this wreck, not doubting but I might find something on board that might
be useful to me: but that did not altogether press me so much as the
possibility that there might be yet some living creature on board, whose
life I might not only save, but might, by saving that life, comfort my
own to the last degree; and this thought clung so to my heart, that I
could not be quiet night or day, but I must venture out in my boat on
board this wreck; and committing the rest to God's providence, I thought
the impression was so strong upon my mind that it could not be resisted,
that it must come from some invisible direction, and that I should be
wanting to myself if I did not go.
Under the power of this impression, I hastened back to my castle,
prepared every thing for my voyage, took a quantity of bread, a great
pot of fresh water, a compass to steer by, a bottle of rum (for I had
still a great deal of that left,) and a basket of raisins: and thus,
loading myself with every thing necessary, I went down to my boat, got
the water out of her, put her afloat, loaded all my cargo in her, and
then went home again for more. My second cargo was a great bag of rice,
the umbrella to set up over my head for a shade, another large pot of
fresh water, and about two dozen of my small loaves, or barley-cakes,
more than before, with a bottle of goat's milk and a cheese: all which,
with great labour and sweat, I carried to my boat; and praying to God to
direct my voyage, I put out; and rowing, or paddling, the canoe along
the shore, came at last to the utmost point of the island on the
north-east side. And now I was to launch out into the ocean, and either
to venture or not to venture. I looked on the rapid currents which ran
constantly on both sides of the island at a distance, and which were
very terrible to me, from the remembrance of the hazard I had been in
before, and my heart began to fail me; for I foresaw that if I was
driven into either of those currents, I should be carried a great way
out to sea, and perhaps out of my reach, or sight of the island again;
and that then, as my boat was but small, if any little gale of wind
should rise, I should be inevitably lost.
These thoughts so oppressed my mind, that I began to give over my
enterprise; and having hauled my boat into a little creek on the shore,
I stepped out, and sat me down upon a rising bit of ground, very pensive
and anxious, between fear and desire, about my voyage; when, as I was
musing, I could perceive that the tide was turned, and the flood come
on; upon which my going was impracticable for so many hours. Upon this,
presently it occurred to me, that I should go up to the highest piece of
ground I could find, and observe, if I could how the sets of the tide,
or currents, lay when the flood came in, that I might judge whether, if
I was driven one way out, I might not expect to be driven another way
home, with the same rapidness of the currents. This thought was no
sooner in my head than I cast my eye upon a little hill, which
sufficiently overlooked the sea both ways, and from whence I had a clear
view of the currents, or sets of the tide, and which way I was to guide
myself in my return. Here I found, that as the current of the ebb set
out close by the south point of the island, so the current of the flood
set in close by the shore of the north side; and that I had nothing to
do but to keep to the north side of the island in my return, and I
should do well enough.
Encouraged with this observation, I resolved, the next morning, to set
out with the first of the tide; and reposing myself for the night in my
canoe, under the great watch-coat I mentioned, I launched out. I first
made a little out to sea, full north, till I began to feel the benefit
of the current, which set eastward, and which carried me at a great
rate; and yet did not so hurry me as the current on the south side had
done before, so as to take from me all government of the boat; but
having a strong steerage with my paddle, I went at a great rate directly
for the wreck, and in less than two hours I came up to it. It was a
dismal sight to look at: the ship, which, by its building, was Spanish,
stuck fast, jammed in between two rocks; all the stern and quarter of
her were beaten to pieces with the sea; and as her forecastle, which
stuck in the rocks, had run on with great violence, her mainmast and
foremast were brought by the board, that is to say, broken short off;
but her bowsprit was sound, and the head and bow appeared firm. When I
came close to her, a dog appeared upon her, who, seeing me coming,
yelped and cried; and as soon as I called him, jumped into the sea to
come to me; I took him into the boat, but found him almost dead with
hunger and thirst. I gave him a cake of my bread, and he devoured it
like a ravenous wolf that had been starving a fortnight in the snow: I
then gave the poor creature some fresh water, with which, if I would
have let him, he would have burst himself. After this, I went on board;
but the first sight I met with was two men drowned in the cook-room, or
forecastle of the ship, with their arms fast about one another. I
concluded, as is indeed probable, that when the ship struck, it being in
a storm, the sea broke so high, and so continually over her, that the
men were not able to bear it, and were strangled with the constant
rushing in of the water, as much as if they had been under water.
