DISMAY.

I recovered myself in the arms of kind Mrs Trail. Oh! the repose of a

quiet darkened room after such a night! My friend laid me on her bed,

and, giving me a sedative, left me to the rest I so much needed.

But fearful dreams pursued me, and I was awoke by angry voices beneath

my window.

Too weak to move, my sense of hearing was too acute to mistake one of

those voices; Lyle was demanding me from Mr Trail, the latter refused

to "deliver me up;" and my enraged husband, seeing, I suppose, that it

would be in vain to do battle in the mission-garden, where the herds had

gathered to defend their master, if need required, departed, threatening

and cursing as he went.

Mrs Trail came to me--I could only weep and moan in her arms; by night

I was so extremely ill, that an express was despatched for my father.

And in this hour of dire distress and perplexity my boy was born. Truly

he was baptised in tears. He was so weak and delicate, that we feared

he would die. I leaned over him in jealous terror as Mr Trail bestowed

the Christian name of Francis upon him--I named him after my father.

But, like those flowers which unfold their loveliness amid the storms of

the desert, he flourished in spite of the evil influences surrounding

me.

I was constantly persecuted by the desperate man to whom I was chained

by the law. My fears were now for my boy; if I should lose him! Ah!

what long, miserable watches have I kept by night over his little bed!

Although I knew that, by legal course, I could be torn from my home, I

yearned once more for my father's sheltering arms. My mother learned,

too late, at what a cost I had obliged her, and came for me herself.

We were obliged to travel by night, and with an armed party; we well

knew that, as far as law went, Lyle was empowered to bear me off through

the desert; but my father was resolved to risk all to secure me from

wrong and insult, until he could persuade Lyle to agree to a legal

separation.

But, while this was pending, Lyle's pleasure was to sue my father from

time to time for "harbouring his wife."

At this time a rumour reached my father that Lyle had another wife

living, but we all shrunk from such additional exposure. The

kind-hearted commandant of the military outpost, near Mimosa Drift, took

advantage of this rumour to threatens Lyle with an investigation; and

doubtless Sir Adrian would have released me from legal bondage pending

the necessary inquiries. The issue would only have involved us in

deeper disgrace, for we have since ascertained that Lyle, by means of

false representations--forgery has been hinted at--had inveigled a girl,

with some money, into a mock marriage, and had deserted her, after

dissipating her property.

Be this as it may, we deemed it best to ignore the rumour; but it had

its effect on Lyle, who again retired into Kafirland.

My friends at Fort Wellington entreated me to visit them for a while,

and though my father and mother were unwilling that I should leave them,

and my very dread of the neighbourhood made me hesitate, I consented at

last, considering how much my father's constant anxiety at sight of me

weighed against his zeal in his official capacity.

Certainly there was a greater feeling of security for me in the little

fortress. Sentinels at the gates, and these closed at night, I could go

to rest, with my boy on my arm, certain that, under Providence, no rude

hand could awaken me, and tear him from my bosom. Long used to lonely

midnight vigils, I would start up sometimes frightened from my sleep by

what seemed an angry voice, and then would fall back on my pillow,

relieved by the sound of the sentinel's measured footsteps, and the loud

clear cry of "All's well!"

I could have been comparatively happy here, for, although unsettled and

miserable at first, Mrs Lorton was an active, intelligent, cheerful

woman; and I was delighted to share with her the task of instructing her

little family.

Anxious to relieve my parents, in their present reduced circumstances,

from the burden of maintaining myself and my boy, I entered with some

zest upon my new duties, and each morning found me the centre of a

little group of children, with books, work and music; and, to add to

this feeling of repose, we ascertained that my husband had shaken the

dust of Africa from his feet, and departed for England.

But he left me his curse, and it pleased Providence that it should be

fulfilled.

My boy was suddenly stricken with fever--you know how impossible it is

in the desert to obtain timely medical aid. When the surgeon from a

distant garrison arrived, it was too late to save my precious treasure.

