let them do it now. I propose we get them to make an emblematic Rope, a
long Rope, a strong Rope, and a Rope they can pull the old Bell clapper
all together with.
“Set them to make a Rope that shall be emblematic of their common
wealth, their common caninity, their common Liberty, their common dirt,
their common itch, their common hunger—their common everything. Let
each one strip a few hairs off his hide and his tail, and bring them as
an offering to Liberty, and let all those hairy contributions be spun
into a great Liberty Rope. Then one end thereof shall be attached to the
great clapper, and as many of the dogs as can shall get hold and pull;
and it shall be pull and bang, and bang and pull, and pull and bang,
until the poor imbeciles will go mad and crazy with the delightful
racket; and the noise shall fill their bellies—which, you know, is the
cheapest kind of victuals.”
“Hurrah for the Great Gee Whizz!” cried the Bamboozlers, “Liberty Noise
and Liberty Ropes are cheaper than Liberty.”
And, as before, The Great Daily Press, with awful solemnity, publicly
announced that the dogs were agoing to have more emblems to celebrate
their glorious liberties and privileges with.
And when the dogs heard the great emblematic Liberty Rope proposition,
they wagged their tails and howled deliriously for joy, and went
lachrymoniously drivelling to each other that Canisville was indeed the
place where Freedom dwelt, and that no other dogs on the face of the
earth had a Liberty Bell, Liberty Poetry and a Liberty Rope; no indeed.
And the dogs hasted and each stripped some hair off his tail and hide,
and sent it to the Bamboozling Committee, who, in the privacy of their
meeting place, had it spun, to the accompaniment of many a wink and many
a hilarious laugh over the silly idiots that were so easily—oh, so very
easily—buncoed and bamboozled out of Liberty, by Liberty emblems and
shams.
And when the great common Rope was ready, they ordained another day of
howling thanksgiving, and self laudation, and self glorification, and a
solemn moment of attachment of the end thereof to the glorious Banger
of the glorious Bell, and a solemn consecration and dedication of the
Rope, and another grand hymn, which called all the angels from their
most pressing engagements to crowd Heaven’s battlements, in admiration
of their magnificently idiotic jubilation.
And the dogs were tickled to death with their Rope, and took turns of
gangs at pulling it; and the eternal banging and clanging and jangling
of the hammered metal was so delightful that they forgot their hunger
even; and they danced around the Bell, _and kissed it_, and touched
it reverently with their noses, and blessed God for Liberty, Liberty,
Liberty.
And at the suggestion of the Great Gee Whizz, the Bamboozling Committee
made a multitude of little tinkling bells, verisimilitudes of the Great
Bell, and touched each one on the Great Bell, and it was so that virtue
went out of the Great Bell and made a true Liberty Tinkler of the little
one.
And the Committee ordained that each truly patriotic dog hang a Liberty
Tinkler on the end of his nose, one in each of his ears, and a row of
them on his tail, to the end that all the world and everybody else might
hear the noise of Liberty, and that every dog, at every movement of his
body and wag of his tail, might be a living, eternal Proclamation of
Liberty throughout the land.
And it was so. And the dogs were delighted and hung little Liberty
Tinklers upon themselves as ordered; and all Canisville rang with
Liberty.
But in a short time the fat fleas, and the eminent fleas, and the
Monstrous Fleas, seeing that the Blessed Bell and the Liberty ceremonies
had quite served their purpose, and the poor fool dogs had been
hypnotized into a very satisfactory state of forgetfulness of their
wrongs and miseries, told the Bamboozling Committee that they might now
with safety conclude the amusement and close up the show, as it was
somewhat expensive.
So the Bamboozling Committee, ordering one grand final hammering, that
made the startled angels jump, and a grand final yell for Liberty, which
made the air tremble for a week after, and a benediction in chorus by
all the salaried barkers, that sounded like the last tapering-off roll
of distant thunder, declared the greatest and grandest show of the ages
closed.