Besides the dog, there was nothing left in the ship that had life; nor
any goods, that I could see, but what were spoiled by the water. There
were some casks of liquor, whether wine or brandy I knew not, which lay
lower in the hold, and which, the water being ebbed out, I could see;
but they were too big to meddle with. I saw several chests, which I
believed belonged to some of the seamen; and I got two of them into the
boat, without examining what was in them. Had the stern of the ship been
fixed, and the fore-part broken off, I am persuaded I might have made a
good voyage; for, by what I found in these two chests, I had room to
suppose the ship had a great deal of wealth on board; and, if I may
guess from the course she steered, she must have been bound from Buenos
Ayres, or the Rio de la Plata, in the south part of America, beyond the
Brazils, to the Havanna, in the Gulf of Mexico, and so perhaps to Spain.
She had, no doubt, a great treasure in her, but of no use, at that time,
to any body; and what became of her crew, I then knew not.
I found, besides these chests, a little cask full of liquor, of about
twenty gallons, which I got into my boat with much difficulty. There
were several muskets in the cabin, and a great powder-horn, with about
four pounds of powder in it; as for the muskets, I had no occasion for
them, so I left them, but took the powder-horn. I took a fireshovel and
tongs, which I wanted extremely; as also two little brass kettles, a
copper pot to make chocolate, and a gridiron: and with this cargo, and
the dog, I came away, the tide beginning to make home again; and the
same evening, about an hour within night, I reached the island again,
weary and fatigued to the last degree. I reposed that night in the boat;
and in the morning I resolved to harbour what I had got in my new cave,
and not carry it home to my castle. After refreshing myself, I got all
my cargo on shore, and began to examine the particulars. The cask of
liquor I found to be a kind of rum, but not such as we had at the
Brazils, and, in a word, not at all good; but when I came to open the
chests, I found several things of great use to me: for example, I found
in one a fine case of bottles, of an extraordinary kind, and filled with
cordial waters, fine and very good; the bottles held about three pints
each, and were tipped with silver. I found two pots of very good
succades, or sweetmeats, so fastened also on the top, that the salt
water had not hurt them; and two more of the same, which the water had
spoiled. I found some very good shirts, which were very welcome to me;
and about a dozen and a half of white linen handkerchiefs and coloured
neckcloths; the former were also very welcome, being exceeding
refreshing to wipe my face in a hot day. Besides this, when I came to
the till in the chest, I found there three great bags of
pieces-of-eight, which held about eleven hundred pieces in all; and in
one of them, wrapped up in a paper, six doubloons of gold, and some
small bars or wedges of gold; I suppose they might all weigh near a
pound. In the other chest were some clothes, but of little value; but,
by the circumstances, it must have belonged to the gunner's mate; though
there was no powder in it, except two pounds of fine glazed powder, in
three small flasks, kept, I suppose, for charging their fowling-pieces
on occasion. Upon the whole, I got very little by this voyage that was
of any use to me; for, as to the money, I had no manner of occasion for
it; it was to me as the dirt under my feet; and I would have given it
all for three or four pair of English shoes and stockings, which were
things I greatly wanted, but had none on my feet for many years. I had
indeed got two pair of shoes now, which I took off the feet of the two
drowned men whom I saw in the wreck, and I found two pair more in one of
the chests, which were very welcome to me; but they were not like our
English shoes, either for ease or service, being rather what we call
pumps than shoes. I found in this seaman's chest about fifty
pieces-of-eight in rials, but no gold: I suppose this belonged to a
poorer man than the other, which seemed to belong to some officer. Well,
however, I lugged this money home to my cave, and laid it up, as I had
done that before which I brought from our own ship: but it was a great
pity, as I said, that the other part of this ship had not come to my
share; for I am satisfied I might have loaded my canoe several times
over with money; and, thought I, if I ever escape to England, it might
lie here safe enough till I may come again and fetch it.
