on for my winter store of raisins, and which I never failed to preserve
very carefully, as the best and most agreeable dainty of my whole diet:
and indeed they were not only agreeable, but medicinal, wholesome,
nourishing, and refreshing to the last degree.
As this was also about half-way between my other habitation and the
place where I had laid up my boat, I generally stayed and lay here in my
way thither; for I used frequently to visit my boat; and I kept all
things about, or belonging to her, in very good order: sometimes I went
out in her to divert myself, but no more hazardous voyages would I go,
nor scarce ever above a stone's cast or two from the shore, I was so
apprehensive of being hurried out of my knowledge again by the currents
or winds, or any other accident. But now I come to a new scene of
my life.
It happened one day, about noon, going towards my boat, I was
exceedingly surprised with the print of a man's naked foot on the shore,
which was very plain to be seen in the sand. I stood like one
thunder-struck, or as if I had seen an apparition; I listened, I looked
round me, but I could hear nothing, nor see any thing; I went up to a
rising ground, to look farther; I went up the shore, and down the shore,
but it was all one; I could see no other impression but that one. I went
to it again to see if there were any more, and to observe if it might
not be my fancy; but there was no room for that, for there was exactly
the print of a foot, toes, heel, and every part of a foot: how it came
thither I knew not, nor could I in the least imagine; but, after
innumerable fluttering thoughts, like a man perfectly confused and out
of myself, I came home to my fortification, not feeling, as we say, the
ground I went on, but terrified to the last degree: looking behind me at
every two or three steps, mistaking every bush and tree, and fancying
every stump at a distance to be a man. Nor is it possible to describe
how many various shapes my affrighted imagination represented things to
me in, how many wild ideas were found every moment in my fancy, and what
strange unaccountable whimsies came into my thoughts by the way.
When I came to my castle (for so I think I called it ever after this,) I
fled into it like one pursued; whether I went over by the ladder, as
first contrived, or went in at the hole in the rock, which I had called
a door, I cannot remember; no, nor could I remember the next morning;
for never frightened hare fled to cover, or fox to earth, with more
terror of mind than I to this retreat.
I slept none that night; the farther I was from the occasion of my
fright, the greater my apprehensions were; which is something contrary
to the nature of such things, and especially to the usual practice of
all creatures in fear; but I was so embarrassed with my own frightful
ideas of the thing, that I formed nothing but dismal imaginations to
myself, even though I was now a great way off it. Sometimes I fancied it
must be the Devil, and reason joined in with me upon this supposition;
for how should any other thing in human shape come into the place? Where
was the vessel that brought them? What marks were there of any other
footsteps? And how was it possible a man should come there? But then to
think that Satan should take human shape upon him in such a place, where
there could be no manner of occasion for it, but to leave the print of
his foot behind him, and that even for no purpose too, for he could not
be sure I should see it,--this was an amusement the other way. I
considered that the Devil might have found out abundance of other ways
to have terrified me than this of the single print of a foot; that as I
lived quite on the other side of the island, he would never have been so
simple as to leave a mark in a place where it was ten thousand to one
whether I should ever see it or not, and in the sand too, which the
first surge of the sea, upon a high wind, would have defaced entirely:
all this seemed inconsistent with the thing itself, and with all the
notions we usually entertain of the subtilty of the Devil.
Abundance of such things as these assisted to argue me out of all
apprehensions of its being the Devil; and I presently concluded then,
that it must be some more dangerous creature, viz. that it must be some
of the savages of the main land over against me, who had wandered out to
sea in their canoes, and either driven by the currents or by contrary
winds, had made the island, and had been on shore, but were gone away
again to sea; being as loth, perhaps, to have stayed in this desolate
island as I would have been to have had them.
While these reflections were rolling upon my mind, I was very thankful
in my thoughts that I was so happy as not to be thereabouts at that
time, or that they did not see my boat, by which they would have
concluded that some inhabitants had been in the place, and perhaps have
searched farther for me: then terrible thoughts racked my imagination
about their having found my boat, and that there were people here; and
that if so, I should certainly have them come again in greater numbers,
and devour me; that if it should happen so that they should not find me,
yet they would find my enclosure, destroy all my corn, and carry away
all my flock of tame goats, and I should perish at last for mere want.
Thus my fear banished all my religious hope, all that former confidence
in God, which was founded upon such wonderful experience as I had had of
his goodness, as if he that had fed me by miracle hitherto could not
preserve, by his power, the provision which he had made for me by his
goodness. I reproached myself with my laziness, that would not sow any
more corn one year than would just serve me till the next season, as if
no accident would intervene to prevent my enjoying the crop that was
upon the ground; and this I thought so just a reproof, that I resolved
for the future to have two or three years' corn beforehand; so that
whatever might come, I might not perish for want of bread.