He lay upon his little bed, moaning as he moved his aching head from

side to side, his pretty curls all strewed about his pillow. The

children _would_ come to him--he recognised them at times; then the

large blue eye would grow dim--the angel face would flush and pale by

turns--the lips would murmur indistinct sounds, and he would grasp my

hand convulsively--"Water, water," was his perpetual cry--a

burning-thirst tormented him. One of his young playmates held the cup

to him, my darling drank from it, and tried to raise his weary head and

bow his thanks, but sunk back with a cry of anguish.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The few sands in the hour-glass of that little life ran slowly out; the

light from the beautiful eyes shone into mine like rays of hope. The

children gazed tearfully upon their "pretty Frank;" he would try to

smile, and once he spoke. "Mamma," he whispered, "you will be sorry for

poor little Francy--kiss me, mamma; I love you." I bent down--my hot

tears fell upon his face--he felt them not--my little flower faded so

gently away, that we knew not the moment his spirit departed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

My cup of sorrow was full to the brim.--With anguish too deep for tears,

I performed the last offices of love for my darling. I would fain have

followed him to his grave in the burying-ground near the fortress; often

it seems to me now that there only could I find rest.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

But this is sinful--I should rather pray that my sorrows may be my

blessings in futurity. Mr Trail came to me with his gentle words of

peace and consolation, but my rebellious heart refused all comfort.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I _would_ see my darling's little coffin borne from the fortress. I sat

at a window that overlooked the gateway, and watched the simple

procession with a heart so still, that it seemed turned to stone in its

agony. My eyes were fixed and tearless, I dreaded the last look of that

coffin which held all my hopes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am a soldier's daughter--but I could take no pride, for the sake of my

darling, in the last honours that were paid his little corpse--as it

passed the gate, the guard of the Fifty --st regiment turned out and

presented arms to the coffin. At this simple but characteristic

compliment to my dead child, the well-springs of my full heart

overflowed, and I burst into tears.

The procession passed through thee gateway, the soldiers retired to the

guard-house, the single sentry kept his measured beat, and I, in my

desolation, cast myself upon my bed and cried aloud, "What _have_ I

done, what _have_ I done, to be so afflicted by the hand of God?"

"Say, rather, _chastened_," said Mrs Lorton. "Ah! Eleanor, believe

me, that those whom the Lord never sees fit to chasten are not to be

envied, as you, in your present sorrow, would believe."

The little miniature you have seen of my Francis was taken from life by

Mrs Lorton; it fell into Mr Trail's hands through the loss of a box

when I was travelling; it has, you see, twice escaped destruction.

I returned to Annerley, broken-hearted. It was our winter--a desolate

one, memorable in the annals of the colony for its storms and floods.

Oh! how long it was before the cold wind and rain, which I heard beating

against the windows, ceased to send a shudder through my heart, for fear

they should injure my poor little lost snowdrop. I had dreaded leaving

Fort Wellington, yet, what a trial it was there--to see the vacant place

in the nursery, and the unused playthings, carefully put away by Mrs

Lorton, but sometimes drawn out by stealth, that I might weep over them!

These last lines of the manuscript are almost illegible, from the tears

that had fallen on them.

Frankfort's eyes were dim.

How shall I tell you the rest? The unhappy being who was bound to me by

my wretched fate disappeared, as I have said. For more than two years

we heard nothing of him. At last, we learned that he was at the head of

one of those factious parties in England, calling themselves patriots,

who stir the people up to discontent by disseminating false principles

among them. He was to be heard of in the different manufacturing

districts, rousing the lower classes, and, as he himself said, "teaching

them what they wanted:" thus he drew the weaver from his poor hearth, to

send him back more discontented and unsettled than ever; the farmer from

the market, to set him against his landlord, whom hitherto he had loved;

the mechanic from his work, which afterwards he had no heart to finish;

the reaper from the sunny fields, and the boy from his home, to destroy

its influences if good, to foster them if evil; and those who listened

went from him dissatisfied with themselves, and with "war in their

hearts" towards their fellow-men.

In a word, you well knew the name of Jasper Lee, he who was convicted

for a conspiracy against the Government. He was my husband!--the name

of Lee was an assumed one.

Within six months we have received authentic intelligence of his death,

and I am personally disenthralled of my heavy chain, but I bear its

marks--my head has been bowed to earth by this galling yoke, and I shall

feel that your decree will be just when you renounce me for ever.

