DEATH JOY
During that long winter when the mental eyes of Ivan were first opening
to the meaning of life and the individual struggles of each to find his
place in a world apparently unassailable, Ivan's mother, Princess
Sophia, slowly, in great anguish of body, was learning a last lesson of
the master by whom she had never been spared. Through that dark period,
though mother and son met weekly, their intercourse, hitherto so full,
so unreserved, became inevitably hesitant and broken. Each was bearing a
burden which neither was willing to reveal to the other. Ivan,
concealing from the tender woman every sign of his persecution at the
hands of his companions in the Corps, felt himself constantly
tongue-tied before her. And though ordinarily the mother-sense would
speedily have penetrated that awkward reserve, Sophia, herself all
unaccustomed to deceit, was so fully occupied in hiding every sign of
her own secret, that Ivan's reticence appeared to her only the
reflection of her own. It was as natural, then, as it was unfortunate,
that these visits, looked forward to by each of them as bright oases in
an otherwise treeless desert, should also have brought with them their
quota of discomfort and vain regret. Throughout each week, woman and boy
alike hungered for each other. Yet on Sunday night both usually parted
with hearts overflowing with secret remorse at the thought that there
was actual relief in the knowledge that the day was over. Moreover, as
the weeks passed, the Sunday evenings together became shorter and more
short. Madame Gregoriev, smiling through the agony that yet found place
in every line of her face, would confess to fatigue and would resign
herself to the hands of the maid whose duties were daily becoming more
those of a nurse, leaving Ivan to the care of the serfs, who, by their
unfeigned delight in his appearance, generally sent him away from their
quarters about midnight in a very cheerful mood. Later, however, through
the dark hours that followed, Ivan's thoughts instinctively reverted to
his mother, and the strange expression in her face would take a
significance filling his heart with a pain which the morrow's light
could not banish.
Months slid by. The Russian New Year came and went. And now, when Ivan
reached home on Saturday evening, his mother frequently greeted him from
her bed; and on Sunday would sit up only for an hour or two, in her
_chaise-longue_, before the open fire always kept burning in her
up-stairs sitting-room, her frail form clad in the loosest of negligées.
Still, to all the boy's sad and anxious queries, the reply would be:
"Just fatigue, and perhaps a little cold. In a few weeks, you shall see
me quite strong again. Smile for me, Ivan!" And Ivan seemed to accept
the words. But weekly he went back to his work with something added to
the weight now constantly dragging at his heart.
Had Ivan guessed half the truth, however: could he have had one glimpse
of his mother's reason for her constant "fatigue," he would have learned
that the vague disquiet he was bearing was a feather-weight in
comparison to the helpless misery of watching and comprehending the slow
spread and increase of the most pitiless, direfully cruel, of all
diseases.
It had been in the very first week of Ivan's life in the Corps that
Sophia Ivanovna returned, in a kind of numb haze, from the house of the
doctor she had gone to for examination. She stood alone in her own room,
trying to comprehend the fulness of that which had come upon her. All
alone she had made her discovery; and alone had gone to have it
verified. But, in spite of everything, realization was difficult: the
realization that, turn whither she would, there was upon her--upon that
poor, tortured breast, the relentless clutch of death. Struggle as she
might, through the ensuing months--the few, few ensuing months, that
clutch must grow tighter and more cruelly tight, until--the end. During
the years since her marriage Madame Gregoriev had, more than once,
wished--nay, prayed for death. But a hopeless desire and the inevitable
reality are generally two widely different things. And the clearest
possible proof of the poignancy of the mental suffering of her past life
lay in the fact that, fully understanding her position, it was a matter
of only a few hours before she could accept, with some show of
tranquillity, this last incident of, this fitting climax to, her long
tragedy.
From the first, she kept her knowledge to herself. The doctor who had
examined her had not been requested to take up the case; and as yet, she
asked help of none. It was weeks before old Másha, coming, one
afternoon, into the Princess' rooms with tea, found her mistress on her
knees before the ikon, passionately demanding strength for continued
silence. The old woman, struck suddenly dumb with intuition, waited only
till the dread name had come from Sophia's lips, and then burst into a
wild wailing--that long-drawn cry for the dead, characteristic of the
Russian peasant. The Princess demanded, implored, finally threatened her
old servitor, till the promise of secrecy had been obtained; but she
guessed that Másha had not given it till she had assured herself that
the disease could not be concealed much longer.
