NICKEY'S SOCIAL AMBITIONS
To Nickey, the Maxwells were in the nature of a revelation. At his
impressionable stage of boyhood, and because of their freedom from
airs and graces of any kind, he was quick to notice the difference in
type--"some class to them; not snobs or dudes, but the real thing," as
he expressed it. His ardent admiration of Donald, and his adoration of
Mrs. Betty, gave him ambition to find the key to their secret, and to
partake of it.
He was too shy to speak of it,--to his mother last of all, as is the
nature of a boy,--and had to rely on an observant and receptive mind
for the earlier steps in his quest. When Maxwell boarded with them,
Nickey had discovered that he was won't to exercise with dumb-bells
each morning before breakfast. The very keenness of his desire to be
initiated, held him silent. A visit to the town library, on his
mother's behalf, chanced to bring his eyes--generally oblivious of
everything in the shape of a book--upon the title of a certain volume
designed to instruct in various parlor-feats of physical prowess.
The book was borrowed from the librarian,--a little shamefacedly. The
next morning Mrs. Burke was somewhat alarmed at the noise which came
from Nickey's room, and when there was a crash as if the chimney had
fallen, she could stand it no longer, and hurried aloft. Nickey stood
in the middle of the floor, clad in swimming trunks, gripping a large
weight (purloined from the barn) in either hand, very red in the face,
and much out of breath.
As the door unexpectedly opened he dived for bed and pulled the
clothes under his chin.
"Land Sakes!" Hepsey breathed, aghast. "What's all this about? If
there's a nail loose in the flooring I can lend you a hammer for the
asking," and she examined several jagged dents in the boards.
"Say ma," urged Nickey in moving tones. "If I'd a pair of dumb-bells
like Mr. Maxwell's, I c'd hold onto 'em. I've pretty near smashed my
feet with them things--gosh darn it," he added ruefully, nursing the
bruised member under the clothes.
"I guess you can get 'em, next time you go to Martin's Junction; but
if it's exercise you want," his parent remarked unsympathetically,
"there's plenty of kindlin' in the woodshed wants choppin'."
She retired chuckling to herself, as she caught a glimmer of what was
working in her son's mind.
The "reading habit" having been inculcated by this lucky find at the
library, it was not long before Nickey acquired from the same source a
veritable collection of volumes on the polite arts and crafts--"The
Ready Letter-Writer"; "Manners Maketh Man"; "Seven Thousand Errors of
Speech;" "Social Culture in the Smart Set," and the like.
Nickey laboriously studied from these authorities how to enter a ball
room, how to respond to a toast at a dinner given in one's honor, how
to propose the health of his hostess, and how to apologize for
treading on a lady's train.
In the secrecy of his chamber he put into practice the helpful
suggestions of these invaluable manuals. He bowed to the washstand,
begged the favor of the next dance from the towel rack, trod on the
window shade and made the prescribed apology. Then he discussed the
latest novel at dinner with a distinguished personage; and having
smoked an invisible cigar, interspersed with such wit as accords with
walnuts and wine, after the ladies had retired, he entered the
drawing-room, exchanged parting amenities with the guests, bade his
hostess good night, and gracefully withdrew to the clothes-press.
Several times Hepsey caught glimpses of him going through the dumb
show of "Social Culture in the Smart Set," and her wondering soul was
filled with astonishment at his amazing evolutions. She found it in
her heart to speak of it to Mrs. Betty and Maxwell, and ask for their
interpretation of the matter.
So, one day, during this seizure of feverish enthusiasm for
self-culture, Hepsey and Nickey received an invitation to take supper
at the rectory. Nevertheless, Mrs. Burke thought it prudent to give
her son some good advice in regard to his behavior. She realized,
perhaps, that a book is good so far as it goes, but is apt to ignore
elementals. So she called him aside before they started:
"Now, Nickey, remember to act like a gentleman, especially at the
table; you must try to do credit to your bringin' up."
"Yes, I'll do my level best if it kills me," the boy replied.
"Well, what do you do with your napkin when you first sit down to the
table?"
"Tie it 'round my neck, of course!"