I am thankful that, at last, I _can_ recognise the hand of God in all

the suffering I have undergone. Do you remember my requesting an

interview once with Mr Trail?--you stood by and saw my confusion on

discovering you. Ah! I cannot tell you the consolation I have derived

from that good man.

You will believe me fully, when I say that the idea of obtaining your

love never entered my head--it will soothe me in my most lonely and

melancholy hours to think that you considered me worthy of it.

I have written this sad record somewhat roughly--I fear, too, somewhat

incoherently; much that must have wearied you might have been omitted,

and yet, much remains untold. Alas! you have had to learn not so much

the history of my _sorrow_, as of my _disgrace_.

Yes, _disgrace_--my misfortunes have been greater than my faults, yet,

in justice to others, I would not have you account me blameless. I

believe, if I had the courage at first to tell my mother that I never

could love Lyle as I ought to do, she would not have urged me to marry

him. But I was passive in her hands--indeed, I was bewildered.

I cannot tell you what it has cost me to write this. While others

sleep, my brain aches with conflicting emotions. I pace my room again;

I take up my pen, scrawl a few lines, then erase them, and again

commence my restless walk.

Sometimes, overcome with hours of anxiety and unrest, I try to sleep,

but my thoughts sway to and fro like a sea, and I fall into that

visionary state between waking and sleeping, when the real and the

imaginary are so blended together, that no effort of our own can

separate them. Lo, then, I see you for a moment, standing upon a

sun-lit shore, with arms outstretched towards me, then dark clouds arise

between us, I strive to reach the strand; but heavy booming waves

engulph and toss me to and fro, and next my husband's face looks up from

the surge, and his horrible laugh awakens me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I heard of his death, deploring it as I did for his sake, since I

fear he had no time for repentance, I did dream that fresh hopes _might_

spring from such an event--hopes of security and peace in the bosom of

my own family.

Alas! having known you, I feel all the bitterness of my lot with double

force.

But what an apprenticeship I have served to anguish! In time I may

learn to bear even your loss, and shall find consolation in the _memory_

of your regard.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I cannot revise what I have written, though I dread lest what I have

said may impress you with a sense of my inferiority.

I have asked myself this question often--"Will he despise or pity me?"

Both, perhaps. Your reason will induce something of contempt--but your

_heart_ will teach you to pity the unfortunate Eleanor.

There were many erasures in the manuscript; it was unlike the ladies'

love-letters described as written in "fair Italian characters," but

albeit the style was irregular, the writer's purpose was clear and

decided.

In her feelings towards Frankfort, she evidently "let I dare not, wait

upon I would." His was just the heart to appreciate the candour and the

delicacy of sentiment betrayed rather than displayed in this record of

human weakness, suffering, and wrong. I have shown you that he was a

man accustomed, to _use_ his reason. It must be owned that he had never

found this so difficult to do as now: he was thoroughly unselfish; but

he had a mother and sisters--how would _they_ look on such connection?

Would it be wise to draw. Eleanor, from the retirement of her father's

home? Facile, easily impressed, would she, were she even free from the

marks of her galling fetters, be suited to him as a companion for life,

or rather could _he_ make her happy? Then he asked himself why this

question of suitability had not presented itself to his mind before now.

It was fortunate for Eleanor that the question resolved itself to this.

His own position, his mother, sisters, family connections, all became

secondary considerations before the one grand hope of brightening this

joyless creature's career... Frankfort wrote Eleanor a few lines, as

follows:--"I thank you for the last line of your letter--`Your _heart_

will teach you to pity the unfortunate Eleanor.' For both our sakes,

let us pause one day ere we allude again to the terrible recital I have

passed the night in reading.

"It may seem cruel to say so little, but day is dawning. You know how

averse I am to decide suddenly on momentous points. Ere long the family

will be assembled for prayer; we shall meet there; till then, adieu,

dear Eleanor."

Eleanor found this note on her dressing-table. She dwelt most upon the

three last words.

She was first in the school-room, Mr Trail followed, and the household

worshippers were soon collected. As Eleanor was leaving the room,

Frankfort drew near. They shook hands. It was a friendly greeting on

his part; she bent her head and walked slowly by, he did not follow.

In after-life Frankfort would look back on that day as the most

momentous in his existence--even more so than that terrible one on

which--

But, what am I doing? Anticipating what it is not yet time you should

know, my reader.