How strange a chequer-work of Providence is the life of man! and by what
secret different springs are the affections hurried about, as different
circumstances present! To-day we love what to-morrow we hate; to-day we
seek what to-morrow we shun; to-day we desire what to-morrow we fear,
nay, even tremble at the apprehensions of; this was exemplified in me,
at this time, in the most lively manner imaginable; for I, whose only
affliction was that I seemed banished from human society, that I was
alone, circumscribed by the boundless ocean, cut off from mankind, and
condemned to what I called silent life; that I was as one whom Heaven
thought not worthy to be numbered among the living, or to appear among
the rest of his creatures; that to have seen one of my own species would
have seemed to me a raising me from death to life, and the greatest
blessing that Heaven itself, next to the supreme blessing of salvation,
could bestow; I say, that I should now tremble at the very apprehensions
of seeing a man, and was ready to sink into the ground at but the shadow
or silent appearance of a man's having set his foot in the island.
Such is the uneven state of human life; and it afforded me a great many
curious speculations afterwards, when I had a little recovered my first
surprise. I considered that this was the station of life the infinitely
wise and good providence of God had determined for me; that as I could
not foresee what the ends of divine wisdom might be in all this, so I
was not to dispute his sovereignty, who, as I was his creature, had an
undoubted right, by creation, to govern and dispose of me absolutely as
he thought fit; and who, as I was a creature that had offended him, had
likewise a judicial right to condemn me to what punishment he thought
fit; and that it was my part to submit to bear his indignation, because
I had sinned against him. I then reflected, that as God, who was not
only righteous, but omnipotent, had thought fit thus to punish and
afflict me, so he was able to deliver me; that if he did not think fit
to do so, it was my unquestioned duty to resign myself absolutely and
entirely to his will; and, on the other hand, it was my duty also to
hope in him, pray to him, and quietly to attend the dictates and
directions of his daily providence.
These thoughts took me up many hours, days, nay, I may say, weeks and
months; and one particular effect of my cogitations on this occasion I
cannot omit: One morning early, lying in my bed, and filled with
thoughts about my danger from the appearances of savages, I found it
discomposed me very much; upon which these words of the Scripture came
into my thoughts, "Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I will
deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." Upon this, rising cheerfully
out of my bed, my heart was not only comforted, but I was guided and
encouraged to pray earnestly to God for deliverance: when I had done
praying, I took up my Bible, and opening it to read, the first words
that presented to me were, "Wait on the Lord, and be of good cheer, and
he shall strengthen thy heart; wait, I say, on the Lord." It is
impossible to express the comfort this gave me. In answer, I thankfully
laid down the book, and was no more sad, at least on that occasion.
In the middle of these cogitations, apprehensions, and reflections, it
came into my thoughts one day, that all this might be a mere chimera of
my own, and that this foot might be the print of my own foot, when I
came on shore from my boat: this cheered me up a little too, and I began
to persuade myself it was all a delusion; that it was nothing else but
my own foot: and why might I not come that way from the boat, as well as
I was going that way to the boat? Again, I considered also, that I could
by no means tell, for certain, where I had trod, and where I had not;
and that if, at last, this was only the print of my own foot, I had
played the part of those fools who try to make stories of spectres and
apparitions, and then are frightened at them more than any body.
Now I began to take courage, and to peep abroad again, for I had not
stirred out of my castle for three days and nights, so that I began to
starve for provisions; for I had little or nothing within doors but some
barley-cakes and water: then I knew that my goats wanted to be milked
too, which usually was my evening diversion; and the poor creatures were
in great pain and inconvenience for want of it; and, indeed, it almost
spoiled some of them, and almost dried up their milk. Encouraging
myself, therefore, with the belief that this was nothing but the print
of one of my own feet, and that I might be truly said to start at my own
shadow, I began to go abroad again, and went to my country-house to milk
my flock: but to see with what fear I went forward, how often I looked
behind me, how I was ready, every now and then, to lay down my basket,
and run for my life, it would have made any one have thought I was
haunted with an evil conscience, or that I had been lately most terribly
frightened; and so, indeed, I had. However, as I went down thus two or
three days, and having seen nothing, I began to be a little bolder, and
to think there was really nothing in it but my own imagination; but I
could not persuade myself fully of this till I should go down to the
shore again, and see this print of a foot, and measure it by my own, and
see if there was any similitude or fitness, that I might be assured it
was my own foot: but when I came to the place, first, it appeared
evidently to me, that when I laid up my boat, I could not possibly be on
shore any where thereabouts: secondly, when I came to measure the mark
with my own foot, I found my foot not so large by a great deal. Both
these things filled my head with new imaginations, and gave me the
vapours again to the highest degree, so that I shook with cold like one
in an ague; and I went home again, filled with the belief that some man
or men had been on shore there; or, in short, that the island was
inhabited, and I might be surprised before I was aware; and what course
to take for my security I knew not.