"Oh, no, you mustn't do anything of the sort; you must just tuck it in
your collar, like any gentleman would. And when we come home what are
you goin' to say to Mrs. Maxwell?"
"Oh, I'll say, 'I'll see you later.'"
"Mercy no! Say, 'I've had a very nice time.'"
"But suppose I didn't have a nice time,--what'd I say?"
For a moment Hepsey struggled to reconcile her code of ethics with her
idea of good manners, and then replied:
"Why say, 'Mrs. Maxwell, it was awfully good of you to ask me,' and I
don't believe she'll notice anything wrong about that."
"Hm!" Nickey retorted scornfully. "Seems pretty much like the same
thing to me."
"Oh no! Not in the least. Now what will you wear when we go to the
rectory?"
"My gray suit, and tan shoes, and the green tie with the purple spots
on it."
"Who'll be the first to sit down to the table?"
"Search me--maybe I will, if there's good eats."
"Nonsense! You must wait for Mrs. Maxwell and the rector to be seated
first."
"Well," Nickey exclaimed in exasperation, "I'm bound to make some
horrible break anyway, so don't you worry, ma. It seems to me from
what them books say, that when you go visitin' you've got to tell lies
like a sinner; and you can't tell the truth till you get home with the
door shut. I never was good at lyin'; I always get caught."
"It isn't exactly lyin', Nickey; its just sayin' nice things, and
keepin' your mouth shut about the rest. Now suppose you dropped a fork
under the table, what'd you say?"
"I'd say ''scuse me, Mrs. Maxwell, but one of the forks has gone, and
you can go through my clothes if you want to before I go home.'"
"Hm!" Hepsey remarked dryly, "I guess the less you say, the better."
Arrived at the rectory, Nickey felt under some restraint when they
first sat down to the supper table; but under the genial manner of
Mrs. Maxwell he soon felt at his ease, and not even his observant
mother detected any dire breach of table etiquette. His conversation
was somewhat spare, his attention being absorbed and equally divided
between observation of his host and consumption of the feast set
before him. With sure tact, Mrs. Betty--though regarding Nickey as the
guest of honor--that evening--deferred testing the results of his
conversational studies until after supper: one thing at once, she
decided, was fair play.
After the meal was over, they repaired together to the parlor, and
while Hepsey took out her wash-rag knitting and Maxwell smoked his
cigar, Mrs. Betty gave Nickey her undivided attention.
In order to interest the young people of the place in the missionary
work of the parish, Mrs. Betty had organized a guild of boys who were
to earn what they could towards the support of a missionary in the
west. The Guild had been placed under the fostering care and
supervision of Nickey as its treasurer, and was known by the name of
"The Juvenile Band of Gleaners." In the course of the evening Mrs.
Maxwell took occasion to inquire what progress they were making,
thereby unconsciously challenging a somewhat surprising recountal.
"Well," Nickey replied readily, "we've got forty-six cents in the
treasury; that's just me, you know; I keep the cash in my pants
pocket."
Then he smiled uneasily, and fidgeted in his chair.
There was something in Nickey's tone and look that excited Mrs.
Betty's curiosity, and made his mother stop knitting and look at him
anxiously over her glasses.
"That is very good for a start," Mrs. Betty commended. "How did you
raise all that, Nickey?"
For a moment Nickey colored hotly, looked embarrassed, and made no
reply. Then mustering up his courage, and laughing, he began:
"Well, Mrs. Maxwell, it was just like this. Maybe you won't like it,
but I'll tell you all the same. Bein' as I was the president of the
Juv'nul Band of Gleaners, I though I'd get the kids together, and
start somethin'. Saturday it rained cats and dogs, so Billy Burns, Sam
Cooley, Dimple Perkins and me, we went up into the hay loft, and I
said to the kids, 'You fellows have got to cough up some dough for the
church, and----'"
"Contribute money, Nickey. Don't be slangy," his mother interjected.
