As I have very little to say for myself that is not said in some of
my opening pages, there is no need that I should delay you on the
threshold.
You will learn, if you take the trouble, by what course of events I came
to my present pursuit, converting myself into what a candid, but not
complimentary, friend has called “a diverting Vagabond.”
The fact was, I gave the world every reasonable opportunity of knowing
that they had a remarkable man amongst them, but, with a stupidity all
their own, they wouldn’t see it; so that when the solicitor who once
gave me a brief died--I believe it was a softening of the brain--I
burned my wig and retired from the profession.
Now, let people say what they may, it is by no means easy to invent a
new line of life; and even if you should, there are scores of people
ready to start up and seize on your discovery; and as I write these
lines I am by no means sure that to-morrow will not see some other
Cornelius O’Dowd inviting the public to a feast of wisdom and
life-knowledge, with perhaps a larger stock than my own of “things not
generally known.” I will disparage no man’s wares. There is, I feel
assured, a market for us all. My rivals, or my imitators, whichever you
like to call them, may prove superior to me; they maybe more ingenious,
more various, more witty, or more profound; but take my word for it,
bland Header, there is always something in the original tap, whether
the liquor be Harvey sauce or L.L. whisky, and such is mine. You are, in
coming to me, frequenting the old house; and if I could only descend to
it, I could print you more testimonials to success than Mr Morrison’s
of the pills, or the other man of cod-liver oil, but I scorn to give the
names, imparted as they were in secret gratitude. One only trick of
the trade I will condescend to--it is to assure you that you had need
to beware of counterfeits, and that no O’Dowderies are genuine except
signed by me.
My heart is broke with requests for my autograph. Will a sympathising
public accept the above--which, of course, will be immediately
photographed.