HEPSEY GOES A-FISHING
Mrs. Burke seemed incapable of sitting still, with folded hands, for
any length of time; and when the stress of her attention to household
work, and her devotion to neighborly good deeds relaxed, she turned to
knitting wash-rags as a sportsman turns to his gun, or a toper to his
cups. She seemed to find more stimulus for thought and more helpful
diversion in the production of one wash-rag than most persons find in
a trip abroad.
One day, not very long after the eventful missionary tea, she was
sitting in her garden, and knitting more rapidly than usual, as she
said to Maxwell:
"What's been the matter with you these last few weeks? You've been
lookin' altogether too sober, and you don't eat nothin' to speak of.
It must be either liver, or conscience, or heart."
Secretly, she strongly suspected a cardiac affection, of the romantic
variety. She intended to investigate.
Donald laughed as he replied:
"Perhaps it's all three together; but I'm all right. There's nothing
the matter with me. Every man has his blue days, you know."
"Yes, but the last month you've had too many; and there must be some
reason for it. There's nothin' so refreshin' as gettin' away from your
best friends, once in a while. I guess you need a change--pinin' for
the city, maybe. Sakes alive! I can't see how folks can live that
way--all crowded up together, like a lot of prisons."
"You don't care to visit in the city, then?"
"Not on your life!"
"But a change is good for everyone. Don't you ever get away from
Durford for a few weeks?"
"Not very often. What with decidin' where to go, and fussin' to get
ready, and shuttin' up the house, it's more trouble than its worth.
Then there's so many things to 'tend to when you get home."
"But don't you ever visit relatives?"
"Not on your life, unless I'm subpoena-ed by the coroner: though of
course we do get together to celebrate a family funeral or a wedding
now and then. Visitin' is no joke, I tell you. No sir, I'm old enough
to know when I'm well off, and home's the best place for me. I want my
own table, and my own bed when it comes night." She paused, and then
remarked meditatively:
"I went down to visit in New York once."
"Didn't you enjoy your visit?" Maxwell inquired. "New York's my
home-city."
"Can't say I did, awful much. You see, I was visitin' Sally
Ramsdale--Sally Greenway that was. They were livin' in an apartment,
ninth floor up. In the first place, I didn't like goin' up stairs in
the elevator. I was so scared, I felt as if the end had come, and I
was bein' jerked to my reward in an iron birdcage with a small kid
dressed in brass buttons. When I got into the hall it was about two
feet wide and darker than Pharaoh's conscience. It had a string of
cells along the side, and one opened into a chimney, and the rest into
nothin' in particular. The middle cell was a dinin' room where we ate
when we could find the way to our mouths. Near as I can recollect,
you got into the parlor through the pantry, back of the servant's
room, by jumpin' over five trunks. You ought to have seen my room. It
looked just like a parlor when you first went in. There was somethin'
lookin' like a cross between an upright piano and writin' desk. Sally
gave it a twist, and it tumbled out into a folding bed. The first
night, I laid awake with my eyes on the foot of that bed expectin' it
to rise and stand me on my head; but it didn't. You took the book of
poems off the center table, gave it a flop, and it was a washstand.
Everything seemed to shut up into something else it hadn't ought to.
It was a 'now you see it, and now you don't see it,' kind of a room;
and I seemed to be foldin' and unfoldin' most of the time. Then the
ceilin' was so low that you could hardly get the cover off the soap
dish. I felt all the while as if I should smother. My! but I was glad
to get home and get a breath of real air."
"Yes," Maxwell replied, "people live more natural and healthful lives
in the country. The advantages of the city aren't an unmixed
blessing."
"That's true enough. That's no way to live. Just think of havin' no
yard but a window box and a fire escape! I'd smother!
"We folks out here in the country 'aint enjoyin' a lot of the
refinements of city life; anyhow we get along, and the funny part
about it is,--it 'aint hard to do, either. In the first place we 'aint
so particular, which helps a lot, and besides, as Jonathan Jackson
used to say,--there's compensations. I had one look at Fifth Avenue
and I'm not sayin' it wasn't all I had heard it was; but if I had to
look at it three hundred and sixty-five days a year I wouldn't trade
it for this.
"Why, some days it rains up here, but I can sit at my window and look
down the valley, to where the creek runs through, and 'way up into the
timber, and the sight of all those green things, livin' and noddin' in
the rain is a long ways from being disheartenin',--and when the sun
shines I can sit out here, in my garden, with my flowers, and watch
the boys playin' down in the meadow, Bascom's Holsteins grazin' over
there on the hill, and the air full of the perfume of growin'
things,--they 'aint got anything like that, in New York."
For a time Mrs. Burke relapsed into silence, while Maxwell smoked his
briar pipe as he lay on the grass near by. She realized that the
parson had cleverly side-tracked her original subject of conversation,
and as she glanced down at him she shook her head with droll
deprecation of his guile.
When she first accused him of the blues, it was true that Maxwell's
look had expressed glum depression. Now, he was smiling, and, balked
of her prey, Mrs. Burke knitted briskly, contemplating other means
drawing him from his covert. Her strategy had been too subtle: she
would try a frontal attack.
"Ever think of gettin' married, Mr. Maxwell?" she inquired abruptly.
For an instant Maxwell colored; but he blew two or three rings of
smoke in the air, and then replied carelessly, as he plucked at the
grass by his side:
"Oh, yes: every fellow of my age has fancied himself in love some time
or other, I suppose."
"Yes, it's like measles, or whoopin'-cough; every man has to have it
sometime; but you haven't answered my question."
