_Well! Well!_
"I say, who was here with you last night?"
"Only Myrtle, father."
"Well, tell Myrtle that she left her pipe on piano."
_Fifty-Fifty_
A man from Toronto reported that an African resident of that city did a
rattling business in rabbit sausages, until some of his customers began
to question the quality of the goods. A committee waited on the
merchant, and asked him if any meat other than that of rabbits went into
the sausages. He reluctantly admitted that there was another meat in
them, and when pressed further said that the dilution was by means of
horse meat. The chairman of the committee then asked him the proportion
of the two ingredients, and he said fifty-fifty. The committee started
to withdraw when a heretofore silent member raised the question as to
what the merchant meant by "fifty-fifty." "Why, boss, by fifty-fifty ah
means one rabbit and one hawss."
_All Engaged_
An Irishman who had lately come over was sent to call a taxi. In about
half an hour he returned and reported as follows: "Some wan be the name
of Hire has the most of thim ingaged, and the only wans he didn't have
some wan else had."
_Slim, Slimmer, Slimmest_
Last week we read of a firm--manufacturers of petticoats--which went
into bankruptcy. They stated in explanation that women, in the shrinking
process of appearing taper, had ceased wearing 'em.
To-day we notice the advertisement of a ladies' tailor: "Suits made to
order, with or without material."
Without material? Gad Zooks!
We cut out that ad and burned it lest our wife should find it.
_Some Ditty_
There was a young man from the city,
Who met what he thought was a kitty;
He gave it a pat
And said, "Nice little cat!"
And they buried his clothes out of pity.
_Vaccination Problem_
Classical Dancer--"Doctor, I want to be vaccinated somewhere where it
won't show."