Having now brought all my things on shore, and secured them, I went back
to my boat, and rowed or paddled her along the shore to her old
harbour, where I laid her up, and made the best of my way to my old
habitation, where I found every thing safe and quiet. I began now to
repose myself, live after my old fashion, and take care of my family
affairs; and, for a while, I lived easy enough, only that I was more
vigilant than I used to be, looked out oftener, and did not go abroad so
much; and if at any time I did stir with any freedom, it was always to
the east part of the island, where I was pretty well satisfied the
savages never came, and where I could go without so many precautions,
and such a load of arms and ammunition as I always carried with me if I
went the other way. I lived in this condition near two years more; but
my unlucky head, that was always to let me know it was born to make my
body miserable, was all these two years filled with projects and
designs, how, if it were possible, I might get away from this island:
for, sometimes I was for making another voyage to the wreck, though my
reason told me that there was nothing left there worth the hazard of my
voyage; sometimes for a ramble one way, sometimes another; and I believe
verily, if I had had the boat that I went from Sallee in, I should have
ventured to sea, bound any where, I knew not whither. I have been, in
all my circumstances, a _memento_ to those who are touched with the
general plague of mankind, whence, for aught I know, one half of their
miseries flow; I mean that of not being satisfied with the station
wherein God and nature hath placed them: for, not to look back upon my
primitive condition, and the excellent advice of my father, the
opposition to which was, as I may call it, my _original sin_, my
subsequent mistakes of the same kind had been the means of my coming
into this miserable condition; for had that Providence, which so happily
seated me at the Brazils as a planter, blessed me with confined desires,
and I could have been contented to have gone on gradually, I might have
been, by this time, I mean in the time of my being in this island, one
of the most considerable planters in the Brazils; nay, I am persuaded,
that by the improvements I had made in that little time I lived there,
and the increase I should probably have made if I had remained, I might
have been worth a hundred thousand moidores: and what business had I to
leave a settled fortune, a well-stocked plantation, improving and
increasing, to turn supercargo to Guinea to fetch negroes, when patience
and time would have so increased our stock at home, that we could have
bought them at our own door from those whose business it was to fetch
them? and though it had cost us something more, yet the difference of
that price was by no means worth saving at so great a hazard. But as
this is usually the fate of young heads, so reflection upon the folly of
it is as commonly the exercise of more years, or of the dear-bought
experience of time: so it was with me now; and yet so deep had the
mistake taken root in my temper, that I could not satisfy myself in my
station, but was continually poring upon the means and possibility of my
escape from this place: and that I may, with the greater pleasure to the
reader, bring on the remaining part of my story, it may not be improper
to give some account of my first conceptions on the subject of this
foolish scheme for my escape, and how, and upon what foundation I acted.
I am now to be supposed retired into my castle, after my late voyage to
the wreck, my frigate laid up and secured under water, as usual, and my
condition restored to what it was before; I had more wealth, indeed,
than I had before, but was not at all the richer; for I had no more use
for it than the Indians of Peru had before the Spaniards came there.