"Well, suppose I was in love; a man must be pretty conceited to
imagine that he could make up to a girl for the sacrifice of bringing
her to live in a place like Durford. That sounds horribly rude to
Durford, but you won't misunderstand me."
"No; I know exactly how you feel; but the average girl is just dyin'
to make a great sacrifice for some good-lookin' young fellow, all the
same."
"Ah yes; the _average_ girl; but----"
Maxwell's voice trailed off into silence, while he affected to gaze
stonily into the blue deeps of the sky overhead.
Hepsey had thought herself a pretty clever fisherman, in her day;
evidently, she decided, this particular fish was not going to be easy
to land.
"Don't you think a clergyman is better off married?" she asked,
presently.
Donald knocked the ashes out of his pipe and put it in his pocket,
clasped his hands across his knees, and smiled thoughtfully for a
moment. There was a light in his eyes which was good to see, and a
slight trembling of his lips before he ventured to speak. Then he
sighed heavily.
"Yes, I do, on many accounts. But I think that any parson in a place
like this ought to know and face all the difficulties of the situation
before he comes to a definite decision and marries. Isn't that your
own view? You've had experience of married parsons here: what do you
think?"
"Well, you see the matter is just like this: Every parish wants an
unmarried parson; the vestry 'cause he's cheap, every unmarried woman
'cause he may be a possible suitor; and it's easier to run him than it
is a married man. He may be decent, well-bred and educated. And he
comes to a parcel of ignoramuses who think they know ten times as much
as he does. If he can't earn enough to marry on, and has the good
sense to keep out of matrimony, the people talk about his bein' a
selfish old bachelor who neglects his duty to society. He can't afford
to run a tumble-down rectory like ours. If in the face of all this he
marries, he has to scrimp and stint until it is a question of buyin'
one egg or two, and lettin' his wife worry and work until she's fit
for a lunatic asylum. No business corporation, not even a
milk-peddlin' trust, would treat its men so or expect good work from
'em. Then the average layman seldom thinks how he can help the parson.
His one idea is to be a kicker as long as he can think of anything to
kick about. The only man in this parish who never kicks is paralyzed
in both legs. Yes sir; the parson of the country parish is the parish
goat, as the sayin' is."
Mrs. Burke ceased her tirade, and after a while Maxwell remarked
quietly:
"Mrs. Burke, I'm afraid you are a pessimist."
"I'm no such thing," she retorted hotly. "A pessimist's a man that
sees nothin' but the bad, and says there's no help for it and won't
raise a hand: he's a proper sour-belly. An optimist's a man that sees
nothin' but the good, and says everything's all right; let's have a
good time. Poor fool! The practical man--anyway, the practical
woman--sees both the bad and the good, and says we can make things a
whole lot better if we try; let's take off our coats and hustle to
beat the cars, and see what happens. The real pessimists are your
Bascoms, and that kind: and I guess I pity him more than blame him: he
seems as lonesome as a tooth-pick in a cider-barrel."
"But I thought that Bascom was a wealthy man. He ought to be able to
help out, and raise money enough so that the town could keep a parson
and his wife comfortably."
"Sure thing! But the church isn't supported by tight-fisted wealthy
people. It's the hard-workin' middle class who are willin' to turn in
and spend their last cent for the church. And don't you get me started
on Bascom as you value your life. Maybe I'll swear a blue streak
before I get through: not but what I suppose that even Bascom has his
good points--like a porcupine. But a little emery paper on Bascom's
good points wouldn't hurt 'em very much. They're awful rusty."
"Oh well! Money isn't all there is in life," soothed Maxwell,
smiling.
"No, not quite; but it's a mighty good thing to have in the house.
You'd think so if you had to wear the same hat three summers. I've got
to that time in my life where I can get along very well without most
of the necessities; but I must have a few luxuries to keep me goin'."
"Then you think that a clergyman ought not to marry and bring his wife
to a place like Durford?"
"I didn't say anything of the sort. If you was to get married I'd see
you through, if it broke my neck or Bascom's."
"Do you know, you seem to me a bit illogical?" remarked Maxwell
mildly.
"Don't talk to me about logic! The strongest argument is often the
biggest lie. There are times in your life when you have to take your
fate in both hands and shut your eyes, and jump in the dark. Maybe
you'll land on your feet, and maybe you--won't. But you have got to
jump just the same. That's matrimony--common sense, idiocy, or
whatever you choose to call it.... I never could tell which. It's the
only thing to do; and any man with a backbone and a fist won't
hesitate very long. If you marry, I'll see you through; though of
course you won't stay here long, anyhow."
"You're awfully kind, Mrs. Burke," Maxwell replied, "and I sha'n't
forget your promise--when the time comes for me to take the momentous
step. But I think it would be the wisest thing for me to keep my
heart free for a while; or at any rate, not to get married."
Mrs. Burke looked down at her rector, and smiled broadly at his clever
evasion of the bait she had dangled before him so persistently.
"Well, do as you like; but that reminds me that when next you go to
town you'll need to get a new glass for that miniature of your sister.
You must have dozed off with it in your hands last night and dropped
it. I found it this morning on the floor alongside of your chair, with
the glass broken."
She rose triumphantly, as she knitted the last stitch of the wash-rag.
"Excuse me--I must go and peel the potatoes for dinner."
"I'd offer to contribute to the menu, by catching some fish for you;
but I don't think it's a very good day for fishing, is it, Mrs.
Burke?" asked Maxwell innocently.
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