AS one funny young gentleman will serve as a sample of all funny young
Gentlemen we purpose merely to note down the conduct and behaviour of an
individual specimen of this class, whom we happened to meet at an annual
family Christmas party in the course of this very last Christmas that
ever came.
We were all seated round a blazing fire which crackled pleasantly as the
guests talked merrily and the urn steamed cheerily—for, being an
old-fashioned party, there _was_ an urn, and a teapot besides—when there
came a postman’s knock at the door, so violent and sudden, that it
startled the whole circle, and actually caused two or three very
interesting and most unaffected young ladies to scream aloud and to
exhibit many afflicting symptoms of terror and distress, until they had
been several times assured by their respective adorers, that they were in
no danger. We were about to remark that it was surely beyond post-time,
and must have been a runaway knock, when our host, who had hitherto been
paralysed with wonder, sank into a chair in a perfect ecstasy of
laughter, and offered to lay twenty pounds that it was that droll dog
Griggins. He had no sooner said this, than the majority of the company
and all the children of the house burst into a roar of laughter too, as
if some inimitable joke flashed upon them simultaneously, and gave vent
to various exclamations of—To be sure it must be Griggins, and How like
him that was, and What spirits he was always in! with many other
commendatory remarks of the like nature.
Not having the happiness to know Griggins, we became extremely desirous
to see so pleasant a fellow, the more especially as a stout gentleman
with a powdered head, who was sitting with his breeches buckles almost
touching the hob, whispered us he was a wit of the first water, when the
door opened, and Mr. Griggins being announced, presented himself, amidst
another shout of laughter and a loud clapping of hands from the younger
branches. This welcome he acknowledged by sundry contortions of
countenance, imitative of the clown in one of the new pantomimes, which
were so extremely successful, that one stout gentleman rolled upon an
ottoman in a paroxysm of delight, protesting, with many gasps, that if
somebody didn’t make that fellow Griggins leave off, he would be the
death of him, he knew. At this the company only laughed more
boisterously than before, and as we always like to accommodate our tone
and spirit if possible to the humour of any society in which we find
ourself, we laughed with the rest, and exclaimed, ‘Oh! capital, capital!’
as loud as any of them.
When he had quite exhausted all beholders, Mr. Griggins received the
welcomes and congratulations of the circle, and went through the needful
introductions with much ease and many puns. This ceremony over, he
avowed his intention of sitting in somebody’s lap unless the young ladies
made room for him on the sofa, which being done, after a great deal of
tittering and pleasantry, he squeezed himself among them, and likened his
condition to that of love among the roses. At this novel jest we all
roared once more. ‘You should consider yourself highly honoured, sir,’
said we. ‘Sir,’ replied Mr. Griggins, ‘you do me proud.’ Here everybody
laughed again; and the stout gentleman by the fire whispered in our ear
that Griggins was making a dead set at us.
The tea-things having been removed, we all sat down to a round game, and
here Mr. Griggins shone forth with peculiar brilliancy, abstracting other
people’s fish, and looking over their hands in the most comical manner.
He made one most excellent joke in snuffing a candle, which was neither
more nor less than setting fire to the hair of a pale young gentleman who
sat next him, and afterwards begging his pardon with considerable humour.
As the young gentleman could not see the joke however, possibly in
consequence of its being on the top of his own head, it did not go off
quite as well as it might have done; indeed, the young gentleman was
heard to murmur some general references to ‘impertinence,’ and a
‘rascal,’ and to state the number of his lodgings in an angry tone—a turn
of the conversation which might have been productive of slaughterous
consequences, if a young lady, betrothed to the young gentleman, had not
used her immediate influence to bring about a reconciliation:
emphatically declaring in an agitated whisper, intended for his peculiar
edification but audible to the whole table, that if he went on in that
way, she never would think of him otherwise than as a friend, though as
that she must always regard him. At this terrible threat the young
gentleman became calm, and the young lady, overcome by the revulsion of
feeling, instantaneously fainted.
[Picture: The Funny Young Gentleman]
Mr. Griggins’s spirits were slightly depressed for a short period by this
unlooked-for result of such a harmless pleasantry, but being promptly
elevated by the attentions of the host and several glasses of wine, he
soon recovered, and became even more vivacious than before, insomuch that
the stout gentleman previously referred to, assured us that although he
had known him since he was _that_ high (something smaller than a
nutmeg-grater), he had never beheld him in such excellent cue.
When the round game and several games at blind man’s buff which followed
it were all over, and we were going down to supper, the inexhaustible Mr.
Griggins produced a small sprig of mistletoe from his waistcoat pocket,
and commenced a general kissing of the assembled females, which
occasioned great commotion and much excitement. We observed that several
young gentlemen—including the young gentleman with the pale
countenance—were greatly scandalised at this indecorous proceeding, and
talked very big among themselves in corners; and we observed too, that
several young ladies when remonstrated with by the aforesaid young
gentlemen, called each other to witness how they had struggled, and
protested vehemently that it was very rude, and that they were surprised
at Mrs. Brown’s allowing it, and that they couldn’t bear it, and had no
patience with such impertinence. But such is the gentle and forgiving
nature of woman, that although we looked very narrowly for it, we could
not detect the slightest harshness in the subsequent treatment of Mr.
Griggins. Indeed, upon the whole, it struck us that among the ladies he
seemed rather more popular than before!
To recount all the drollery of Mr. Griggins at supper, would fill such a
tiny volume as this, {429} to the very bottom of the outside cover. How
he drank out of other people’s glasses, and ate of other people’s bread,
how he frightened into screaming convulsions a little boy who was sitting
up to supper in a high chair, by sinking below the table and suddenly
reappearing with a mask on; how the hostess was really surprised that
anybody could find a pleasure in tormenting children, and how the host
frowned at the hostess, and felt convinced that Mr. Griggins had done it
with the very best intentions; how Mr. Griggins explained, and how
everybody’s good-humour was restored but the child’s;—to tell these and a
hundred other things ever so briefly, would occupy more of our room and
our readers’ patience, than either they or we can conveniently spare.
Therefore we change the subject, merely observing that we have offered no
description of the funny young gentleman’s personal appearance, believing
that almost every society has a Griggins of its own, and leaving all
readers to supply the deficiency, according to the particular
circumstances of their particular case.