XV

The night air was very still and the sky sown with stars that gleamed

coldly. When the village lay behind them, they heard no sound.

“How long were you in Ribbeck’s house?” Christian asked suddenly.

“Ten months,” Amadeus Voss replied. “When I got to Halbertsroda, the

land lay under ice and snow. When I left, the land lay under ice and

snow. Between my coming and going, there was a spring, a summer, and an

autumn.”

He stopped for a moment, and gazed after an animal that in the darkness

leaped across the road and disappeared in the furrows of a field. Then

he began to talk, at first in a staccato manner and drily, then vividly

and tempestuously, and at last gasping for breath. They wandered away

from the road, but were not aware of it; the hour grew late, but they

did not know it.

Voss told his story:

“I had never seen a house like that. The carpets, pictures, tapestries,

the silver, the many servants--it was all new to me. I had never eaten

of such dishes nor slept in such beds. I came from amid four bare

walls, from a cot, an iron stove, a wash stand, a book shelf, and a

crucifix.

“My two pupils were eleven and thirteen. The older was blond and spare,

the younger brunette and stocky. Their hair hung down their shoulders

like manes. From the very first hour they treated me with a jeering

resistance. At first I did not see Frau Ribbeck at all. Not till a week

had passed did she summon me. She made the impression of a young girl;

she had rust-red hair and a pale, intimidated, undeveloped face. She

treated me with a contempt that I had not expected, and that drove

the blood into my temples. My meals were served to me alone. I was not

permitted to eat at the master’s table, and the servants treated me as

their equal. That gnawed at me cruelly. When Frau Ribbeck appeared in

the garden and I lifted my hat, she barely nodded, blind and shameless

in her contempt for one whom she paid. I was no more to her than thin

air!

“It is as old as the world, this sin that was sinned against my soul.

Ye sinners against my soul, why did you let me famish? Why did I taste

of renunciation while ye revelled? How shall a hungry man withstand the

temptations which the living Tempter places before him? Do you think we

are not aware of your gluttony? All action, whether good or evil, runs

through all nature. When the grape blossoms in Madeira, the wine that

has been pressed from it stirs in a thousand casks far over sea and

land, and a new fermentation sets in.

“One morning the boys locked the door of their room and refused

to come to their instruction. While I shook the knob they mocked

me from within. In the halls the servants stood and laughed at my

powerlessness. I went to the gardener, borrowed an axe, and crashed

through the door with three blows. A minute later I was in the room.

The boys looked at me in consternation, and realized at last that I

would not endure their insolence. The noise had brought Frau Ribbeck

to the scene. She looked at the broken door and then at me. I shall

never forget that look. She did not turn her eyes from me even while

she was speaking to the children, and that was at least ten minutes.

Her eyes asked: How dare you? Who are you? When she went out, she saw

the axe near the door and stopped a moment, and I saw her shiver. But I

knew that the direction of the wind had changed. Also it came into my

consciousness that a human woman had stood before me.

“The teasing of my pupils was by no means at an end. On the contrary,

they annoyed me as much as possible. But they did it secretively

now, and the blame was hard to fix. I found pebbles and needles in

my bed, ink spilled over my books, a horrible rent in the best suit

of clothes I had. They jeered at me before others, lied about me to

their mother, and exchanged glances of shameless insolence when I held

them responsible. What they did was not like the ordinary mischief of

silly boys. They had been sophisticated by luxury. They were afraid

of a draught, had the rooms so overheated that one grew faint, and

thought of nothing but physical comforts. Once they fought, and the

younger bit the older’s finger. The boy went to bed for three days, and

insisted that a physician be called. Nor was this merely a case of lazy

malingering; bottomless malevolence and vengefulness entered into it.

They considered me as far beneath them, and lost no chance to make me

feel my dependent position. My mood was often bitter, but I determined

to practise patience.

