When Wally Wallace came home from college he blossomed out as a regular
member of the club. He had been a junior member before, one of the
tennis squad.
Wally is the son of old Hardpan Wallace, of the Trans-Pacific
outfit--you may have heard of him--and the sole heir to more millions
than he will ever be able to spend; but we didn't hold this against the
boy. He isn't the sort that money can spoil, with nothing about him to
remind you of old Hardpan, unless it might be a little more chin than
he really needs.
Wally's first act as a full-fledged member of the club was to qualify
for the James Peck Annual Trophy--a pretty fair sort of cup, considering
the donor.
He turned in a nice snappy eighty-one, which showed us that a college
education had not been wasted on him, and also caused several of the
Class-A men to sit up a bit and take notice.
He came booming through to the semi-finals with his head up and his tail
over the dash-board. It was there that he ran into me. Now I am no Jerry
Travers, but there are times when I play to my handicap, which is ten,
and I had been going fairly well. I had won four matches--one of them by
default. Wally had also won four matches, but the best showing made
against him was five down and four to go. His handicap was six, so he
would have to start me two up; but I had seen enough of his game to know
that I was up against the real thing, and would need a lot of luck to
give the boy anything like a close battle. He was a strong, heady match
player, and if he had a weakness the men whom he had defeated hadn't
been able to spot it. Altogether it wasn't a very brilliant outlook for
me; but, as a matter of fact, I suppose no ten-handicap man ever ought
to have a brilliant outlook. It isn't coming to him. If he has one it is
because the handicapper has been careless.
Under our rules a competitor in a club tournament has a week in which
to play his man, and it so happened that we agreed on Wednesday for our
meeting. Wally called for me in his new runabout, and we had lunch
together--I shook him and stuck him for it, and he grinned and remarked
that a man couldn't be lucky at everything. While we were dressing he
chattered like a magpie, talking about everything in the world but golf,
which was a sign that he wasn't worrying much. He expected easy picking,
and under normal conditions he would have had it.
We left the first tee promptly at one-forty-five P.M., our caddies
carrying the little red flags which demand the right of way over
everything. I might have suggested starting at Number Ten if I had
thought of it, but to tell the truth I was a wee mite nervous and was
wondering whether I had my drive with me or not. You know how the
confounded thing comes and goes. So we started at Number One, and my
troubles began. Wally opened up on me with a four-four-three, making the
third hole in a stroke under par, and when we reached the fourth tee we
were all square and my handicap was gone.
It was on the fourth tee that we first began to notice signs of
congestion ahead of us. One foursome had just driven off and beckoned us
to come through, another was waiting to go, and the fair green on the
way to the fifth looked like the advance of the Mexican standing army.
"Somebody has lost the transmission out of his wheel chair," said Wally.
"Well, we should worry--we've got the red flags and the right of way.
Fore!" And he proceeded to smack a perfect screamer down the middle of
the course--two hundred and fifty yards if it was an inch. I staggered
into one and laid my ball some distance behind his, but on the direct
line to the pin. Then we had to wait a bit while another foursome putted
out.
"There oughtn't to be any congestion on a day like this," said Wally.
"Must be a bunch of old men ahead."
"It's the Big Four," said I. "Watlington, Peck, Peebles and Hamilton.
They always take their time."
From where we were we could see the seventh and eighth fair greens.
There wasn't a player in sight on either one.
"Good Lord!" said Wally. "They've got the whole United States wide open
ahead of 'em. They're not holding their place on the course."
"They never do," said I, and just then the foursome moved off the
putting green.
"Give her a ride, old top!" said Wally.
I claim that my second shot wasn't half bad--for a ten-handicap man. I
used a brassy and reached the green about thirty feet from the pin, but
the demon Wally pulled a mid-iron out of his bag, waggled it once or
twice, and then made my brassy look sick. When we reached the top of the
hill, there was his ball ten feet from the cup. I ran up, playing it
safe for a par four, but Wally studied the roll of the green for about
ten seconds--and dropped a very fat three. He was decent enough to
apologise.
