(_By Mr. Punch's Own Prophet._)
THERE was some good racing at Newmarket last week, and, as usual,
every single race proved up to the hilt the extraordinary accuracy of
my forecasts. I said a year ago that "_Bandersnatch_ was a colt who
hadn't a chance of winning a first-class race. Only a March hare or a
Bank-holiday boozer would think of backing him." _Bandersnatch's name
never even appeared on the race-card last week._ Mr. JEREMY says the
colt is dead, as if that had anything to do with it; but of course if
the gullish herd chooses to cackle after Mr. JEREMY it's no use trying
to help them.
The hippopotamus-headed dolts who pinned their faith to _Molly
Mustard_ must have learnt their lesson by this time. Of course _Molly
Mustard_ defeated that overrated sham _Undercut_; but what of that?
When _Undercut_ was placed second to _Pandriver_ at the North
Country Second Autumn Handicap two years ago, I warned everybody
that _Wobbling Willie_ who is half-brother to _Rattlepate_ by
_Spring Onion_, ought to have made a certainty of the race if the
gruel-brained idiots who own him had only rubbed his back with DAFFY'S
Elixir twice a-day before going to bed. As it was _Wobbling Willie_
rolled about like a ship at sea, and Brighton Pref passed him in a
common canter. That scarcely made _Molly Mustard_ a second _Eclipse_.
The fact of the matter is she is a roarer, or will be before the
season is over, and those who backed her will have to whistle for
their money. All I can say is, that I hope they will like the trap
into which their own patent-leather-headed imbecility has led them.
_Corncrake_ is a nice, compact, long-coupled, raking-looking colt,
with a fine high action that reminds me of a steam-pump at its best.
He is not likely to bring back much of the L3000 given for him as
a yearling by his present owner, but he might be used to make the
running for his stable-companion _Catsmeat_, who was picked up for L5
out of a butcher's cart at Doncaster.
For the Two Thousand I should have selected _Barkis_ if he had been
entered. Failing him, there is very little in it. _Sandy Sal_ might
possibly have a chance, but she has always turned out such an arrant
rogue that I hesitate to recommend her. Mr. JEREMY plumps for _Old
Tom_, and the whole pack of brainless moon-calves goes after him
in full cry as usual. If _Old Tom_ had two sound legs he might be
a decent horse, but he has only got one, and he has never used that
properly.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A TRAVELLING TRIBUNAL.
Why not Cyclist Judges and Clerk and Marshal going all the year round,
to be met by local Barristers?]
* * * * *