O what ridiculous resolutions men take when possessed with fear! It
deprives them of the use of those means which reason offers for their
relief. The first thing I proposed to myself was, to throw down my
enclosures, and turn all my tame cattle wild into the woods, lest the
enemy should find them, and then frequent the island in prospect of the
same or the like booty: then to the simple thing of digging up my two
corn fields, lest they should find such a grain there, and still be
prompted to frequent the island: then to demolish my bower and tent,
that they might not see any vestiges of habitation, and be prompted to
look farther, in order to find out the persons inhabiting.
These were the subject of the first night's cogitataions after I was
come home again, while the apprehensions which had so over-run my mind
were fresh upon me, and my head was full of vapours, as above. Thus fear
of danger is ten thousand times more terrifying than danger itself, when
apparent to the eyes; and we find the burthen of anxiety greater, by
much, than the evil which we are anxious about: and, which was worse
than all this, I had not that relief in this trouble from the
resignation I used to practise, that I hoped to have. I looked, I
thought, like Saul, who complained not, only that the Philistines were
upon him, but that God had forsaken him; for I did not now take due ways
to compose my mind, by crying to God in my distress, and resting upon
his providence, as I had done before, for my defence and deliverance;
which, if I had done, I had at least been more cheerfully supported
under this new surprise, and perhaps carried through it with more
resolution.
This confusion of my thoughts kept me awake all night; but in the
morning I fell asleep; and having, by the amusement of my mind, been, as
it were, tired, and my spirits exhausted, I slept very soundly, and
waked much better composed than I had ever been before. And now I began
to think sedately; and, upon the utmost debate with myself, I concluded
that this island, which was so exceeding pleasant, fruitful, and no
farther from the main land than as I had seen, was not so entirely
abandoned as I might imagine; that although there were no stated
inhabitants who lived on the spot, yet that there might sometimes come
boats off from the shore, who, either with design, or perhaps never but
when they were driven by cross winds, might come to this place; that I
had lived here fifteen years now, and had not met with the least shadow
or figure of any people yet; and that if at any time they should be
driven here, it was probable they went away again as soon as ever they
could, seeing they had never thought fit to fix here upon any occasion;
that the most I could suggest any danger from, was from any casual
accidental landing of straggling people from the main, who, as it was
likely, if they were driven hither, were here against their wills, so
they made no stay here, but went off again with all possible speed;
seldom staying one night on shore, lest they should not have the help of
the tides and daylight back again; and that, therefore, I had nothing to
do but to consider of some safe retreat, in case I should see any
savages land upon the spot.
Now I began sorely to repent that I had dug my cave so large as to bring
a door through again, which door, as I said, came out beyond where my
fortification joined to the rock: upon maturely considering this,
therefore, I resolved to draw me a second fortification, in the same
manner of a semi-circle, at a distance from my wall, just where I had
planted a double row of trees about twelve years before, of which I made
mention: these trees having been planted so thick before, they wanted
but few piles to be driven between them, that they might be thicker and
stronger, and my wall would be soon finished: so that I had now a double
wall; and my outer wall was thickened with pieces of timber, old cables,
and every thing I could think of, to make it strong; having in it seven
little holes, about as big as I might put my arm out at. In the inside
of this, I thickened my wall to about ten feet thick, with continually
bringing earth out of my cave, and laying it at the foot of the wall,
and walking upon it; and through the seven holes I contrived to plant
the muskets, of which I took notice that I had got seven on shore out of
the ship; these I planted like my cannon, and fitted them into frames,
that held them like a carriage, so that I could fire all the seven guns
in two minutes' time: this wall I was many a weary month in finishing,
and yet never thought myself safe till it was done.
When this was done, I stuck all the ground without my wall, for a great
length every way, as full with stakes, or sticks, of the osier-like
wood, which I found so apt to grow, as they could well stand; insomuch,
that I believe I might set in near twenty thousand of them, leaving a
pretty large space between them and my wall, that I might have room to
see an enemy, and they might have no shelter from the young trees, if
they attempted to approach my outer wall.
Thus, in two years' time, I had a thick grove; and in five or six years'
time I had a wood before my dwelling, growing so monstrous thick and
strong, that it was indeed perfectly impassable; and no men, of what
kind soever, would ever imagine that there was any thing beyond it, much
less a habitation. As for the way which I proposed to myself to go in
and out (for I left no avenue,) it was by setting two ladders, one to a
part of the rock which was low, and then broke in, and left room to
place another ladder upon that; so when the two ladders were taken down,
no man living could come down to me without doing himself mischief; and
if they had come down, they were still on the outside of my outer wall.