"I'm playing over my head," said he.
I couldn't dispute it--two threes on par fours might well be over
anybody's head. One down and fourteen to go; it had all the earmarks of
a massacre.
We had quite an audience at the fifth tee--two foursomes were piled up
there, cursing. "What's the matter, gentlemen?" asked Wally. "Can't you
get through?"
"Nobody can get through," said Billy Williams. "It's the Big Four."
"But they'll respect the red flags, won't they?"
It was a perfectly natural question for a stranger to ask--and Wally was
practically a stranger, though most of the men knew who he was. It
brought all sorts of answers.
"You think they will? I'll bet you a little two to one, no limit, that
they're all colour-blind!"
"Oh, yes, they'll let you through!"
"They'll _ask_ you to come through--won't they, Billy? They'll insist on
it, what?"
"They're full of such tricks!"
Wally was puzzled. He didn't quite know what to make of it. "But a red
flag," said he, "gives you the right of way."
"Everywhere but here," said Billy Williams.
"But in this case it's a rule!" argued Wally.
"Those fellows in front make their own rules."
"But the Greens Committee----" And this was where everybody laughed.
Wally stooped and teed his ball.
"Look here," said he, "I'll bet you anything you like that they let us
through. Why, they can't help themselves!"
"You bet that they'll let you through of their own accord?" asked Ben
Ashley, who never has been known to pass up a plain cinch.
"On our request to be allowed to pass," said Wally.
"If you drive into 'em without their permission you lose," stipulated
Ben.
"Right!" said Wally.
"Got you for a dozen balls!" said Ben.
"Anybody else want some of it?" asked Wally.
Before he got off the tee he stood to lose six dozen balls; but his
nerve was unshaken and he slammed out another tremendous drive. I sliced
into a ditch and away we went, leaving a great deal of promiscuous
kidding behind us. It took me two shots to get out at all, and Wally
picked up another hole on me.
Two down--murder!
On the sixth tee we ran into another mass meeting of malcontents. Old
Man Martin, our prize grouch, grumbled a bit when we called attention to
our red flags.
"What's the use?" said he. "You're on your way, but you ain't going
anywhere. Might just as well sit down and take it easy. Watlington has
got a lost ball, and the others have gone on to the green so's nobody
can get through. Won't do you a bit of good to drive, Wally. There's two
foursomes hung up over the hill now, and they'll be right there till
Watlington finds that ball. Sit down and be sociable."
"What'll you bet that we don't get through?" demanded Wally, who was
beginning to show signs of irritation.
"Whatever you got the most of, sonny--provided you make the bet this
way: they got to _let_ you through. Of course you might drive into 'em
or walk through 'em, but that ain't being done--much."
"Right! The bet is that they let us through. One hundred fish."
Old Martin cackled and turned his cigar round and round in the corner of
his mouth--a wolf when it comes to a cinch bet.
"Gosh! Listen to our banty rooster crow! Want another hundred, sonny?"
"Yes--grandpa!" said Wally, and sent another perfect drive soaring up
over the hill.
Number Six is a long hole, and the ordinary player never attempts to
carry the cross-bunker on his second. I followed with a middling-to-good
shot, and we bade the congregation farewell.
"It's ridiculous!" said Wally as we climbed the hill. "I never saw a
foursome yet that wouldn't yield to a red flag, or one that wouldn't let
a twosome through--if properly approached. And we have the right of way
over everything on the course. The Greens Committee----"
"Is composed," said I, "of Watlington, Peck and Peebles--three members
of the Big Four. They built the club, they run the club, and they have
never been known to let anybody through. I'm sorry, Wally, but I'm
afraid you're up against it."
The boy stopped and looked at me.
"Then those fellows behind us," said he, "were betting on a cinch, eh?"
"It was your proposition," I reminded him.
