MEPHISTOPHELES. (_Sings._)
There was a king once reigning,
Who had a big black flea—
FROSCH.
Hear, hear! A flea! D’ye rightly take the jest?
I call a flea a tidy guest.
MEPHISTOPHELES. (_Sings._)
There was a king once reigning,
Who had a big black flea,
And loved him past explaining,
As his own son were he.
He called his man of stitches;
The tailor came straightway:
Here, measure the lad for breeches,
And measure his coat, I say!
BRANDER.
But mind, allow the tailor no caprices:
Enjoin upon him, as his head is dear,
To most exactly measure, sew and shear,
So that the breeches have no creases!
MEPHISTOPHELES.
In silk and velvet gleaming
He now was wholly drest—
Had a coat with ribbons streaming,
A cross upon his breast.
He had the first of stations,
A minister’s star and name;
And also all his relations,
Great lords at court became.
And the lords and ladies of honor
Were plagued, awake and in bed;
The queen she got them upon her,
The maids were bitten and bled.
And they did not dare to crush them,
Or scratch them, day or night:
We crack them and we crush them,
At once, whene’er they bite.
CHORUS, (_Shouting._)
We crack them and we crush them,
At once, whene’er they bite!
FROSCH.
Bravo! Bravo! That was fine.
SIEBEL.
Every flea may it so befall.
—_Goethe._
DEATH OF BULL MCMASTIFF.—ACCESSION OF PUP MCPOODLE.—HIS
EVIL REIGN.—TROUBLE WITH THE DOGS OF KYHIDOM AND HOW
IT ENDED.—NATIONAL DEBT.—A FLEAS’ WAR AND A DOGS’
FIGHT.—HOW THE VICTORIOUS DOGS BECAME NATIONAL PETS.
NOW all the inhabitants of Canisville walked righteously all the days
of Bull McMastiff, and the blessing of Heaven was upon them. They kept
his statutes and judgments and laid up his commandments in their hearts,
and were blessed in their uprising, and their downsitting, in their
going out, and in their coming in. Plenty crowned their years, and full
were always their basket and their store; their bread was certain and
their water sure; peace and everlasting joy were in all their borders,
and want and poverty and plague were far away and unknown, save as by
stories of travelers in strange and heathen lands.
But it came to pass that Bull McMastiff died and was gathered to his
fathers, full of days, full of honors, and toothless, and Pup McPoodle
reigned in his stead. And Pup McPoodle did evil in the sight of all
the community, and walked not in the ways of Bull McMastiff. In the
cussedness of his heart, he caused the whole community of dogs to turn
aside from following the wise maxims and counsels of Bull McMastiff, in
keeping of which they had grown fat and strong and sleek and well-to-do.
He scoffed when certain good old conservative canines reminded him of
McMastiff’s vigilant care of the community, and when they quoted his
maxims, he barked and said “Rats.”
And the canines turned aside from following Bull McMastiff. And it
came to pass that they neglected to haul up for punishment those who
scratched with the hind leg; and soon it was found that many were with
flea.
In those days other trouble fell on the inhabitants of Canisville; for
the fleas of Kyhidom, who had ordered the dogs of Kyhidom to drive out
the rebellious dogs that flew in the face of Providence, felt the loss
of the driven-out dogs; and although they hated much their heretic
doctrines, they hated more to lose the tribute of blood they had been
accustomed to get out of them. So they sent some delegate fleas over
the pond to beg of the outlawed and exiled dogs, to be good enough not
to forget the fleas of their own beloved native land, but to send over
at stated times a little of their blood to keep them from starving. And
the delegates pleaded so hard in the names of religion, patriotism, the
old country, the old ties of blood, and for old acquaintance’ sake that
the exiled dogs relented and repented, and consented to bleed themselves
so much a month and send the blood over in a bowl for the sustenance of
the Kyhidom fleas, who were content to receive it thus, although they
grumbled at the quantity which they said ought to have been at least two
bowlfuls.