“One evening I entered the drawing-room. The hour which I had set as

the boys’ bed-time was past. Frau Ribbeck sat on the carpet, the boys

snuggled on either side of her. She was showing them the pictures in

a book. Her hair hung loose,--an unfitting thing, I thought--and its

reddish splendour covered her as well as the boys like a mantle of

brocade. The boys fixed green and evil eyes upon me. I ordered them to

bed at once. There must have been something in my tone that frightened

them and forced them to obey. Without contradiction they got up and

retired.

“Adeline remained on the carpet. I shall simply call her Adeline, as,

indeed, I did later during our intercourse. She looked at me exactly

as she had done that day I had used the axe. One cannot well be paler

than she was by nature, but her skin now became positively transparent.

She arose, went to the table, lifted some indifferent object, and put

it down again. At the same time a mocking smile hovered upon her lips.

That smile went through and through me. And indeed the woman herself

pierced me, body and soul. You’ll misunderstand me. It doesn’t matter.

If you don’t understand, no explanations will do any good. The sheet

of ice above me cracked, and I had a glimpse of the upper world.”

“I believe I do understand you,” said Christian.

“To my question whether she desired me to leave the house, she replied

that, since her husband had engaged me, it was for her to respect the

arrangement. Her tone was frosty. I replied that the pressure of her

dislike made it impossible for my activities to be fruitful. With

an indirect glance at me, she answered that some method of decent

co-operation could probably be found, and that she would think it over.

Beginning with that evening, I was invited to table with her, and the

boys and she treated me with respect, if not with kindness. Late one

evening she sent for me and asked me to read to her. She gave me the

book from which I was to read. It was a current fashionable novel,

and, after I had read a few pages, I threw the volume on the table,

and said that the stuff nauseated me. She nodded, and answered that

that was quite her feeling, too, which she had not wanted to admit

even to herself, and that she was grateful to me for my frankness. I

went for my Bible, and read her the story of Samson from the Book of

Judges. It must have seemed naïve to her, for when I had finished that

mocking smile played again about her lips. Then she asked: ‘It’s hardly

necessary, is it, to be a hero in Judah to share Samson’s fate? And do

you think that what Delilah accomplished was so remarkable?’ I replied

that I had no experience of such matters, and she laughed.

“One word led to another, and I gathered the courage to reproach her

with the morally neglected condition of her children, and with the

wounding and vulgar quality of all I had so far seen and experienced

in her house. I intentionally used the sharpest words, in order that

she might flare up in wrath and show me the door. But she remained

quite calm, and begged me to explain my ideas more fully. I did so,

not without passion, and she heard me with pleasure. Several times I

saw her breathe deeply and stretch herself and close her eyes. She

contradicted me, then agreed, defended her position, and in the end

admitted it to be indefensible. I told her that the love which she

thought she felt for her sons was really a sort of hatred, based on

a poisoning of her own soul, in which there was yet another life and

another love, which it was wicked to condemn to withering and death.

She must have misunderstood me at this point, for she looked at me with

her large eyes suddenly, and bade me go. When I had closed her door

behind me, I heard sobs. I opened the door again, and saw her sitting

there with her face hidden in her hands. I had the impulse to return to

her. But her gesture dismissed me.

“I had never before seen any woman cry except my mother. I cannot

tell you of my feelings. If I had had a sister and grown up in her

companionship, I might have acted and felt differently. But Adeline was

the first woman whom, in any deeper sense, I truly saw.

“Several days later she asked me whether I had any hope of forming her

boys into human beings in my sense. She said that she had reflected on

all I had urged, and had come to the conclusion that things could not

go on as they were. I answered that it was not yet too late. She begged

me to save what was possible, and announced that, in order to leave

me a free hand, she had determined to travel for a few months. Three

days later she departed. She took no personal farewell of her sons, but

wrote them a letter from Dresden.

“I took the boys with me to a hunting lodge, that lay isolated in the

woods, at a distance of two hours from Halbertsroda. It belonged to the

Ribbeck estate, and Adeline had assigned it to me as a refuge. There

I settled down with the boys and took them sternly in hand. Sometimes

dread overcame me, when I thought of the words of Scripture: Why do

you seek constantly to change your way? Beware lest you be deceived by

Egypt, as you were deceived by Assyria.