"So it was," and he grinned like the good game kid he is. "The Greens
Committee, eh? 'Hast thou appealed unto Caesar? unto Caesar shalt thou
go.' I'm a firm believer in the right method of approach. They wouldn't
have the nerve----"
"They have nerve enough for anything," said I, and dropped the subject.
I didn't want him to get the idea that I was trying to argue with him
and upset his game. One foursome was lying down just over the hill; the
other was piled up short of the bunker. Watlington had finally found his
ball and played onto the green. The others, of course, had been standing
round the pin and holding things up for him.
I took an iron on my second and played short, intending to pitch over
the bunker on my third. Wally used a spoon and got tremendous height and
distance. His ball carried the bunker, kicked to the right and stopped
behind a sandtrap. It was a phenomenal shot, and with luck on the kick
would have gone straight to the pin.
I thought the Big Four would surely be off the green by the time I got
up to my ball, but no, Peck was preparing to hole a three-foot putt. Any
ordinary dub would have walked up to that pill and tapped it in, but
that wasn't Peck's style. He got down on all fours and sighted along the
line to the hole. Then he rose, took out his handkerchief, wiped his
hands carefully, called for his putter and took an experimental stance,
tramping about like a cat "making bread" on a woollen rug.
"Look at him!" grunted Wally. "You don't mind if I go ahead to my ball?
It won't bother you?"
"Not in the least," said I.
"I want to play as soon as they get out of the way," he explained.
The Colonel's first stance did not suit him, so he had to go all through
the tramping process again. When he was finally satisfied, he began
swinging his putter back and forth over the ball, like the pendulum of a
grandfather's clock--ten swings, neither more nor less. Could any one
blame Wally for boiling inside?
After the three-footer dropped--he didn't miss it, for a wonder--they
all gathered round the hole and pulled out their cards. Knowing each
other as well as they did, nobody was trusted to keep the score.
"Fore!" called Wally.
They paid not the slightest attention to him, and it was fully half a
minute before they ambled leisurely away in the direction of the seventh
tee.
I played my pitch shot, with plenty of back-spin on it, and stopped ten
or twelve feet short of the hole. Wally played an instant later, a
mashie shot intended to clear the trap, but he had been waiting too long
and was burning up with impatience. He topped the ball, hit the far edge
of the sandtrap and bounced back into a bad lie. Of course I knew why he
had been in such a hurry--he wanted to catch the Big Four on the seventh
tee. His niblick shot was too strong, but he laid his fifth dead to the
hole, giving me two for a win. Just as a matter of record, let me state
that I canned a nice rainbow putt for a four. A four on Number Six is
rare.
"Nice work!" said Wally. "You're only one down now. Come on, let's get
through these miserable old men!"
Watlington was just addressing his ball, the others had already driven.
He fussed and he fooled and he waggled his old dreadnaught for fifteen
or twenty seconds, and then shot straight into the bunker--a wretchedly
topped ball.
"Bless my heart!" said he. "Now why--why do I always miss my drive on
this hole?"
Peck started to tell him, being his partner, but Wally interrupted,
politely but firmly.
"Gentlemen," said he, "if you have no objection we will go through. We
are playing a tournament match. Mr. Curtiss, your honour, I believe."
Well, sir, for all the notice they took of him he might have been
speaking to four graven images. Not one of them so much as turned his
head. Colonel Peck had the floor.
"I'll tell you, Wat," said he, "I think it's your stance. You're playing
the ball too much off your right foot--coming down on it too much. Now
if you want it to rise more----" They were moving away now, but very
slowly.
"_Fore!_"
This time they had to notice the boy. He was mad clear through, and his
voice showed it. They all turned, took one good look at him, and then
toddled away, keeping well in the middle of the course. Peck was still
explaining the theory of the perfect drive. Wally yelled again; this
time they did not even look at him. "Well!" said he. "Of all the damned
swine! I--I believe we should drive anyway!"