[Illustration]
In process of time, however, when the fleas of Kyhidom had grown
accustomed to receiving regularly the monthly bowlful, and the dogs
of Canisville had become accustomed to being bled, the appetite of the
fleas began to grow, and they grew fretful and began to say that the
dogs over the pond were growing mean and unmindful of the duty they owed
to their mother country.
[Illustration]
So they sent over another delegation to tell the dogs of Canisville
that the appetite of the fleas of Kyhidom had very much improved, and
that it was very necessary unto their health that the dogs send over a
double tribute of blood, and that in case of refusal the fleas would
feel very much hurt in their feelings; and above all, that the refusal
would be very displeasing to Gorgeous Littlehead Flea, the King of
Kyhidom, who was the especial friend and protector of fleas; in fact,
so dearly and devotedly did he love them that they were to him as the
apples of his eyes, and any insult to them he would regard as tantamount
to treason against _him_. But the dogs made reply that they could not
conscientiously comply with the new request; that they themselves were
not doing as well as formerly; that they had fleas of their own to
support now, and that really, while holding the very highest regard and
reverence for the fleas of their beloved old Kyhidom (having forgiven
the outrage perpetrated there upon their forefathers), they hoped the
fleas would kindly excuse any additional contribution, and try to rest
content with the usual monthly bowlful.
[Illustration]
Certain of the dogs, however, who were known as “Advanced,” very
disrespectfully spoke up and said that this sending of blood away
over the pond was all wrong; it was contrary to sound sense, and was
detrimental to the interests of the community to send blood away to
fleas that didn’t live in the country; that this was “Absenteeism” and
absenteeism was the ruin of any country; that the first duty of dogs
was to their own native fleas and not to foreigners, and that their
advice was to refuse to send any more blood over the pond, and to drive
the whole pesky lot of foreign fleas out of the land.
And all the native fleas cried out that that was well spoken, and
displayed the true Spirit of Independence. And they violently urged
all the other dogs to take up that Spirit and make a firm and decided
Stand for Liberty, and refuse to send any more blood over the pond to
the Kyhidom fleas, but to _remember their own_ who were brought up with
them, and were _blood of their blood_. And it was so that these words
prevailed, and the Canisville dogs did refuse to send any more blood.
So the Kyhidom fleas went home and reported the gross insult and
grievous injury they had received, which moved the whole of Kyhidom to
anger; and the fleas told the dogs of the insolence and wickedness of
their cousins beyond the pond; and the dogs were even more angry than
the fleas, for they had been for many generations schooled and drilled
by the fleas in the sound and profitable (to the fleas) doctrine that an
injury to one flea is the concern of all dogs.
Therefore the dogs got on their Dignity—which was all in their hind
legs—and cried aloud that the National Honor had been insulted, and
the National Flag had been dirtied, and the face of Providence had been
flown in, and His Majesty, King Gorgeous Littlehead Flea, had been
treasoned against; and some fleas cried “Down with the Canisvillians,”
which cry was taken up by the dogs, who howled “Down with the
Canisvillians,” until they were hoarse, though who the Canisvillians
were and where they dwelt, few of the dogs knew, and what they had
done still fewer had any idea; but all knew it felt good to shout, and
was, withal, well pleasing to the fleas. So they all ran and asked the
fleas to lend them files to sharpen their teeth and claws with, and
demanded that the fleas pick out the most valiant dogs to lead them
across the pond, that they might tear out the eyes and bowels of the
vile Canisville dogs, who had dared to insult and rob their dearly
beloved fleas, and treason against His Superbly Serene and Supersacred
Majesty, Gorgeous Littlehead Flea, by the Grace of God King of Kyhidom
and defender of All Wrong and Bad Faith.