“A deaf, old man-servant cooked for us, and luxurious meals were a

thing of the past. The boys had to pray, to fast once a week, to

sleep on hard mattresses, and to rise at five in the morning. In every

way I broke down their stubbornness, their dull sloth, their furtive

sensuality, their plots and tricks. There was no play now, and the

days were divided with iron regularity. I shrank from no severity. I

chastised them; at the slightest disobedience I used a whip. I taught

them the meaning of pain. When they cowered naked before me, with the

bloody stripes on their bodies, I spoke to them of the martyrdom of

the saints. I kept a diary, in order that Adeline might know exactly

what had happened. The boys started when they heard me from afar; they

trembled if I but raised my head. Once I came upon them whispering

to each other in bed at night. I drove them out. They screamed and

fled out of the house from me. In their night shifts they ran into

the forest, and I, with two dogs following me, pursued them. Rain

began to pour, and at last they broke down and threw themselves on

the ground and begged for mercy. Most difficult of all it was to lead

them to Confession. But I was stronger than the Evil One within them,

and forced them to cleanse their souls. Bitter hours were the hours I

endured. But I had made a vow to Adeline in my heart.

“The boys became thoughtful, subdued, and silent. They went into

corners and wept. When Adeline returned I took them to Halbertsroda,

and she marvelled at the change in them. They flung themselves into

her arms, but they uttered no complaint against me, either then or

when they were left alone with her. I had told them that if they

were disobedient or stubborn, we would return to the hunting lodge.

One or two days a week were spent there under any circumstances.

Gradually they came to avoid their mother, and Adeline herself was more

indifferent to them. The softish, hectic, over-tender element in their

relations had disappeared.

“Adeline sought my companionship and conversation. She watched me, and

was condescending, weary, distracted in mind, and restless. She adorned

herself as though guests were coming, and combed her hair thrice

daily. In all respects she submitted to my regulations. There are

dulled, worm-eaten, smouldering souls that kneel before the raised axe

in another’s hand, and give only mockery to those who bend before them.

Often her loftiness and reserve overwhelmed me, and I thought that she

had no space for me in her mind. Then a look came into her eyes that

made me forget whence I came and what I was in her house. Everything

seemed possible with her. She was capable of setting fire to the house

by night, because she was bored, and because the cancer that ate at her

soul would cease its gnawing for no nobler ecstasy: she was capable

of standing from noon to night before her mirror to watch a deepening

furrow on her brow. Everything seemed possible. For is it not written:

What man knoweth what is in man except only the spirit of man that is

in him?

“My deep temptations began on an evening when, in the course of

conversation, she carelessly laid her hand over mine, and withdrew it

hastily. That gesture snatched from my sight the things about us. In

the space between one thought and the next I had become the slave of

visions and desires.

“She asked me to tell her about my life. I fell into that snare too,

and told her.

“Once in the twilight I met her in the hall. She stood still, and

looked at me piercingly. Then she laughed softly and moved away. I

reeled, and the sweat stood in beads on my forehead.

“My heart was heavy when I was alone. Visions appeared that set my

room in flames. My rosary and my missal were hidden from me, and I

could find neither. Always there rose the cry in me: Once only! Let me

taste that ecstasy but once! Then demons came and tormented me. All

the muscles and nerves and sinews of my body seemed lacerated. Do with

me as God wills, I whispered to the demons, for my heart is prepared.

During sleep a strange force hurled me from my bed, and unconsciously

I battered the walls with my head. One whole week I fasted upon bread

and water, but it did not avail. Once when I had sat down to read, a

huge ape stood before me and turned the leaves of my book. Every night

a seductive vision of Adeline came to my bed-side. She stood there and

spoke: ‘It is I, my beloved.’ Then I would rise and run senselessly

about. But she would follow me and whisper: ‘You shall be my master

and have all the good things of this world.’ But when I sought to

grasp that vision of her, it showed a sudden aversion, and she called

fluttering shadows to her aid. One was a notary with a pen and an

ink-well, another a locksmith with a red-hot hammer, there was a mason

with his trowel, an officer with naked sword, a woman with a painted

face.