Hitherto, in that bleak and lonely household, there had been little
comfort for the woman who knew no hour, no second, free from pain. But
Másha, like many country-bred women, was skilled in the decoction of
those herbs and simples that seem, at times, more efficacious than more
scientific medicines. Moreover, the old woman was passionately devoted
to the mistress whom she had tended as a child, and nursed through every
illness of girlhood. Thenceforth Sophia was the recipient of the
tenderest care; and the old serf, experimenting, found more than one
preparation which, for a time at least, seemed to draw some of the fiery
agony from the poor, disfigured breast.
As the winter passed, however, and March drew towards its close, the
Princess, wasted almost to a shadow, left her bed no more. Thus at last
her husband awoke to the fact that her illness was no mere "woman's
nonsense." Their first brief interview terminated when, in response to
his direct questions, Sophia simply drew the covering from her breast
and let him look upon the hideous source of her pain. The man bent over
her, stared for a moment, shuddered, and, turning on his heel, left the
room without a word. Early upon the morning of the following day, that
of March thirty-first, to Sophia's amazed displeasure, the two most
eminent physicians in Moscow met at her bedside. At the conclusion of
their examination they were ushered below, to the Prince's cabinet,
where they gave Michael their decision as to the necessary course of
action. There must be an immediate operation. That was the one possible
hope. Even so--it was a pity, a very _great_ pity, that the _gnädige
Frau_ had waited so long. By now, every day--almost every
hour--diminished the chance of recovery.
After this explanation, made by the German doctor and entirely
corroborated by his Russian colleague, there was a silence. Prince
Gregoriev sat bent over the table. A grayish tinge, absolutely foreign
to it, had overspread his face. His eyes were flaming. His teeth gnawed
savagely at the ends of his mustache. The two physicians waited,
considerately, till the lowered head was raised, the eyes lifted:
"There is--no other way? She--she has got to submit to the knife?"
"Gewiss! Nor can we promise--recovery--even so. Without it--two weeks--a
month, perhaps!" he shrugged, helplessly. "You understand, it is
medullary: the most rapid, the most malignant variety of all. It is not
a case that promises credit to us. Therefore, if the Herr Graf would
wish to try another physician, I should be glad that it were so. I would
resign the case willingly; for this disease gives little satisfaction to
us who love our work."
"At the same time," broke in Monsieur Petchkoff, the Russian doctor,
with some asperity, "we must remind our client, Herr Weimann, that
operations to-day do not mean what they did before the recent great
discovery of anæsthetics. I have been using chloroform now for more than
three years; and in every case where the heart permits, it has
obliterated entirely the pain of incision. You understand that the
patient may go to sleep in her bed and awaken there again, a few hours
later, without the slightest knowledge that she has ever been removed
from it. Consider that, your Highness!"
Gregoriev leaped to his feet. "Is it possible? I never believed those
tales. Do you corroborate this statement?" he added, turning to Weimann,
who sat approvingly nodding his head.
At the question he merely raised his shaggy brows, replying: "Without
doubt, Herr Graf. Anæsthesia is now used in every enlightened country in
the world. The Herr Doctor has exaggerated its benefits in no
particular."
Gregoriev sank into his place again with a groan of relief. "Operate,
then! Operate at once--to-day, if there be time!"
* * * * *
Prince Michael's desire, which was, in fact, that of his wife also,
since the thing must be gone through, was impractical, owing to the fact
that considerable preparatory work was still necessary. On the first day
of the new month, Weimann made an examination of her heart, which
resulted less satisfactorily than he had hoped. Not until evening did he
finally announce his decision that the administration of chloroform
might be made without undue danger. And after this there were still to
be made those preparations necessary for an operation in the palace:
Michael absolutely refusing his wife's request that she be taken to the
Royal Hospital. Nor was it till the evening of that day--the second of
April--that the unhappy lady wrote Ivan her scarcely deceptive letter:
an act repellent to her, but insisted upon by Michael, who persisted in
maintaining his belief in her ultimate recovery. With what an agony of
yearning to see her boy, to bid him good-bye, the poor soul hung upon
each painfully scrawled word, only those who have lain under the chill
of death can know. From the first she had no hope, and but little
desire, of leaving the dread table alive. Yet she was loath to give
expression to the doubt that might still be hailed by her husband with
his old, scornful mockery.
It was the first time, perhaps, that she had misjudged Michael on the
side of inhumanity. Scorn for her was gone from him now; and so changed
was he that his very servants could not read him. Was it remorse, or
actually some long-latent affection, reawakened under the shadow of
impending loss, that had brought the haggard lines about his mouth, and
dulled the fires of those terrible eyes? Sophia herself asked that
question of the darkness, as she lay the long night through, watching
for what she dreamed of as her last dawn.
