Shortly after the great victory of the Dead Marshes, the British
Army, under the command of Sir BONAMY BATTLEHORN, took possession
of Balmuggur, the capital of the country, known far and wide as the
Diamond City of the Ranee. There was a faint show of resistance, but
after I had defeated in single combat six picked mollahs of the Royal
Guard, the disheartened garrison laid down its arms, and the place
surrendered at discretion. We had brought HADJU THÂR MEEBHOY with
us, although, in his perforated condition, it was a matter of some
difficulty to transport him. Still it would have been barbarous to
leave him behind to the tender mercies of the neighbouring peasantry,
and we resolved to attempt his conveyance to Balmuggur. Fortunately
we succeeded beyond our most sanguine hopes. I was able to render him
some slight services on the march, and, after the city had fallen, I
paid him daily visits, during which I conceived a sincere and lasting
friendship for the gallant fellow whose only fault, after all, had
been the notion that he could defeat one who has never yet given way
an inch before the hottest attack even of overwhelming numbers. It was
quite touching to see his swarthy face brighten into a smile when I
entered the room. He looked forward eagerly to my daily visit, and
often told me that the simple tales of my courage and daring with
which I entertained him were of more use to him than all the ointments
and bandages and medicines with which dear old TOBY O'GRADY used to
treat his wound. On his side the MEEBHOY, too, was confidential. Many
an hour have I spent with him listening to his stories of court plot
and palace intrigue in Balmuggur, dark episodes of passion and crime
and sudden death.
[Illustration: "I perceived the Ranee's Chamberlain."]
One morning I was sitting as usual by the MEEBHOY'S bedside. I had
just related to him my adventure with the Lord Mayor of Dublin,
whom, as readers of contemporary journals will remember, I had been
compelled to chastise for the unpardonable affront of calling me by my
Christian name at a public meeting, by kicking him bodily from end to
end of the Rotunda, breaking three chandeliers as he spun through the
air, and imprinting the shape of his back on the opposite wall, where
it may still be observed by the curious. This adventure, and the story
of my subsequent escape from the dungeons of the Dublin Mansion
House, have rarely failed to extort applause from those to whom I
have narrated them. But on this occasion the MEEBHOY was silent and
_distrait_. He lay for some time drumming in an absent-minded way
with his fingers on the front aluminium door of his wound (the famous
operation had by this time been successfully performed), and made no
comment whatever on the tale I had related to him. Then suddenly
he turned, looked me full in the face, and addressed me. "Harkye,
Sirrah," he observed, "your story has interested me strangely; but
there is that in my mind which demands an exit. Methinks that they
who hold governance here mistake me strangely. Because I am all but
corpsed, they think they can neglect this JOHNNY. The Ranee has but
once sent a stable-helper to inquire after me. Grammercy, but such
treatment is scurvy, and I mean to show the old witch that HADJU THÂR
knows what's what, and, by Jingo, he's going to have it all the time.
That's so." I have forgotten, I think, to mention that my friend had
learnt his English in Seringapatam from such examples as he could
lay his hands on in that remote island, and the result was a certain
patchiness of style, which did not, however, by any means, interfere
with the vigour and fluency of his diction.
"Do you suppose," I said, "that this slight is intentional? Really, I
cannot believe that the Ranee would willingly neglect so gallant and
devoted a servant."
"That shows me you little know the Queen of the Diamond City. Why,
blow me tight, she's as artful as a cartload of monkeys, and in
profundity of design and daring of execution, she'd give a man-eating
tiger two stone and a handsome beating over any course you care to
name. But I am resolved to be avenged. Never shall it be said that
the descendant of a thousand kings had the comether put on him by
a cinder-faced old omadhaun like that. See here now," he continued,
drawing me closer to him, while he glanced furtively round and sank
his voice to a whisper, "it's yourself I'm talking to. Hast heard of
the Pink Hippopotamus?"
"What!" I replied; "the sacred animal of the Seringapatamese, the
dweller in the inaccessible mountain fastness of Jam Tirnova, the
deathless guardian of the royal race of this island?"
"The same," he answered calmly; "no mortal foot, save those of his
priests, has ever yet approached him. The perils are manifold, the
attempt is well nigh desperate, but you're not the game chicken I take
you for if you don't accomplish his capture and discomfit the haughty
Ranee. Crikey, but I'd like to hear the old gal squeal when they tell
her her bloomin' hippo's got took. Blime if I wouldn't."
"But how shall I set about it, what steps ought I to take?"
"Is it steps you mane? What in thunder is the man wanting? Here, boy,
take these papers. I have set down in them clearly how the matter
may best be undertaken. Peruse them and learn them well. If you have
resource, courage and prudence, within a week the prize shall be
yours, and the insult offered to me shall be expiated."
With that he pressed a bundle of papers into my hand, and bade me
leave him.
As I left the tent I heard a scuffling of feet. I darted in the
direction in which I thought they had gone, and there sure enough,
running as if he wanted to break a hundred yards record, I perceived
the Ranee's Chamberlain. I set off after him, nothing loth to give an
example of my speed. Besides, if the old fellow had overheard us our
doom was sealed; it was necessary to capture and silence him. In ten
strides I was close up to him. In another moment I was near enough to
seize him. I stretched out my hand to do so, when suddenly he gave
two short yells, turned round in a swift pirouette, and, before I had
realised what had happened, landed me a tremendous kick full on the
chest. The force of the blow was terrible, and only my iron bones
could have withstood it. Seeing that I still advanced he made at me
again. This time, however, I was too quick for him. I seized him by
his uplifted ankle, and, regardless of his appeal for mercy, whirled
him three times round my head and flung him from me. His shoe remained
in my hand, but beyond that no trace of the miserable Chamberlain
has ever been discovered. He simply vanished from human knowledge as
completely as though his body had been resolved into its elements. It
is true that Professor SPOOKS of the University of Caffraria declared
that a new meteor had on that very day appeared in South Africa
travelling eastwards. His discovery was scoffed at by the scientific,
but for my own part I have sometimes thought that, with a telescope
of sufficient power, the learned Professor might have been able
to establish an identity between his supposed comet and the lost
Chamberlain of the Ranee.
Having thus dispatched my foe, I returned to my own quarters to study
the papers of the MEEBHOY.
As I entered my room a terrible sight met my eyes.
(_To be continued._)
* * * * *
The Great Trott-ing Match.
[ALBERT TROTT, in the latest representative cricket match
between Mr. STODDART'S Eleven and All Australia, scored two
"not out" innings of 38 and 72, and took eight wickets for 43
runs.]
GIFFEN'S boys were this time, we may say without banter,
Eleven too many for stout "STODDART'S Lot";
We oft read of matches as "won in a canter,"
But this one was won, it would seem, by A. TROTT.
* * * * *
[Illustration: AN APPLIED PROVERB.
_Cabby._ "'ERE, I SAY! ONLY A BOB? WOT'S THIS?"
_Footman._ "WHY, YOU 'AVEN'T DROVE THE YOUNG LADY ACROSS THE SQUARE!"
_Cabby._ "THAT MAY BE. BUT IF 'A MISS IS AS GOOD AS A MILE,' SHE'S
EQUAL TO THREE MILES, AND OUGHT TO PAY MORE THAN DOUBLE FARE!"]
* * * * *