AS THE SURGEON SAW IT
"But, Karl, you _must!_"
"I tell you, my dear, I can't!"
"Well, I think it's just--"
"Now, Ernestine,"--in tones maddeningly calm and conciliatory--"you go on
down to Parkman's office and I'll come just as soon as I can. Now be
sensible--there's a good girl."
"Well, I call it _mean!_"--this after hanging up the receiver. "I don't
care,"--still talking into the telephone, as if there were satisfaction
in having something understand--"it's not _nice_ of Karl."
They had an engagement with Dr. Parkman for dinner at his club, to meet
some people he wanted her to know, and now Karl had telephoned from the
laboratory at the last minute that he was not ready to leave and for her
to go on down alone.
"And he'll come late--and not dressed--and they'll think,"--she went over
and sat down by the window to enjoy the mournful luxury of contemplating
just what they would think.
Couldn't he go over to the laboratory a little earlier in the morning and
finish up this terribly important thing? Was it nice of a man to have
people being _sorry_ for his wife? Was it considerate of Karl to ask her
to put on this pearl-coloured dress and then let her go down in the train
all alone?
She would telephone Dr. Parkman that they could not come. Then Karl would
be sorry! But no--severely and with dignity--she would show that one
member of the family had some sense of the conventions. Oh, yes--this in
long-suffering vein--she would do _her_ part, and would also do her best
to make up for Karl. No doubt she might as well become accustomed to that
first as last.
Going down in the train she had a very clear picture of herself as the
poor, neglected wife of the man absorbed in his work. She saw so many
reasons for being unhappy. Was it kind the way Karl had told her in that
first letter about some other woman in his life, and then had never so
much as revealed to her that other woman's name? Where did this woman
live? When had Karl known her? How _well_ had he known her? And all the
while her sense of humour was striving to make attacks upon her and the
consciousness in her inmost heart that all this was absurd and most
unworthy only made her the more persistently forlorn.
She had never been to Dr. Parkman's office, and she was not very familiar
with Chicago--had it never occurred to Karl she might get lost and have
some unfortunate experience? But fate did not favour her mood, and she
reached the office in safety. Dr. Parkman did not seem at all surprised
at seeing her alone, which flamed the fire anew.
"He hasn't backed out?" he demanded, laughing a little.
She explained with considerable dignity that her husband had been
detained at the laboratory, that he regretted it exceedingly, but would
be with them just as soon as circumstances permitted.
He took her into his private office, and Ernestine was too sincere a
lover of beautiful things to be wholly miserable in a room like that.
"Why, this doesn't look like an office," she exclaimed. "It's more like a
pet room in a beautiful home."
He laughed, not mirthfully.
"I hardly think you could call it that, but this is where I spend a good
deal of my time, so I tried to make it livable."
He was busy at his desk, and she watched his hands. She was thinking that
she would like to paint a picture and call it "The Surgeon." She would
leave the man's face and figure in shadow, concentrating the light upon
those hands, letting them tell their own story.
The whole man stood for force. She was sure that he always had his way
about things, that he simply took for granted having his own way. Yet
there was something in which he had not had his way. Karl had told her a
little about that; she must ask him more about it. It seemed suddenly
that there was something pathetic about this beautiful room. Did it not
reflect a man trying to make up to himself for the things he did not
have? It was a room which suggested pleasant hours and fine, quiet
enjoyment. The deep, leather chairs seemed made for long, intimate
conversations. The dark red tapestry, the oak panelling, this richly
toned rug, the few real pictures, the little odds and ends suggestive of
remote corners of the world--it seemed a setting for some beautiful
companionship, some close sympathy, a place where one would like to sit
for hours and be just one's self. But was not Dr. Parkman's life lacking
in the very things of which this bespoke an appreciation? There was a
subtle pathos in a beautiful room which breathed loneliness. She thought
of their own library at home, quick to sense the difference.
The doctor went into an adjoining room, and her thoughts were broken by
the low murmur of voices. Then the inner door opened; he was showing a
man through to the outer office. The man stumbled over the rug, and at
his exclamation Ernestine looked up. Her own face paled; she half rose
from her chair;--the native impulse to do something. She looked at Dr.
Parkman. His face was entirely masked. The man passed into the outer
room, leaving behind him something which caused Ernestine's heart to beat
fast.
The doctor walked slowly over to his chair and sat down. He seemed
unconscious of her for a moment, and then he looked at her and saw that
she had seen and that she wanted to know.
"You'd think a man would get used to it," he said in his short, gruff
way. "You'd think it would become a matter of course, but it doesn't.
That man's wife is dying of cancer. It's not an operable case. I told him
that to-day. He asked for the truth and I gave it. I even gave my
estimate of the time." He swung his chair around and looked out at the
roof of the building below, and then turned sharply back to her. "You
said a while ago that this looked like a home. Well, it's not. It's like
a good many other things--empty show. Where that man lives, it's not much
for looks, but it _is_ a home, and this means--breaking it up. In there a
minute ago, I told him he had to lose the only thing in life he cares
anything about. He--oh, well!" and with one of his abrupt changes, he
turned away.
But Ernestine was leaning forward in her chair. Her lips were parted. Her
eyes were very dark.
"Cancer--you say, doctor?"--her voice was so low he could barely catch
it. "Cancer?"
He nodded, looking at her intently.
"But that's what Karl's working on! That's what Karl's doing this very
minute!"
"Yes, and do you ever think of it like that? Do you ever think of the
lives and homes he is going to save; the tragedies and heartbreaks he is
going to avert; the children he is going to keep from being motherless or
fatherless if he does do this thing?--and I believe with all my heart
he will! I tell you, Mrs. Hubers, you want to help him! I'm not sorry
you saw that little thing just now. It will show you the other side of
it--the human side. And there wasn't anything unusual in it. All over the
world, physicians are doing this same thing every day--telling people
it's hopeless, admitting there's nothing to be done. Then think of the
tremendousness of this work Karl Hubers is doing!--where it strikes--the
hearts breaking for it--the thousands praying for it! Is it any wonder
we're watching it? Interested? I tell you _we_ know what it means."
She was unconscious of the tear on her cheek, of the quivering of her
face.
"And Karl is doing that? _That_ is what Karl's work means?"
"Karl's work simply means giving into our hands the power to save more
lives. Now we're doing the best we can with what we have--but God knows
we're short on power! We're groping around in the dark. Karl's work means
letting in the light."
His voice had grown warm. Something had fallen from him--leaving him
himself. In his eyes was a wealth of unspeakable feeling.
"Doctor, I want to thank you!"--but it was her face thanked him most
eloquently.
She was glad when he left her for a minute before they finally went away.
Her heart was very full. This was Karl! This the real meaning of Karl's
work! To think she had looked at it in that small, paltry way--that even
in her thoughts she had put the slightest stumbling block in his path.
This very afternoon had come new inspiration and she had resented it, had
said small, mean things in her heart because he stayed to work out his
precious thoughts. Why, it would have been fairly criminal for Karl to
run away from that call of his work!
She wanted to tell him all about it; she yearned to "make it up to him,"
make him more happy than he had ever been before. She dwelt upon it all
until, when Dr. Parkman came in for her, he was startled at the light
shining from her face.