The hour of the operation was fixed for one o'clock on the afternoon of
April third. By dawn of that day the whole household was astir,
gravitating, for the first time in many a year, wholly about the bedroom
of the mistress of the house. Madame Gregoriev, lying motionless in the
half-light of her room during the morning hours, preceding the impending
ordeal, was filled with a sense of unreality, of wonder at the stir that
was suddenly being created about her. For years she had been accustomed
to a life of systematic neglect. For months she had borne her bodily
torment silently and without hope of aid. Now, in one day, as it seemed,
she had become the centre of a new world. There were two professional
nurses to anticipate her every want, while old Másha, hitherto her one
attendant, cowered snuffling in a dark corner of the room. At her
bedside her husband, his black eyes dulled with trouble, sat side by
side with Vassily, the brother, whose manner had never before so
softened in addressing her. And his voice grew husky as he persisted in
the assurances of perfect recovery that he could not himself believe.
Lastly, and best of all, Caroline was coming: was, indeed, already on
her rapid way. All things had been done for her comfort; yet none of
them weighed for a moment in the balance with her one, great, unvoiced
desire: the desire to see and talk to her boy before she yielded herself
to that mysterious unconsciousness from which she had not the smallest
hope of emerging. But she was now wholly under Michael's sway. She
realized that he was acting for Ivan's peace of mind: that in so acting
he had himself some hope of her recovery. And, remembering his new
consideration for her, she could not bring herself to dispute him. When,
at the hour named, the surgeons and their assistants entered her room,
she received the kisses of husband and brother upon an unwrinkled brow;
and, as she lifted her head towards the sweet-smelling sponge, there was
a faint smile upon her lips, a gleam of relief in her tired eyes.
Vassily Blashkov and his black brother-in-law waited together at
Sophia's bedside till her unconsciousness was complete; and then both
stood, reverently, while the limp body was carried from the room. For
the first time in their lives these two utterly selfish men looked into
each other's eyes with but one comprehensive thought, which was all for
another. Each man was suddenly white with unwonted feeling; for there
was something in the pose of that helpless form which brought home, with
a poignant stab, a sudden realization of her neglected life.
Still acting upon common impulse the two presently descended, side by
side, to Michael's official room, where, on the table, Piotr had placed
a bottle of sherry, some glasses, and a plate of biscuits. Before these
the two seated themselves; and, as the first glow of the wine began to
course through them, they fell into a low-voiced conversation; for it
was a period of strain so great that any possibility of forgetfulness
was grasped, eagerly. Of Sophia, however, neither could speak; and their
thoughts fell naturally upon that which was dearest to her: Ivan: the
nephew to whom the uncle was almost a complete stranger. And it was to
this man whom for years he had hated so roundly, that Michael revealed,
for the only time in his life, his feeling for the boy whom he had so
tardily and slightly acknowledged.
"You--haven't told him, I understand?" Blashkov began, in a low tone.
"Not yet. If--if she comes out--he may see her. The anxiety will be less
for him.--She--she's his whole life, here."
"And he hers, I imagine?"
"It's true.--I--I haven't counted with either of them.--I never tried."
This was all. The long, almost unbearable pause that followed was broken
by a commonplace remark, and the conversation kept in that vein by
mutual consent. For, when the inner life is throbbing fast and strong,
intimate expression becomes impossible. And above these two men,
chatting about the trivial things of their existence, hung a black
shadow of dread: a strain of waiting which, minute by minute, grew more
tense.
An hour had passed, and the ears of both were strained for the faintest
sound in the corridor, when there came an unhoped-for break. Less than
forty-eight hours after the first news had reached her in Petersburg,
Caroline Dravikine entered the Gregoriev house in Moscow. Piotr, his
face alight with relief, showed her into the room where brother and
brother-in-law sat together. There she flung off her wraps, commanded
tea, and exerted all her power towards distracting the thoughts of those
two men who showed not half her courage in the face of a calamity which
could touch neither of them as it must touch her, who had kept the one
greatly unselfish affection of her life for the sister now lying at the
point of death above her.
A second hour slipped round, and the momentary relief of Caroline's
arrival passed. The darkening room had grown silent again, and the sense
of oppression was becoming unendurable to the three of them, when one of
the nurses slipped into the room to say:
"The Princess Gregoriev is in her bed. You can see her if you wish."