"You'll lose a lot of bets if you do." Perhaps I shouldn't have said
that. Goodness knows I didn't want to see his game go to pieces behind
the Big Four--I didn't want to play behind them myself. I tried to
explain. The kid came over and patted me on the back.
"You're perfectly right," said he. "I forgot all about those fool bets,
but I'd gladly lose all of 'em if I thought I could hit that long-nosed
stiff in the back of the neck!" He meant the Colonel. "And so that's the
Greens Committee, eh? Holy jumping Jemima! What a club!"
I couldn't think of much of anything to say, so we sat still and watched
Watlington dig his way out of the bunker, Peck offering advice after
each failure. When Watlington disagreed with Peck's point of view he
took issue with him, and all hands joined in the argument. Wally was
simply sizzling with pent-up emotion, and after Watlington's fifth shot
he began to lift the safety-valve a bit. The language which he used was
wonderful, and a great tribute to higher education. Old Hardpan himself
couldn't have beaten it, even in his mule-skinning days.
At last the foursome was out of range and I got off a pretty fair tee
shot. Wally was still telling me what he thought of the Greens Committee
when he swung at the ball, and never have I seen a wider hook. It was
still hooking when it disappeared in the woods, out of bounds. His next
ball took a slice and rolled into long grass.
"Serves me right for losing my temper," said he with a grin. "I can play
this game all right, old top, but when I'm riled it sort of unsettles
me. Something tells me that I'm going to be riled for the next half hour
or so. Don't mind what I say. It's all meant for those hogs ahead of
us."
I helped him find his ball, and even then we had to wait on Peebles and
Hamilton, who were churning along down the middle of the course in easy
range. I lighted a cigarette and thought about something else--my income
tax, I think it was. I had found this a good system when sewed up behind
the Big Four. I don't know what poor Wally was thinking about--man's
inhumanity to man, I suppose--for when it came time to shoot he failed
to get down to his ball and hammered it still deeper into the grass.
"If it wasn't for the bets," said he, "I'd pick up and we'd go over to
Number Eight. I'm afraid that on a strict interpretation of the terms of
agreement Martin could spear me for two hundred fish if we skipped a
hole."
"He could," said I, "and what's more to the point, he would. They were
to let us through--on request."
Wally sighed.
"I've tried one method of approach," said he, "and now I'll try another
one. I might tell 'em that I bet two hundred dollars on the suspicion
that they were gentlemen, but likely they'd want me to split the
winnings. They look like that sort."
Number Seven was a gift on a golden platter. I won it with a frightful
eight, getting into all sorts of grief along the way, but Wally was
entirely up in the air and blew the short putt which should have given
him a half.
"All square!" said he. "Fair enough! Now we shall see what we shall
see!"
His chin was very much in evidence as he hiked to Number Eight tee, and
he lost no time getting into action. Colonel Peck was preparing to drive
as Wally hove alongside. The Colonel is very fussy about his drive. He
has been known to send a caddie to the clubhouse for whispering on the
bench. Wally walked up behind him.
"Stand still, young man! Can't you see I'm driving?"
It was in the nature of a royal command.
"Oh!" said Wally. "Meaning me, I presume. Do you know, it strikes me
that for a golfer with absolutely no consideration for others, you're
quite considerate--of yourself!"
Now I had always sized up the Colonel for a bluffer. He proved himself
one by turning a rich maroon colour and trying to swallow his Adam's
apple. Not a word came from him.
"Quiet," murmured old Peebles, who looks exactly like a sheep. "Absolute
quiet, please."
Wally rounded on him like a flash.
"Another considerate golfer, eh?" he snapped. "Now, gentlemen, under the
rules governing tournament play I demand for my opponent and myself the
right to go through. There are open holes ahead; you are not holding
your place on the course----"
"Drive, Jim," interposed Watlington in that quiet way of his. "Don't pay
any attention to him. Drive."
"But how can I drive while he's hopping up and down behind me? He puts
me all off my swing!"
