_How Poor Robin served one of his Companions a
Slovenous Trick._
Poor Robin having set up for himself (as you have heard), he would
oftentimes travel abroad in the country to get acquaintance amongst the
gentry. It happened one time, being belated homeward, and his brain
intoxicated with the juice of Bacchus, that he took up his quarters in a
country ale-house, where notwithstanding he had gotten a lusty jug
before, yet fell he to drinking of beer and cider, as if his belly was
bottomless; at last growing sleepy he went to bed, where it was his
chance to be lodged in the same chamber where one of his acquaintances
was already in bed, who as he lay down sooner than poor Robin, so the
next morning was he no sooner got up providing a pot and toast ready
against poor Robin arose, but a foul mischance befel poor Robin in the
meantime, for the wine, beer, and cider not agreeing in his belly, he
very mannerly, sir-reverence vomited on the bed. Whereupon not knowing
what to do, and being loth to be discredited, a crotchet came into his
crown, which he presently put in execution. He takes the dirty sheets
from off his own bed, and lays them on his friend's, and then takes his
and lays them on his own bed, so spreading the coverlet as if nothing
was amiss, he makes himself ready and downstairs he goes. No sooner was
he below but his friend arrests him at Mr. Fox's suit, and by all means
would make him pay his groat for being drunk. Poor Robin excused himself
as well as he could, and would be judged by the landlord whether he was
fuddled or no; whilst they were wrangling about paying the groat, the
maid went up into the chamber to make the beds; but finding one of them
in a pitiful pickle, she came chafing down, calling the man beastly
fellow and nasty knave, with other Billingsgate language, such as came
first to her tongue's end. The man thought her mad, thus to scold for
nothing, till at last she told him plainly he had vomited the bed.
"Nay," quoth poor Robin, "I will be judged by my landlord which of us
was most fuddled last night." "Truly," said the host, "I can judge no
otherwise but that he was, or he would not have played such a nasty
trick." Whereupon it was judged by all the company that the man should
pay his groat, and poor Robin got free.