It was one of the nights in the rainy season in March, the four and
twentieth year of my first setting foot in this island of solitude, I
was lying in my bed, or hammock, awake; very well in health, had no
pain, no distemper, no uneasiness of body, nor any uneasiness of mind,
more than ordinary, but could by no means close my eyes, that is, so as
to sleep; no, not a wink all night long, otherwise than as follows:--It
is impossible to set down the innumerable crowd of thoughts that whirled
through that great thoroughfare of the brain, the memory, in this
night's time: I ran over the whole history of my life in miniature, or
by abridgment, as I may call it, to my coming to this island, and also
of that part of my life since I came to this island. In my reflections
upon the state of my case since I came on shore on this island, I was
comparing the happy posture of my affairs in the first years of my
habitation here, compared to the life of anxiety, fear, and care, which
I had lived in, ever since I had seen the print of a foot in the sand;
not that I did not believe the savages had frequented the island even
all the while, and might have been several hundreds of them at times on
shore there; but I had never known it, and was incapable of any
apprehensions about it; my satisfaction was perfect, though my danger
was the same, and I was as happy in not knowing my danger as if I had
never really been exposed to it. This furnished my thoughts with many
very profitable reflections, and particularly this one: How infinitely
good that Providence is, which has provided, in its government of
mankind, such narrow bounds to his sight and knowledge of things; and
though he walks in the midst of so many thousand dangers, the sight of
which, if discovered to him, would distract his mind and sink his
spirits, he is kept serene and calm, by having the events of things hid
from his eyes, and knowing nothing of the dangers which surround him.
After these thoughts had for some time entertained me, I came to reflect
seriously upon the real danger I had been in for so many years in this
very island, and how I had walked about in the greatest security, and
with all possible tranquillity, even when perhaps nothing but the brow
of a hill, a great tree, or the casual approach of night, had been
between me and the worst kind of destruction, viz. that of falling into
the hands of cannibals and savages, who would have seized on me with the
same view as I would on a goat or a turtle, and have thought it no more
a crime to kill and devour me, than I did of a pigeon or curlew. I would
unjustly slander myself, if I should say I was not sincerely thankful to
my great Preserver, to whose singular protection I acknowledged, with
great humility, all these unknown deliverances were due, and without
which I must inevitably have fallen into their merciless hands.
When these thoughts were over, my head was for some time taken up in
considering the nature of these wretched creatures, I mean the savages,
and how it came to pass in the world, that the wise Governor of all
things should give up any of his creatures to such inhumanity, nay, to
something so much below even brutality itself, as to devour its own
kind: but as this ended in some (at that time) fruitless speculations,
it occurred to me to inquire, what part of the world these wretches
lived in? how far off the coast was, from whence they came? what they
ventured over so far from home for? what kind of boats they had? and why
I might not order myself and my business so, that I might be as able to
go over thither as they were to come to me?
I never so much as troubled myself to consider what I should do with
myself when I went thither; what would become of me, if I fell into the
hands of the savages; or how I should escape from them, if they attacked
me; no, nor so much as how it was possible for me to reach the coast,
and not be attacked by some or other of them, without any possibility of
delivering myself; and if I should not fall into their hands, what I
should do for provision, or whither I should bend my course: none of
these thoughts, I say, so much as came in my way; but my mind was wholly
bent upon the notion of my passing over in my boat to the main land. I
looked upon my present condition as the most miserable that could
possibly be; that I was not able to throw myself into any thing, but
death, that could be called worse; and if I reached the shore of the
main, I might perhaps meet with relief, or I might coast along, as I did
on the African shore, till I came to some inhabited country, and where I
might find some relief; and after all, perhaps, I might fall in with
some Christian ship that might take me in; and if the worst came to the
worst, I could but die, which would put an end to all these miseries at
once. Pray note, all this was the fruit of a disturbed mind, an
impatient temper, made desperate, as it were, by the long continuance of
my troubles, and the disappointments I had met in the wreck I had been
on board of, and where I had been so near obtaining what I so earnestly
longed for, viz. somebody to speak to, and to learn some knowledge from
them of the place where I was, and of the probable means of my
deliverance. I was agitated wholly by these thoughts; all my calm of
mind, in my resignation to Providence, and waiting the issue of the
dispositions of Heaven, seemed to be suspended; and I had, as it were,
no power to turn my thoughts to any thing but to the project of a voyage
to the main; which came upon me with such force, and such an impetuosity
of desire, that it was not to be resisted.