“So terrible was my state, that I understood but slowly and gradually

the dreadful realities that took place about me. One morning Adeline

came into the room where I was teaching the boys, sat down, and

listened. She drew from her finger a ring that had in it a great,

lovely pearl, played with it thoughtfully, arose, went to the window to

watch the falling of the snow, and then left the room to go into the

garden. I could not breathe or see any longer. There was an intolerable

pressure on my chest, and I had to leave the room for a little to catch

my breath. When I returned I saw in the eyes of my pupils a look of

unwonted malevolence. I paid no attention to it. From time to time

the old rebelliousness flared up in them, but I let them be. They sat

before me half-crouching, and recited their catechism softly and with

glances full of fear.

“About ten minutes passed when Adeline returned. She said she had left

her ring on the table, and asked me whether I had seen it. She began

to search for it, and so did I. She called her maid and a footman,

who examined everything in the room; but the ring was gone. Adeline

and her servants looked at me strangely, for I stood there and could

not move. I felt at once and in every fibre that I was exposed to

their suspicion. They searched on the stairs and in the hall, in the

new fallen snow of the garden, and again in the room, since Adeline

insisted that she had taken the ring off there and forgotten it on the

table. And I confirmed this statement, although I had not actually

seen the ring on the table, since I had seen her and her gestures but

as things in a dream. All the words that were exchanged between her

and the servants seemed directed against me. I read suspicion in their

looks and changed colour, and called the boys, who had stolen away as

soon as they could, and questioned them. They suggested that their

rooms be searched, and looked at me with malignity. I begged Adeline

to have my room searched as well. She made a deprecating gesture, but

said, as though in self-justification, that she attached a peculiar

value to this ring and should hate to lose it.

“Meantime the manager of the estate, who happened to have spent that

night at Halbertsroda, entered. He passed me by without greeting,

but with a dark and hostile glance. Then it all came over me. I saw

myself delivered over to their suspicions without defence, and I said

to myself: Perhaps you have really stolen the ring. The fall from my

previous spiritual condition to this vulgar and ugly one was so sudden,

that I broke out into wild laughter, and insisted more urgently than

ever that my room and effects and even my person be searched. The

manager spoke softly to Adeline. She looked at me wanly and went out. I

emptied my pockets in the man’s presence. He followed me to my room. I

sat down by the window while he opened drawer after drawer in my chest

and opened my wardrobe. The footman, the maid, and the two boys stood

by the door. Suddenly the manager uttered a hollow cry and held up the

ring. I had known with the utmost certainty a moment before that he

would find the ring. I had read it in the faces of the boys. Therefore

I remained quietly seated while the others looked at one another and

followed the manager out. I locked my door and walked up and down, up

and down, for many, many hours.

“When the night was over, there was a solemn calm in my soul. I sent

a servant to ask Adeline whether she would receive me. She refused.

To justify myself in writing was a thing I scorned to do. I would but

degrade myself by asserting my innocence thus. My soul felt pure and

cold. I learned next day that the manager had long heard rumours of

the frightful cruelties I was said to inflict on the boys, who had,

moreover, accused their mother and myself of an adulterous intimacy.

Hence he had visited Halbertsroda secretly on several occasions, had

questioned the servants, and had, that very morning, caused the boys

to strip in his presence and had seen on their bodies the marks of the

stripes that they had received. Since, in addition, their entire state

of mind made him anxious, he sent a telegram to the Councillor, who

arrived during the night with an official of the police.

“I suspect that Adeline at once saw through the plot concerning the

ring, for it was not mentioned. The commissary turned to me and spoke

vaguely of serious consequences, but I made no attempt to explain or

excuse anything I had done. I left Halbertsroda that same night. I

did not see Adeline again. She was, I have been told, sent off to a

sanatorium. Three weeks later a little package came to me by post.

I opened it and found in it the ring with the pearl. In our yard is

a very ancient well. I went to that well and cast the ring into its

depths.

“And now you know what happened to me in that world of the higher

classes, in the house of the Councillor Ribbeck.”