Thus I took all the measures human prudence could suggest for my own
preservation; and it will be seen, at length, that they were not
altogether without just reason; though I foresaw nothing at that time
more than my mere fear suggested to me.
While this was doing, I was not altogether careless of my other affairs;
for I had a great concern upon me for my little herd of goats; they were
not only a ready supply to me on every occasion, and began to be
sufficient for me, without the expense of powder and shot, but also
without the fatigue of hunting after the wild ones; and I was loth to
lose the advantage of them, and to have them all to nurse up
over again.
For this purpose, after long consideration, I could think of but two
ways to preserve them: one was, to find another convenient place to dig
a cave under ground, and to drive them into it every night; and the
other was, to enclose two or three little bits of land, remote from one
another, and as much concealed as I could, where I might keep about half
a dozen young goats in each place; so that if any disaster happened to
the flock in general, I might be able to raise them again with little
trouble and time: and this, though it would require a great deal of time
and labour, I thought was the most rational design.
Accordingly, I spent some time to find out the most retired parts of the
island; and I pitched upon one, which was as private, indeed, as my
heart could wish for: it was a little damp piece of ground, in the
middle of the hollow and thick woods, where, as is observed, I almost
lost myself once before, endeavouring to come back that way from the
eastern part of the island. Here I found a clear piece of land, near
three acres, so surrounded with woods, that it was almost an enclosure
by nature; at least, it did not want near so much labour to make it so
as the other pieces of ground I had worked so hard at.
I immediately went to work with this piece of ground, and in less than a
month's time I had so fenced it round, that my flock, or herd, call it
which you please, who were not so wild now as at first they might be
supposed to be, were well enough secured in it: so, without any farther
delay, I removed ten young she-goats and two he-goats to this piece;
and when they were there, I continued to perfect the fence, till I had
made it as secure as the other; which, however, I did at more leisure,
and it took me up more time by a great deal. All this labour I was at
the expense of, purely from my apprehensions on the account of the print
of a man's foot which I had seen; for, as yet, I never saw any human
creature come near the island; and I had now lived two years under this
uneasiness, which, indeed, made my life much less comfortable than it
was before, as may be well imagined by any who know what it is to live
in the constant snare of the fear of man. And this I must observe, with
grief too, that the discomposure of my mind had too great impressions
also upon the religious part of my thoughts: for the dread and terror of
falling into the hands of savages and cannibals lay so upon my spirits,
that I seldom found myself in a due temper for application to my Maker,
at least not with the sedate calmness and resignation of soul which I
was wont to do: I rather prayed to God as under great affliction and
pressure of mind, surrounded with danger, and in expectation every night
of being murdered and devoured before morning; and I must testify from
my experience, that a temper of peace, thankfulness, love, and
affection, is much the more proper frame for prayer than that of terror
and discomposure; and that under the dread of mischief impending, a man
is no more fit for a comforting performance of the duty of praying to
God, than he is for a repentance on a sick bed; for these discomposures
affect the mind, as the others do the body; and the discomposure of the
mind must necessarily be as great a disability as that of the body, and
much greater; praying to God being properly an act of the mind, not
of the body.
But to go on: after I had thus secured one part of my little living
stock, I went about the whole island, searching for another private
place to make such another deposit; when, wandering more to the west
point of the island than I had ever done yet, and looking out to sea, I
thought I saw a boat upon the sea, at a great distance. I had found a
perspective-glass or two in one of the seamen's chests, which I saved
out of our ship, but I had it not about me; and this was so remote, that
I could not tell what to make of it, though I looked at it till my eyes
were not able to hold to look any longer: whether it was a boat or not,
I do not know, but as I descended from the hill I could see no more of
it; so I gave it over; only I resolved to go no more out without a
perspective-glass in my pocket. When I was come down the hill to the end
of the island, where, indeed, I had never been before, I was presently
convinced that the seeing the print of a man's foot was not such a
strange thing in the island as I imagined: and, but that it was a
special providence that I was cast upon the side of the island where the
savages never came, I should easily have known that nothing was more
frequent than for the canoes from the main, when they happened to be a
little too far out at sea, to shoot over to that side of the island for
harbour: likewise, as they often met and fought in their canoes, the
victors, having taken any prisoners, would bring them over to this
shore, where, according to their dreadful customs, being all cannibals,
they would kill and eat them; of which hereafter.
When I was come down the hill to the shore, as I said above, being the
S.W. point of the island, I was perfectly confounded and amazed; nor is
it possible for me to express the horror of my mind, at seeing the shore
spread with skulls, hands, feet, and other bones of human bodies; and
particularly, I observed a place where there had been a fire made, and a
circle dug in the earth, like a cock-pit, where I supposed the savage
wretches had sat down to their inhuman feastings upon the bodies of
their fellow creatures.