When this had agitated my thoughts for two hours or more, with such
violence that it set my very blood into a ferment, and my pulse beat as
if I had been in a fever, merely with the extraordinary fervour of my
mind about it, nature, as if I had been fatigued and exhausted with the
very thought of it, threw me into a sound sleep. One would have thought
I should have dreamed of it, but I did not, nor of any thing relating
to it: out I dreamed that as I was going out in the morning, as usual,
from my castle, I saw upon the shore two canoes and eleven savages
coming to land, and that they brought with them another savage, whom
they were going to kill, in order to eat him; when, on a sudden, the
savage that they were going to kill jumped away, and ran for his life;
and I thought, in my sleep, that he came running into my little thick
grove before my fortification, to hide himself; and that I, seeing him
alone, and not perceiving that the others sought him that way, showed
myself to him, and smiling upon him, encouraged him: that he kneeled
down to me, seeming to pray me to assist him; upon which I showed him my
ladder, made him go up, and carried him into my cave, and he became my
servant: and that as soon as I had got this man, I said to myself, "Now
I may certainly venture to the main land; for this fellow will serve me
as a pilot, and will tell me what to do, and whither to go for
provisions, and whither not to go for fear of being devoured; what
places to venture into, and what to shun." I waked with this thought;
and was under such inexpressible impressions of joy at the prospect of
my escape in my dream, that the disappointments which I felt upon coming
to myself, and finding that it was no more than a dream, were equally
extravagant the other way, and threw me into a very great dejection
of spirits.
Upon this, however, I made this conclusion; that my only way to go about
to attempt an escape was, if possible, to get a savage into my
possession; and, if possible, it should be one of their prisoners whom
they had condemned to be eaten, and should bring hither to kill. But
these thoughts still were attended with this difficulty, that it was
impossible to effect this without attacking a whole caravan of them, and
killing them all; and this was not only a very desperate attempt, and
might miscarry, but, on the other hand, I had greatly scrupled the
lawfulness of it to myself; and my heart trembled at the thoughts of
shedding so much blood, though it was for my deliverance. I need not
repeat the arguments which occurred to me against this, they being the
same mentioned before: but though I had other reasons to offer now, viz.
that those men were enemies to my life, and would devour me if they
could; that it was self-preservation, in the highest degree, to deliver
myself from this death of a life, and was acting in my own defence as
much as if they were actually assaulting me, and the like; I say, though
these things argued for it, yet the thoughts of shedding human blood for
my deliverance were very terrible to me, and such as I could by no means
reconcile myself to for a great while. However, at last, after many
secret disputes with myself, and after great perplexities about it (for
all these arguments, one way and another, struggled in my head a long
time,) the eager prevailing desire of deliverance at length mastered all
the rest; and I resolved, if possible, to get one of those savages into
my hands, cost what it would. My next thing was to contrive how to do
it, and this indeed was very difficult to resolve on: but as I could
pitch upon no probable means for it, so I resolved to put myself upon
the watch, to see them when they came on shore, and leave the rest to
the event; taking such measures as the opportunity should present, let
what would be.
With these resolutions in my thoughts, I set myself upon the scout as
often as possible, and indeed so often, that I was heartily tired of it;
for it was above a year and a half that I waited; and for great part of
that time went out to the west end, and to the south-west corner of the
island, almost every day, to look for canoes, but none appeared. This
was very discouraging, and began to trouble me much; though I cannot say
that it did in this case (as it had done some time before) wear off the
edge of my desire to the thing; but the longer it seemed to be delayed,
the more eager I was for it: in a word, I was not at first so careful to
shun the sight of these savages, and avoid being seen by them, as I was
now eager to be upon them. Besides, I fancied myself able to manage one,
nay, two or three savages, if I had them, so as to make them entirely
slaves to me, to do whatever I should direct them, and to prevent their
being able at any time to do me any hurt. It was a great while that I
pleased myself with this affair; but nothing still presented; all my
fancies and schemes came to nothing, for no savages came near me for a
great while.