“Are you trying to be funny?”
“If you think it is funny, Orville, you have weird ideas of humor. I was
merely disputing your ideas of natural history.”
“But,” said I, “it is an indisputable fact——”
I am not going to quote Willie’s interruption, because it was very, very
profane. I did not think it of him.
We struggled to our feet and examined our surroundings as well as we
could in the dark, but could see no lights.
“I am sure I do not know where to go,” said Willie.
“I have not asked you for a direction, have I?” said I. “I think I am
entirely capable of finding a place.”
“If I had a hat I’d take it off to you, Orville. Lead on.”
Thus challenged, I started out, with Willie at my heels. In the daytime
one may find a certain direction by consulting the sun. I have heard
that woodmen can tell the compass points by the foliage of trees. We had
no sun and no trees. We were fortunate, I think, to go in any direction.
* * * * *
We went silently and slowly. In the dim light I could see darker mounds
around us. It was very peculiar. I stopped and mentioned the fact to
Willie, who said:
“The topography of the country has little appeal to me. I am going to
cry for help.”
William Burton Suggs had a very penetrating voice, and his cry for help
was loud and earnest. We listened for a reply.
Suddenly Willie grasped me by the arm.
“Orville, the peculiar lumps are getting up!”
They were, sure enough! They not only got up, but seemed to draw closer
to us. One of them made a low grumbling noise.
“I think,” said Willie nervously, clutching my sleeve, “I think it is
cows—I—er—I believe those are cows.”
Another of the bulky figures emitted a sneezing noise, and then another
said—
“Ba-a-a-a!”
Then they moved in closer.
“They have nothing against us,” said I, trying to reassure Willie.
“I—I know that,” said Willie, “but it is so dark that they do not know
who we are.”
I looked around, but found that we were hemmed in completely. In fact,
it was a veritable cow _cul de sac_.
“Sh-should one pray?” asked Willie.
I believe in prayer, but I think there is a right and a wrong time for
it. Anyway my nerves were too unstrung for cool and collected thought,
and before I knew what I was doing I had rushed right at the barrier of
cows, shouting:
“Boo! Boo! Boo!”
I really did not know I was so close to them. Darkness is deceiving, I
think, and I crashed into the front end of one of the animals as I
uttered my final “Boo!”
I am not sure, but I think the animal was unable to escape my rush. At
any rate my coat became entangled in its horns, which prevented me from
withdrawing. I heard William Burton Suggs cry for help, but I was in no
position to give assistance to any one.
My cow—I will call it my cow to differentiate it from the other cows,
although I had no legal title to ownership—my cow, instead of going away
from me, came forward, with such force and abruptness that I sprawled
across its neck and horns. The skin of its neck was sufficiently loose
to enable me to grasp its folds firmly, and then I appeared to be
moving, although I had no idea of whether the cow was going backward or
forward.
I succeeded in lifting my head and I beheld a sea of dark forms moving
with us. The earth seemed to tremble with their tread, and ever and anon
one of them would moan loudly. Suddenly I heard a human voice crying—
“Yee-e-e-e-ow!”
And I glimpsed the flash of a pistol, but heard no report. Then I heard
another voice crying—
“Let ’em go to——; we can’t stop ’em!”
I am not sure but what the cows went to the designated place, for
suddenly the ground gave way under us. I remember feeling my hands slip
and hearing the tearing sound from my coat, and then there came a bright
light. I really remember nothing more for some time.
When I awoke I appeared to be reclining in some very sticky substance,
which emitted a sucking noise as I sat up. I believe it was mud. I did
not have complete control of my limbs, and my nose and ears seemed to be
entirely out of commission. Stumbling around in the ooze, I discovered
what I took to be a stump; but when I sat down on it it collapsed with
an audible grunt.
“Who and what are you?” I managed to ask.
“I am William Burton Suggs,” says he dazedly. “I think I am a —— fool.”
“Why are you?” I asked.
“Because I did not let loose of that cow’s tail before the cow jumped
off the earth.”
“Well,” said I, “I think we are in a depression in the earth, Willie.
Let us get back to the town if possible, and procure dry clothing.”
Willie grunted an assent and we made our first attempt. No less than
seven times did I almost reach the top, only to slide down and half-bury
myself in that sticky mud. The eighth time I was successful.
I think that Willie made it on his first attempt. At any rate he called
across to me and asked what I was doing on that side. I said, “Nothing.”
Then he made this suggestion:
“If you will run down your side the momentum will carry you up this
side.”
The theory was very good, and it would have worked if I had not slipped
on the downward run. My head and shoulders plowed into the mud, but I
got to my feet and marched right up to him. I fear that I was
exasperated, but I said nothing.
It was getting lighter now, but we had no idea of the right direction.
Neither of us was in any condition to walk. I was barely able to see,
and I ached in every muscle.
Willie was nearly as badly mutilated as I was, especially in the limbs.
He said it was caused from keeping up with the cow. He also said there
was another cow close behind him, which prodded him to swifter action.
He said it was what he would call a “cowpuncher.”
* * * * *
Suddenly we entered a clump of small trees, and right before us stood
two horses, saddled and bridled. There was no one in sight.
“I think,” said Willie, “I think this is a pair of abandoned horses,
Orville. We will ride.”
“Perhaps you are right,” I replied. “But suppose they are not? We would
be horse-thieves.”
“Precisely. It is a chance to experience the mental emotions of a
horse-thief. At any rate I can walk no further.”
We untied the ropes. It was a difficult matter to get on the horses, as
they were rather restive, but at last I succeeded in getting on behind
the saddle. Just then we heard a voice exclaim——
“What in ——!”