He was absent the greater part of the day, meditating in the solitude of

the hills. The little settlement lay below the mountain slope where he

sat. It was a busy, happy, thriving place; the sunlight fell on

richly-cultivated lands and herds of fine cattle, the vineyard was

filled with workers; Marian and Ormsby were there laughing, he wreathing

her brow with a garland of grapes and vine-leaves--she looked like a

Bacchante; their voices in gay harmony floated up the green hill-side;

women and children were seated in shady nooks at work and at play; the

Trails and Mr and Mrs Daveney were walking up and down the avenue in

earnest conversation.

In contrast to this scene of employment and cheerfulness, was Eleanor

reclining beneath the corallodendrum tree in the sequestered spot where

she and Frankfort had held their last meeting.

She was in a deep reverie; her head rested on her hand--her looks were

bent upon the ground. Frankfort could see her distinctly from where he

sat; they were only severed from each other by the ravine through which

sang the rill that irrigated the vineyard.

And was it in his power to shed light and life on the pathway of this

desolate young creature?

Motionless she sat as a statue, little dreaming that he, whose image had

filled her thoughts, was so near.

With all her philosophy, inborn, and lately taught by Mr Trail, she

could not help considering her lot a severe one; but she called to mind

the good minister's reply, on her observing, in the words of the

Psalmist, "I thought to understand this, but it was too hard for me."

"Yes," he had said, "too hard for _us_ to understand; but look to the

words that follow: `until I went into the sanctuary of God, then

understood! the end of these things.'"

She rose and resolved on seeking the good teacher; but ere she had moved

many paces along the turf, Frankfort stood beside her.

Love, charity, and tenderness of heart had triumphed over all selfish

considerations; the power of this patient, suffering, wronged creature

happy superseded all other sentiments.

The power of making others happy! How few estimate this divine and

lofty attribute as they should! How few understand or prize the

possession of it!

Again Eleanor and Frankfort met together beside the little fountain,

which glittered like silver in the emerald glass; day was declining ere

they thought of moving. They had sat, hand clasped in hand, their

hearts too full for utterance save in whispers, till the shadow of the

corallodendrums lengthened on the sward.

They rose to return to the house.

"Let us go to my father and mother," said Eleanor,

Hark, a sound!--something whirred past them, and descended so swiftly

that they saw nothing till the long, slender shaft of an assegai

quivered upright in the ground, within a few paces of their feet. May,

who had, unobserved by them, been gathering water-cresses immediately

below the Devil's Kloof, started up before them. He had not from the

hollow observed them; the three stood for a minute or two utterly

confounded.

Frankfort drew the weapon out in haste, and hurried Eleanor to the

house; they met Marion and Ormsby, mirthful as ever.

"We were going to look for you," said Ormsby, with a sly smile; but a

glance at Frankfort told of serious matter.

On reaching the house, and relating what had occurred, Mrs Daveney

congratulated Frankfort on having escaped danger from lurkers in the

hills during his morning saunter with his rifle, which, by the way, he

had forgotten to use. Lights were brought. Mr Daveney said little,

but took the assegai in hand to examine it.

There were some letters scratched on its polished blade; they gathered

round to look. On the one side was inscribed the year "18--;" Mrs

Daveney held the lamp nearer; on the other, deeply and freshly indented,

were two words--

The date was barely a month old. Oh! that shriek! those appalled faces!

Mr Daveney took his insensible daughter Eleanor in his arms, and

carried her away; her mother covered her face with her hands. They had

no doubt _now_ who was the agitator in Kafirland.

Before sunset a scout came in, breathlessly announcing that slender

wreaths of smoke were beginning to curl up on the points of the hills,

and that a Kafir herald, with a feather at his ankle, had been seen by

the herds stealing up a pathway from the kloof. Some of these herds had

probably followed him, for there were deserters among the farm-servants.

"Then," said Mrs Daveney, "this is the surest sign of an attack, if we

wanted no other evidence of mischief. And now, God help us!" She

withdrew with Marion.

At midnight the watch-fires sparkled on the mountains, and along the

more distant ridges the war-cry sounded faintly; but before morning

dawned it rang out, loud, prolonged, and clear, and the settlers at

Annerley knew that Kafirland was "up."