"I think you are," laughed Bredenbutta.
"You think I am what?" demanded the young man, the voice coming from
his ear.
"Up-side-down," she replied.
At this retort the tears rolled down his cheeks with joy.
"Why, it is _you_ who are up-side-down," he said; "how in the world
did you get up here?"
"Down here, you mean," corrected the Duchess, with dignity.
"I mean nothing of the kind," he said, silently, while his nose
twinkled with amusement; "this country is up, and not down."
"What country is it?" inquired Bredenbutta, much perplexed by such an
absurd statement.
"Why, Turvyland, to be sure," was the answer.
"Oh!" sighed Bredenbutta; but she was no wiser than before.
"Now you are here," said Upsydoun, "you may come home with me and eat
some dinner."
"I shall be very glad to," answered the Duchess, who was really hungry.
"Where do you live?"
"Over there," replied Upsydoun, pointing to the south; "so stay where
you are and follow me." Then he walked away on his hands in exactly the
opposite direction from that he had indicated.
Bredenbutta followed him, and shortly after encountered several other
people, of just the same queer appearance as her conductor. They looked
out of their noses at her in great surprise, and, without speaking,
asked Upsydoun who she was.
"The Duchess Bredenbutta," he silently answered, "I found her where the
Rootbeer River bubbles up. Isn't she a queer-looking creature?"
"She is, indeed," they all answered, in a still chorus, and then they
followed the girl out of curiosity, as boys follow a band or a dancing
bear. When they reached the house of Upsydoun more than a hundred
inhabitants of Turvyland were at Bredenbutta's heels and Upsydoun's
thumbs.
She was welcomed very kindly, however, and the young man's mother
kissed the Duchess with her left ear, an act which was considered a
special mark of favor in Turvyland,
"Would you like to stand up and rest yourself until dinner-time?" asked
the lady when the girl had entered the parlor.
"No, thank you," replied Bredenbutta, who was very tired. Being
ignorant of their customs she did not know these people usually stood
up when they slept or rested. Her answer seemed to satisfy Upsydoun's
mother, who thought when she said "no" she meant "yes."
"You really don't look equal to lying down," she remarked, pleasantly;
"so you may stand until I call you to dinner, which will be in a long
time." Then she excused herself and walked backward out of the window,
which Bredenbutta noticed they all used instead of doors.
"Dear me," said the Duchess, when she was left alone; "I am sure I
shall never be able to understand these strange people. But I mean to
sit down, anyway, and if it really is a long time before dinner, I
shall probably starve in the meantime."
She had not rested more than a few minutes, however, before the lady
again put her foot through the window, and waving it invitingly toward
her exclaimed: "Go away to dinner."
"Go away!" replied the Duchess in dismay; "where shall I go to?"
"Why, to me, of course," answered Upsydoun's mother, dumbly; but she
winked her nose thoughtfully, as if she scarcely knew how to converse
with her strange visitor. Surely Bredenbutta ought to know that when
they said "go" in Turvyland, they meant "come."
In spite of her uncertainty, she followed her hostess, and when they
entered the dining-room the Duchess was shocked to see all the family
stand on their heads on the chairs and pick up their knives and forks
with their toes. She was more horrified, however, when they began to
eat; for, contrary to all custom, these people placed their food in
their ears. And they did it so calmly that she did not even
remonstrate, remembering it must be their habit to eat in this way.
She, herself, sat down in her chair in a proper manner, and began to
eat with the fork in her hand; and when the people of Turvyland saw
this, they all shed tears of merriment.
Just then the youngest child of the family began laughing, and the
mother rushed to it as fast as her hands could carry her, to see what
was the matter. But the child had only put its foot into its pocket and
could not get it out again. The mother soon managed to get it free, and
then the child stopped laughing and began weeping as happily as any of
the others.
Bredenbutta was greatly bewildered at all this, but she ate heartily,
nevertheless, and after having begged her in vain to stand on her head,
as they did, the family let her alone, being surprised to see how well
she could use her hands. After dinner Upsydoun's sister played on the
piano with her toes, while the others indulged in a dance, whirling
around on their thumbs in a manner truly marvelous, and seeming, by
their tears, to enjoy themselves very much.
As the dance ended a kitten came running into the room on its ears and
the tip of its tail, and this looked so funny that Bredenbutta began
laughing. But seeing she had frightened her kind friends, who wanted to
send for a doctor, she refrained from laughing, and asked, gravely, if
she could not find a way to return to the Valley of Mo.
"The only possible way of getting down there," replied Upsydoun, "is to
jump into the Rootbeer River; but that would be dangerous, and none of
our people have ever tried it"
"Any danger," said the Duchess, "I will gladly brave; for otherwise I
shall be obliged to spend my entire life down here, among people whose
ways are exactly opposite to my own. If you will kindly take me to the
river I shall lose no time in making an effort to return home."
They good-naturedly assented to this, and walked backward with her
until they came to the place where the river bubbled up. It really did
bubble _up_, Bredenbutta noticed, although she knew very well she had
fallen _down_ the Great Hole. But, then, everything was topsyturvy in
this strange land.
The girl found her little boat, which had stranded on the beach, and
having placed it where she could push it into the river, she turned to
say good by to the queer people of Turvyland.
"I am glad to see you go," said Upsydoun, without speaking, "for I like
you. But you are a strange creature, and perhaps know what is best for
you. Here are some oars for your boat, for I see you have none, and
when you get down to your country you may need them."
Bredenbutta joyfully accepted the oars, and placed them in her boat.
Then the people of Turvyland all kissed her with their left ears and
waved their toes in farewell, while the Duchess got into the boat and
pushed it out into the river.
Instantly she was in the midst of such a whirling of foam and rushing
and roaring of rootbeer that she could neither see nor hear anything.
Gasping for breath, the girl clung tightly to the sides of the boat,
and in a few minutes it was all over, and the boat bobbed up in the
Valley of Mo--just above the Great Hole. Bredenbutta then seized the
oars and rowed hard until there was no danger of her falling in again,
and soon she had passed the rapids and was rowing safely up the river
to her own home.
Of course the Duchess was very glad again to be among the people who
acted in a natural manner, instead of the absurd fashion of her
friends, the Turvylanders. She resolved that whenever she rowed her
boat upon the river again, she would be careful to keep away from the
Great Hole, for she realized that another visit to Upsydoun and his
people would be very trying to her nerves.
_The Eleventh Surprise_