And the fleas said the conduct and high spirit of the dogs were
exceedingly commendable and showed the highest Patriotism. And they gave
sanction for the dogs to sharpen their teeth and claws, and to go over
the pond to tear out the eyes and bowels of the Canisville dogs. The
fleas, moreover, said thus unto them: “Good dogs; brave dogs; it is a
grand and glorious thing to fight and die for our Hearths and Homes, as
ye are about to go and do by ripping up those of the dogs beyond the
water; it is meet that ye take our National Honor and our National Flag
and go wash out their stains in the blood of their insulters, as your
forefathers and foregrandfathers have done thousands of times before.
Bear with you and ever jealously guard those sacred Junk, for it takes
so very, very little to dirty them, and so very, very much blood to
cleanse them. Ours is a Just Cause and will command the blessing of
Heaven, which has never failed to bless the strong claws and teeth of
the dogs of Kyhidom, to the discomfiture of weaker dogs. But, dear dogs,
we must ALL do our duty; an occasion like the present calls for
_sacrifice_ from _every one_. In this solemn hour, and face to face with
DUTY, let _no one_ shirk to do his uttermost share in aid of the Common
Cause. In this solemn Crisis, we cannot _all_ go to the field; some
_must_ remain at home; but whether we go to the field or remain at home,
each can nobly bear his part. We are not equally gifted; some have the
teeth and the claws, and some have the Means; we need both equally; the
Means without the teeth and claws, is utterly useless, the teeth and
claws without the Means can do but little, but with both united and the
Blessing of God, all things are possible. _We_ have the Means and _you_
have the teeth and claws; let us then, with an eye single to the glory
of Our Common Country, join our gifts in a Common Sacrifice and lay them
both on our Country’s Altar; ye shall, with your teeth and claws, go to
the fight, and we will stay home and find the Means to send you and
maintain you in the fight; and ye can repay us when ye come back; but if
ye come not back, why then, your children, and your children’s children
can repay us. We will not be hard upon you, we will Loan the Means, we
will Advance it, and we will call it your DEBT which ye may owe forever
and ever, provided ye or your children pay us a little for it every
year.
“Then go to the war, good dogs, and the Lord be with you, and we will
stay home with the Lord and Manage the country for you.”
And all the dogs gnashed their newly sharpened teeth and howled again,
“Down with the Canisvillians,” “God save our Noble Fleas,” and “Long
live King Gorgeous Littlehead Flea.”
But when they arrived in the land of the Canisvillians, and proceeded,
with the Blessing of God, to tear out their eyes and their bowels, those
Canisville dogs also showed surprisingly large teeth and dreadfully
sharp and strong claws; whereupon the blessing of God did go over to
their side, and they did amazingly wallop the life out of the Kyhidom
dogs, insomuch that all that were not dead ran howling down to the pond
and swam away home, and did no more venture to come back.
Then did the dogs of Canisville feel highly elated at having walloped
the dogs of Kyhidom, and kept on barking and barking about their
victory, and saying they could do it again, and they wished some of
those Kyhis would come back again to be walloped. All which great
joy and elation their own native fleas, being fleas of subtlety, did
turn to their own profit; for they, seeing that dogs always like to
be pushed in the way they want to go, ordained certain Remembrance
Days to be observed through all the land, on which days the dogs
should have flattering looking glasses held up to them, should be sung
to and made poetry to, and orated at, and have incense burned for
the gratification of their nostrils. There was “Defiance to Kyhidom
Day,” and “The Awful Walloping Day,” and “Kyhi Skedaddle Day,” and
“Get-Along-all-by-Ourselves Day,” and “Slain Dogs Day” and a host of
other Days on which the dogs told one another and the fleas told them
what grand, noble and gloriously independent dogs they were, that
would never, no never, endure the tyrant on their soil, or suffer any
bobtailed, measly, foreign dog to boss it over them.
And it was so that they grew so ineffably conceited and vain, by reason
of eternally Remembering themselves and admiring their own features,
that they quite forgot the fleas on their own backs. So the fleas had
good fat times and were little disturbed; and in the inmost sanctuary of
their own private gatherings they did knowingly wink the eye and say
that for enabling dogs to Forget their own Rights the Remembrance Days
beat all Creation.