A woman's whisper broke the twilight: "Thank God!--Thank God!--She is
conscious? She is safe?"
"She cannot be conscious for some hours yet, Madame.--The operation has
been a terribly difficult one. Her Ladyship's condition is critical."
Silence. Then a faint groan from Michael's chair.
There followed six hours of waiting, watching, hoping, despairing. The
deadened consciousness trembled on the edge of the great void; and
neither doctor, nurse, nor relative left the still room in which the
soul still delayed. Now and again, after the administration of some
stimulant, one of the three, Michael, Vassily, or Caroline would whisper
a question, hoping always for an answer suggestive of hope. But the
reply was always the same:
"We cannot tell.--Wait."
It was nine o'clock at night before the body stirred naturally for the
first time, and a long, fluttering sigh broke from the pallid lips. From
Caroline came a faint cry of joy; and then Sophia's great eyes opened,
languidly, and her look was turned upon her sister.
"Mother!" she whispered, smiling.
"No, Sophie!--No!"
But Weimann was at her elbow. "Do not contradict!" he murmured. Then he
turned to Michael.
"You have a son?" he said, quietly.
"Yes!--You mean--" Michael's face had not held this look before.
"He should be here," said the doctor, steadily. "I think she will know
you all--yet."
Prince Gregoriev bowed his head upon his breast, and stole from the
room. Ten minutes later Piotr was speeding across Moscow in his master's
brougham, towards the _Corps des Cadets_.
* * * * *
Of that long drive homeward across the city, Ivan's only memory was of a
long blur of pain that culminated, as they halted at the portals, in a
sudden burst of realization. His eyes, tear-shrouded as they were,
sought the well-known window on the second floor from which his mother's
face had so often greeted him or smiled down a farewell for one more
week.--Yes, the window was alight! Then--then she was still--Great God!
How did human senses bear such grief as was swelling through him now?
Within the gloomily lighted hall Ivan found himself, quite unexpectedly,
face to face with his father, who was apparently awaiting him. Until
this moment Ivan had forgotten the very existence of Prince Michael; but
now he was startled at the drawn and haggard face that presented itself
in the lamp-light, as his father seized him by the arm, and, whispering
a few words of the explanation that brought Ivan's heart into his
throat, drew him swiftly up-stairs, to the threshold of her room, and
there turned, leaving him alone.
Five minutes before the priest, his last rites accomplished, had passed
out of the doorway on which the boy now halted, straining his eyes into
the room beyond. He saw a bed surrounded by silent figures; and only
then became conscious of the meaning of the sound that had filled his
ears since his coming: the high, long-drawn, wailing of Sophia's piteous
struggle for breath. Immediately over her hung Weimann and one of the
nurses, just finishing an injection of strychnine. At the foot of the
bed sat Madame Dravikine, white, silent, dry-eyed. Across the room,
before the largest of the three ikons, knelt Sonya and old Másha,
praying, silently. And upon them all, even the deathlike figure on the
bed, was an air of listening, of waiting, of expectancy, which was
presently relieved by the apparition of the tall, lean, boyish figure,
who wavered for one moment, and then came hurriedly forward.
Ivan was scarcely conscious of his movements. His limbs were trembling,
his hands were icy cold and damp with sweat, his tightened throat seemed
as if it must break the drawn muscles in its straining. But his great
black eyes shone tearless as he walked straight to the bed and stood
gazing down upon the quivering face upturned to him. Then, after a
moment of preparation, the dreadful breathing ceased, and a faint,
shaking voice replaced it:
"Ivan! Dearest! You have come!"
Taking his mother's transparent hands with a movement of infinite
gentleness into his own, Ivan dropped upon his knees by the bedside, his
two eyes still fixed longingly, hungrily, upon the beloved face. For an
instant he was conscious that others in the room were stealing away, and
presently, save for one nurse, he was alone with her who, sixteen years
before, had brought him into the world.
In the silence that surrounded him Ivan felt his very soul pierced by a
medley of unknown emotions, chief of which was the sense that he stood
alone and helpless before a separation that he could not bear. And
presently that dread was voiced for him, in the strange, weak, tender
tones of his mother's voice:
"I must leave you soon now, Ivan."
At last a sob tore its way through his rigid throat, and his answer was
given in a passionate whisper: "No, mother! No!"
"Dear, my body is going. You could not wish to keep me always. And I am
so glad, Ivan! So glad! My own mother has been here, at my side, all
day. So, then, I shall come and comfort you--at least at the first,
while it is most sad for you."