"I'm glad my protest has some effect on you," said Wally. "Now I
understand that some of you are members of the Greens Committee of this
club. As a member of the said club, I wish to make a formal request that
we be allowed to pass."
"Denied," said Watlington. "Drive, Jim."
"Do you mean to say that you refuse us our rights--that you won't let us
through?"
"Absolutely," murmured old Peebles. "Absolutely."
"But why--why? On what grounds?"
"On the grounds that you're too fresh," said Colonel Peck. "On the
grounds that we don't want you to go through. Sit down and cool off."
"Drive, Jim," said Watlington. "You talk too much, young man."
"Wait a second," said Wally. "I want to get you all on record. I have
made a courteous request----"
"And it has been refused," said old Peebles, blinking at both of us.
"Gentlemen, you can't go through!"
"Is that final?"
"It is--absolutely."
And Watlington and Peck nodded.
"Drive, Jim!"
This time it was Hamilton who spoke.
"Pardon me," said Wally. He skipped out in front of the tee, lifted his
cap and made a low bow. "Members of the Greens Committee," said he, "and
one other hog as yet unclassified, you are witnesses that I default my
match to Mr. Curtiss. I do this rather than be forced to play behind
four such pitiable dubs as you are. Golf is a gentleman's game, which
doubtless accounts for your playing it so poorly. They tell me that you
never let any one through. God giving me strength, the day will come
when you will not only allow people to pass you, but you will _beg_ them
to do it. Make a note of that. Come along, Curtiss. We'll play the last
nine--for the fun of the thing."
"Oh, Curtiss!" It was Watlington speaking. "How many did you have him
down when he quit?"
The insult would have made a saint angry, but no saint on the calendar
could have summoned the vocabulary with which Wally replied. It was a
wonderful exhibition of blistering invective. Watlington's thick hide
stood him in good stead. He did not turn a hair or bat an eye, but
waited for Wally to run out of breath. Then:
"Drive, Jim," said he.
Now I did not care to win that match by default, and I did everything in
my power to arrange the matter otherwise. I offered to play the
remaining holes later in the day, or skip the eighth and begin all
square on the ninth tee.
"Nothing doing," said Wally. "You're a good sport, but there are other
men still in the tournament, and we're not allowed to concede anything.
The default goes, but tell me one thing--why didn't you back me up on
that kick?"
I was afraid he had noticed that I had been pretty much in the
background throughout, so when he asked me I told him the truth.
"Just a matter of bread and butter," said I. "My uncle's law firm
handles all the Midland's business. I'm only the junior member, but I
can't afford----"
"The Midland?" asked Wally.
"Yes, the Midland Manufacturing Company--Peck, Peebles and Hamilton.
Watlington's money is invested in the concern too."
"Why," said Wally, "that's the entire gang, isn't it--Greens Committee
and all?"
"The Big Four," said I. "You can see how it is. They're rather
important--as clients. There has been no end of litigation over the site
for that new plant of theirs down on Third Avenue, and we've handled all
of it."
But Wally hadn't been listening to me.
"So all the eggs are in one basket!" he exclaimed. "That simplifies
matters. Now, if one of 'em had been a doctor and one of 'em a lawyer
and one of 'em----"
"What are you talking about?" I demanded.
"Blest if I know!" said Wally.
So far as I could learn no official action was taken by the Big Four
because of conduct and language unbecoming a gentleman and a golfer.
Before I left the clubhouse I had a word or two with Peebles. He was
sitting at a table in the corner of the lounging room, nibbling at a
piece of cheese and looking as meek as Moses.
"We--ah--considered the source," said he. "The boy is young and--rash,
quite rash. His father was a mule-skinner--it's in the blood--can't help
it possibly. Yes, we considered the source. Absolutely!"
I didn't see very much of Wally after that, but I understood that he
played the course in the mornings and gave the club a wide berth on
Wednesdays and Saturdays. His default didn't help me any. I was
handsomely licked in the finals--four and three, I believe it was. About
that time something happened which knocked golf completely out of my
mind.