Every thing really valuable is sure to be counterfeited. This applies
not only to money, medicine, religion, and virtue, but even to
politeness. We see in society the truly polite and the falsely polite;
and, although all cannot explain, all can feel the difference. While we
respect the one, we despise the other. Men hate to be cheated. An
attempt to deceive us, is an insult to our understandings and an affront
to our morals. The pretender to politeness is a cheat. He tries to palm
off the base for the genuine; and, although he may deceive the vulgar,
he cannot overreach the cultivated. True politeness springs from right
feelings; it is a good heart, manifesting itself in an agreeable life;
it is a just regard for the rights and happiness of others in small
things; it is the expression of true and generous sentiments in a
graceful form of words; it regards neatness and propriety in dress, as
something due to society, and avoids tawdriness in apparel, as offensive
to good taste; it avoids selfishness in conduct and roughness in
manners: hence, a polite person is called a _gentle_ man. True
politeness is the smoothness of a refined mind and the tact of a kind
heart.
Politeness is a word derived from the Greek word _polis_, which means a
city--the inhabitants of which are supposed, by constant intercourse
with each other, to be more refined in manners than the inhabitants of
the country. From _polis_, comes our English word _polish_, which
signifies an effect produced by rubbing down roughnesses until the
surface is smoothed and brightened: hence, we speak of polished minds
and polished manners. Persons in good society rub against each other
until their sharp points are worn down, and their intercourse becomes
easy. The word _urbanity_ comes from the Latin word _urbs_; that, also,
means a city, and it signifies politeness, gentleness, polish, for a
similar reason.
In mingling with our fellow-men, there is a constant necessity for
little offices of mutual good will. An observing and generous-minded
person notices what gives him offense, and what pleases him in the
conduct of others; and he seeks at once to correct or cultivate similar
things in himself. He acts upon the wise, Christian principle of doing
to others as he would have them do to him. Hence, in dress and person,
he is clean and neat; in speech, he is courteous; in behavior,
conciliating; in the pursuit of his own interests, unobtrusive. No truly
polite person appears to notice bodily defects or unavoidable
imperfections in others; and, above all, he never sneers at religion,
either in its doctrines, ordinances, or professors.
False politeness is but a clumsy imitation of all this. It is selfish
in its object, and superficial in its character. It is a slave to
certain forms of speech, certain methods of action, and certain fashions
of dress. It is insincere; praising where it sees no merit, and excusing
sin where it beholds no repentance. It is the offspring of selfishness;
perverting the golden rule by flattering stupidity and winking at vice,
with the hope of being treated in the same way by the community. It is a
bed of flowers, growing over a sepulchre, and drawing its life from the
loathsome putrefaction within.
Yet, insincere and wrong as are the motives to false politeness, it is,
after all, better than vulgarity. It is the cotton batting, that keeps
the glass vases of society from dashing against each other.
"_Familiarity_," says the proverb, "_breeds contempt_;" and this is
found true, whenever coarse minds with rude manners come in contact.
Careless of the little decencies of society; selfish in selecting the
best seat in the room, or the best dish at the table; unwashed in
person, and slovenly in dress: what is this but an open proclamation of
utter disregard for others? How soon contempt must follow!
Let the young polish their manners, not by attending to mere artificial
rules, but by the cultivation of right feelings. Let them mingle with
refined society as often as they can; and, by refined society, I do not
mean those whom you find in the ball-room--in the theater--in the
crowded party, or those--however wealthy, or richly dressed--you feel to
be only artificially polite; but I mean those who make you feel at ease
in their society, while, at the same time, they elevate your aims and
polish your manners. What a good style is to noble sentiments,
politeness is to virtue.