"Well I says, 'I'm runnin' the Juv'nals, and you've got to do just
what I say. I've got a dandy scheme for raisin' money and we'll have
some fun doin' it, or I miss my guess.' Then I asked Sam Cooley how
much money he'd got, and Sam, he had forty-four cents, Billy Burns had
fifty-two cents, and Dimple had only two. Dimp never did have much
loose cash, anyway. But I said to Dimp, 'Never mind, Dimp; you aint
to blame. Your dad's an old skinflint. I'll lend you six to start off
with.' Then I made Billy Burns sweep the floor, while Sam went down to
the chicken yard and caught my bantam rooster, Tooley. Then I sent
Dimp after some chalk, and an empty peach basket, and a piece of cord.
Then we was ready for business.
"I marked a big circle on the barn floor with the chalk, and divided
it into four quarters with straight lines runnin' through the middle.
Then I turned the peach basket upside down, and tied one end of the
string on the bottom, and threw the other end up over a beam overhead,
so I could pull the basket off from the floor up to the beam by the
string. You see," Nickey illustrated with graphic gestures, "the
basket hung just over the middle of the circle like a bell. Then I
took the rooster and stuck him under the basket. Tooley hollered and
scratched like Sam Hill and----"
"For mercy sake, Nickey! What will you say next?"
"Say, ma, you just wait and see. Well, Tooley kicked like everything,
but he had to go under just the same. Then I said to the kids to sit
around the circle on the floor, and each choose one of the four
quarters for hisself,--one for each of us. 'Now,' I said, 'you must
each cough up----'"
"Nicholas!"
"Oh ma, do let me tell it without callin' me down every time. 'You
kids must hand out a cent apiece and put it on the floor in your own
quarter. Then, when I say ready, I'll pull the string and raise the
basket and let Tooley out. Tooley'll get scared and run. If he runs
off the circle through my quarter, then the four cents are mine; but
if he runs through Dimp's quarter, then the four cents are Dimp's.'
"It was real excitin' when I pulled the string, and the basket went
up. You'd ought to 've been there, Mrs. Maxwell. You'd have laughed
fit to split----"
"Nicholas Burke, you must stop talkin' like that, or I'll send you
home," reproved Mrs. Burke, looking severely at her son, and with
deprecating side-glances at his audience.
"Excuse me, ma. It will be all over in a minute. But really, you'd
have laughed like sin--I mean you'd have just laughed yourself sick.
Tooley was awful nervous when the basket went up. For a minute he
crouched and stood still, scared stiff at the three kids, all yellin'
like mad; then he ducked his head and bolted off the circle through my
quarter and flew up on a beam. I thought the kids would bust."
Mrs. Burke sighed heavily.
"Well, burst, then. But while they were laughin' I raked in the cash.
You see I just had to. I won it for fair. I'd kept quiet, and that's
why Tooley come across my quarter."
Mrs. Maxwell was sorting over her music, while Maxwell's face was
hidden behind a paper. Mrs. Burke was silent through despair. Nickey
glanced furtively at his hearers for a moment and then continued:
"Yes, the kids was tickled; but they got awful quiet when I told them
to fork over another cent apiece for the jack-pot."
"What in the name of conscience is a jack-pot?" Hepsey asked.
Donald laughed and Nickey continued:
"A jack-pot's a jack-pot; there isn't no other name that I ever heard
of. We caught Tooley and stuck him under the basket, and made him do
it all over again. You see, every time when Tooley got loose, the kids
all leant forward and yelled like mad; but I just kept my mouth shut,
and leaned way back out of the way so that Tooley'd run out through my
quarter. So I won most all the time."
There was a pause, while Nickey looked a bit apprehensively at his
audience. But he went on gamely to the end of the chapter.
"Once Tooley made a bolt in a straight line through Dimp's quarter,
and hit Dimp in the mouth, and bowled him over like a nine-pin. Dimp
was scared to death, and howled like murder till he found he'd scooped
the pot; then he got quiet. After we made Tooley run ten times, he
struck work and wouldn't run any more; so we just had to let him go;
but I didn't care nothn' about that, 'cause you see I had the kids'
cash in my pants pocket, and that was what I was after. Well, sir,
when it was all over, 'cause I'd busted the bank----"
"Nicholas Burke, I am ashamed of you."
"Never mind, ma; I'm most through now. When they found I'd busted the
bank, they looked kind of blue, and Dimp Perkins said it was a skin
game, and I was a bunco steerer."