"'At first!' Do you think I can stop wanting you, grieving for
you--ever?"
She could smile, that dying one, in her great wisdom, at this passionate
repudiation of the balm of time. To her, it appeared, the secrets of the
dead had been already revealed. "You are still very young, dear boy.
None of us of the world can escape this pain of parting. 'Death is the
last enemy that shall be overcome.' The time is not long, Ivan, before
you will take on man's full estate. Shall you remember then what I, your
mother, have suffered--through a man?--through your father, Ivan?"
His expression turned to one of surprise. Never had she spoken, even
indirectly, on this subject to him before. But he answered at once:
"Yes, mother. I know. I shall remember."
"Ah, yes--keep that remembrance--all of it! You will be a man of power,
of influence. When you marry a good woman, Ivan, then think of me most
of all. You have in you Gregoriev blood, and all Gregorievs have been
like your father. You must change that, break that tradition. Will you
remember? Will you--pro--"
The speech had been a long one, and, syllable by syllable, her voice had
been growing weaker. Now, with a word half uttered, she settled back,
gasping violently, her eyes half shut. Ivan started to his feet; but
already the nurse was by the bed, forcing cognac and water down the
Princess' throat. Ivan stood still, tightly clasping one of those chilly
hands. He was waiting anxiously for her to speak again; for to him their
talk was not finished. His mother, however, seemed to think differently.
Her hand tightened upon his, but she had the air of one satisfied,
content with all things. The boy, watching her, understood that she
desired nothing more.
Presently the others stole softly in again, and Sophia drew her sister,
by a look, to the bed, beside Ivan, and made one more effort of speech:
"Katrisha--remember--Ivan. He is--mine. When he--goes--to
Petersburg--care for him--for--my sake!"
"Ah, yes, Moussia! Yes! Ivan shall be cared for--well!" murmured
Caroline, brokenly.
Sophia, her dim eyes resting on them both, smiled.
In the midst of this came an interruption. The smile vanished, and a
gleam of dread crossed the face of the Princess, who had started forward
a little, and seemed to listen. Indeed, there was the sound of a muffled
tread approaching the door. Another instant, and Michael, entering, went
to the bedside, and stood looking down upon his wife. White and strange
was his face, and Madame Dravikine perceived that his hands were
trembling. She saw also, however, how Sophia drew away from him, how the
labor of her breathing was increased. Every one in the room started when
the dying woman's right hand was raised from the sheet and pointed at
the dark and powerful figure bending near.
"You--who have ruined my life--go! Let me die--at last--in peace!" she
said, all the silent torture of her wifehood sounding through the
wavering, feeble voice.
Michael Gregoriev, with a violent start, drew back. He passed his hand
once across his face; then, straightening suddenly, and without another
look at the figure on the bed, he turned and strode from the room,
leaving the door open.
Behind him, silence fell again. Sophia's breathing and the faint mutter
of old Másha's prayers mingled with the wailing of the wind as it rushed
round the corner of the house, and the pelt of freezing rain on the
windows. In the half-lighted room no one either moved or spoke. Minutes
passed. Half an hour. Ivan, standing on his feet, grew desperately
nervous and weary. Madame Dravikine, seated in a corner, leaned back in
her chair and let her heavy eyelids fall.
Presently, out of the night, came the voice of Ivan Veliki, from the
distant Kremlin, booming the eleventh hour. As the last stroke trembled
through the room and echoed into silence, Sophia Gregoriev lifted
herself suddenly to a sitting posture. Her eyes widened, joyously, upon
some distant scene, and a cry of ecstatic wonder broke from her lips.
Then, in a breath, the divine light faded. The lips fell apart. It was
her son who caught her as she fell.
Yet death held something still in store. Minutes later, as Ivan lifted
himself heavily from his kneeling-place beside the bed, and gazed,
through tear-filmed eyes, upon the face of his dead, there broke from
him a little cry, a cry of joy. In its passage to freedom his mother's
soul had stamped her visage with its state. From that face the lines of
many years of anguish, mental and physical, had fallen away, leaving the
flesh as smooth and fair as that of a girl. The eyes were lightly
closed; and, most beautiful of all, her lips had slowly spread into a
smile of such transfigured radiance as sent a thrill of intense and
wistful longing through the hearts of those that looked on her.
The tragedy of Sophia Gregoriev was at an end; and none seeing her could
doubt that she had found in the Unknown Land ample reason and
compensation for her life on earth.