Telling her. Summoning her.
And I thought that most of the men I knew would do precisely that.
They like to ride downhill alone; but when the burden grows heavy
and the grade steep, their wives become wheels on the wagon of their
difficulties. So American marriage is too often both trouble-sharing
and a private sport. "If you love her," they would say, "and if she
loves you, it is your duty to let her know and she would be hurt if you
did not." These, I think, are little boys married to their mothers. If
I had known the truth of my condition, Ricky would have been the next
to know. But I was not certain--quite. Let her sleep the night through,
then. Live two more contented days. She is my wife. She nurtures me and
I her and if I told her when I did not need to tell her, that would be
a true weakness in my lexicon.
Even while thinking that, I looked at the phone again and touched it.
But I am not quite such a schoolboy.
I may be the only male in America who feels as I do but my feeling is
definite: from the age of about six, I did not want a girl who was
necessarily just like the girl that married dear old dad.
It may be that there are no real men left in America.
America may be as barren of actual masculinity as Sodom of holy folk.
Some of us, however, still take an occasional crack at keeping alive
the memory of what men once were--or fanning the hope of what they may
be.
Once, for instance, men behaved with compassion toward women; they
were even interested in how women feel; what women did was actually
important to men--once. It may again be so.
But the likelihood is that nobody ever escaped Sodom alive. Lot's wife
looked back for a last squint at the new streamlined dish washers--and
turned to a pillar of salt. Lot, a moment later, tried to save a
charred copy of the financial page--and turned into a pillar of
bicarbonate of soda.
I got to about that point in my estimates when the doors opened again.
Yvonne appeared--flushed and tousled--a drink in one hand and some
books in the other.
"Lonesome?" she asked.
"Far from it," I said. "I was working with the Lord."