"What did you say to that?" Donald inquired.
"Oh, I just said it was all for religion, it was church money, and it
was all right. I was just gleanin' what few cents they had, to pay the
church debt to the missionary; and they ought to be ashamed to have a
church debt hangin' over 'em, and they'd oughter be more cheerful
'bout givin' a little somethin' toward raisin' of it."
When Nickey had finished, there was an ominous silence for a moment
or two, and then his mother said sternly:
"What do you suppose Mrs. Perkins will say when she finds that you've
tricked her son into a regular gambling scheme, to get his money away
from him?"
"Mrs. Perkins," retorted Nickey, thoroughly aroused by the soft
impeachment. "I should worry! At the church fair, before Mr. Maxwell
came, she ran a fancy table, and tried to sell a baby blanket to an
old bachelor; but he wouldn't take it. Then when he wasn't lookin',
blessed if she didn't turn around and tie the four corners together
with a bit of ribbon, and sell it to him for a handkerchief case. She
got two dollars for it, and it wasn't worth seventy-five cents. She
was as proud as a dog with two tails, and went around tellin'
everybody."
Silence reigned, ominous and general, and Nickey braced himself for
the storm. Even Mrs. Maxwell didn't look at him, and that was pretty
bad. He began to get hot all over, and the matter was fast assuming a
new aspect in his own mind which made him ashamed of himself. His
spirits sank lower and lower. Finally his mother remarked quietly:
"Nickey, I thought you were goin' to be a gentleman."
"That's straight, all right, what I've told you," he murmured
abashed.
There was another silent pause--presently broken by Nickey.
"I guess I hadn't thought about it, just that way. I guess I'll give
the kids their money back," he volunteered despondently--"only I'll
have to make it up, some way, in the treasury." He felt in his
pockets, and jingled the coins.
Another pause--with only the ticking of his mother's knitting needles
to relieve the oppressive silence. Suddenly the worried pucker
disappeared from his brow, and his face brightened like a sun-burst.
"I've got it, Mrs. Maxwell," he cried. "I've got seventy-five cents
comin' to me down at the Variety Store, for birch-bark frames, and
I'll give that for the blamed old missionaries. That's square, 'aint
it now?"
Mrs. Betty's commendation and her smile were salve to the wounds of
her young guest, and Donald's hearty laughter soon dispelled the sense
of social failure which was beginning to cloud Nickey's happy spirit.
"Say Nickey," said Maxwell, throwing down his paper, "Mrs. Betty and I
want to start a Boy Scout Corps in the parish, and with your
resourceful genius you could get the boys together, and explain it to
them, and soon we should have the whole thing in ship-shape order.
Will you do it?"
"Will I?" exclaimed the delighted recruit. "I guess so--but some of
'em 'aint 'Piscopals, Mr. Maxwell; there's Sam Cooley, he's a
Methodist, and----"
"That doesn't cut any ice, Nickey,--excuse my slang, ladies," he
apologized to his wife and Hepsey, at which the boy grinned with
delight. "We're out to welcome all comers. I've got the books that we
shall need upstairs. Let's go up to my den and talk it all over. We
shall have to spend evenings getting thoroughly up in it
ourselves,--rules and knots and first-aid and the rest. Mrs. Burke
will allay parental anxiety as to the bodily welfare of the recruits
and the pacific object of the organization, and Mrs. Maxwell will make
the colors. Come on!"
With sparkling eyes, Nickey followed Donald out of the room; as they
disappeared Hepsey slowly shook her head in grateful deprecation at
Betty.
"Bless him!" ejaculated Hepsey. "Mixin' up religion, with a little
wholesome fun, is the only way you can serve it to boys, like Nickey,
and get results. Boys that are ever goin' to amount to anything are
too full of life to stand 'em up in a row, with a prayer book in one
hand and a hymnal in the other, and expect 'em to sprout wings. It
can't be done. Keep a boy outside enough and he'll turn out alright.
Fresh air and open fields have a mighty helpful influence on 'em. The
way I've got it figgered out, all of us can absorb a lot of the right
kind of religion, if we'll only go out and watch old Mother Nature,
now and then."
[Illustration]