MR. SPONGE AT HOME
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Sponge was most warmly congratulated by Sir Harry and all the assembled
captains, who inwardly hoped his marriage would have the effect of
'snuffing him out,' as they said, and they had a most glorious
jollification on the strength of it. They drank Lucy's and his health nine
times over, with nine times nine each time. The consequence was, that the
footmen and shutter were in earlier requisition than usual to carry them to
their respective apartments. Sponge's head throbbed a good deal the next
morning; nor was the pulsation abated by the recollection of his
matrimonial engagement, and his total inability to keep the angel who had
ridden herself into his affections. However, like all untried men, he was
strong in the confidence of his own ability, and the sight of his smiling
charmer chased away all prudential considerations as quickly as they arose.
He made no doubt there would something turn up.
Meanwhile, he was in good quarters, and Lady Scattercash having warmly
espoused his cause, he assumed a considerable standing in the
establishment. Old Beardey having ventured to complain of his interference
in the kennel, my lady curtly told him he might 'make himself scarce if he
liked'; a step that Beardey was quite ready to take, having heard of a
desirable public-house at Newington Butts, provided Sir Harry paid him his
wages. This not being quite convenient, Sir Harry gave him an order on
'Cabbage and Co.' for three suits of clothes, and acquiesced in his taking
a massive silver soup-tureen, on which, beneath the many quartered
Scattercash arms, Mr. Watchorn placed an inscription, stating that it was
presented to him by Sir Harry Scattercash, Baronet, and the noblemen and
gentlemen of his hunt, in admiration of his talents as a huntsman and his
character as a man.
Mr. Sponge then became still more at home. It was very soon 'my hounds,'
and 'my horses,' and 'my whips'; and he wrote to Jawleyford, and
Puffington, and Guano, and Lumpleg, and Washball, and Spraggon, offering to
make meets to suit their convenience, and even to mount them if required.
His _Mogg_ was quite neglected in favour of Lucy; and it says much for the
influence of female charms that, before they had been engaged a fortnight,
he, who had been a perfect oracle in cab fares, would have been puzzled to
tell the most ordinary fare on the most frequented route. He had forgotten
all about them. Nevertheless, Lucy and he went out hunting as often as they
could raise hounds, and when they had a good run and killed, he saluted
her; and when they didn't kill, why--he just did the same. He headed and
tailed the stringing pack, drafted the skirters and babblers (which he sent
to Lord Scamperdale, with his compliments), and presently had the uneven
kennel in something like shape.
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Nor was this the only way in which he made himself useful, for Nonsuch
House being now supported almost entirely by voluntary contributions--that
is to say, by the gullibility of tradesmen--his street and shop knowledge
was valuable in determining who to 'do.' With the Post Office Directory and
Mr. Sponge at his elbow, Mr. Bottleends, the butler--'delirius tremendous,'
as Bottleends called it, having quite incapacitated Sir Harry--wrote off
for champagne from this man, sherry from that, turtle from a third, turbot
from a fourth, tea from a fifth, truffles from a sixth, wax-lights from
one, sperm from another; and down came the things with such alacrity, such
thanks for the past and hopes for the future, as we poor devils of the
untitled world are quite unacquainted with. Nay, not content with giving
him the goods, many of the poor demented creatures actually paraded their
folly at their doors in new deal packing-cases, flourishingly directed
'TO SIR HARRY SCATTERCASH, BART., NONSUCH HOUSE, &c. _By Express
Train_.' In some cases they even paid the carriage.
And here, in the midst of love, luxury, and fox-hunting, let us for a time
leave our enterprising friend, Mr. Sponge, while we take a look at a
species of cruelty that some people call 'sport.' For this purpose we will
begin a fresh chapter.