If the advance of musical science is to be effected by indecent _tableaux
vivans_--by rattling peas against sieves, and putting out the lights
(appropriately enough) when Beethoven is being murdered--by the most
contemptible class of compositions that ever was put upon score-paper, and
noised forth from an ill-disciplined band--if these be the means towards
improving musical taste, Monsieur Jullien is undoubtedly the harmonic
regenerator of this country. He is a great man--great in his own
estimation--great to the ends of his moustachios and the tips of his
gloves--a great composer, and a great charlatan--_ex. gr._:--
The overture to the promenade concerts usually consists of a pantomime
entirely new to an English audience. Monsieur Jullien having made his
appearance in the orchestra, seats himself in a conspicuous situation, to
indulge the ladies with the most favourable view of his elegant person,
and the splendid gold-chainery which is spread all over his magnificent
waistcoat. A servant in livery then appears, and presents him with a pair
of white kid gloves. The illustrious conductor, having taken some time to
thrust them upon a very large and red hand, leisurely takes up his baton,
rises, grins upon the expectant musicians, lifts his arm, and--the first
chord is struck!
Quadrilles are the staple of the evening--those composed by Monsieur
Jullien always, of course, claiming precedence and preference. These are
usually interspersed with solos on the flageolet, to contrast with
_obligati_ for the ophecleido; the drummers--side, long, and double--are
seldom inactive; the trombones and trumpets have no sinecure, and there is
always a great mortality amongst the fiddle-strings. Eight bars of
impossible variation is sure to be succeeded by sixteen of the deafening
fanfare of trumpets, combined with smashing cymbalism, and dreadful
drumming.
The public have a taste for headaches, and Jullien has imported a capital
recipe for creating them; they applaud--he bows; and musical taste
goes--in compliment to the ex-waiter's genuine profession of man-cook--to
_pot_.
But the _ci-devant cuisinier_ is not content with comparatively harmless,
plain-sailing humbug; he must add some _sauce piquante_ to his musical
hashes. He cannot rest with merely stunning English ears, but must shock
our morals, At the _bals masqués_, the French dancers, and the hardly
mentionable _cancan_, were hooted back to their native stews under the
Palais Royal; but he provides substitutes for them in the _tableaux
vivans_ now exhibiting. This, because a more insidious, is a safer
introduction. The living figures are dressed to imitate plaster-of-Paris,
and are so arranged as to form groups, called in the bills "classical;"
but for which it would be difficult to find originals. In short, the whole
thing is a feeler thrown out to see how far French impudence and French
epicureanism in vice may carry themselves. It shall not be our fault if
they do not experience an ignominious downfall, and beat a speedy retreat,
to the tune of the "Rogue's March," arranged as a quadrille!
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